Gabriella's eyes glittered with tears, and for the first time in a long time, the tears were not for Camila. They were for the man whom Camila called a father. Gabriella cried for Troy. She cried because she wanted him, and he would never want her. They had been spending time together for the past three months, and she felt ridiculous admitting that she'd grown more than fond of him. The feeling of ridiculousness grew as she watched Troy laugh with a colleague. She'd come to bring him his favorite coffee before his night class began, but now he was laughing with a beautiful woman. They were talking about research and publication dates, and she felt very small. She turned to leave unnoticed, but bumped into the doorframe on her way and spilled Troy's coffee on herself and the floor. Of course.
"Gabriella?"
"I'm sorry," Gabriella apologized as she looked around in vain for something to wipe up the spill. "I'll clean it up."
Troy was by her side almost immediately, "Are you okay? You spilled hot coffee on yourself. Let me check you." He pulled up her sleeves to inspect her arms. The thickness of her sweater seemed to save her skin from everything but a soft pink stain from the heat. He blew a slow stream of air across her skin. "It doesn't look like you got burned too much."
"I'm okay. I just wanted to bring you coffee before your night class." She motioned to herself and the spill on the floor, "But this wasn't exactly what I had in mind."
Troy smiled at this and pressed his lips quickly to her temple. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me. I spilled it all over myself before I could even hand it to you."
"That doesn't matter. Thank you for thinking of me," he held her hands and pulled her a bit closer to his body. "Let me go get some paper towels from the supply closet."
Gabriella nodded.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Moore. Are you one of Dr. Bolton's students?" Gabriella thought it was a strange question considering Troy had just kissed her – however platonically it might have been.
"Hi," Gabriella blushed in response and wished she looked prettier than a frumpy woman in a coffee-stained sweater. "Uhh no. We're…friends?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. And in retrospect, she realized it sounded like they were sleeping together.
"I mean, like, not friends like that sounded, but actual friends." Was that even true? She wasn't sure, so she tried one last time, "I'm his daughter's teacher."
It hurt to call herself Camila's teacher even though it was true. That's all she was. She was Troy's friend – maybe – and Camila's teacher. Neither of which she really wanted to be.
"Oh! You're Gabriella. He talks about you often."
"He does," she hugged herself shyly.
"Yeah. He talks about how much Camila loves you."
Conflicting feelings flooded her chest. She felt warmth and adoration for the little girl, but she also wished that Troy talked about her as a woman and not just Camila's teacher.
All Gabriella could do was nod as she swallowed the lump in her throat. Finally, she spoke, "I love her too."
"I'm back," Troy announced as he waved a roll of paper towels in the air, "And I brought you a shirt from my office, Gabriella. You can change, and I'll clean up the mess."
"Okay," she took the shirt from him before disappearing out the same door he'd just entered.
When she came back, the coffee was all cleaned up and he was saying goodbye to Dr. Moore. Dr. Moore leaned into him, pressing her cheek against his and making a kissing sound, "Bye, Troy."
He waved goodbye as Gabriella stared at them from her spot near the door. Dr. Moore waved goodbye to Gabriella as she exited, and when Gabriella looked back up, Troy was standing behind a podium, looking down at some scattered papers.
"You don't have to just stand there," he smiled without looking up.
At that, Gabriella walked up to him, "What are you teaching tonight?"
"We just started talking about adolescent development, so we're going to talk about some common misconceptions. Like, historically, authors have characterized the teenage years as a time of storm and strife, so we're going to talk about why that is."
"Sounds interesting. My professor just talked about the prefrontal cortex and invincibility fable when we studied adolescents."
"Why don't you stay? Class is over at seven, and we could go get something to eat afterward."
"Okay."
…
"Gabriella!" Camila waved before letting go of her father's hand and running to greet her teacher.
"Hi, sweet one. How are you?"
"Great! I helped Daddy make a fruit salad for our picnic."
"That sounds yummy. What kind of fruit did you use?"
"Strawberries, and watermelon, and blueberries, and pineapples, and grapes. What did you make for our picnic?"
"I made chicken and potatoes. Did your daddy also bring green beans and rolls?"
"Yeah, but we didn't make them. We just got them from the deli."
"Hey," Troy finally made it to the pair, "You weren't supposed to tell her that." He joked and winked at Camila.
"Sorry, Daddy," Camila giggled and didn't sound sorry at all.
"Why don't you go play while I find a nice picnic table?" Gabriella suggested.
"Okay. Daddy, will you push me on the swings?"
"Of course I will! Let me set this stuff down on the table Gabriella picks first."
Gabriella watched as Troy and Camila raced to the swings. She was nervous. This was the first time she was outside the school with Camila. She wanted everything to be perfect. She couldn't afford to make any mistakes. What if Troy decided she didn't deserve to know Camila?
The thought made her stomach hurt, but she didn't have time to think about it because Camila and Troy were walking back towards her.
"Decided against playing?" She asked.
Troy shrugged and looked down at Camila fondly, "I just go where she goes."
"I'm too hungry to swing," she explained. "Is it time to eat, Gabriella?"
"Just about," Gabriella smiled. "I'm just setting out the napkins. Would you like to do that?"
"Sure! I like helping you."
"I know. You're a very good helper. I told your daddy about how you helped me hang up all the artwork while we were waiting for him at school on Friday."
Troy placed a small kiss on Camila's curly hair, "My helpful girl."
"I can help you too, Daddy!" Camila enthused, "Mommy said you need help picking clothes for when you meet Aunt Karen at dinner. I can pick your clothes."
Gabriella swallowed the lump in her throat and looked away.
