Hello - This is my first FanFic and I'm very frightened to put myself out there. I'm open to constructive criticism...please review, that is how I will lean.
I wanted to write a story about Bella trying to move on after Edward left her in New Moon. Part of me wants to give Bella a happy ending without Edward just to stick it to him, but I'm still sitting on the fence.
Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight.
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I graduated with honors from Stanford University, with my Bachelors in English literature. Thinking back, I don't know how I did it, how I got into college or how I even finished. I struggled through the last five years, practically walking through fog. Maybe it was self-preservation that kept me going or maybe I was just going through the motions, doing what was expected of me. I'm looking at my degree with wide eyes and it just doesn't mater how I got here, because the only thing that matters is that I'm here. I actually finished collage and graduated with honors. This is the happiest I've been in a really long time. Even the dark corners of my life are over shadowed today and I have a lot of dark corners that keep me under water. Everyday it's a fight to overcome the darkness, the depression and the loneliness, but something deep down keeps me going.
After Edward left me alone in the woods five years ago my life has been a dark hole. I get glimpse of sunshine, like today, but it's few and far between. It's like I'm in prison and I'm only allowed outside a few times a year. I still think of him everyday, what our lives could have been or what he's doing now. Always wondering if Alice is watching over me, keeping tabs on me. Maybe Edward found a mate and I'm long forgotten, this thought hurts the most and it's probably the one that's true. I'm sure he's moved on with someone a million times more beautiful than I could ever be, a woman who could keep up with his strength, someone he can kiss without wanting to drink her blood. My head tells me to let it all go, move on and try to be happy, but my heart knows that Edward was it for me. There's no man on this earth who can ever top Edward and I wouldn't dare try to play with someone's heart like that, knowing that I am damaged goods.
Going back to Forks and morning the loss of Edward is not an option. I'm going back to Forks, but not to morn Edward. The Cullen's are all gone and if they were coming back they would have done so by now. Pushing forward and hoping for even just a little bit of happiness is all I can really do now and I have to do it for my family. Being a burden to Charlie or Renee is the last thing I want for myself or for them.
All my loved ones have all move on with their lives, Charlie is now married to Sue, and Mom has Phil. Jake found an amazing love, love that can conquer all. He helped with my move to Stanford a few months after I graduated from Forks High. It was a grueling movie and I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. As we were unloading my things into my new dorm room I met my roommate Lynn Collins. She was a spunky thing, she reminded me a lot of Alice, except a little more mature.
The first time Jake laid eyes on her the room went dead silent. He was looking at her in a creepy sort of way, and then he fell to his knees as if he was totally exhausted, like he just ran a marathon. Not that a Marathon would be a challenge for him, but it was what he would have looked like if he were a normal human. Later I found out he imprinted on Lynn, right then and there. Over the duration of our first semester they both fell deeply in love. I can't tell you how many times Jake drove back and forth from Stanford to LaPush and a few times he even slept in the woods by our dorm, in his woof form. It didn't bother me to have him there, it was nice to have family close by, Jake has been and will always be my Sun.
Lynn didn't last long at Stanford, the pull of the imprint was too strong and it was tough for her to focus on studding. She dropped out within the first year of college and moved to LaPush to be with Jake. They're married now with a three-year-old boy named Jacy and another baby on the way. We're all very close still and Lynn has become a good friend to me. She's someone I can talk to about my past, since she's in the 'know'. Lynn and the pack are the only ones I can talk to about the Cullen's, not that I talk about them much, but it helps keep me sane know I did make them up in my head. I visit with them often enough to be called "Auntie Belly" and it's one of the things that makes my heart beat again. Not too many things in my life makes my heart beat anymore, after the Cullen's left my heart has been mostly dead. I might as well be a vampire, my heart is about 90% dead anyway. I know it sounds stupid and it's unhealthy, but they touched my life so deeply that I don't think I can ever get over it. I have my own family, but it's not the same, we're not as close as the Cullen's. I see Rene maybe once a year, and when I'm in Forks Charlie is always working. Now he has Sue to fill in the empty time. I've been on my own, even before the Cullen's, so it's nothing new. Being a part of their family, even for such a short time affected me and I will never be the same.
FAMILY, that is what sticks in my mind most, that's the 10% left in my heart and I feel like I need to be close to family. Any family I can get my hands on, even though there's not a lot of us, I need to make an effort. I took a junior editor position at a small publishing company in Port Angeles, so I can be close to Charlie and Jake's family, especial Jacy, who is soon to be big brother. Jacy is such a Joy in my life, I had no idea how much I loved babies until I held him in my arms. I swear the day I held him, I felt a part of my heart melt and that's the part that belongs to this kid. He looks a lot like Jake, but with Lynn's eyes. He has Jakes Dark skin and dark hair, with Lynn's beautiful blue eyes. I would do anything for that little guy.
So that is what I'm focusing on, career and family. I have three more days in California and then I'll be making the drive back to Forks. I found a really cute cottage to rent. It rests right up agents the woods and there's a large lawn in the back, so when I have the kids over there's room for them to play outside. Charlie already trucked over my old furniture, but there's still more I need to buy in order to make it feel like home. I hope Forks can be a happy place for me again, I hope that the memories of Edward don't come rushing back and disable me further. I'm going to work hard to make a life for myself without Edward.