S&M
Season 7, post Farewell My Pet.
Not mine.
Looking back on her failed relationships she decides she is a sadist.
This is proven as she thinks of Max. She knows she should have never said yes in the first place. This is obvious now, as it should have been then. Regardless, she agrees, but manages to keep him at arms length, never truly letting him in. She waits until after she has the ring, after the engagement party before she calls it off. She builds it up before completely crushing him. Sadism at its best.
Then there is Luke. This time she does love him, but that doesn't stop her from making a mess of things. He pushes her away, shuts her out, but she doesn't speak up, doesn't protest, so she can hardly blame him. When she finally does confront him she knows it is impossible for him to say yes. She forces him to watch her walk away. And walk she does, straight into the arms of the one man she knows Luke could never forgive her for. And then she has the nerve to tell him. If that isn't sadistic, she doesn't know what is.
She doesn't stop there, of course. She decides to marry Christopher. After more than twenty years of saying no, she decides to throw the guy a bone. She knows it isn't real, but she's so good at pretending. Not good enough, it seems, because he sees right through her. Knows she doesn't love him the way she loves Luke. And so he leaves, heartbroken. She knows she could have prevented this, could have avoided it completely. But she is, as she's said, a sadist.
Of course, all this ever accomplishes is to push her further and further away from what she really wants. Puts her happiness further and further out of reach.
Perhaps, in the end, she is actually a masochist.