A.N.: I'm having a hard time relating with Sam these last couple of episodes. He seems very abrasive to me so I made it my mission to crawl up in his head and stay there until I got it. I think perhaps this might be what he is feeling. Spoilers up to "Slice girls." I hope you enjoy! I mean no offense to either of the characters; this is just my opinion .Thanks as always for reading.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
He hates this. Every little bit of it is torture for the both of them.
He hates feeling like an ass and like everything he says to his brother falls on deaf ears.
He's run the gambit of coping tactics. In the weeks that followed Bobby's death he yelled, he screamed, he cried and he begged and pleaded with Dean to do the same. To react in some way other than intense obsession.
His brother didn't respond. Not to the tears or the yelling or the time Sam had violently tossed one of Bobby's books into a wall. He tried to comfort him, tried to tell him everything was going to be okay. He got slugged in the face the one time he tried to embrace him.
He didn't know what he was doing.
He wanted to convince Dean that they would make it through this, but he couldn't say that.
He couldn't make those words go past his mouth.
Because things are not okay.
Bobby is gone, Cas is gone and Sam spends most mornings ignoring Lucifer while he showers.
They are about as far from okay as they have ever been.
But he needs Dean to know, needs to tell him at least this.
"Just don't get killed." He pleads haltingly, hoping that all of the words he can't utter will still come across.
Dean doesn't really respond, shrugging it off like his life is just one more burden he's itching to shed.
Sam is clueless.
He'd do anything to fix this, for both of them.
But he can't.
So he tightens his grip on the wheel and buries his dread down with his heartache.