I looked out of the window at the pouring rain as I turned the car into our drive, the twins were chattering quietly in the back, parking up I grabbed the twins and dashed up the drive.
I decided to get the shopping when the rain has stopped or the twins went to sleep, whichever came first.
I got us inside and dried off just as a crack of thunder hit, rolling round the hills several times before dissipating, settling on the sofa, kids playing round the log fire, TV on quietly, I thought back a few months….
We both had Christmas off, plenty of time to relax, spend with each other and the kids; we were planning their second Christmas and our fifth together when it happened…
A routine obbo for an experienced team that somehow went so wrong…
John was staring down the barrel of a gun, his worst nightmare, there were many things John was afraid of, loosing me, the kids, getting knifed and guns were just a few of them.
Everyone froze, breath caught in throats, I broke the silence, approaching the suspect I tried talking him down, the gun swung between me and John, I remember saying 'If you shoot him, you've got to shoot me as well' I wasn't loosing John without a fight, I couldn't stand and watch unlike my half ass colleagues.
One of the first things I said was;
"If you so much as fire in his direction, I'll nail your ass to the wall so hard you'll never walk again"
I can remember John saying;
"Don't do it Cat, please leave it, you can live with out me, think of the kids"
Somehow that day I didn't get what I wanted, I lost the negotiations and I lost my partner.
The shot rang out, then in slow motion John just crumpled to the floor.
Everything that normally drives me to catch the bastard disappeared, my one priority was to get to John, even as I got to him, I knew he was dying; he wasn't going to get out of this one.
The words we both said will be etched in my mind for eternity;
"Cat?"
"I'm here sweetheart; it's going to be fine"
"Claire, listen to me, I'm dying I know it and deep down you know it too, please don't do anything stupid, don't go off the rails, use your friends, you're not going to be able to cope for a while please don't do it on your own, when it gets hard call Kerry or Jack, just cry…god I sound like my mother"
I smiled and fought back the tears
"Promise me Claire?"
"I promise to use my friends but I can't promise to be able to live without you"
"You can and you will, believe in yourself Claire, remember I may not be here in body but I'll always be close by in spirit…"
I needed one last kiss amongst the tears
"I love you forever and for always" I whispered
"Look after those twins, I want you to be happy again in the future, never worry if I approve…" John began to fade "Always said I'd die on the job didn't I? Always thought we'd be old, kids all grown up, we'd die together, protecting each other…" His breath was coming slower now; the sparkle was slowly being extinguished from his hazel eyes.
"It's fate, remember what we said?" Another pause
My soul mate was dying in front of my eyes, taking my heart with him, shredded into tiny pieces and there was nothing I could do about it
"I…Love…You…Claire" Those last words took all the strength left in his body; the light in his eyes went out as I collapsed onto his chest.
It felt like my world had ended too.
Ricky the technician on the obbo later told me that everyone had removed their earpieces while John was dying and he handed me the tape that had recorded John's death.
In the first few weeks after John's death I played that tape hundreds of times a day.
There was an inquest into John's death but no one was to blame, nothing could have prevented it.
Carlos Antonio was given a life sentence and ordered to serve at least 55 years for the brutal murder of John.
John had multiple life insurances, so neither I nor the children ever need to work again.
The doorbell rang bringing me to my senses; Jade looked up hopefully and said;
"Daddy?"
"No sweetheart, daddy's a star now remember?" Her little face fell as she remembered that daddy had joined Heaven a little while ago.
I let Kerry in and watched as she played with Jade and Daniel
All in all three months on, I can finally say I'm feeling calm and positive about the future without my beloved partner.
Sorry for the double chapter notifications, forgot some editing again...doh!