Authors Note: Hey everyone, I hope you enjoy my story. This is a Bechloe, with a small bit of Jeca.
(CHLOE'S P.O.V)
I take a deep breathe deciding if I want to do this. But there is really nothing left for me. My grades our dropping, everyone is distancing themselves from me and the person I love, loves someone else.
I set a note that I had written down on the ledge and quickly climb onto the side of bridge. About 15 minutes away from Barden there is a bridge with about an 150 ft drop into water. I had decided that this is were I was going to do it. I was going to jump off.
But right before I do I decided to think everything over and make sure this is what I wanted to do. Because once I jump, they won't be able to save me. No one has survived a jump off this bridge.
The first thing that comes to my mind is the Barden Bellas. I think about if this will affect them ,but I know it wont. They will be able to get over me, and Aubrey has a girlfriend to help her, and Beca has Jesse.
Uggh, Beca.
Beca Mitchell. As soon as anyone say's her name my heart speeds up and a small smile spreads across my face.
She is absolutely perfect. She has an amazing voice, the most beautiful blue eyes that you could get lost in.
I remember the first time I began to realize I had feelings for her.
I had walked into her shower because I had over heard her singing Titanium. We sung some of it and than I had left. It wasn't until I was gone that I realized I had felt something, but I pushed it away into the back of my mind.
She had been on my mind for a while and I was so excited to see her at auditions. When auditioned she didn't have a song prepared so just sang one and used a cup with it. I loved hearing her sing. Her voice is amazing.
I remember aca-initiation night and how close I came to kissing her. Are faces where only inches away. She was so close to me, but I got nervous and pulled away. I should have kissed that night. I regret it now.
At the first Bellas practice we had, I noticed Beca wasn't getting the moves so I decided to help her. I showed her again and she still didn't get it, so I helped her out by standing behind her and guiding her arms. She kept saying she knew what she was doing and how she had this, but she didn't pull away.
After we had regional and Beca had gotten arrested for destruction of property I made all of the Bellas wait in Beca's room so that we would all be there when she returned. When she walked in and smiled asking why we waited up for her my heart just skipped a beat. She looked so pretty when she really smiled.
I knew that I had all ways felt something towards Beca. But as we had spent more time together, my feelings for her were starting to grow until I couldn't deny them anymore. I was in love with Beca Mitchell.
At first I thought it was just a small crush and that I would be able to get over it. But it turned out to be something more. I thought about maybe telling her how I felt, but than I realized that I couldn't do that. She didn't feel the same way, and if I told her, it would definitely have ruined are friendship and she probably wouldn't want anything to have to do with me.
I loved spending time with Beca. To be honest I would much rather take a bullet through my chest than have her not talk to me anymore.
The only people who knew how I felt about Beca was Aubrey and Stacie. Aubrey was my bet friend so of course I couldn't hide it from her, and with them being a couple and Stacie always being over at Aubrey's and my apartment I couldn't keep it from her too.
At the night of the finals, I was going to tell Beca how I felt. It was becoming to much for me to hide anymore. I couldn't keep pretending that us just being friends was okay. After we had finished performing we walked off of stage to go take our seats. As I had gotten off of the stage and was walking into the isle I watched as Beca went over to Jesse. As soon as she went over and kissed him I felt my heart break. It had felt like someone had taken a knife and was slowly pushing it into my chest. It had suddenly become hard for me to breathe.
I looked over at Aubrey and Stacie and saw them already staring at me. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to leave the room. I ran out leaving Stacie and Aubrey to chase after me. I didn't even stay to find out who had won. I quickly called a taxi and left heading back to Barden.
The Bellas had a celebration for winning the the ICCA and for it being Aubrey's last year here. I wasn't graduating do to failing many of my classes. But still, I didn't go. I couldn't, seeing Beca would have been just to painful. That night I had received lots of texts from all the girls asking where I was, and why I didn't show up. I just ignored them.
Aubrey came back that night and talked to me about at the end of the year, a couple weeks after we were done with school, all the Bellas would be heading up to her family's cabin.
She told that I should go and it would be fun, but if Beca was going to be there it would suck listening to how great Jesse was the whole time and how she was in love with some one else. So I told her that I would think about it, even though I knew I wasn't going to go.
The only time I left our apartment was for class and that's all. I didn't want to run into Beca in case she was with Jesse. But I knew that it was inevitable and I would have to see them sometime.
I was walking to one of my classes and I didn't watch were I was going and ran straight into Beca. I had just apologized and quickly tried to walk away but Beca had stopped me.
