In the first month of Loki's stay at AvengersTower "for punishment and atonement from his crimes", it was barely noticeable that he was even there. He kept to himself, withdrawn on the floor he occupied, and if somebody saw him it was when he sneaked to the kitchen at night.Thor's efforts to get through to his younger brother, if they had had any effect, had only made it worse.
The change came when Loki was, once again, going for food on the common floor's kitchen in the middle of the night and literally stumbled over Tony Stark who was lying on the floor with one hell of a panic attack.
For a moment, the god thought about just turning around and returning to his chambers since the household AI probably would have already alerted the mortal's fellow companions, but seeing him crouched up on the floor and on the best way to scream his lungs out, he decided to stay.
He had knelt down beside him, consoled him – because if there was something Loki was really good with it was with sweet words – until Stark had stopped crying and, shortly after, Steve Rogers had entered the room and the god had left it to him to console his friend any further.
It would not have changed anything, if Stark wouldn't have asked for access to Loki's floor the next day. There were two facts that made him allow the entrance; it was partly that he was actually asking - because, who was he kidding, there was nothing that kept Stark from simply coming in - and partly because he was curious enough to allow him in.
The engineer had thanked him a little awkwardly and then asked the god to join him in his workshop. He had agreed, although reluctantly, because even Loki could stand boredom only so long. Soon he had found himself enjoying the mortal's company and his explanations on human technology just as much as the man enjoyed having someone who was actually willing to listen.
Being down in the laboratory frequently, Loki got to know Bruce Banner too – in his normal, shy and calm form – and it wasn't too long until the two scientists managed to drag him along for team dinner. From that point on, he began to grow fond of the Avengers.
Loki learned soon that they were a strange kind of family, each one carrying his own fears and regrets, and that was a pattern he could fit into just too well until he noticed he was, somehow, becoming a part of it, although he kept a big deal of his own insecurities to himself without them noticing anything about it.
Steve Rogers had found his pleasure in drawing him; agents Barton and Romanov were content with dragging him to the gym to something that was less of a workout than simply letting off tension and grudges; Thor was just glad to have his beloved little brother around and Loki learned to meet him with something else than just hatred, jealousy and frustration.
After two and a half month, the younger god had joined a mission for the first time because they had needed his skills badly, and shortly after Fury had made him an Avenger on the paper, too.
By now, it were six month since he had come back. It was stressful, but having been raised in Asgardian ways, Loki did need the opportunity to work off some tension now and then.
Today had been one of these days and now, he was standing under a stream of cold water in his shower (cold because it was the middle of summer and the temperatures outside were pure torture, especially when there were 30 kilos of leather and metal shielding him) and enjoyed the feeling of dirt, blood and sweat being washed off.
When he felt refreshed and content with himself, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower cabin, grabbed a towel and knotted it around his hips so he could reach for a second one to dry his hair as suddenly the door burst open and Stark stormed in.
"Oh my god, Loki, you've got to see this", he blurted out. "I've found it, I–" His voice trailed off as his eyes wandered over the god's barely covered body, from head to toe and up again. "Wow."
"I am flattered, Stark", Loki said, voice dripping with sarcasm, "but there is no need to stare like that. There is nothing you..." He caught a glimpse of himself in the large mirror on the wall and hissed sharply. His skin was blue, dark lines rising from it, and his eyes stared back at him with bloody red. The shower had lasted for too long, the cold had revealed his Jotun form. "Get out", he ordered harshly.
"Why? You weren't–"
"Get out!", he yelled and the temperature dropped several degrees, ice spread from his feet to cover the ground in thin, white lines and cracked under his heel as he made a step towards the mortal. He saw him flinch and Stark stammered a hasty "Fine, fine", hands raised in defeat, and backed out of the room.
For a few seconds, Loki just stared at the door, his breathing heavy and struggling for composure, and then he gave in to the tremor shaking his limbs and broke down to his knees. He buried his face in his hands, cursing under his breath, and bit his lip until it drew blood. He was a god; he was not going to cry after such a thing.
Because the truth was: it had been bound to happen. He couldn't keep his secrets forever, but he realized with a pang of grief that he had started to consider the Avengers as family, as a new start, and somehow he had left behind the boundaries that his reasonable mind had set up.
Numbly, he dried himself and watched the disgusting Jotun blue fade into pale Aesir skin again.
Hide Laufeyson, show off Odinson. Never just Loki.