Troy scratched the back of his neck anxiously. He had already told Kelsi that he was not interested in having lunch with her friend Karen from work, and he was especially not interested in Kelsi trying to set him up. That was just weird, "Who said I'm meeting Aunt Karen for dinner?"
"Mommy said you were taking Aunt Karen to a fancy dinner that's just for two people." Camila explained.
"No, Mommy wants me to take Aunt Karen for a fancy dinner, but Daddy said he doesn't want to take Aunt Karen for dinner."
"Then, who are you taking to a fancy dinner?" Camila asked, her perplexed brown eyes peering up at Troy.
"How about I take you and Gabriella to a fancy dinner?" He suggested.
Gabriella had yet to turn back around to face Troy and Camila. She had been busying herself with opening containers of food and setting out plates, but she felt Troy's hand on top of her own – stopping her actions. She looked up at him then. For the first time ever, he looked timid to Gabriella. His blue eyes held hesitance and lacked the surety they usually boasted.
"You two are my favorite ladies." He explained with a cough.
Gabriella didn't respond other than her continued stare. She didn't know what to say. Thankfully, Camila answered.
"Can I help you pick out your clothes?" Camila almost begged.
Troy laughed as he turned his attention back to his daughter, "Sure, baby. You can help me pick out my clothes. How about we go tonight around six-thirty?"
"Okay," Gabriella's voice was soft with awe. She was one of his "favorite ladies?" He wanted to take her to dinner with himself and Camila? It was all too surreal.
…
"Wow," Troy awed when he was greeted by the sight of Gabriella in her doorframe. He and Camila had come to her apartment to pick her up. She smiled up at him and a loose curl fell across her face. Before Troy could think, he reached up and brushed it back behind her ear. She wore a burgundy tulle skirt that reached her ankles and seemed to somehow accentuate the flush in her cheeks. Her black top was a stark contrast against her skin, but almost matched the rich color of her hair.
"Gabriella!" Camila bounced beside her father. "You look like a princess!"
"Thank you, sweet one," Gabriella bent so that she could pick Camila up. She rubbed her nose lovingly against the little girl's, causing Camila to giggle and hug Gabriella tighter. "Let's see where your daddy is taking us." She looked up at Troy coyly before turning to close her door.
When she walked forward, she felt Troy's hand on the small of her back, guiding her down the stairs and to his car.
"She must be tired from the day," Gabriella mused as she held a sleeping Camila. She'd eaten only a little bit before begging to be held by either Troy or Gabriella.
"I can't believe she's almost six," Troy stared at his daughter with so much love that giving her up was almost worth it for Gabriella.
"I was small when I was her age too."
"What were you like when you were little?" Troy asked with a grin on his face.
Gabriella shrugged nonchalantly, "I don't know. Quiet, shy, much like I am now I suppose."
"Hmmm. I bet you were sweet, and caring. I bet you liked to play with dolls and dress up. Maybe you had tea parties, but you also liked bugs because you thought they were misunderstood and needed a friend."
Gabriella bit her lower lip, but didn't look up from staring at Camila, "I liked reading books too. I liked learning Spanish."
"Why don't you teach Camila some Spanish?"
"That would be okay?" Gabriella asked. She was surprised he was okay with that.
"She's a lot like you, Gabriella. Smart and funny. She's kind and introspective. She's also empathetic." Then, Troy did something unexpected. He moved from his seat and sat in the one Camila had previously occupied. He was sitting right beside Gabriella. He wrapped one arm around her and used the other to lift her chin so that she was looking at him, "Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world. Thank you for making me her father. She's more than I could ever ask for."
"Thank you for keeping your promise," Gabriella's lip trembled. She didn't want to cry. She felt like she did too much crying. "Thank you for loving her, and taking care of her, and telling her about me."
Troy pressed his lips against Gabriella's cheek in response, "Even from the time she was a baby, every time she would look at me, I knew she needed to know you. And as she grew older, she looked more and more like you. She would have started to wonder who she was. I wanted her to always know that she has some an amazingly strong origin. A birth mother that loved her so much she was willing to rip out her own heart to make sure her daughter had a good life."
Gabriella looked up, "How did you know that's exactly what it felt like?"
"I saw you when you held her. The moment I met you, I saw how much you loved her, and I thought that you were going to decide to keep her."
"I wanted to keep her. I wanted to keep her so badly."
"I know you did."
Gabriella leaned against is broad shoulder as she continued to hold Camila in her arms. She closed her eyes and listened to her own heart beat beneath the weight of her daughter's body. And she committed this moment to her memory. The moment of having a man's arm wrapped around her and her baby in her arms. What could her life have been like in an alternate reality? Maybe some otherworldly Gabriella was always in his arms. Maybe she got to watch Camila grow from an infant into the child she was now. She thought that Gabriella was probably pretty happy. Two people she loved, loved her back.
Their quiet moment was interrupted by their server.
"May I bring you the check?"
"That would be great," Troy smiled. He maneuvered himself so that he could dig for his credit card that was in his suit jacket hanging on the back of his chair. He tried to do so with minimal disturbance to Gabriella and Camila.
Troy paid for their meal and slipped his suit jacket back on, "I'll hold her while you put your coat on," he took Camila from Gabriella's arms – careful not to wake her.
"We should put her coat on too," Gabriella suggested. She and Troy moved carefully together to slip Camila's arms through her coat. They smiled at each other as Camila made tiny noises of protest.
"What a lovely family," Gabriella turned to a nearby table to see an elderly couple enjoying their meal. "She's just as beautiful as you are," the woman enthused.
"Thank you," Gabriella stammered – not knowing what else she could say.
"How did you two meet?" The woman's husband was addressing Troy.
"When we were younger, we met briefly in Chicago, but then we met again at school," it wasn't a complete, and Troy said it so smoothly, Gabriella almost believed him. He looked down at her, "I guess it was fate."
