[proof one – 7 BC]

Lexa was good at math.

Scratch that.

Lexa was good at geometry.

She had struggled more than she would ever admit with Pre-Algebra in 8th grade, but geometry was a completely different animal. When she had taken the class her freshman year of high school, everything had just made so much sense. It had made so much sense, in fact, that Lexa had suspicions that her parents had adopted her, not from Russia, as they claimed, but a land where people spoke to each other only in geometric proofs. There was something so inherently strategic about geometry and when Lexa was handed a proof to complete, it almost felt like a battle plan she had to carefully construct to completion, each step informing the next until every point and line and angle was defined and defeated.

After that one blissful year of understanding, however, she was back, literally: at the back of the class, struggling with every little thing her Algebra teacher scrawled on the board. But it was enough, that year of geometric thinking; it gave her a way of wrapping her head around the things that happened to her, the things she experienced in life. From that point on, Lexa lived by properties and proofs. She learned to take what was given.

[proof two – 3 BC]

Lexa met Costia her second week of college. She was walking home from dinner one night when it started to rain. Lexa was close to her dorm, so she decided to make a run for it, despite the fact that she was wearing a flimsy pair of plastic flip-flops. On the sidewalk in front of her building, Lexa slipped and fell right on her ass.

Lying there on the wet concrete, Lexa realized that someone close by was laughing. She turned her head just enough to see a girl, standing beneath the overhang of her dormitory's entrance. Even in her near-hysterical state brought on by witnessing Lexa's fall, Costia was beautiful.

Lexa had no idea who she was then, of course, but she was pretty enough to make Lexa feel like she might die of embarrassment. She was sure she was red as a tomato, at least.

When Costia had finally pulled herself together and stopped laughing, she made her way over to Lexa, who had decided to lay still and play dead, and offered her a hand getting up.

Lexa refused her help and glared her most fearsome glare at the girl before she hurried inside to repair what was left of her dignity.

[proof three – 3 BC]

The second time Lexa met Costia, it was in her first Intro to Lit class during her second term at Crew College.

Costia sat down next to her and said, "It's nice to see you vertical for a change."

Lexa's face burned with embarrassment. She couldn't believe that, 5 months later, this girl still remembered her fall. She was about to just switch seats, but then Costia spoke again.

"You're really cute when you blush."

Lexa turned to meet the girl's eyes and found something there. It was like a line, waiting to be crossed, stretching like a cat in the sunshine. She introduced herself and said, "I'm not vertical. I'm at more of a 120-degree angle, actually."

It didn't take long after that for Lexa to ask Costia if she would like to study with her sometime. When they met up in the library two days later it didn't take Costia long to drag Lexa into the dusty, unused stacks of old mathematics texts and kiss her like no one else ever had before.

[proof four – 3 BC]

There were two types of people in the world: people who ran and people who walked; people who fell and people who laughed; people who solved for x and people who were the x.

Lexa was one kind of person and Costia was another. They were complimentary angles. They slept like spoons. They loved like legends and maps. They folded in on themselves and into each other, measuring miles between mountain ranges and cities, naming the previously uncharted territories. When Lexa added it all up, everything about their relationship was right. She had nearly two years of evidence before things started to unravel.

[proof five – 2 BC]

Lexa's favorite book was Lord of the Flies.

Costia's favorite book was The Princess Bride.

One of these is a fiction. The other is a lie inside of a lie.

It should not have surprised Lexa so much to discover that Costia loved it because it was a story that was made up of, as the author so eloquently put it, just the "good parts."

But Lexa loved Costia. And they were only 20. So she put all her trust in the girl and whispered things like "forever" before either of them had a concept of what words like that meant.

[proof six – 12 BC]

The phone was ringing persistently in its cradle on the wall of the kitchen. It was lime green and had a long coiled cord that tied it in place. It had been there when the Woods' had bought the house and moved in the year before they adopted Lexa. Every time it rang, Lois would think to herself how they really needed to replace it. But it was one of those things that kept getting pushed to the back of her mind. 7 years had passed and it was still that same telephone from the 1970s that hung in her otherwise updated kitchen.

