Alone
By S.J. Kohl
Characters: Satoshi, Daisuke
Rating: PG
Summary: Daisuke needs Satoshi's advice. Set after the ending of the anime.
Disclaimer: I don't own Daisuke; Dark's not mine, and Satoshi probably wouldn't want anything to do with me…
Satoshi blinked blearily in the haze of early morning. It wasn't even fully light out, and someone was calling him already? Who could possibly want to get in touch with him that badly? No one ever called him anymore. Even the police leave me alone now that Dark's disappeared. Sighing, Satoshi rolled over and picked up the phone, warily placing the receiver against his ear. "Hello?"
"Hi-Hiwatari?"
Satoshi narrowed his eyes in startled confusion. Daisuke. It was Daisuke's voice; he could tell that even through the low, choking rasp of stifled sobs. "It's me, Daisuke."
"I…shouldn't have called…" The voice was soft and almost indiscernible through the buzz of the phone line.
"No," Satoshi shook his head slowly. "It's fine. It's good to hear a familiar voice every once in a while. I haven't seen anyone since…"
"You left." Daisuke threw out almost accusingly. "You promised you'd stay, and then you left me alone."
"Not alone. You have…" Satoshi trailed off as the rough voice and muffled tears finally registered in his mind. Why was Daisuke crying?
"I have Riku? She broke up with me, Hiwatari."
"…when?" Not why? Satoshi shook his head. He knew why. He'd been expecting this, had been both desiring and dreading this day for months.
"Last night. She told me I didn't love her. That I might like her, but I could never love her."
Satoshi sighed and ran a hand through his bed-rumpled hair. Slowly, he forced out the questions he knew Daisuke needed to hear. "Did she say why she thought that?"
"She said…she said I'm in love with Dark."
Satoshi lifted an eyebrow. Riku wasn't one to waste words, was she? He might have chosen to lay things out a bit more tactfully, but…it did get the point across. "And?"
A long pause on Daisuke's end. "And what?"
"What do you think, Daisuke?"
"I think…" Satoshi could almost hear Daisuke licking his lips in contemplation. "I miss him. And I want him back. I never thought I'd want him back, Hiwatari, but I do."
Satoshi bit down hard on the response he wanted to make. Daisuke needed a friend right now, not a critic. "I know."
"Do you…miss Krad?"
Not like you miss Dark. Satoshi blinked against the burning in his eyes. Of course I miss Krad. He's a part of me, and I don't feel complete without him. But I know the world's better off with him out of it. But Dark…it's not the same with Dark. "Yes."
"I can't stop thinking about him. I keep wondering…"
"What?"
"…if there's any way to break that seal."
"You can't break the seal, Daisuke. And even if you had the power, I wouldn't let you."
Venom spiked in Daisuke's voice. "Why not? I need him, Hiwatari. I feel ripped in half without him."
"I know." Too well, too well. "But you can't break the seal, Dai. You can't let Krad back out."
"But…"
"Look," Satoshi almost snarled. "You haven't lost Dark. Now that you've ended things with Riku, Dark's going to come back. He's just waiting for you to let him in."
"But…how?"
Satoshi closed his eyes. He could hear the longing, the fragile hope in Daisuke Niwa's voice, and he hated that hope. He'd been waiting for Daisuke to call him about this, had known it would happen, sooner or later. And he'd known, too, just what it was Daisuke felt for Dark. A love too consuming to truly allow anyone else inside. Satoshi Hiwatari would never be a part of Daisuke's life. He didn't have to worry anymore about Daisuke enacting his change into Krad, so it wasn't dangerous for him to be around the boy, but…he couldn't stand to be close to Daisuke knowing Daisuke would never feel for him the things he felt for a man who didn't really exist.
So he'd left, hardening his heart against the day Daisuke would call to tell him Riku had had enough. He'd known she would do it too, that she would see the lingering connection between Daisuke and Dark, even if Daisuke didn't. Satoshi stirred suddenly, standing up and walking to a small window looking out on a crowded city street.
"Hiwatari?"
Satoshi blinked. "The feather. The black feather. Dark isn't trapped behind the seal like Krad is. That feather is his link to the world. To you. He just needs you to invite him back."
A long silence. "How do I do that?"
Satoshi clenched his fist tightly against the pain welling within him. "Do you love Riku?"
"…"
"Answer the question."
A sigh. "No."
"So who's your Sacred Maiden?"
"What?"
Satoshi growled. Daisuke still didn't understand. Don't make me say it. Don't make me tell you… "You don't love Riku, so she doesn't enact the change. Change once, just once, and Dark will be back with you. But who's your Sacred Maiden, Daisuke?"
"I don't…I can't…Hiwatari?"
"Not me, Daisuke. You don't love me." He deliberately misunderstood, needing to feel the pain Daisuke's response would bring him.
"No!" Daisuke exclaimed, bewildered distaste coloring his voice scarlet.
"No." Satoshi paused. Come on, Daisuke. Figure it out. I'm not giving you the answer. If I'm going to lose my last chance with you, it's going to be on your terms, not mine. "But you do love someone."
"I don't…I love…?" Satoshi felt it the moment it hit, a rolling, crashing wave of shock and realization. "It's Dark. I love Dark…" Daisuke lapsed into silence.
Satoshi gripped the windowsill with quiet desperation. Now. This was the moment of his damnation. No. He braced himself for what he knew would happen next.
"Master Satoshi." Dark's voice, deep with a rugged edge of ever-present irony. "Thanks."
"Sure…"
"No, really." Dark hesitated. "Look, I know…"
"No, it's fine. Really. It's better this way." He knew how this bond worked, knew that Daisuke could hear and see everything that was happening. And he didn't want Daisuke to know. "But…don't worry about Krad. Risa has a feather, but it isn't a real one. Not anymore. He can't get out like you did. And…as long as you're Daisuke's Sacred…Maiden…you won't disappear."
"Yeah, it's a nice little loophole, isn't it? Master Satoshi…" Dark hesitated.
"Yes…Master Dark?"
"Don't stay away. I…we both miss you."
Pulling the receiver away from his ear numbly, Satoshi clicked the off button and set the phone on the windowsill. He felt drained. And…restless. Somehow, after all this time spent waiting for Riku to make her move, waiting for Dark to come back, this confrontation felt empty…anticlimactic. It had been inevitable. He knew--had always known--how Daisuke felt about Dark. And how Dark felt about Daisuke. And he'd always known, too, that no matter how much he loved Daisuke, he would never try to come between them.
Because, if by some miracle he succeeded and captured Daisuke's Niwa's attention, Dark would disappear. Satoshi refused to be responsible for taking Dark out of the world. Not like that. And so he'd been doomed from the beginning.
Shrugging his shoulders, Satoshi Hiwatari made his way to his small closet, pulling out his clothes for the day. Now that it was over, he felt truly alone. Daisuke had Dark back, and Dark had the world. And Satoshi…had only himself to blame. He sighed. Maybe Dark was right.
Maybe it was time to go home.