Title: Pandora
Summary: The world was graying around the edges of Sam's vision, the cryptic metal box in front of him swimming in and out of focus. Coda to 10x19 The Werther Project. Hurt/Comfort.
Warning: Rated K+ for bad language, graphic descriptions of injuries, mentions of violence, blood loss and suicide.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Author's notes: I know I should be working on all my other WIPs, but this needed to be written. Sorry for the delay guys, promise to come up with brand-new updates for my other projects within the next few days. In the meanwhile I hope you enjoy this little Coda for "The Werther Project".
The world was graying around the edges of Sam's vision, the cryptic metal box in front of him swimming in and out of focus.
His ears were ringing with a distant buzz, like static coming off a cackling TV station.
"Hey!" Dean's voice snapped through the silence like a whip cracking on skin. "C'mon now. Don't check out on me, dude."
His brother's hands were on him the next second, grabbing at his chest, bunching up his shirt, cupping his jaw and slapping his cheeks.
Sam barely had enough energy left to swat at the insistent fingers, the steady stream of blood running down his arms and slicking up his hands making it hard to fend off Dean's prodding touches.
"Nugh," he murmured in protest, blinking hard and trying to keep his eyes open. It had gradually become harder for him to stay focused, the profuse blood loss sapping his strength with each sluggish beat of his heart and making him feel disoriented and dizzy.
The only thing he was still aware of- the only thing that was important enough to stay awake for- was getting that damn decoder out of Magnus' box to decipher the Book of the Damned with.
Sam needed to get the box open, no matter the price.
It was their only shot at saving Dean from the Mark.
"Dean- we need to—the l-legacy… bloo—"
Words tried and failed to form coherent sentences in his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to gather his thoughts.
"We n-need to open it—"
"Alright, that's it. Shut up for a second and look at me, man," Dean's voice was too loud and too sharp, sending a jolt of pain through his head. Sam flinched back from the words that were clawing their way through the deepest corners of his swaddled mind.
But Dean didn't give him the time to recover.
"Hey! I said eyes on me, Sam. No checking out yet, you hear?"
And maybe it was the sharpness of his tone, or maybe it was something far more deeply engrained in his being than the primand urge to follow a direct command, but Sam pried his eyes open with herculean effort, squinting at the blur of colors that was Dean's face.
"Dean…"
The name weighed heavy on his tongue.
"Yeah, alright, listen up—" Dean's voice was rushed, breath coming out too fast and somewhere at the back of his mind, Sam registered the alarmed tone that laced his brother's words. "You gotta hold it together for a little while longer dude, 'cause as much as I'd like to carry you out of here bridal style, there's just no way I'm gonna pull that off without a little help from your side."
"N-no," Sam protested weakly, blood-coated fingers clawing at Dean's chest in an attempt to shove his brother off. "Need to open—"
Didn't Dean understand how important this was?!
They couldn't leave before they had gotten that damn decrypting mechanism or it would have all been for nothing and Dean would be lost forever to a darkness Sam wouldn't be able to save him from.
Like you've ever saved him before? A dark voice piped up from the back of his mind and Sam shuddered, getting dragged under by the age-old wave of guilt and inedaquacy that threatened to drown him once again.
His eyes welled up on their own account- almost as if the methaphorical image of water had become real life and Sam gurgled out a pitiful whimper.
"I'll save y-you, promise..."
This time I will.
I promise. I promise.
Anything you need me to do. Anything at all.
Just let me be the one this time. Just let me save you for once.
"Shit Sammy…" Dean breathed out, reaching for his arm and tightening the make-shift tourniquet he had wrapped around his sliced wrists. "You're going shocky on me, aren't you?"
The fabric of the bandana was already completely soaked with his blood but it was still not enough, still not sufficient to open this cursed treasure chest.
Sam shivered with cold, his eyelids drooping, as the life slowly continued to leave him.
"Open… b-box— need to—"
"It's already open, okay?" Dean cut him off, grabbing his wrists in a steel grip and holding them in place. "I opened the goddamn' box myself just a few minutes ago, you remember that? It's all done. Only thing we need to concentrate on right now is getting you outta here."
"But—"
"Dude, just… stop talking and hold on to me okay?" Dean was hovering over him, manhandling his heavy limbs around until he had one of Sam's heavy arms wrapped around his shoulders. "Alright on three… Hey! Nonono…"
Sam's head had started lolling, the combined feeling of Dean's physical closeness and the warmth of his brother's body heat amplifying his bone-deep weariness.
"Oh, c'mon, c'mon, don't you dare do this now, Sam! I need you to pull it together, you hear me?!"