Only clad in a robe and with his hair still curling damp over his shoulders and black strands falling into his face, he stepped out of the bathroom and froze on the doorstep (not literally) as he found Stark comfortably splayed out on top of his bed. The mortal turned his head towards him and grinned.
"Hey there", he greeted. "All rosy again, are we?" Loki stood there for a few more seconds before he made his way to the wardrobe.
"What are you doing here, Stark?", he asked, carefully keeping every emotion out of his voice.
"I still wanted to tell you something", the engineer reminded him and was all scientist again. "Remember that experiment we started with Bruce lately? I'd given it up, really, but he kept it, and there was something amazing at the..." His rambling continued while Loki searched through his clothing. What was this about now?
"Lokes, are you even listening?", the mortal complained. A pair of black jeans was thrown his way to land on the bed, followed short by a second one. Then two dark green button-up shirts and a white one. "What are you doing?"
"Packing, obviously", the god replied without turning around. He was surprised he sounded so calm, but those were centuries of practice, of hiding pain and hurt, of pretending all over speaking.
"That much I got, but why?", the brunette demanded.
"Because I am – oh." Oh. Finally, Loki got it and now, his throat constricted painfully and the next words didn't sound all that composed. "I am sorry, I can leave them. You paid them after all." He still didn't turn around, his hand frozen over a sweater Stark had given to him. Anyway he heard the rustle of the sheets as the engineer shifted his position, heard his feet connect with the ground softly, heard the slow steps taken towards him.
"Loki", Stark growled behind him and the god tensed up in expectation of... yes, what? Maybe a hit? Not like the mortal could harm him without his armour. "As far as I'm concerned, you can burn your clothes." Of course. Nobody else would want to wear them after him, right? "Hell, you can burn down the whole mall", and wasn't that dramatizing a little? He had entered the building only twice, "and I wouldn't even notice the money missing. I could build two better ones and still wouldn't care."
Somehow Loki was losing track of his talking. What was this with building new malls now? He felt intrigued to turn around and look at the expression on the man's face, but he was afraid from the disgust and anger he might see.
"What I want, Loki", at that the god tensed even more, "is you to tell my what the hell this fuss is about." Loki forced out a small laugh and now he did turn around to face the mortal who was staring at him out of his dark eyes with an expression that was close to anger, but too uncertain to be actual fury.
"You know what this is about, Stark", he spat, keeping his scornful attitude as a last line of defense. "You saw what this is about."
"Yeah, 'bout that", the engineer said, and suddenly the rage was replaced by wide, curious eyes. The eyes of a scientist. "What was that?"
"That", Loki answered, "was Laufey's son. You know I am adopted, what Thor didn't tell you is that I am no Aesir. Hidden behind this", he waved a hand at his body, "is my Jotun form. A frost giant."
"That's awesome", Stark breathed. "I mean, you certainly don't look like a giant, but just imagine what we could do with that! I saw the ice – do you think it–"
"Oh, no, Stark." Loki let out a bitter laugh. "No matter how much I might deserve it, I will not let you lock me up like the monster I am and let you run your experiments on me."
The engineer frowned and raised a finger as if telling Loki to wait while his gaze trailed to the window, unfocussed, an expression of deepest concentration on his face. After a few seconds, he spoke up again: "Waaaiiit. Did... did I miss something? I feel like I forgot something." His eyes locked with Loki's. "At which part of this conversation did I say I wanted to lock you up?"
The god snorted and turned around to resume his packing, but a hand seized his wrist firmly and he was spun around to face Stark again who demanded: "Loki, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Monsters", the god replied plainly. "The Jotun are cold, heartless monsters. I am a monster, you saw it just minutes ago." The mortal shook his head slowly in what looked like disbelief.
"Whoever told you that should move his sorry ass here so I can kick it", he mumbled. "You're not a monster, Loki."
"Everyone knows the Jotun are monsters. Even the smallest child on Asgard could tell you that much. What do you need, a proof?"
"I don't..." The millionaire paused and he let go of Loki, took a step back and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Actually, yes. I'm a scientist. Give me a proof you're a monster and then, you can do whatever you want."
The prince huffed and asked: "I tried to kill you, isn't that enough of a proof?"
"I've killed people too", Stark responded, but Loki saw behind his façade that it was bothering him, it always would. "You know, they used to refer to me as the Merchant of Death. You're gonna need more than this to convince me you're any worse than me." Stupid, stubborn mortal.
