Once upon a time, the story began, there was a princess in a very high tower. An evil witch, with the begrudging permission of her parents, had put her there, visiting every month to make sure she hadn't died yet. Every day, she stared outside of the single window, high, high above the ground and waited for someone to come and save her.

"Excuse me."

Yes?

"My apologies, dear narrator, but is a princess not usually defined as a female in both body and soul?"

That is irrelevant. Now, this princess had, over the years, grown out her luscious black hair so that it almost tripped her every time she tried to move around -

"Excuse me."

Yes?

"Now, I appreciate the flattery, but I am not anything similar to a princess. I'd prefer to be a prince, if you don't mind. And for goodness sakes, this dress is ridiculous. We are not medieval - "

Every time she tried to move around, the hair continually tripped her and made life impossible for her. She was certain that at this rate, she would die before she even reached twenty.

Then one day, her wishes came true. A wonderful knight soon arrived at her tower, clad in his shining armor -

"Now, hold on a moment."

What now?

"Now, I appreciate not being stuffed into a dress, but really, armor? It's nearly one-hundred degrees out here, and this thing is made almost entirely of metal. This is ridiculous. Also, why do I have to rescue him?"

"Now, Tokusa, don't be so stiff. I think you look rather dashing in that outfit."

"That is not the point. The point is that I wish to go home imme - "

- and he was here to rescue the fair princess, as he had fallen in love with her at first sight.

"What?"

And he will rescue the princess. Because he is a knight, and that is what knights do.

"I - "

Would you rather swap places? Because that can be very easily arranged. Very, very easily.

That's what I thought. Now, be sure to go by the script, and remember. With feeling.

"Oh, my prince!" Cyril exclaimed, grinning down at the tiny figure at the bottom of the tower and waggling his fingers. "Have you come to rescue me?"

"Unfortunately," was what was muttered, but as his eyes narrowed, Tokusa looked up at the Noah and positively beamed (albeit thin-lipped). "Of course, my fair lady. Have no fear - just simply let down your hair and I will be able to come up and get you."

"What's the magic word?" the elder man teased. Even all the way in the sky, he could see the Third twitch. Rather violently. "Come now, you're a knight, aren't you? What happened to your extraordinary manners?"

Yet, somehow, that beaming smile still remained, edges extremely strained. "Let down your hair." And, after a pause: "Please."

Cyril sighed, looking behind him at the floor. "Well, if you insist."

"Only to get this over with, you - " Fwump.

Tokusa stared.

"How - "

"I have absolutely no idea," Cyril responded pleasantly, holding the windowsill as he attempted to keep the weight of his hair from breaking his neck. "Now do hurry, before I have half a mind to simply break character and jump."

"That would be heavenly," muttered the knight before grabbing the black mass, placing his foot on the wall, taking a deep breath, and -

He yanked.

"Good God - " Cyril scrabbled for a hold as the green-haired knight began to climb. "Mercy, won't you? I didn't grow all this to have it yanked out, you know."

"It's in the script," was the (very short) reply. "Don't despair, fair lady. I'll be - " A quick gag. " - gentle. Who writes these sort of things, anyways?"

"I think I know who," Cyril mumbled, lending the Third a hand and pulling him into the tower. Letting out a sigh of relief, he began to reel in the braid, wincing and patting his roots. "Two years from now when I begin to bald I will blame you, you realize."

"At least I'm getting you out of the tower. Though I don't see the point of climbing into the tower to get you out. Honestly. You could have just jumped." Tokusa exhaled, sweating slightly.

"But that would have not only been completely unromantic and unladylike, it would have also hurt. So that is completely out of the question." He frowned, head swiveling back and forth until his eyes landed upon a door. "You don't suppose that's the way out, do you?"

"It better not be," Tokusa said coldly, his mouth pressed in a thin line as he wiped off the thin layer of sweat on his upper lip. "I did not just climb up the side of a tower in metal armor to find a ready-made staircase."

Two minutes later, on the outside of the tower and walking off into the sunset (the white horse had wisely decided to run away before the rest of the story could continue), there was a very sudden hiss. And the knight in all his shining armor, swiveling on his heel, kicked the nearest tree with all his might. It was quite obvious that he had just barely restrained himself from kicking the princess himself.