Gabriella leaned into his firm side and smiled up at him before peeling Camila gently from his arms and snuggling her.
Once again, Troy draped his arm around Gabriella, pulling her close, "Enjoy the rest of your evening," he smiled at the elderly couple as he, Camila, and Gabriella left.
…
The first time Troy kissed Gabriella, he could feel her inexperience. Honestly, it made him feel like a gross old guy taking advantage of a young, pretty woman. After all, she was just twenty-four and he was thirty-six. She had her whole life ahead of her, and he was entering middle age. Gabriella was beautiful, and bright, and brilliant. She was clever and funny, and Troy thought she had all the capabilities of changing the world. All of which made him feel even more like a creep. Kissing Gabriella just didn't feel right. That was, until he looked into her face. Her eyes were closed and a warm shade of pink danced across her cheeks and nose. As her brown eyes slowly fluttered open and she bit her lower lip demurely, everything about kissing her suddenly felt right. Everything in the entire world felt right. In that moment, he wasn't worried about their age difference or how his growing love for Gabriella would surely complicate his life and the lives of the people he loved. He wasn't worried about what would happen if it didn't work out, because that wouldn't happen. She mattered too much. He felt her nuzzle her nose against his neck shyly.
"No one's ever kissed me like that," her breath was warm. They were sitting at the park they frequented. It was close to her apartment, and she liked looking at the stars.
"I've never wanted to kiss anyone like I want to kiss you." He let the words loose into the darkness of the night, but they fell easily on her ears.
When Gabriella finally lifted her eyes to look into Troy's once more, she asked him, "Kiss me again?"
As he kissed her a second time, he could feel her small hands gripping lightly at the front of his shirt. He could also feel her mouth moving a little clumsily with his own. And he could feel the embers of a deep love catching fire inside himself.
…
"I prayed you were okay every night," Troy admitted one night in the dark of the bedroom he'd been sharing with her. He was holding Gabriella as they laid in bed. "I mean, I'm not that religious. I don't believe in the whole died for my sins stuff, but I prayed for you every night. I prayed that you were okay, and happy, and making it; but I think somewhere deep down, I knew that the girl who handed me her baby wasn't okay." Troy wasn't sure why he was telling her this now, but he felt like he needed to do so. He saw the way she still touched Camila with trembling hands, afraid the little girl might disappear into thin air.
Gabriella looked up at him and her lip trembled, but she didn't say anything.
"I thought about Camila and how much I loved her. How easily I fell in love with her, and I knew that you couldn't possibly be okay because you carried her for thirty-nine weeks and then you were in labor for sixteen hours and you held her in your arms and nursed her. You cooed sweet words to her and professed your love for her. How could you be okay after going through all that and then giving her to strangers?"
Gabriella began to cry, and in turn, it made Troy cry, "I love you," he breathed for the first time. "And I just want you to be happy. How do I help make you happy?"
"Just hold me," Gabriella told him, "I'll be okay." As she said it, she wasn't sure if she or Troy believed it.
…
"You told me you loved me last night," Gabriella walked into the living room to find Troy sitting on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal.
He smiled up at her. Her hair was sticking out in all directions and she was wearing an oversized shirt. She still had a few sleep lines decorating her left cheek, and she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
"I did," he confirmed as she came to sit by him.
"Did you mean it?"
"Of course I did."
"What about your family? What about Kelsi?"
"We'll figure everything out. We'll talk to my family, and we'll talk to Kelsi."
Gabriella looked at him skeptically.
"Okay, I'll talk to Kelsi."
"Better."
Gabriella didn't say anything for a long time, then Troy heard her ask quietly, "What if I mess up and ruin everything?"
"What do you mean, what if you ruin everything?" Troy asked.
"I don't know. I just…I feel like I might. Like, I'll do something wrong, and I'll lose you and then I'll lose Camila, and I'll be all alone again. I mean, I know my dad's side of the family is here, and they're great, but they are no Troy and Camila."
"You won't lose us."
"You don't know that, Troy. I'm broken. I've been broken a long time, and it's on the inside, so you can't always see when the broken stuff becomes completely unraveled." She was starting to sound a little bit hysterical.
"Gabriella, you aren't going to convince me that you're going to ruin us. I love you, and I know you love me too."
She nodded.
"Okay," Troy pulled her into his embrace, and his voice softened, "so let's say you do ruin us. It's not going to happen, but let's pretend. If you ruin us in one week, or one month, or ten years, would it be worth it to be with me and Camila for however long it was?"
"Yeah," she admitted, "but I might die afterward."
"You won't ruin us," Troy promised. "I love you."
"I love you too. So much, Troy. So much."
…
"Gabriella?" Troy's mother asked him to make sure she'd heard him correctly. "You're starting a relationship with your daughter's biological mother? Who is twelve years your junior? And who is probably just using you to get close to Camila?"
"Mom, that's enough," Troy sighed. "Of course she wants to be closer to Camila, but she isn't using me. You don't know anything about her."
"I know that Kelsi isn't happy about any of this," his mother huffed and crossed her arms indignantly.
"First of all," Troy was becoming just as angry, "Kelsi has no say in any of this. I didn't say a word when she started dating Ryan three months after our divorce. I didn't say a thing when she and my daughter started living with someone who was practically a stranger, because I trusted Kelsi's judgment enough to give her the benefit of the doubt; and I knew I had no right to interfere in her personal life."
"This is hardly the same thing," Troy's father finally spoke.
"Yeah, it's not," Troy agreed, but his voice wasn't any calmer, "this time around I know that my daughter is safe. I know that the woman I'm bringing into our lives loves her just as much as I do."
