Child Support Nightmare!
My good efriend Hepburn read a short story about our "New" Uhura being a sellout and weak because she was with Spock, which made her so upset she used a frowny face Icon (shocking) and it almost ruined her night so I decided to write a little one-shot about a conversation we had regarding our favorite hustler, Captain Kirk to make her feel better. This one is for you Hepburn.
I do not own… I love
Everyone stood in line for their Federation credit check, everyone – even Captains. Men and women smiling and jumping up and down as they opened their packets. You see, the packets were extra money to do things with. The Federation provided its people with food and clothing, beds and housing but anything extra still required cold hard federation credits.
You could tell by the level of items in someone's room how a person might spend their credits. Some collected musical instruments, some collected antiques from the twentieth century while other's spent their credits on gambling or other whispered treasures, but not our Captain.
Standing in line, he was not nearly as excited as others. Lieutenant Uhura stood in front of him. "I've been waiting all month for my credits. I want to get something for my husband's birthday, maybe something small, something fuzzy, a tribble perhaps" she stated then smiled at the captain
"Yes, sure a tribble," he mumbled as he looked down at his Federation credit check.
"Wonderful! Spock will love it. I'll let him know it was your idea also, Okay, Captain?" she asked looking for the number that someone had given her for the local humane society
"Great, yep all my idea," Captain Kirk replied then closed his eyes and slowly shook his head until he was almost knocked down by someone running.
"Sorry Captain but a ship just docked full of beautiful women! I've got money to buy some drinks and if I'm lucky, I get lucky!" he said his eyes pleading with the Captain to let him leave.
The Captain fully recovered from the shove said, "Go" and waved the Cadet on. He watched as the happy man slapped his pay packet and smiled broadly skipping down the hallway.
Kirk turned to leave when Uhura stopped him. "Captain, you dropped your credit slip." she said and then stopped and looked puzzled, "Captain, I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry but there is an error on your slip. They didn't give you any. In fact the number is in the negative, Captain. Would you like me to call bookkeeping and have them make the necessary correction?" she asked politely as she watched him slowly turn around.
Uhura swallowed hard as her Captain walked over to her and ripped the small piece of paper out of her hand causing her to jump back and place her finger in her mouth. "Ouch" she said, taking her finger out of her mouth to look at the small amount of blood that was coming from a paper cut.
"Damn it, Uhura, I'm sorry," he said taking her hand. "I'm sorry. It's just I haven't had a full paycheck since my academy days. Not one." he said softly as he looked around to make sure everyone was out of earshot.
Uhura smiled at him, "I'm okay, Captain." She started to take her hand back but the Captain wouldn't let it go.
"No" he said kindly "Not until this is looked at." and walked her down the hallway towards his ready room
Hand in hand the two walked without saying a word until the Captain spoke. "Do you know where all my credits are going?" he asked as they rounded the corner
Uhura shook her head as she looked around uncomfortably. She could see the other crewmembers sideways stares but the Captain didn't seem to notice.
"Women, well not really women" he said, chuckling to himself as they reached the elevator
"Uh, Captain, my finger is fine. See?" Uhura said, trying to take her hand away but the Captain would have none of it.
Pressing the officer's suite level he continued with his story. " Children, mostly, lots and lots of children." he said looking lost and holding her hand to his chest as if he needed her support.
"Yes, Captain that would explain the negative number." she said as she started to calculate how many years in the brig would she get for striking a Captain. "Captain Kirk, my husband is certainly looking for me by now" she said as she watched the doors open to reveal a Vulcan who looked as though he questioned the reason his Captain was holding his wife's hand.
Uhura looked at Spock with a pleading, "help me" glance. "The Captain was just telling me about why his pay packets were negative" she said as they started to walk out of the elevator but Spock stood in the way.
Taking his wife's hand from Kirk, he gently led her from the lift. "I'll meet you in our quarters, my wife" he said as he waited for their traditional cheek kiss.
"Yes, my husband" she said and leaned in and kissed him whispering in Vulcan, "Thanks, I wasn't sure if I was going to have to kick his ass, like you did two years ago but I think he's in shock or something." She looked at her Captain one more time and quickly turned and left.
"Captain," Spock said, "Captain, I have something for you." continuing to stand in front of the lift doors
"Hun? What?" the Captain still holding the imaginary hand up to his chest and looking slightly dazed and confused.
"Come with me Captain." The Vulcan was stoic and somber as he turned and walked away.
The Captain followed the Vulcan on the short walk to his quarters. "I'm sorry, Spock." Kirk said slowly starting to come around. "You, Doc and Uhura are my closest friends and I just needed someone to talk to. How do I keep getting myself into this mess?" he said sadly, as the doors slid open.
Spock stopped short of going in. "Captain, stay here. I will return shortly," he said dryly as the doors began to slide closed behind him but before they were completely closed he heard the Vulcan say, "A cargo ship has dropped off something for you."
Kirk stood and looked at the closed door. He didn't move because he didn't want to turn around and see his quarters. After all the hard work he had put in for the Federation, the extra long hours he had logged in, his suite was bare to the bones. Not one credit left for any extra tidbit.
Kirk took a deep breath but right before he turned around the door chime rang. "Come" he responded to it
There stood Commander Spock with a small pink human child in his hand. "Aw, cute baby" Kirk said, "Whose is it?" he said leaning in to tickle it on it's chin.
"Yours, Captain" Spock said and quickly handed him the child
Kirk had no choice but to take the baby. "But," he said as Spock handed him the diaper bag.
"And this one, Captain" Spock said handing him a green child with red hair. "And this one, Captain" Spock continued handing him a brown one with four arms.
When Kirk ran out of arms to hold the children Spock simply placed them on the floor. "and this one Captain" another pink one with one big blue eye crawled by. " And the twins, Captain" as two identical purple boys ran up to the Captain and loudly asked "Are You My Daddy?"
"Captain" Spock said over and over again, "Captain, and another Captain"
"Captain"
"Captain"
"Captain Kirk" Spock said as Kirk stood in complete disbelief
"Captain" Spock said and then reached out and forcefully grabbed the Captain by the shoulder and shook it hard!
"Captain!" Spock voice coming from a distance.
Leaning quickly, Captain Kirk's eyes shot opened wide, "What?! What?!" as he jumping to his feet.
Looking around the bridge he could see the sideways smirks of his crew. Then it dawned on him, by their snickers, that he had inadvertently fallen asleep in his Captain's chair.
He reached in his back pocket quickly and glanced at his credit slip. "Thank God, full pay" he said to himself
Spock stood beside the chair; apparently trying to wake the Captain without anyone noticing but with no response was forced to shake him awake.
"Captain, you have been working overtime. I would like to advise you to go to your quarters and get some rest." Spock said without a hint of emotion in his voice.
"Yes, Spock" Kirk said, "I'll go right to bed, right after I stop by the medical bay," he said making quick time to the lift
Spock turned quickly and Uhura stood up and looked at the Captain. "Captain are you ill?" she said looking concerned
"No, it's just time for a shot" he said quickly as the lifts doors closed.
Shaking his head, "Yes, time for my birth control shot." he said thankfully
p.s. This story is loosely based off of my brother, who wanted to grow up to be Captain Kirk hence the rainbow collection of nieces and nephews I have spread all over the world.
Tondelayo