Voice swarm around me like bees buzzing around a nest. I slowly open my eyes to see more than one person hovering over me.
"Oh, thank goodness you're okay!" Allura smiled down at me. "I had no idea that reality might still be a bit unstable. I am so sorry for not being able to pull you back out sooner!" She frowned now as I saw Lance placing a comforting hand on Allura's shoulder.
"It's alright. I'm sure he understands, right mullet?" Lance grinned down at me.
I nodded slowly before attempting to sit up. I felt two large hands gripping my shoulders and help guide me to rest my upper torso against the wall. "Now don't push yourself." Hunk advised with his usual friendly tone. "Coran said it was the first time he had seen for himself someone's consciousness get pulled into another reality like that. It was really unnerving!"
I blinked a bit and turned my head towards Coran. "So, I actually wasn't there?"
Coran tapped his chin. "Well, yes and no? Your body was here, but your mind wasn't. It's like astral projecting I guess but through dimensions! And that can't ever be a good thing on someone to do for very long. So good thing Allura found a way to pull you back when she did!"
I swallowed slightly, the image of Shiro's life slipping away still fresh in my mind. "So, does that mean anything I did there was non and void?"
"We're not sure on that." Pidge shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. "This occurrence doesn't happen often. But, according to what we can pull up from us transferring information from the Castle to the Lions, it said that since you aren't fully there, it's more like you are acting out what you would do via another reality. Like a really trippy dream sequence you are in control of."
"So, I really didn't…" I looked down at my hands. Shiro's fingers had felt calloused and warm against the back of mine. His skin felt smooth against my fingertips. I still recalled his lips against the top of my head.
"Like I said, can't be for sure. You could have just created a branch for that reality. Another what if timeline so to speak." Pidge theorized some more. "But, I don't think you could have changed the reality permanently. Not with how you weren't fully there."
I nodded and smiled slightly. "Okay." I said to end that line of conversation. Because even if it was possible my efforts were for nothing, I wasn't going to dodge away from what I did with such an excuse. I did what I did and that was that. But, none of my fellow Paladins needed to know what I did. Only Shiro did, if he ever woke up, and even then, only if he asked…
"Oh! Though Keith, we got good news for you!" Allura chimed in with a smile on her face. "I think we should bring him in here, what do you think?" She looked towards the others.
I blinked at seeing Romelle grin and nod. "Can I do it?" She gave me the biggest puppy dog eyes I had ever seen on an Altean. My heart melted. Was this how Shiro felt when I gave him the look? Adam always did say I must have had siblings in another life because I knew how to play the younger sibling so well. Guess Romelle knew how to play the game well too.
"Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Can't wait." I smiled warmly and Romelle quickly ran out the door.
I could only hope I would not regret those words.
The others chatted around me, updating me on what had happened.
It seemed while I had felt like I was gone only an hour or so, I had actually been gone a couple of days. The incident of finding a reality portal on the planet we were hiding out at occurred shortly after I pleaded to the sleeping Shiro to wake up and the crew came up with the power we needed for the Lions. While Shiro didn't die that day, he hadn't woken up from his slumber. I could only assume based on their happy tones that Shiro was still alive.
I smiled slightly knowing there might still be a chance-
"Keith?" My eyes widened at the familiar voice.
I looked quickly towards the door to see Romelle pointing at the man who had my heart in the palm of his hands. "Shiro woke up while you were all in that other reality! He was so worried about you and fretting over you we had to tell him to go somewhere else because his pacing got us anxious!" She pouted as some of the others chuckled.
"Yeah man, we must have forgot how Shiro became such a worry wort over you with dealing with clone Shiro and all." Hunk mentioned while rubbing the back of his neck. "We were worried he was going to make the floor sink with his pacing!"
I couldn't stop myself from chuckling at seeing Shiro's reddened cheeks. "Guys, seriously?" He pouted slightly himself now. "I was not going to sink the floor!" Shiro came into the room and quickly came up to my bed side, the others making room for him. "But, oh I'm so glad to see you okay, honey."
"Honey?" Lance raised an eyebrow while my cheeks flustered faintly.
It had been awhile since Shiro called me that pet name. Usually it was baby or big man. But, I do remember him starting to call me honey some shortly before Kerberos. I just had only heard it a time or two since then when we were both alone. Never in front of others.
"Um…" Shiro looked like his face had become a tomato in color. "Yeah, I call Keith that sometimes."
I tensed at the looks Pidge and Hunk were giving each other. "Riiighht…" Pidge commented before looking at the others. "Let's give them some alone time."