"But does she love you?" Mrs. Bolton asked, "Or is she going to disappear in the middle of the night with your daughter – our granddaughter?"
"She would never do that. Besides where would she go?" Troy sighed and finally decided to stop rationalizing. He'd been with his parents for three hours already, "Listen, I know I'm not going to convince you. I don't really care. Gabriella's staying, and I'm going to bring her around, but I swear to god I will stop visiting and bringing Camila if you do anything to hurt Gabriella."
"Son, I hope you aren't threatening your parents," Jack stood up.
"Of course not, but I am telling you. It's not a threat. It's a fact. I'm not going to put the woman I love in a situation where people are hurting her."
"You love her?" Troy's mother asked and Troy was taken aback. Where had she been for this whole conversation.
"Of course I love her."
…
Gabriella giggled quietly in the kitchen at the Bolton's residence. She and Troy were on dish duty, and she was happy to be away from the watchful eyes of Mrs. Bolton.
"See, not so bad, huh?" Troy's arms were wrapped around Gabriella's waist, and he was smiling down at her.
Gabriella stuck out her tongue playfully before standing on her tiptoes so that she could give Troy a brief peck on the lips, "Yeah not so bad," she teased, but the roll of her eyes told Troy that she did not agree with him.
"Your parents just hate me is all…not so bad."
Picked her up without warning – causing her to yelp softly – before sitting her on the nearby countertop, "But I love you. Camila loves you."
"I love you too," her eyes softened the way he liked, and she ran her fingers through his hair. They stared at each other for long time, not saying anything, but enjoying one another. Neither noticing Mrs. Bolton standing in the nearby doorframe watching them.
"I want to make pancakes for you," Gabriella confessed to Troy like it was her greatest secret. He didn't have time to question her. She cast her eyes downward, "I know that sounds so silly, but before you and before Camila, the person I loved most in the world was my mom; and she didn't like cooking, so when I wanted her to know that I really, really loved her, I would cook for her, but I was only, like, eight years old, so I could only make pancakes. So now I just kind of equate them with the feeling of loving a person so much you want to do anything you can for them."
Gabriella was quiet after her explanation, but she didn't look up at Troy. He felt his warm hands as they found her face and brought her mouth to his own. He kissed her slowly at first, conveying all the tenderness and devotion he felt for her, but when her arms encircled his neck and he felt her need, he kissed her more greedily.
"I want to make love to you," Troy breathed when their lips parted.
Gabriella nodded in agreeance, her forehead pressed against his and her eyes closed.
"Save that for when you're not in my kitchen," Troy and Gabriella strung apart like teenagers caught in the act.
His mother smirked cheekily, "Camila is asking for you, Gabriella. She wants you to tuck her into bed before you and Troy leave.
Gabriella nodded and smoothed down her hair and shirt before slipping out of the kitchen.
"Well, it's been almost twenty years since I walked in on anything like that," Mrs. Bolton laughed. "She must be bringing out the youth in you."
"Ha ha," Troy deadpanned. "That isn't funny. She's embarrassed."
"And you aren't?"
"Not really."
His mother walked over to him, "I heard what she was saying to you – about the pancakes."
"That was private."
"Well, you shouldn't have been talking about it in the middle of my kitchen," her voice became defensive before she took a breath, "Troy, I don't want to argue. I know you're upset with me."
"Yeah," he guffawed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Mrs. Bolton swatted his arm, "Can you blame me? You're my only son, and it doesn't matter how old you are. You'll always be my baby. Plus, there's that baby upstairs that I love as well. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't going to hurt either of you."
"And now?" Troy asked.
"I don't think she could hurt anyone if she tried. I can see now that she really loves you and Camila; and I know that you both love her as well. I mean, your daughter asked for Gabriella before she asked for you," she teased.
"Yeah, I'm still getting used to that one. She used to be a daddy's girl."
"I'm glad you were right about her. Your father and I are starting to like her too."
"Now I just have to convince Kelsi."
"That isn't going to ever happen."
"I know."
…
Sometimes Troy forgot that Gabriella wasn't Camila's mother. He forgot when he saw Gabriella and Camila napping together in the bed he shared with Gabriella. Or when he pushed Camila on the swings and looked over at Gabriella as she sat rubbing her growing stomach. He forgot that Gabriella wasn't Camila's mother when he'd wake up in the morning and walk into the kitchen to see both of his girls singing silly songs and making breakfast. He forgot when Camila was hurt and ran into Gabriella's arms before his own. He forgot when he looked into Gabriella's eyes and saw the tenderness and devotion she had for the both of them.
It was hard for him to remember that Kelsi was Camila's mother when he was in the midst of moments like the one now: He, Gabriella, and Camila were at a barbeque at his parents' house. Neighbors, friends, and family milled about, but he was transfixed as he watched the mother of his children. Gabriella was smiling down at Camila as Camila spoke affectionately and seriously to Gabriella's stomach.
Camila's small fingers danced against the flowy, floral fabric of Gabriella's dress as she told her little brother, "You don't have to remember all the names of the people at parties. You just have to smile and wave. That's what I do and what Mama – I mean Gabriella – does too.
Troy could hear his daughter as she slipped and called Gabriella mama. He also saw the way Gabriella licked her lips and stroked Camila's hair with a shaky hand. She'd heard the slip too. It was hard for Gabriella. Sometimes she forgot too. She wasn't Camila's mother.
"How are my girls? And my growing boy?" He distracted Gabriella with a gentle kiss to her glossy lips before scooping Camila into his arms and listening to her giggle.
Gabriella smiled, but Troy's kiss hadn't distracted her, "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
Troy saw the way her hands still shook and the way her steps were unsteady.
When Gabriella reached the bathroom she threw up. She turned on the tap so no one would hear her cry.