Lois excused herself from her client, Mr. Everard, explaining that the only people who had their house number, rather than her business line, was her daughters' schools. He smiled understandingly and assured her that if something was wrong, he wouldn't mind rescheduling their therapy session.

"Hello?" Lois answered on the fifth ring.

"Hello, Mrs. Woods?" a man's voice asked.

"Yes, this is she," Lois responded.

"This is Don Simpkins, the principal at Maple Grove Elementary."

"Is Lexa alright?" Lois asked, growing concerned at the man's grave tone.

"Yes, she's fine, but I'm afraid she has seriously injured another one of our students," Simpkins explained. "Can you come down to the school so we can discuss what happened in person?"

Two hours later, a newly suspended Lexa was curled moodily in the front seat of the car as Lois drove them home.

"I don't know what's gotten into you lately, young lady. Your father is going to be very disappointed in you when he gets home tonight. And you are going to be the one to tell him what you did," Lois fumed.

"Mom, Elloit lifted up Bianca's skirt! The whole class saw her underwear and it made her cry! I had to do something!" Lexa retorted. She didn't understand why her mother didn't get it.

"You broke his arm, Alexandra! I don't care what that boy did! You cannot just dole out punishments as you see fit. That's not how the world works. It is not okay for you to hurt another person. You should have told your teacher what happened and let her take care of it."

"The teachers never do anything about things like that! Mrs. Eastman would've made him sit on the wall at recess for 5 minutes. That's it," Lexa huffed, the injustice of it all making her blood boil.

"Then you should have told your father or I and we would have made sure it was addressed correctly. It is never ever acceptable to hurt someone the way you did today, Lexa. Do I make myself clear?"

Lexa knew a losing battle when she saw one. She always did.

"Yes ma'am," she answered her mother quietly.

She still felt sure in her heart that she had given Elliot exactly what he deserved, no matter what he mother said. Lexa knew he would never flip another girl's skirt and that was victory enough for her.

"Where did you even learn how to do something like that?" Lois fumed, shaking her head in exasperation. "Was it something you saw on television? That poor boy…"

She was met with only silence from her daughter.

"Alexandra," Lois warned. Her tone demanded an answer.

"I saw it on a movie," Lexa stated firmly.

"Well, that's just as well. You're grounded from any tv or movies for the foreseeable future."

Lexa held her face firm and expressionless as she received her punishment. She had been expecting it. She would not show any weakness.

[proof seven – 2 BC]

Some behaviors can never truly be eradicated. They can only be redirected.

[proof eight – 1 BC]

When Costia made her cry, she knew it wasn't Costia's fault. Costia was wonderful- carefree, bright, vivacious.

Lexa had been too intense, too driven. She didn't let her hair down enough—quite literally, it was always pulled back into a flawless braid. She didn't have enough fun. She never wanted to drink or smoke. She hated rap music. She had driven Costia away with her unyielding nature and her seriousness. She had turned down the parties in favor of a night at the library too many times.

Costia didn't say any of this when she broke it off with Lexa. She told Lexa they had grown apart, that she wanted to spend the rest of their time in college having different experiences, meeting new people. "Being with other people" was implied.

It was Lexa's fault that things had ended.

This was what Lexa told herself because she couldn't stand the thought that maybe Costia just didn't love her anymore. Or, even worse, that Costia wasn't her "one," that they weren't actually meant to be.

But the fact was that the line she had felt connecting their two points was now abandoned on one end, and it was moving steadily away from her body and continuing on forever with no destination to define its length.

[proof nine – 1 BC]

She couldn't bring herself to go home when the school year ended, so she applied with student housing to stay over the summer.

Lexa told her parents she wanted to stay at school for the summer and work.

