Shaped
Summary: Three women have formed the person that is Anakin Solo. OneShot.
Warnings: Spoilers for NJO up to Vol9.
Set: Story-unrelated
Disclaimer: I don´t own Star Wars. I love it with all my heart. Killing Anakin was the worst thing they could have done. He would have prevented Jacen going Dark Side and Luke being sent into exile. I´m sure.
Three women have formed the person that is Anakin Solo.
Of course, there were many people who play an important role in his life. His siblings are very important to him, and his father is one of his greatest heroes, no matter how much he has lost himself since Chewie died. Or Luke Skywalker, his uncle and master and the person he strives to be like most. Take Chewbacca, his father´s best friend, who died protecting him. Kam and Tionne Solusar, administrators of the Jedi Praxeum while it still was situated on Yavin Four, his earliest teachers. He knows how great they weight in his life, and he feels deep thanks and love when he thinks of every single one of them. They are his family.
But three women hold the greatest part of his heart. Three women have shaped his existence. Three women are to be thanked, he believes, for making him the person he is now.
And since this realization comes from a boy who is sixteen years old, it is all the more important.
Anakin always had an insight into the Force not many people were able to equal.
-V-
The three women:
His mother, Leia Organa Solo. His aunt, Mara Jade Skywalker. Tahiri Veila, his best friend.
The most valuable insights:
The things a Jedi Knight needs to learn; to understand.
The knowledge of what is right and wrong, and, that sometimes, there is not only black and white.
The ability to fall, to make mistakes. And to get up again. To continue on and to learn.
Insights into the Force.
The feeling of returning home, of seeing loved ones, of knowing they are safe.
Understanding that there always is more than one angle to a sight, more than one opinion to a matter and more than one solution to a problem. And, that sometimes, only one solution is possible not matter how much one wishes it might be different.
The sound of laughter.
The whisper of encouragement.
The touch of a loved one.
Compassion, and love, and pride, and humbleness – all these things he has learned.
Everything good in his character, he attributes to them.
-V-
His mother has taught him how to live.
Always travelling, always saving the Galaxy but still finding time for him, she has shown him how great the importance of a piece of peaceful life is. How much a silent word of encouragement is worth, how great an hour at home, among the family, can be. Leia Organa Solo is one of the strongest persons he knows, and while he sometimes felt overshadowed by her presence, he has come to learn how much she loves him, and how much he loves her, and how little need there is to feel oppressed by her. He knows Jaina had issues with her, feeling like she was fading away next to the Princess. He knows Jacen still feels inferior when looking at her, because even if she isn´t in control of the Force, she seems absolutely calm resting in herself and that is something his brother has been trying to do for so much time Anakin cannot remember when he started. For Anakin, his mother is a person he turns to when he doesn´t know what to do. She never tells him what to do. But her advice is intelligent and reasonable, and the soft touch of her hand or the laugh in her voice that accompany the words make him feel better instantly. Since the war has broken out, he´s not a child anymore. He´s a Jedi, and while his father still only sees him as his youngest son, his mother is aware of the fact that he isn´t a mere child anymore. He has fought, he has survived, he has ventured farther into the Force and into Yuuzhan Vong territory than anyone else ever has (except Tahiri, maybe) and he is a respected and well-known Jedi Knight now.
Sometimes, he still catches her looking at him with her mother´s eyes. When she notices he has noticed, she smiles, a bit sadly, a bit proudly, and he grins back. He knows what she feels, and he is so very thankful she´s his mother. She has taught him right and wrong, aside from what he has learned in the Praxeum. She has taught him to value every life even before Master Kam drilled it into him. She has lived a good life, always being there for him, always being there for everyone, and however much he sometimes feels like the Galaxy has taken away his mother, he knows it´s in their blood to help and to care. He wouldn´t do anything else.
She taught him how to live without regret.
His mother has shaped him.
-V-
Mara Jade Skywalker has taught him how to fall.