"Baby?" She heard Troy's voice and a light rapping on the door.
"I'm sorry," she opened the door. "It's harder some days than others," she referenced the fact that she could never really be Camila's mother.
"I know," Troy's cool knuckles brushed against Gabriella's tear-stained cheeks.
"I know I shouldn't say this, Troy, because it isn't fair to you or Kelsi or even Camila, but I wish I could be her mother. I know that's so, so selfish and unfair. Please don't hate me for saying that. I'm trying so hard to step back and let you and Kelsi do what you've been doing for the past six years, but sometimes I see her and want to never let her go."
"Hey, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I know you love her."
"So much," Gabriella emphasized. "I think this may be even harder than when I didn't know her. It was torture, but I didn't have her in my arms. Now it feels like I'm reliving the hospital every single day. She's in my arms and then she's not."
Troy wrapped her into his embrace. He hadn't thought about that, "I don't know how to make it better, Gabriella."
"You don't have to make it better. I gave her up. It's my fault I'm not her mother. Not yours."
"That's not true. You made a good decision."
"I know I did. My head knows, and agrees with you one hundred percent, but my heart is ripping itself apart."
Before Troy could speak, he heard the wail of a little girl, "Daddy, Ma-Gabriella? Daddy, Gabriella?!" Camila was looking for them.
"Honey, are you okay?" They both dashed around the corner to greet a tearful Camila.
When she saw them, she began crying even harder, "I thought you left me. I couldn't find you."
"Camila, we would never leave you," Troy picked her up and she clung to him.
Gabriella placed a gentle hand on Camila's back, "We're so sorry, baby. We didn't mean to scare you. Daddy was just checking on me."
Camila nodded and outstretched her arms for Gabriella. She was too heavy for Gabriella to carry now, but Gabriella kissed her little face, "Let's sit down. Then, I'll hold you. Would you like for me to rock you?" When Camila nodded, the three walked into the living room and Troy placed Camila on Gabriella's lap.
Gabriella cooed loving things to the little girl in her arms as she rocked her back and forth.
"I like when you rock me," Camila told Gabriella truthfully.
"Me too," Gabriella laughed softly to hide her heartbreak.
…
"Kelsi," Troy sat with her and ran his fingers through his hair. "We've got to figure something out. This custody agreement is killing us."
"Did Gabriella put you up to this?" Kelsi asked matter-of-factly.
"What? Of course not. Why would you assume that?"
"Every time I pick Camila up, Gabriella looks at me like it's the end of the world. Like I'm taking her daughter."
"That isn't true," Troy denied Kelsi's claim, but internally, he knew it was probably true, "I mean, Gabriella did say that she thinks the arrangement right now is hard on Camila."
"Oh, well if Gabriella says so, then let's just go with that," Kelsi replied sarcastically.
"Kels, you've got to listen," Troy pleaded gently. "You've seen it too. Gabriella isn't just saying this because she wants to take Camila from you. Gabriella knows that you are Camila's mother, but moving around isn't working for Camila. She's wetting the bed again. You said she cries when she plays with Claire and doesn't get her way. That isn't our Camila. She's great about sharing, and she loves to indulge Claire. Think about her Kelsi. This isn't like our little girl. She thought Gabriella and I left her yesterday, and she lost it."
"And why would she think that?" Kelsi became defensive, "What did you do?"
"Nothing. We didn't do anything. That's the point. I told her I was going to check on Gabriella while she played with her cousins. She said okay, but five minutes later she was sobbing and searching for us."
"What do you propose we do, Troy," Kelsi sighed, knowing he was right and worried about her daughter.
"I want her through the year. You can have summers and all major holidays and weekends, but I want her year-round. At least until she's older."
"What?! No! Never!" Kelsi stood up, "How dare you even suggest that! You want me to only see my daughter twice a week and in the summer while you play happy family with that homewrecker?"
"Kelsi," Troy's voice was soft. He'd expected Kelsi to be angry, "that isn't it, and you know it. How many times a month do you and Ryan have to drive her back over to my place in the middle of the night because she begs you to? It wouldn't be a permanent arrangement, Kels. I'd never keep her from you. Right now she's just going through something, and for whatever reason, she wants to stay at my place. Can we try it for a few months? If it doesn't work, or nothing changes, then we'll go back to splitting the weeks."
"I don't like it. I need to talk to Ryan."
"Okay," Troy conceded, knowing that it was the best he would get right now.
…
"I know it wasn't for me, but I'm glad you talked to Kelsi. I'm glad Camila is here all the time." Gabriella wrapped her arms around Troy from behind and kissed the naked skin of his shoulder.
"Maybe it was a little bit for you," He turned around and sat down, pulling Gabriella into his lap. "And a little bit for me, but ninety-eight percent was for Camila."
"She's doing better," Gabriella mused. "No more middle of the night accidents. She seems happier."
"Yeah, and Ryan said she's doing fine with Claire on the weekends."
"How do you think she'll do when Finn is here?" Gabriella rubbed her stomach in reference to their growing baby.
"We'll see in two weeks," Troy grinned and kissed Gabriella.
"In two weeks we'll have two babies."
"The best babies."
Troy held Gabriella's hand and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. "I think she'll be okay, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. She wants you so badly, Gabriella."
"Really?"
"I know she loves Kelsi, and Kelsi will always be her mommy, but I know she still wants you too. Her two mommies idea, I mean. She still wants that. I hate that it's something we can't give her." He sighed quietly, "Her little face makes me want to give her anything she wants. Probably not a good thing, huh?"
…
"Gabriella, can I hold baby Finn?"