The truth was she couldn't bear her family's sympathy.

It had been 5 months already and she still hadn't been able to tell them that Costia had broken up with her.

[proof ten – 1 BC]

Every day of the summer was a bite, a building pressure that broke the skin.

Lexa wasn't trying that hard to get a job. She inquired in a few of the shops downtown and put in an application at the grocery store, but didn't follow up with any of them. Her money was running out and she didn't even care. She spent most days watching movies she had checked out from the public library and wondering if anyone would notice if she disappeared. When she had to eat, she bought Poptarts, loaves of bread and peanut butter, or cans of soup from the Dollar General. Her roommate from the school year had left her a bunch of things she didn't feel like carting home with her: half full bottles of shampoo, some body wash she hadn't liked, her Sex and the City DVDs.

Lexa had gotten drunk a few times, but she was trying not to. She was trying to keep it together. She thought her hardworking was finally going to pay off, too, when one afternoon, the screen of her phone lit up with Costia's name. Lexa couldn't help but get her hopes up in the instance she saw the girl's name that maybe, just maybe Costia had realized she wanted Lexa back. Maybe this horrible drifting was over.

It was a text message, but all it said was, "I'd like to talk to you if you aren't busy."

Lexa called her immediately.

"Hey Lex, how are you?"

God, her voice hurt Lexa so good.

"I'm doing well, Costia, thank you for asking." This wasn't true, but she didn't want Costia's pity. Especially when she was reaching out and reestablishing contact between them.

"I'm really glad to hear that," Costia sighed. She sounded relieved, Lexa noted.

"Are you well?" Lexa asked.

"I'm really good," Costia said, a familiar happiness coating her words and sending Lexa's stomach into a tailspin. "That's kind of why I called, Lex..."

There was a hesitancy in her words now. Lexa held her breath.

"I met someone. Her name is Maggie. We're, you know, together now. I just didn't want you to have to hear it from someone else, Lex. From one of our mutual friends. I wanted to be the one to tell you."

It felt like a drum was pounding in Lexa's head. Tears were streaming down her face.

"That was very thoughtful of you," Lexa replied, her voice miraculously steady. "Thank you for letting me know."

"Of course, Lex," Costia said.

"Good bye, then," Lexa said, a noticeable strain in her words now.

"Oh...bye."

Lexa hung up, grabbed her emergency credit card, and set off for the liquor store.

She just couldn't anymore.

[proof eleven – 1 BC]

"This is Lexa Woods. I am unavailable at the present. Please leave a message and I will return your call promptly. Thank you."

"Hey Lexie, it's your old man. Haven't heard from you in awhile. I hope you didn't get sucked into one of those video games you play. Tell Costia hello from your mom and me. Love you pumpkin."

"This is Lexa Woods. I am unavailable at the present. Please leave a message and I will return your call promptly. Thank you."

"Hi sweetie, it's Mom. Listen, when you get a chance, give us a call back. I'm sure you're busy trying to find a job, but just a quick call is fine. You know how we worry. We love you, honey."

"This is Lexa Woods. I am unavailable at the present. Please leave a message and I will return your call promptly. Thank you."

"Lexa, this is stupid. Pick up your fucking phone. Mom and Dad are worried. So if you don't want them to call your little girlfriend, you should grow a soul and call them back."

[proof twelve – 13 BC]

For Lexa, freedom was bare feet and running wild in the woods outside of her house.

That's why summer was her favorite season – there was nothing stopping her from rushing out the door after breakfast, the dogs at her heels, and climbing trees and exploring until her mother called her home for lunch.

Really there was only one thing Lexa adored more than playing barefoot in the woods by herself, and that was doing it with her big sister. Anya was five years older than her, though, and she'd just turned 13 and apparently that meant she had better things she could be doing than running around with Lexa.