"I detest you."

"I know."

"Very much."

"Do be a dear, Tokusa and carry the end of my braid, won't you? It won't do to have it soiled."

"I hate you."

And so, the knight and princess escaped from the castle, off to pursue their love in a better place -

"May I please take off this suit now?"

No. However, the evil witch returned to the tower the next day, only to find her captive missing from her room. Letting out a furious screech, she swore to hunt down the knight, no matter the cost.

"I'm very flattered. How did you know that lavender is my color?"

"…Duke?"

"Yes, Cyril?"

"Er - nothing, nothing. You look - well."

"I feel well, yes. This dress is a bit tight, not to mention short, but have no fear. I will survive, yes? Though, I could try and fix this…" A wave of the wand, and suddenly, the dress was not as tight anymore. In fact, it wasn't there at all.

"Dear God - "

"Duke, please, put something on - "

"My mistake, my mistake. I'm so very sorry. I was trying to lengthen it."

"….are you blushing?"

Can we continue?

"At the moment, I'm not so sure."

Good enough. Now by this point, the knight and the princess were already in a village far, far away from the tower -

"Wait, wait. We were walking. How could we be that far from the tower - "

Far. Far. Away. From. The tower.

"But - "

- in a town bustling with traders and beer of the richest kind. The knight and the princess, decidedly exhausted from their trek, made their way to a nearby inn to rest and perhaps receive nourishments.

"Perhaps?"

"Now, now, we can't be so picky. Besides, this could give us some time to bond, you know."

"Please let me out of here."

And so we continue with the story.

"Enjoy your stay," said the innkeeper, eyeing the two suspiciously as they began walking up the stairs. "Don't do anything too suspicious, eh?"

"Of course not." The laugh that Tokusa gave even sent Cyril for a double-take, light and very, very strained. High-pitched, almost. "Have some faith, good sir."

The innkeeper shot them another suspicious look before skulking back to the front, shoulders hunching forward slightly. "Young'uns these days, always up to no good, what's with that lad in the dress, anyways? Looks like a pansy, and his hair's too long for anything useful."

"Good to see that the company's friendly," Cyril murmured to the knight, hiking up his skirts. It was almost pleasing to see the lad's lips twitch. "Now, if only he'd comb his hair and get rid of those two rotten front teeth, he'd almost be presentable."

"Good to know that you think about presentation when we're stuck playing to a script," Tokusa muttered back, jiggling the doorknob, the key jingling in the lock. "Come on, open - "

Cyril sighed, moving forward to take the knob. "If you would step out of the way, I could - "

With a sudden burst of compliance, the door flew open, and the two tumbled into the room, head over heels as they landed in a pile next to the bed. Cyril blinked several times, pushing himself to his knees as Tokusa restrained several very creative curses, trying to push himself out of the armor (a rather difficult task, seeing as Cyril was almost very well near on top of him). "Well," the Noah said, voice light and noncommittal. "This is certainly the odd situation."

"If you're done marveling at it, I'd appreciate it if you could get off," Tokusa gritted out, finally pushing the armored plates off of the simple metal mesh underneath. "And you need to cut your hair," he added after a moment's thought, wincing as the weight of the hair on his stomach shifted.

"Stating the obvious, Tokusa," Cyril hummed, waving a finger in the paler man's face. "What have I told you about being predictable?"

"Absolutely nothing. Now get off."

"Exactly." Complying, he rolled off and began to gather his hair into a braid, as it had fallen out when the door had burst open. "No need to burst a vein, dear. Besides, anger doesn't suit you."

"I'm not angry," Tokusa snapped out, glaring before standing, the mesh rustling and clinking as he moved. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Do they have showers here?"

"If there was a magical appearing staircase in that tower of yours, I'd imagine there would be a shower in here," he said coldly, hand reaching for the door to close it behind him.

What happened next happened probably in the span of two seconds - the door slammed shut, his body was slammed against it, arms above his head, and Cyril was there, in front of him with a gleam in his eye and a smile pressed on his lips. His hair flowed behind him, gathered braid falling out again and falling in a black curtain around the two of them as Cyril reached up, pressing his hands against Tokusa's face.

This would have been even more intimidating if he hadn't been in a pouffy-sleeved dress.