The fact the others agreed so quickly, except for confused Lance, made my heart race. Did that mean my feelings for Shiro were that obvious? Did that mean they thought…Shiro had feelings for me? No, that wasn't right. Shiro saw me as a brother! He even said back then that anything romantic or sexual would mean we could no longer be brothers! So, no, I had to be just imagining it!
"Wait, why would Shiro call Keith honey if they aren't-" Thank Altea Allura dragged Lance out of there and shut the door before he could finish that statement.
Shiro sighing made me think he felt the same way.
"It's good to see you awake and back with us, Keith." Shiro sat on the edge of the bed and smiled warmly at me. "They said your mind was in another reality…did you want to talk about it?"
My eyes widened, and I swallowed what felt like a huge lump in my throat. "Would…you be able to forgive me no matter what I did?" I blurted out and Shiro frowned.
"What? Of course, baby." He caressed the scar along my cheek. "Nothing you could ever do would make me hate you or abandon you."
I trembled at that and quickly wrapped my arms around him, pulling Shiro into a hug. "I saw you in another reality where I think you never went to Kerberos and your disease had taken away your ability to walk or see." I buried my face against Shiro's chest. "And the me there I guess hadn't wanted you to die and thus never made that promise." Feeling Shiro tense let me know he knew which promise I talked about. That I would do anything to keep Shiro from losing what he loved, his independence. "So, I…So I…"
I took a deep breath and removed my head from his chest. I looked him in the eyes, knowing he deserved that much.
"I helped you to kill yourself."
Shiro's eyes widened. Of course, they would. Shiro must be imagining what that was like for me. The kind gentle man would not think what I had done as a casual thing. He would not assume I was being callous or malicious. No, he knew exactly what doing must have done to me.
"Oh Keith…" Shiro wrapped his arm tightly around me and kissed my cheeks multiple times. "I had hoped you would never have to do that, even to another me." Feeling Shiro rub my back and started to kiss across my face soothed the stabbing pain in my heart. "But the fact you kept to your word…" He stopped kissing just as he brushed his lips against the tip of my nose. "I must be selfish to feel elated knowing you really would free me from my pain."
"Shiro." I gripped his cheeks gently. "You are not selfish for not wanting to suffer like that. I would do it over and over again if I had to. I mean it." I smiled slightly at him and smiled more at seeing Shiro's warm smile.
"I know. I should have never doubted you. You never break your promise and you never give up on me." Shiro rested his forehead against mine. "Thank you, Keith."
I closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms, my heart already feeling healed and comforted just by being close to Shiro. "You're welcome, Shiro." I said as I felt Shiro's fingers gently move through my hair, our gazes locking on to the others.
How strange it was that even though I had never had the guts to say a word or act on my desires that Shiro must have been able to read me like an open book. For how else would Shiro know to press his lips gently against mine and pull me with the same gentleness against his chest? My heart flew out into space at realizing Shiro must have felt somewhat the same as me. I could feel it in the soft caresses along my shoulder blades and the slow movement of our lips against the other.
But, just as we were in racing, flying, and all else, it felt too natural to slip further down the rabbit hole of these unsealed feelings and progress further all at once. Impulsively and rushed to others, but all so natural to us. To the point that when the others dared to enter back into the room, me and Shiro had to quickly pull blankets over ourselves to try and be modest.
"Wait what?! Shiro and Keith are having se-" Lance was once again interrupted and the door this time was shut and locked.
Me and Shiro stared at the other before laughing softly. "Shall we continue, darling?" Shiro asked and hearing a new pet name caused my whole body to radiate heat and love.
"Yes." I answered assuredly and Shiro went right back to pouring all his love into each touch and movement of his body.
And I answered his feelings with my own matching touches and movements as if trying to create a piece of music with our bodies.
Yet in the back of my mind, I find myself thanking whatever was out there that I had this chance with my Shiro where the other me would not be able to if he felt the same way. And I could only pray that someday, the other me would see the other Shiro again to convey all he felt too.
But for now, I planned to express everything to Shiro knowing how I easily could have lost him.
"I love you, Takashi Shirogane."
I finally spoke out loud right at the peak of orgasm.
"And I love you too, Keith Kogane."
It wouldn't be until we found out the great news that I would dare to dream of baring Shiro's last name, Shiro baring mine, or some combined last name, knowing such dreams cut deeply into Shiro's wounded soul.
But, in that moment, I did dare dream of having Shiro as mine until the very end and this time following him into the unknown when that day came. That dream though was one I kept to myself as we cried out the other's names in ecstasy and let ourselves dare to fall asleep next to the other, the sin of killing the other Shiro washed away in the love and pleasure given to me by my Shiro and mine alone.