"Of course, honey. He's your new baby too. Climb on up," Gabriella smiled as her first baby scampered into the bed beside her to hold her new baby brother. Gabriella placed a pillow on Camila's lap once she was settled and showed her how to hold her arms out, "Okay, now just hold your arms out and I'll help you with Finn." In her periphery, Gabriella heard the clicking of a phone's camera, but she ignored it in favor of focusing on the two children she loved most in the world, "Just like that. Perfect, my sweet girl. Support his head and you've got it," her voice was slow and soothing as Camila grinned at the baby in her arms.
"Look, Daddy, he's my baby too! Gabriella said so!"
Troy laughed and snapped a few more photos, "Yes, he is. And you're ALL my babies."
"Mama is your baby?" Camila scrunched her nose as if the thought was rancid.
Troy didn't correct her when she called Gabriella mama. "She is my baby, but a different kind than you and Finn."
…
He knew that Kelsi would be angry when he told her that he was going to marry Gabriella, but he didn't expect the storm that she unleashed. She hurled insults and everything at the thought of Gabriella. Finally, she'd asked how Troy could ever want someone like Gabriella, and he'd responded.
"Because I love her," but the answer wasn't enough for Kelsi. She wasn't satisfied with such a simple response to her upset.
Thus, Troy was still answering a string of Kelsi's questions/accusations. "She loves our daughter, and our daughter loves her. I know why you don't like her. If we'd met her in different circumstances, maybe you'd be friends."
"I will never forgive you if you marry her," Kelsi had tears of anger in her eyes.
"Kelsi, why are you so angry? What's going on? You're remarried. I should remarry too."
"Anyone but her." She shook her head. "Please, Troy, anyone but her."
"Why?"
Kelsi threw her hands up in the air and began pacing, "I divorced you because of her."
"What? No, that wasn't her fault. That was my fault. I should have told you I was reading her letter to Camila and showing Camila the picture of her."
"No," Kelsi shook her head. "That isn't it. I thought it was too, but that's not it. I divorced you because we were both too stupid to realize that you fell in love with an eighteen-year-old girl the moment she put that baby in your arms. And you marrying her is insult after insult to injury."
"What are you talking about?" Troy thought Kelsi sounded crazy.
She sat down and stared directly into Troy's blue eyes, "Do you know what the most haunting memory I have is?" Kelsi countered his question, but didn't wait for him to respond, "It's the day we took Camila home. At first I didn't know why. I didn't know why this memory caused me so much anxiety, why the memory of that day was marred by something that made my stomach drop and my chest tighten; but now I know it's because when the adoption agent was carrying Camila out of the hospital room and all of our attention should have been focused on our new baby, you were looking through a window at Gabriella."
"Kelsi," Troy's voice dropped the way it did when they were married. He didn't understand.
"Don't. You don't need to say anything. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Maybe you even fell a little bit in love with her before Camila was officially ours. Maybe it was in the hospital room when you finally got to hold Camila and Gabriella handed you that letter. I don't know when for sure, but I know that you fell in love with her when she gave us Camila. I saw this look on your face that I had never seen before, and I didn't know what it was. Honestly, I forgot about it until I saw you with her again six years later; and then it all made sense – disgusting, horrible, heartbreaking sense. It's the same way you look at her now. Kind of like the look you give Camila and Finn, but lovesick. Like she's everything you've ever wanted in a woman. I should have seen this coming."
"I'm sorry."
"God," she sighed, "don't be. I love Ryan and Claire. I wouldn't have them if you hadn't fallen in love with Gabriella, but I'm still mad at you for it. I've been trying for years not to be mad at you, but it's so hard to know that you fell in love with our daughter's birth mother. That she gave you something I never could."
"Kelsi, I loved you when we were married. I really, really did. You gave me so many years of happiness. It broke my heart that we couldn't have children, but that also brought us Camila. It brought me Gabriella and Finn. Maybe I did fall in love with Gabriella when she gave me Camila. I don't know if I did, but I know I'm in love with her now. I know that she's my world; and I wouldn't know how to love her, or Camila, or Finn so well if I hadn't loved you first."
…
The ceremony was small – just a tiny baby, a bright-eyed little girl, a beautiful woman in a white gown, and an overjoyed man. Troy's parents were there too, and Troy's cousin was there to perform the ceremony. Gabriella's aunt and uncle came and brought their grandson who was the same age as Camila. Everyone was in Troy's parents' backyard. It overflowed with wildflowers and love. Troy and Gabriella had exchanged their vows just minutes ago and now Camila and little Benito were giggling and chasing one another as they blew bubbles. Gabriella's aunt was cuddling Finn, which left Gabriella to be swept up into the arms of her new husband.
"I love you so much," he peppered her face and lips with gentle kisses.
"I love you too," she looked up into his mesmerizing blue eyes. "I feel like I'm dreaming."
"Me too."
…
Gabriella held Finn as he wiggled and fussed. She knew it was time to nurse him, but Camila had just finished her performance as flower number three in the children's theater musical; and she really wanted to see her Camila before she ducked away somewhere to feed her son. Right now, Troy was fighting through the crowd in order to bring Camila to where Gabriella stood waiting with Ryan, Kelsi, and Claire.
"Don't worry," Gabriella heard Kelsi speak, "You'll get used to it. It's a mom thing you learn after having children for a while." The way Kelsi said it as she pointed at a distraught Finn made Gabriella's insides boil. She knew that Kelsi didn't like her. She'd made it abundantly clear. Why did she have to make her advice sound so nasty?
"Kelsi," Ryan said gently, but Kelsi just looked up at him blankly.
"What?"
Gabriella wanted to say something mean in turn. She wanted to tell Kelsi that she wouldn't even be a mother if not for Gabriella. She wanted to say that she'd been a mother for thirty-nine weeks before Kelsi was. She wanted to hurt Kelsi as much as she felt she'd been hurt for the past year and a half. Instead, she held Finn a bit closer and said, "I'm going to see Troy and Camila," before walking away. She couldn't be mean to the woman who had loved and raised her daughter for years.
