This is a derivative work of a derivative work. How many times differentiable is Harry Potter?
Harry Potter took the Sorting Hat off his head and walked over to his new House to deafening silence. He should be a Gryffindor, thought the onlookers, not part of the House everyone looks down on. Eventually, the Head of Hufflepuff picked up her jaw from the floor, focused on her nice side, and started clapping. Nobody joined her.
Dinner was a rough experience for the newly-sorted Harry. The sneers and jeers from other tables were easy enough to ignore-he'd experienced the same sort of disdain in Little Whinging, Surrey. His new housemates were quite a different matter. He'd never had so much attention focused on him. "Do you really think you're one of us?" sneered an older student. "This is clearly a joke being played at our expense." Unfortunately for Harry, this attitude soon spread to most of his housemates. Too used to being looked down on, they couldn't embrace their new housemate as one of their own.
Finally, the meal ended and they filtered down to the dungeons containing their house's common room. The prefects introduced themselves, gave a couple warnings, and then turned the floor over to the Head of House, who began the welcome speech. "Hello, my new charges. We are the best House at Hogwarts, contrary to the opinion of the other 3/4ths of the school. There will be mandatory House study sessions to ensure that we remain the best house. Nonetheless, the other Houses will look down on us and even attack us physically. Therefore you must always accompany a housemate whenever you aren't in these dungeons. Moreover, we must confine all disagreements to the common room. It wouldn't do to show the rest of the school division and dissent amongst ourselves-that would make us an easier target. Finally, there may be a time when you feel you must retaliate against offenses committed against our house. If you do, make sure you aren't caught."
Then the Head of House broke into a smile, surprising the scared first years, and continued, "But enough of the heavy stuff. I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you. Welcome to Hufflepuff!"
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A/N: I wanted to lampoon the "Welcome to Slytherin" speeches found in Slytherin!Harry fics. Apologies if this has already been done.