"Now, Tokusa," Cyril hummed, running a thin finger down the side of his face, "didn't I just tell you that anger simply does not suit you?" Pressing his forehead against Tokusa's, the smile grew to almost a disproportionate size, and he laughed, a laugh filled with dark and things unimaginable. "Goodness, you're not a terribly good listener for a knight, are you? Knights," he hummed, nails digging into the side of the younger's face, gaining a hiss, "are meant to listen and serve their princesses, you realize."

"You're hardly royalty," Tokusa replied, glaring. "And I'm very sure this isn't in the script."

"As sure as your going to find a shower was in the script as well?"

"That was a necessity. This is assault."

"I don't see how," Cyril chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "I've hardly done anything to you yet."

"Then what do you call this?"

"Hmm…a friendly reminder, perhaps?" His eyes gleamed, and Tokusa felt a chill run down to the very bottom of his spine. "Or perhaps this would be better."

And just when he leaned forward, and Tokusa was about to say fuck the script and kick the Noah straight in the -

Crash.

"Take your hands off of the princess, if you please," trilled a voice (though, it was a wonder it had managed to do that at all, considering how deep it was). A few coughs, and then a crunching of glass as the witch stepped on the remains of the window. "I don't appreciate you touching my property - is that what the script said? I'm afraid I'm at a loss."

"My hands - "

"Yes, yes, that's in the script, Du - Witch Millennium," Cyril said smoothly, releasing Tokusa and taking a step back - or, in this case, a step towards the witch. "Goodness, I can't imagine how you found us."

"You shed."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, no, that's in the script. If you'll look here - "

"We'll take your word for it," Tokusa replied, sighing. "I suppose you're here to take him back?"

"The princess, you mean? Of course," replied the witch, waving his wand with a swirl. "I suppose you'll fight me for him?"

Silence.

A cough. "You will fight me for him, yes?"

"Well - "

"The script, dear," Cyril said cheerfully, eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. "You do remember the script, yes?"

A sigh, and then Tokusa picked up his sword off the floor. "Fine," he said, raising it to eye level before pointing it at the witch. "We'll fight."

"For?"

This time, Cyril was close enough to actually see how dangerous the twitch was in Tokusa's eye. And, take his word for it, it was indeed a dangerous twitch.

"For the Princess Kamelot," Tokusa managed to say as smoothly as possible, grip tightening on the hilt of his sword. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get this over with. I have a shower calling me."

"That's the spirit!" The witch chuckled, his wand high in the air as he waved, a huge whirlwind of wind beginning to surround the tip. "Let's begin, then, shall we?"

Two tons of sparkles, fifteen waves of a wand and ten minutes later, the witch and the knight were still at a standstill, panting and sweating.

"Well, now," said the witch crossly, wiping his forehead with the back of his gloved hand, "this won't do. I'm going to smear my make-up."

"I think you already have," replied Tokusa crossly, pushing his hair behind his ear (the tie had fallen out when the witch, in a burst of inspiration, had decided to send a miniature fairy at him. It hadn't gone very well, and now his hair was in his face. Which was very irritating, considering the circumstances). "How is this supposed to end, exactly?"

Millennium paused, tapping his bearded chin with his wand. "Well, I'm supposed to blind you - "

"What."

" - and then I'll kidnap the princess, only this time she'll escape for her life's love (you, exactly), and then you two will get together and have children. About three of them." He perked up, beaming at the gaping young man in front of him. "I think that's about right, yes?"

Once again, there was absolute silence.

And then, Tokusa, exasperated and tired beyond all imagining, finally said:

"Fuck this."

And then he kicked the Witch Millennium in the balls. Very, very hard.

Needless to say, the battle's victory went to the knight and princess. Within the hour, they collected their belongings, paid the innkeeper and left the village for another. Once again, into the sunset.

All was well in the world.

And the knight still had not gotten to shower.

Um, well, this was planned to be longer and much more concise, but it rambled for a while before I got bored of it (humor - not my thing). Then I abandoned it for other things, and then it just sort of fell flat on its face. Sorry. Probably never to be continued. But I hope you enjoyed this. I'll probably post up other old works onto the site that I never plan to continue either.

If you read through this monster, congratulations. I hope you enjoyed.