Dean jerked his shoulder, roughly jostling his head from where Sam had rested it against his big brother's neck, seeking out the warmth that promised a much-needed recluse from the darkness that had swaddled his soul.
"D'nnn…" Sam murmured drunkenly, feeling himself slip even farther into the black abyss that called out for him invitingly.
I'm tired, Dean.
God, I'm so tired of it all… I just need to rest for a second, okay?
Just for a little while…
"Sam!" A harsh slap to the face brought Sam back to reality, dissolving the lurking darkness around him in a split second. His right cheek was stinging, tears brimming in his blood-shot eyes, but that was all the recovery-time he got before Dean tightened his grip around his middle and pulled him up with a strained grunt. "Alright, here we go… lock your knees, c'mon…"
Sam tried to do what his brother said, but the world around him was blurred and askew- everything distorted and weirdly out of shape. When his eyes sluggishly roamed the basement for the exit, they seemed to be magically drawn back to Pandora's box and the bowl of blood that was sitting beneath the metal case.
Dean struggled to balance both their weights when Sam suddenly whirled around, limbs clumsily flying to the side in a desperate attempt to turn back towards the box.
"Oh no you don't," Dean hissed, clamping down on Sam's flailing arms and middle until the injured man was held immobile, fighting against Dean's restraining hold with his last remaining strength and writhing like a madman. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Calm down, Sam—Jesus! What's gotten into you?"
"Nnneed…n-need—" Sam choked out in a half-sob, clawing weakly at his brother's arms and grimacing Dean's hold didn't waver.
"The only thing you need right now is a blood transfusion… So you'll stop fighting me and get a move on or I'll knock you out and hightail it to the next hospital, where they'll probably lock us up for attempted suicide…Your pick, buddy."
Buddy.
Sam whimpered, heart contricting almost painfully in his chest.
It had been a long time since Dean had last called him that.
He could feel his brother's heart pump against his back from where they were pressed together and the way Dean's panted breath tickled the sweaty skin on his neck.
It was lulling him out of his pending panick attack.
"'M sorry…" Sam swallowed, lips barely opened enough for the words to slip through.
Dean's heart beat calmed and steadied against Sam's spine. "Okay, it's okay… can you get up the stairs with my help?"
"'M so-sorry…Dean."
I'm sorry I can never save you.
Sorry I'm not good enough.
Sorry I was never good enough, never pure enough, never the little brother you deserved.
A weird gurgling sound bubbled up from Sam's throat and his fingers curled up in Dean's jacket, holding on with all he had- holding on and never letting go.
He pried his eyes open and met Dean's concerned gaze from where their faces were only inches apart, Sam's whole weight propped up against his big brother's side.
Dean's eyes widened slightly when he noticed the wetness pooling in his little brother's hazel orbs. "Hey, hey, hey… no, Sammy-don't—"
Too late.
The first tear had sprung from the pooling ocean in Sam's eyes and the others would soon follow.
It was only a matter of time now before the dam would be completely broken.
Sam wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stop crying if he started now.
"Look, don't cry, okay? It's gonna be okay… We'll be just fine, Sammy, I promise. Both of us, this time, huh? Gotta get that vacation I was talking about, after all. You- me and the ocean, huh? How's that sound? Just don't start unraveling now, please—I can't—" Dean sounded pained when he struggled to move them both forward, Sam stumbling and nearly sending them both tumbling to the ground in a flying heap of limbs, if it wasn't for Dean's cat-like ability to balance out their weight.
I won't be okay.
I will never be okay again if you're gone.
You leave me one more time and I'm gonna break irreparably.
Forever.
I've already lost too much.
We both have.
Is it really that bad that I want this one thing for myself? That I don't wanna lose the one thing that still keeps me going?
The only thing that makes me whole. Does it make me selfish to want you by my side?
"I'm sorry…"
It seemed to be the only word he was still capable of saying.
And maybe he imagined it, but Dean's fingers gently stroked over his sides when they reached the foot of the staircase and began their slow ascent towards the ground floor of the victim's house.
"C-can't l-lose y—"
"Sammy…don't. You're in shock, okay? Just try not to talk too much and focus on setting one foot in front of the other, can you do that for me?"
"D-do anyything for you…" That one must have hit right home because there was a choked off little sound of pain and it wasn't coming from him this time.
Sam's foot slipped and Dean's hand shot out, preventing his downfall and holding him close.
They were both silent for a beat or two.
"I know you would, Sammy…" Dean whispered after a while, the words vibrating through his skin and worming their way into his heart. "I know you would."
Sam shivered.
Do you really?