"Wait! Chloe, is everything alright? I haven't seen you since the ICCA's?"
"Yeah everything is fine." I replied calming, I was hoping that she couldn't tell I was lying.
She looked like she was about to say something more but I switched the subject. "How are things with you and Jesse?" I didn't really care how things were with them , I just didn't want to talk about me anymore.
"It's amazing, he is the best. I really think I love him Chloe."
Hearing that made my heart break and all hope that I was holding on to of us possibly getting together disappeared.
"Thats's amazing Beca." I said trying to sound happy. "Well I better get to class." And with that I left as quick as I could trying to away from her.
I couldn't stand the thought of them being together. But I wanted her to be happy.
Over the past two weeks I had started to become more involved with my school work distracting my feeling from Beca. I was starting to become depressed. All of my friends were distancing them selves from me and Aubrey was with Stacie most of the time to notice anything was wrong.
I hadn't eaten much or had lots of sleep. I had definitely become a bit skinnier and had dark bags under my eyes from not sleeping.
Everything had become to much for me. The last time I had scene Beca was early today around dinner time. I had decided to take a walk around campus.
As I was walking I ran into Beca and Jesse. They were leaving the radio about to go on a date.
"Chloe!" Beca called out but I ignored her pretending I didn't hear it hoping that she would just leave me alone. But she didn't, instead she came running over to me leaving.
"Chloe!" She called out again, as I looked up I saw her running and than she engulfed me into a big hug. I was taking back a bit when she hugged me. It felt good though. So I put my arms around her waist and buried my head into her neck breathing her in. And for a second, it felt like it was just us and that Jesse wasn't her boyfriend and that we were together.
But the moment was ruined by Jesse when he came walking over towards us. Beca pulled away and stood by him "Hey Chloe, I haven't seen you for a while, how are you?"
"I'm good, what about you two?"
"Great! Ever since Beca and I got together every things been good." He turned and looked down at Beca giving her a kiss. Why did they have to do that in front of me? I looked away not being able to watch.
"Yeah every things been great." She said with a smile on her face.
"Well that's nice but I really have to go, bye." said trying to leave them. I know I am being selfish, but I hated seeing them together. I hated that he could hold Beca's hand whenever he wanted or kiss her whenever he felt like it. I wanted that to be me, but I knew it never would be.
"Wait Chloe! Where are you going? I have barely seen you." Asked Beca.
"Oh well I am going over to Stacie, I am gonna hangout with her and Aubrey." I was lying to her. I haven't talked to Aubrey or Stacie all week.
"Oh okay, well do you wanna hangout this week?"
"Sure" And with that being said I quickly left.
And with that it brings me to here. For the rest of the day I couldn't stop thinking about Beca and Jesse. Seeing them together was just like a blow to the stomach.
I couldn't take it anymore. It's just all becoming to much for me. I honestly don't want to live anymore. I wish that I could say that one day in the future, Beca and I will be together. She won't be with Jesse anymore and it will be me putting the smile on her face.
One day, I will be the one who gets to take her on dates, hold her hand when we walk side by side, or give her a goodnight kiss, or just be able to hold her.
I wanted all of those things, but I knew I could never have any of it. She loved Jesse and not me. She saw me as nothing more but a good friend.
I guess movies are the only things with happy endings. The boy gets the girl or the knight gets the princess and they live happily ever after. It's never the girl who gets the girl.
I realized that I was gonna do it. I was going to kill myself. It's funny though really, when I was 9 maybe 10 I always thought that when I was going to die it would be because of a car crash or a gun shot. But I never would thought that would be me doing the killing.
I looked down beside my note hoping that who ever found it would give it to Beca.
I looked down at my wrist looking at all the scars that I had there. There were small ones and than there were big, deep ones.
I had made all of these in the past week. I thought about maybe cutting up and hitting the Artery, but I realized that someone could have found me.
I had brought a razor with me, I didn't know if I was gonna need it. Looking down at the water now, I don't think I will. I shouldn't survive this fall.
But just in case, to make sure I don't live through, I pulled the blade out of my back pocket and put it up to my wrist. I had began to cut from my wrist all the way to my elbow. The blood began to pour out. There was no way of me living through this now.
So I took a deep breathe.
Closed my eyes.
I thought about Beca one last time.
"I love you Beca." I whispered.
And with that being said, I took and step and-
"Chloe? What are you doing!" A voice yelled from behind me.