Title: Want to see my snake?
Pairing: Rude/Reno
Disclaimer: Nothing and nobody is mine, as much as I'd like that.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Reno learns that not everybody speaks in metaphors
Warning: AU, bad puns, danger of brain explosion for the reader
Word count: 524
Reno sighed blissfully, snuggling up to Rude, resting his head on his naked chest. "This was great," he said admiringly, his fingers absentmindedly brushing over Rude's chest. A grin spread over his face. "Who would have thought you're so skilled with your tongue when you finally manage to open your mouth."
Something cold sliding over his butt suddenly made him jump up, shrieking, and he pressed close to the wall, his heart beating high in his throat. His gaze searched for his weapons, but they were at the far end of the room, where their clothes had been dropped, and now he could see the covers moving rhythmically, like a wave, a tsunami racing in his direction.
"Rude!" Reno squeaked, feeling his breath hitch. "Something touched my butt?"
Rude raised his eyebrows at him, apparently not having noticed that his covers had mysteriously come alive. "You didn't complain about that tonight."
"It's moving!" Reno managed to point a shaky finger at the thing under the covers, before quickly jumped over it to the foot end of the bed as it nearly touched his feat. The bulge under the cover followed his movement and turned around, still approaching him. "It's stalking me!" Reno's voice had taken on a clearly panicked note. "Rude! Do something!"
Rude's gaze finally fell on the thing moving under the covers. He chuckled quietly, as he saw what was making Reno whimper and dance a bizarre dance to avoid it. "Oh, that's Agnes. No need to be afraid."
Reno's eyes grew impossibly white and he froze in surprise. "Agnes?!"
"Indeed." Rude reached under the covers and a moment later he pulled forth the biggest snake Reno had ever seen, white with big bright yellow spots.
Reno took back a step in shock, to bring a healthy distance between himself and the snake, but as he had already been at the foot of the bed all he did was stumble backwards over the edge, hitting the ground with a loud thud. For a few moments it the room was silent, safe for Reno's painful groaning, than he fought himself up onto his knees just enough to be able to look over the edge of the bed. "A snake?" he asked, not believing what had just happened.
Rude furrowed his brow, looking lovingly at the snake that was now hanging over his shoulders, her head just a few inches away from Rude's face, her searching tongue nearly touching his lips. "She's not just a snake. Agnes is an n Albino Royal Python. She really is a nice girl. Aren't you, my darling?" Lovingly he rubbed his nose against her mouth.
Reno nearly fainted as he saw this. "Why is she in your bed?"
"She always sleeps in my bed. It's warm and dark here. It makes her feel safe."
"It certainly makes me feel safe," Reno squeaked, carefully watching Agnes who was staring at him intently. Than part of their conversation from last night rose to the surfaces of his mind and he swallowed hard. "So… when you asked me last night if I wanted to see your snake… you actually meant this?!"