The god closed his eyes. He had never let his disguise down on purpose before, but now he knew it was there, and being the skilled magician he was, it didn't take long before he felt the Jotun ice creep up his spine, spreading through his body and taking him over. He , sucked in a deep breath before he opened his eyes again, blood-red now.
Stark's chocolate brown ones were staring at him in awe and the prince had to supress the urge to groan. Did he never learn? He probably still saw an experiment, a promising test subject.
"Why won't you get this is dangerous?", he hissed and stepped forward. Anger flared up in his icy form and he seized the mortal's shoulders to shove him backwards. Ice spread from his fingertips and made the smaller man shudder, but he didn't attempt to free himself.
Instead, the silly human laid his hands onto Loki's on his shoulders and met his glare. Gently, but with a tone of determination anyway, he stated: "I still can't see a monster. I see a pretty pissed Loki, yes, but you're just as scary in your usual form."
"You really do not get it?" This was becoming more and more frustrating. "I am a monster, Stark. I have murdered and–"
"We all have killed", he interrupted. "Me, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, even the Captain – Thor probably more than I can count and I'm good with maths. You aren't any different from us, Lokes. We all have lives on our consciences, and none of us likes it, but we can't reverse it." Loki stared at his hands that were still sheltered by the engineer's.
"How can you even touch me without freezing?", he whispered.
"You're chilly, but not that cold", the millionaire replied. "I mean, look outside, it's actually quite pleasant. But I still think you're avoiding the topic here." Loki sighed.
"Look, Stark, the difference between your people, your team and me..."
"You're part of the team!" The interruption was thoroughly ignored.
"...is that while you care about the deaths you caused, I do not. I am heartless enough to–"
"You're not heartless." Stark pulled his hands from his shoulders and moved them so Loki's finger laid on his own wrist. "There's your pulse. Even as a smurf you have one."
"As a wha- forget it." The god sighed, rolling his eyes. "That was a metaphor, Stark." The mortal acted as if he hadn't even heard him and lifted his hands, pushing Loki's robe down his shoulders slowly and following every movement with big, amazed eyes. As the god opened his mouth to object, Stark actually tutted at him before he started to trace one of the black lines down his torso until it was hidden by the robe that hung only loosely around his waist now, held in place by the belt.
Suddenly, with a fast tug on the fabric, Stark pulled him close and caged him with his arms in a tight embrace, forceful as if he expected Loki to struggle. He didn't – he remained tense for a few seconds, though, because he really did not know what to think of this.
"I can feel your heartbeat", the engineer muttered, his head resting in the crook of the other's neck. His chest was flush against Loki's, so his oh-so-surprising observation wasn't that surprising after all. But no, that wasn't his point, the stupid human just didn't understand a metaphor when he heard one. "I can even hear it, you know?"
Sighing, Loki relaxed a little and brought his hands that he had been holding at his sides a little awkwardly to rest at the mortal's waist. The trust Stark confided him with unsettled him. Sure, they had become allies, a team, maybe a family even, but now he had seen his true form, and that he still didn't cast him out was either unconditional confidence or thoughtlessness.
Despite everything the mortal had said, Loki still suspected the latter.
It was when he felt Stark shiver that he pulled away with a jolt.
"You fool", he snapped, "you are going to..."
"...catch a cold?", the millionaire finished and flashed him a cocky grin. "Seriously, look outside. I've got my personal ice bag here, that's awesome."
"Stark."
"Nope. C'mon, you're here half a year now, don't you think we're over last names now?"
"Fine then, Tony." It felt strange.
At a loss of words (which was really, really rare for him) Loki started to change back into the Odinson. When he opened his eyes, he caught Sta- Tony staring at him.
"Um, then, would you..." The engineer tugged his hands into his pockets. "You're staying, right? I mean, you don't have to, but I'd never throw you out, just that you know." He started to stumble over his own words. "God, that sounded weird, but... come on, you know what I mean. You can go, of course, but you don't have to, you shouldn't, actually, but that sounds like I'm restricting you again and I don't want that–"
"Tony, calm down", the god ordered and the other sighed and looked up at him out of these delicious chocolate eyes for a second before he spoke up again.
"I'd like you to stay here, okay? With me, I mean. I like having you around." It wasn't much of a confession, nothing Tony hadn't indicated before, but now it hung in the air, practically cried out loud, like something Loki could grasp, and could hold on to.
For the first time in this discussion, Loki smiled genuinely.
"Fine. I will stay."