Gabriella spotted Troy and Camila. Camila was waving and bouncing happily beside her father. The sight made Gabriella's heart swell with happiness, and she didn't care what Kelsi said anymore. She just wanted to be with her little family. As she handed Finn to Troy so that she could scoop Camila into her arms, she knew that this little girl was her baby too.
"You were fantastic up there," she snuggled Camila and swayed from side to side as she held her in her embrace.
"Was I the best flower?" Camila pulled away a little bit so that she could look into Gabriella's eyes.
"Oh without a doubt. Not just the best flower, the best person in the whole musical!"
"Really?!"
"Of course!" At this, Camila threw her arms back around Gabriella and let Gabriella hold her. "My big girl," Gabriella sighed softly into Camila's hair. "I love you so much. You were perfect up there. Now I'm going to let Daddy hold you while I go feed Finn."
"Do you have to feed him? Can't Daddy do that?"
Gabriella and Troy both shared a small laugh, "We didn't bring any bottles, so Gabriella is the only one who can feed Finn and make him feel better right now. That's what mamas do." Troy explained.
"You're good at that job," Camila confirmed. "You make me feel better too."
Gabriella answered with a kiss to Camila's cheek before taking Finn from Troy.
Gabriella hummed and peered down at her tiny baby, "I love you," her voice was soft as she watched her son nurse. She'd found a quiet corner away from all the families milling about so that she could breastfeed Finn in peace.
"Babe?" Gabriella looked up to see Troy standing in front of her holding her nursing cover. "I know you both hate this thing, but can you put it on and come with me?"
"Why? What's wrong?"
"No, nothing is wrong," Troy sat down beside her and stroked Finn's tiny cheek as he continued nursing. "Camila is refusing to take any photos though, because you aren't there."
Gabriella smiled at this. She loved that sweet little girl, "Oh! Of course. Finn and I can suffer through a nursing cover if it means taking pictures with our favorite girl."
Troy pressed a tender kiss to Gabriella's soft mouth, "That's not all," he mumbled against her lips as he watched her eyes flutter open. He loved that she still did that – that she came back slowly, like from a dream when they kissed.
"What else?"
"When Camila said she wasn't going to take any pictures, she said 'I don't want to take pictures without Mama,' so we have to deal with that," he sighed.
Gabriella's heart raced, "Oh no. Oh no, no, no, Troy. Kelsi heard her? She's going to hate me even more. Troy, I know I don't get to be Mama; and I don't want Kelsi to think I'm brainwashing Camila into calling me that." Her eyes began to fill with both panic and tears, and Finn could feel the change, because he started to fuss.
"Baby, calm down. Let's take this one step at a time." He slipped the nursing cover over Gabriella's head as she bounced Finn to quiet him. "First step is going to take pictures with Camila."
She nodded and stood. Troy slipped an arm around her waist.
"Gabriella, Daddy!" Camila squealed when she saw them coming closer, "and baby Finn too! Are you done feeding him, Gabriella?"
Gabriella nodded, "All finished, love. Let's take some pictures so you can go home with Mommy, Claire, and Ryan for the weekend."
"Okay."
"We love you," Gabriella squatted in front of Camila. She hugged her and kissed her goodbye. "Here's your bunny. Daddy and I will come pick you up Sunday."
"And Finn too?"
"Yes," Gabriella smiled, "Finn will come with us to pick you up. Have fun." She stood up and took Finn from Troy's arms.
"My turn to say goodbye to my girl," Troy scooped her into the air and tossed her up before catching her. "I love you. I love you."
Gabriella groaned as she flopped into bed beside Troy, "She called me mama in front of Kelsi, Troy. Kelsi hates me. Now I'm sure she hates me more."
"Honey, it's going to be okay. We'll just all sit down and talk about it. We're adults."
"But I don't know if I can, Troy. A selfish, selfish part of me loves when Camila calls me that because I've wanted to be her mommy from the very beginning. I've always felt like I had a baby somewhere out there. And the other part of me knows that I don't deserve to be her mother. Kelsi has helped you raise her; and you've both done an excellent job. Camila is perfect. Kelsi has been there to tuck her into bed and wipe her tears. She's been there for all the sleepless nights and all the beautiful moments. That part of me knows that Kelsi is her mother. But I don't know which part is going to win, Troy, and that terrifies me." She looked up at Troy, "I'm still so scared that if the part of me that wants to be her mother wins, I will ruin everything. I'll ruin her and I'll ruin us."
Troy could feel Gabriella shaking against him, "You could never ruin us. I've already told you that. I love you." He looked directly into her scared brown eyes, "I. Love. You. Nothing could ever change that. Gabriella, Camila loves you just as much as you love her. We'll figure something out. I don't know what, but we will."
…
Gabriella stared at the photo she loved. She was holding Finn in one arm and her other was wrapped around Camila. Camila was smiling down at Finn as Gabriella looked at both of them fondly.
…
Making love to Troy was one of Gabriella's favorite things to do. She loved the connection they shared – the way they cared for one another's bodies.
"I'm pregnant," she sighed out in the midst of their love making. Troy was nestled securely behind her, rocking into her body and leaving a trail of kisses from the skin behind her ear all the way down to where the slope of her neck met her shoulder.
Troy stilled his movements, but continued to fill her, "What?" They already had Camila and Finn. Now they were expecting another baby.
"Went to the doctor today," Gabriella mumbled as she wiggled to create some more friction. She wanted Troy to finish. She was close. She reached back for his hand and guided it between her legs. She liked it best when he moved inside of her and caressed her at the same time.