It wasn't that Anya necessarily avoided her, but she didn't seek out her company either. She was always in her room with the door shut lately. Lexa was trying not to take it too personally. Her mom had said something about growing pains and being a teenager. Whatever all that meant, Lexa hoped that Anya would get over it soon so they could start having fun together again.

This is why Lexa was overjoyed one sunny afternoon when Anya showed up beside the creek while she was tying a new rope to a branch of the large sycamore tree they used to cross the creek. The last rope had snapped dramatically mid-swing the week before resulting in some scraped knees when Lexa had just managed to land on the opposite bank and avoid the water. She was rather proud of herself for the feat and had acted the whole thing out for Anya when she got home that night.

"Anya! Do you want to swing with me? I just finished tying the new rope," Lexa said, her eyes lighting up at the sight of her sister. "I tied it like the last one, the way you showed me."

"Perhaps tomorrow," Anya said, smiling up at her younger sister. "Come down here for now. We have things to discuss."

There was a familiar gleam in Anya's eye that Lexa hadn't seen all summer, making her heart flare up with joy. Maybe she hadn't lost her co-conspirator and best friend, after all.

Once she was back down on the ground again, Lexa looked up at Anya with large, adoring green eyes, and asked, "What are we doing?"

"As you know, Lexa, the summer is half over, and when school starts again in the fall, I'll be starting middle school. We won't be in the same school anymore," Anya explained, pacing back and forth in front of Lexa like a general.

"Yeah, I know," Lexa replied sadly. "It's going to be strange not having you there."

"I won't be around anymore to help you if someone picks on you. You'll be on your own," Anya went on. "I can't have anyone thinking my sister is weak."

"I'm pretty tough," Lexa said defiantly. "I can handle myself."

"Yes," Anya agreed, pride sparking behind her eyes as she surveyed her sister. "You are tough. But there are still some things I need to teach you."

Lexa's eyes grew as wide as saucers. Anya was going to teach her things and Anya, well, she knew all the best things. "What? What are you going to teach me?"

"I'm going to teach you how to fight and how to curse," Anya stated matter of factly. "And maybe a few other things."

"Oh, thank you!" Lexa cried, rushing forward to throw her arms around her sister.

Anya indulged her for a moment before grabbing her by the shoulders and holding her out at arms length. "Alright, that's enough. Lesson one: Fuck."

Lexa lips curled up in the ghost of a smile as she listen to Anya tell her how to best to use the curse word 'fuck.' Yeah, her sister was definitely the coolest person alive.

[proof thirteen – 1 BC]

Every day was a bite, a building pressure that broke the skin.

Lexa had been drunk for…five days in row?

She'd lost count. She wasn't even sure what day of the week it was.

She spent most of the mornings hung over, sometimes puking, sometimes just suffering through a pounding headache. When that wore off in the mid-afternoon, the thoughts of Costia came back – of her tangled in bed with another woman, laughing and kissing and –

Lexa could not bear the images. She burst from her apartment like a caged animal as soon as the sun set each day.

Every night was a bruise, long purples lines and jaw tunnels. Lexa wandered in those tunnel hours, endless loops that dipped and rose again along the edges of the her world. She walked for hours on the dark sidewalks that lined the campus, trying desperately to exhaust her mind. And when that inevitably failed, she drank.

It was a circle, a perfect ring of teeth, every day. Lexa could have worked out its circumference if only she were sober.

[proof fourteen – 1 BC]

Someone was slamming a ladder down on Lexa's head. Her hair hadn't been braided for over a week and she wondered vaguely if Costia would like her more like this. She wasn't sure where her phone was. Dim, yellow light was filtering in perfect lines through the blinds on her apartment window and across her closed eyelids.

Bleary-eyed, she looked down her body and saw a large cut across one of her legs. A very muddy memory came back to her of her own hand slipping when she was shaving her legs in the shower the night before, a stream of red flowing down the drain.