Do you know how far I'm willing to go- what I'd sacrifice to keep you save, to keep you by my side?
"C'mon now, almost done. Just two more to go."
Getting up the staircase proved to be the hardest part. After that they made better progress with Dean practically dragging him out towards the car, never once stopping to look back.
As soon as the Impala was within sight, Sam started breathing easier, but his clinging hold on Dean never eased up- not even when his brother ripped the passenger door open and settled his lax body against the leather seat. "Alright, easy… I'm gonna get some gauze from the trunk to wrap your hands with until we find a place for tonight. You gonna be okay on your own for a second?"
Sam's lips quivered.
It was ridiculous.
He shouldn't even have to think about how to answer that question. His brother was only gonna round the car and be back again.
And yet, somehow Sam found himself clinging to Dean's jacket like a kid that was afraid to lose their mother. "Don't leave—"
"Sam…" Dean sighed, trying to straighten up from where he was awkwardly leaning over Sam's hunched form, his brother's arms still wrapped around his shoulders and pulling him down.
Sam's heart missed a beat, panic settling in the pit of his stomach. His fingers tightened around the fabric of Dean's jacket to the point of pain and he bit down on his lower lip to keep from screaming.
"Sam- what are you—" Dean broke himself off when he noticed the violent shiver that wrecked the kid's body. "Okay, you know what. I think it's hospital time…"
"No!" Sam gasped out, the mere mention of a hospital setting off all kinds of alarm bells in his mind.
Hospitals meant doctors and doctors asked too many questions. They'd separate him from Dean and keep them apart and lock Sam up in a ward and keep him from saving Dean from the Mark of Cain.
"No..hsitals..'mfine"
Granted, it should have sounded a whole lot more like "No hospitals, I'm gonna be just fine" or something along the lines of that, but Dean seemed to understand him just fine without the ability to speak in straight sentences.
"Yeah right, you're all lollipops and butterflies aren't you?" the older brother snorted, shaking his head fondly. "Now let go of me alright? I'm only gonna be away for a second and you'll be able to see me the whole time, okay?"
Sam swallowed at being treated like a toddler.
A few years ago he would have bristled at the way his brother was talking to him like a parent would talk to their child. But not this time.
Letting his head flop back agains the leather backrest, Sam merely nodded his okay, blood slick wrists dangling loosely in his lap as he waited for his brother's return.
The bandana was quickly replaced by a pristinely white gauze that Dean carefully wrapped around his wrists eliciting a pained hiss from his brother.
It hurt, but not nearly as much as it could have if Dean hadn't taken that much care not to jar the slashes on his wrists any further.
Who's gonna do that once he's no longer around to baby you? The annoying little voice in Sam's head threw in and Sam's gaze dropped, unable to continue watching his brother when Dean could be leaving him so soon again.
"Sammy… Talk to me. What's going on in that ginourmous brain of yours, huh? You're not acting like yourself. I mean, driving off on your own- doing the whole solo-act-thing and then almost killing yourself in the process…" Dean let out a heavy sigh, meeting his brother's half-lidded, unfocused gaze with open bafflement in his verdant eyes. "And for what? Yet another unreadable book we don't have use for? What the hell were you thinking, man?"
Sam's throat started burning and his eyes were stinging with unspilt tears.
You, he wanted to say. I'm doing all of this for you.
"I'm sorry," is what he said instead.
Dean looked reluctant for a second, mouth parted as if to protest, but then he seemed to change his mind and mildly patted Sam's cheek in an affectionate gesture. "Alright. We'll do the explaining another time when you're less... dopey. You good to go for now?"
Before Sam got a chance to answer, Dean had pulled out of his jacket and blanketed his shivering body with it. The car door screeched on the driver's side and a few seconds later Sam felt something heavy hit his lap.
Glancing down, Sam found a bottle of water sitting on his thighs.
After a few fubling attempts at uncapping it, Dean snitched the bottle from his grasp and opened it for him before handing it back.
"Drink it all. Small sips," Dean fired up the ignition and the Impala started purring. "Can't have you getting sick on top of everything else…"
Sam's throat closed up as he stared up at Dean and snuggled into the coarse fabric of his brother's jacket. He took a few sips and coughed a little when the cool water slid down his dry throat.
The bottle threatened to slip from his grasp and Dean's hand shot out to steady it, his other hand never wavering from the steering wheel.
"Goddamnit kiddo, you're a mess, you know that?"
Sam sniffled.
You haven't seen the half of it, he thought to himself.
You haven't seen me when you're not around.
You haven't seen me without a brother.
The END.
Hope you enjoyed! Please tell me what you thought! ;) Reviews are very much appreciated.