"How far along," Troy complied, the dual movement of his fingers touching her sensitive area and the feeling of moving inside her earning a hiss of pleasure.
"A few weeks. Not far." She gasped as his fingers moved perfectly against the little bundle of nerves. She turned her head so that she could reach his lips and kiss him.
"I love you," Troy told her.
"I love you too. Are you happy? Do you want another baby when we already have a wild three-year-old and a moody ten-year-old?"
"I want as many babies as we have together. I'm always happy with you." As the words left his lips, he felt Gabriella's walls clench around him, pushing him over the edge as well.
…
"Do you ever wish Gabriella hadn't given you up?" Kelsi asked Camila one day when they were alone. Claire and Ryan were out buying supplies for Claire's science fair project, so the house was unusually quiet, but Camila was fairly certain she liked the silence better than her mother's question.
"She's the one who named you, you know?" Kelsi mused aloud before waiting for Camila to answer her first question. Kelsi's back was to Camila. She was busying herself with reorganizing the spice rack. Camila stared at Kelsi's back, wondering how truthful she should be. It was too sensitive.
"I didn't know that," Camila admitted honestly.
"Troy and Gabriella didn't give you the letter?" Kelsi turned around then, surprised.
"They've given me a lot of letters," she didn't know why, but she didn't like that Kelsi referred to her parents as Troy and Gabriella. They never referred to Kelsi as Kelsi. They both always called her your mom. "I haven't read them all, though. I have them in my Van Gogh box, but I take my time reading them. Sometimes only a few a year."
"It's the first one she wrote you. She gave it to Troy the day we met you. It was with the photo he gave you. Troy read it to you when you were little," Kelsi waved her hand as if brushing the thought aside, "Anyway, we didn't have a name for you, so Troy said we should name you Camila. I didn't find out until years later that he wanted to name you that, because her letter referred to you as Camila. It's what she wanted to call you."
"Why are you telling me this, Mom?" Camila finally asked. Her voice wasn't accusatory – just cautious.
"Because she's always been a part of you, and I just want to know if you think you would have been happier if she'd kept you."
Camila shrugged and looked down at the mug of hot chocolate in her hands. Gabriella always covered the top with whipped cream and sprinkled it with cinnamon. Would she have done that if it had just been the two of them all these years? "I've thought about it before," Camila finally answered her mother, "But I think my answer is no. If Mama had kept me, I wouldn't have Daddy, or you and Ryan. I wouldn't have Claire, or Finn, or Rowan either. If she'd kept me, Daddy wouldn't have her and my brothers, and you wouldn't have Ryan and Claire. I think my answer is no. I don't wish she had kept me."
"But the way you look at her," Kelsi prodded gently, "you love her so much."
"Of course," Camila looked up confusedly.
"No, honey. I mean, you love her differently than you love all the rest of us." Kelsi explained.
Camila's eyes grew large, and Kelsi hated to admit how much more she looked like Gabriella when that happened. "How did you know that?" Camila asked and her voice was scared.
"I'm still your mom," Kelsi's voice hitched slightly. "Moms know a few things."
Camila felt guilty, "I can't explain why. I don't know why I love her the way I do. Even when she was just my teacher, I remember feeling something different. I remember always wanting her to hold me, but not being able to articulate that to her. I think sometimes she knew, because she would just look over at me and hold her arms out; and I would sit in her lap while she sang something in Spanish. All the other kids would be playing, but all I wanted to do was be near her."
Tears slid down Kelsi's cheeks, "I'm sorry I couldn't give you that."
"You gave me everything," Camila assured her with a strong voice, tears filling her own eyes at seeing how much her mother was hurting.
"I couldn't give you her, though. And I'm so sorry that for the longest time I didn't want you to have her."
This made Camila's chest clench, "You didn't want me to have her? But she's my mama."
"I know," Kelsi finally came to sit beside her daughter. She brought her into her arms. "I wasn't doing it to be cruel, honey. I just thought it would be easier for us all if you didn't know her. I thought it would confuse you to know about her and miss her. I was wrong, though. I see that now. She loves you so much."
…
"I love you," Camila told Gabriella.
Gabriella's fingers worked reflexively as she braided Camila's hair, but upon Camila's utterance, she stopped. Camila had not asked Gabriella to braid her hair for years, but today she had approached Gabriella with a soft expression and asked her to do it. Now Gabriella wondered what was happening with her sweet daughter.
"I love you too, sweet one. Is there something bothering you? Do you need to talk about anything?"
"No, I was just thinking about how much I love you, and I wanted you to know." Camila shrugged, "I don't think I tell you enough."
At this, Gabriella completely halted what she was doing so that she could walk around to the front of Camila. She wrapped her arms around the teenager and pressed a light kiss to her temple.
"I know you're big now, but you're still my baby, and I love you so much."
…
"It wasn't just that Camila loved you, or just that Troy loved you," Kelsi admitted to Gabriella as they both watched Troy twirl their newly married daughter. "It was that they both loved you. It was like I was losing my family. I love Ryan. Of course I do, and I'd choose him again and again, but I loved Troy first; and that isn't just something you let go of. I love him even now. Not the same way, of course, but I love him as my daughter's father. I love him as my friend, but when I was younger, I still felt a little bit possessive; and that just grew as I saw how much Camila loved you as well. I'm sorry." Kelsi admitted.
Gabriella reached over and clutched Kelsi's hand, "I'm sorry for making you feel like I was taking them away from you." Gabriella sighed and kept holding Kelsi's hand, "Today's a beautiful day for new beginnings – for us too."
Kelsi nodded with a smile before she and Gabriella both heard their daughter's delighted voice:
"Mom, Mama, come dance!"