The ladder came down again, harder this time, one rung after another, crashing against her skull. Everything was breaking over her.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Lexa didn't think she could move. The thought struck her when she was already walking over to the door, which someone was hammering their fist on. Her brain was about three feet behind her, so she paused in the middle of the living room, swaying slightly, and let it catch up to her body. Once she was sure it was securely lodged inside her head again, Lexa stumbled on towards the door.

The voice shouting her name was familiar. She was going to be in so much trouble.

Finally, Lexa managed to locate the handle of her front door. She turned and pulled at it for what felt like a year before she realized it was locked. Everything was so hard to do. Her hands slid around on the wood until she felt the deadbolt. Lexa turned it and felt the door being pushed open just as she blacked out completely, her body slumping onto the floor.

[proof fifteen – 1 BC]

Lois and Gus were just finishing dinner when the phone rang. They both froze and looked at it. It hadn't rung in years, not since every one in the family had gotten cell phones.

Lois got up and lifted the lime green receiver from its cradle.

"Hello?" she asked, unable to shake the feeling of dread that had settled in her stomach.

"Mom, it's me," the voice on the other end said.

"Oh, Anya, " Lois sighed in relief, her hand pressing against her heart at the sound of her oldest daughter's voice. "You scared us half to death calling the house phone. Is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm not calling from my cell and the house phone is the only one I still have memorized. I'm in the hospital with Lexa. She's going to be fine, so please don't panic. I decided to stop by the campus and check on her since she wasn't returning any of our calls."

"Oh my gosh, what happened?" Lois gasped, her eyes falling on her husband who stood to join her at the telephone, grasping her hand in his own.

"She has alcohol poisoning and pretty bad cut on her leg. She's not…awake yet. I'll call you again when she is. The doctor said she would be fine, but I'm going to kill her when she comes around."

[proof sixteen – 1 BC]

"You scared the shit out of me. You are such a petulant child."

The words pierced through into Lexa's consciousness, snagging against her edges and pulling her up to the surface once more.

"Anya, please don't yell," Lexa mumbled. Her throat felt like it had been renovated and then painted the wrong color.

Anya chuckled dryly. "I'm not."

"Why are you here, exactly?" Lexa asked, her brow wrinkling in pain.

"Well, my dear sister, none of us had heard from you for over a week, so I thought I'd drop by and check on you. Good thing I did," Anya said, her superior tone almost too much for Lexa to take.

"I was fine. I am fine."

"Right. Which is why you passed out against the door before you could even say hello to me," Anya quipped.

"So I was a little drunk. Big deal."

"You were more than 'a little drunk.' The doctor told me your blood alcohol level was at .30! Your girlfriend breaking up with you is not an excuse for you to drink yourself to death, Lexa."

Lexa's head swung around to look at her sister, the motion sending a wave of nausea and dizziness crashing over her. "How do you…know about that?" Lexa asked once the room had righted itself again.

"I called her," Anya said, her eyes softening slightly as she took in her sister's obvious pain. "I was worried about you. I thought she might be with you when I called and I could talk to you…but, she told me that the two of you had broken up instead."

"Whatever," Lexa said, shrugging her shoulders, blinking back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "I get it, okay? I was being weak. I'm fine now. You can go."

"Yeah, nice try," Anya said, leaning her head back against the chair she was sitting in beside Lexa's bed. "Wake me up when the doctor releases you."

[proof seventeen – 1 BC]

Anya used her precious vacation time to take off of work and stayed with Lexa for two weeks. She bought Lexa more groceries than could fit into her fridge, drug her to the gym every morning and staunchly refused to allow Lexa to buy any alcohol while she was there. She did Lexa's laundry without a word, took her to get a pedicure, and punched her in the shoulder anytime Lexa looked like she might cry.

By the time she left, Lexa almost felt like herself again.

[proof eighteen– 1 BC]

LOVE is a four-letter word.

So is WEAK.

Therefore, by the transitive law of vocabulary:

To love is to be weak.