The strong, determined woman has always been there as long as he can remember. Sometimes, he thinks, she only cares so much for him because she never had children of her own. Now he knows better. What he knows about being a Jedi, about what being a Jedi really means he has learned from the woman who is his aunt. About the Force and its uses. About the meaning of weakness and limitations. About right and wrong and what to do and what not to do, and, of course, about his path in the Force. When Anakin looks at her, he sees the shining flame she represents, and he knows why Uncle Luke loves her so much. Anakin loves her, too, but as his aunt, as a member of his family. Sometimes, he asks himself where he would be if she hadn´t taught him about the Force, those weeks on Dantooine. He was a hot-headed Jedi apprentice before. Now, being able to look back in peace, he can see how many mistakes he has made before, how wrong he has been about certain aspects of the Force. Mara was right all the way. The Force isn´t a tool, a mere object ready for him to use. But still, it is there. With Mara´s help, he has been able to find his path, to find the middle way between what he and what Jacen had been presenting so vehemently. It´s his path and he found it because she has lead him to it. He knows Mara is sick, and the thought of losing her makes his heart constrict. But he never saw a vision of the future in which she wasn´t there. She can´t die, he knows that much.
Mara has taught him to listen to the subtle signs of the Force. She has brushed away his blindness, and allowed him to correct his mistakes all by himself. She never looked down on him because he was so much younger than she. She expected him to do the work she did, too. She knew he wouldn´t fail her and her trust has made him what he is today. Mara has shown him the world and taught him to hold dear every single part of it. She has taught him to believe in himself, to act without doubt, to live without regret. She never told him to forget, but she opened up another path. Thanks to her, he was able to adapt, to pick himself up again and to continue. To change and to grow, until he was able to survive on a planet taken over by cruel enemies. He never was able to tell her how much he wanted to thank her. But Mara never expected thanks, and he wouldn´t expect anything else of her.
She has taught him how to fall and get up again.
Mara has shaped him.
-V-
Tahiri has shown him how to love.
It´s the little girl, the girl he has known for so much time, that, one day, looks at him and touches his soul. Her green eyes and her small face, her beautiful features and her soft voice make him blush, and he knows he finally has crossed the line. Until now, he has avoided seeing her like that, but he cannot hide the fact that she is a woman. He is only too aware of the fact. Tahiri is special. The way she fights and the way she moves; everything makes him feel wonder rising inside him, wonder at how great such a feeling can be. He could never describe it, he just knows that it´s what the people call love. He loves the way she jumps down the stairs, never wearing shoes. The way she looks at him, her huge, green eyes soft and deep. He loves the way she talks, her colorful voice and her soft laugh. He loves her, whatever she does and whatever she says, even when she screams at him to take her with him wherever he goes and he knows he won´t be able to take her on his last journey.
Tahiri taught him how much fun it is to sneak away from the temple for some time in the afternoon to watch the sunset. She taught how to blindside the guards at the Imperial Palace in Coruscant, the one summer they spent together. She taught him how musical a laugh can be and how much there is in a single glance, how many words can be in a silence and how elevating it is to feel her hand in his on the top of a sky-high tower. She has taught him unconditional trust and never-ending friendship, unbroken hope and ever-lasting love. Her words strengthen him when he falters; her gaze stills him when he is hectic. Her touch makes him want more, again and again, and he catches himself willing the world to stop, to completely stand still. Because then, finally, they would be able to be happy together. Just the two of them. Whenever he thinks like that, she looks at him and raises her brows and he knows it´s selfish to wish for something like that. She always is able to set his feet back to the ground whenever his mind attempts to jump into hyperspace.
She never told him she loved him, and he never told her, but it wasn´t necessary for them. He knew what she felt and she knew, as well, and he would always, always chose her again, no matter what would happen.
She has taught him to love with his entire being.
Tahiri has shaped him.
-V-
When Anakin Solo dies, he only regrets he hasn´t been able to entirely secure the Galaxy for those three women who have formed his existence.
Leaving things unfinished always was what he hated most.