I have completely lost my mind, I am working on the Advent Children Spoof 2 and now here comes a lot of random little short stories about what you didn't see in Final Fantasy 7, its so freakin hilarious, this is bases off a drawing, a flash, and now a soon to be story that a couple of friends and me came up with. SO I hope you enjoy it because this is written for my own entertainment not yours.

Ok first this is a disclaimer for this short funny story. I will tell you that this is just random stuff about what you didn't see in final fantasy 7, this is kinda like the final fantasy spoof but each short story I will post goes into each different character in the story, I'm confusing you aren't I?

Anyway this short story is about Barret and his problems while being in final fantasy 7.

Didn't you ever notice that there was something wrong mentally or physically with each character in the final fantasy series?

For example Barret suffers Tourette's syndrome which means he'll start randomly cussing.

Nobody in this story belongs to me except the therapist which is me, grins.

On with the story.

Mage21

Barret and the Therapist

Document 1, subject Barret Wallace, occupation: member of Avalanche.

You may be wondering why I even bothered to write my visitors name down, well I'll tell you, I am a simple therapist living in Kalm, I do my job and pay my bills, and just about anything else you could think that a good citizen would do, but one question always lingers on my mind when I think about my experiences with Avalanche. What the hell are they on and where can I get some? I mean I've met some nutters before in my life but never like these. Barret Wallace was the first of my nightmares, I was hoping he would be my last but the word on the street was that I could do miracles with certain cases, what caused them to come here I may never or want to know but whatever it was it must have been pretty bad because following Wallace's visit was the Exhibition-General of Shinra himself, Sephiroth, but that is another story right now it is half past noon my client should have been here thirty minutes ago.

"Damn it Tifa I don't want to go talk to a loony doctor." I sighed yup that's him. I growled and drank some more of my coffee with people like this you have to put your feelings behind you, juts like my last client Vincent Valentine, but then again that is another story entirely.

"Hello Mr. Wallace about time you deiced to show up." I comment lightly as he snorted at me and shot me a bird.

"Come on now Mr. Wallace its not my fault you're here I'm just doing my job by helping you release your inner child out and letting it be sailing free across the seas and."

"Shoving a cork screw up your ass." He commented lightly before my eyes darkened.

"Now, now I see that your inner child is angry isn't that right Mr. Wallace." He snorted and said nothing. God this was starting out just fine how in God's name were you suppose to be able to communicate with someone who doesn't even want to be here? God help me what did that stupid book say that I read the other day.

When in doubt do what your client does or wants

What on earth does that mean?

You went to collage figure it our genius! It means play mind games with them.

Ah, yes the mind games always seemed to work with some of my others maybe it would be enough to crack this black man that looked just like Mr. T.

"Barret? May I call you that?" He nodded and I grinned. Good at least he will let me drop the formalities. "Allow my to introduce myself I am Dr. Jones, Ashley Jones if you will. I know you don't want to be here obviously but you have two hour secession with me today and it isn't going to get any easier unless we discuss your problems, get then out of the way then we can talk about more interesting things, like what you do in Avalanche." He seemed to except that answer I smiled and pulled out a piece of paper and pen.

"I was once a mother f&$$$&&&((&$$$&&&&&&&)(&$$&())(&$$#&(()))(&$$$&()(&$#!" my glasses fell off my face as I stared at the man in horror.

"Mr. Wallace?" I asked shakily as he spat around and continued his long string of cuss words.

"Mother&$& Cid&$&& and that vampire boy&$#$&(( don't even get me started on that brat Yuffie." He noticed what he had done and grinned sheepishly at me as my mouth just hung open like a fishes.

"Well we have located the problem rather quickly haven't we Barret?" I asked regaining control of myself as he took a swallow of water that was sitting on the table in front of him. I loved my office. It had two chairs in the center, one which my client would lay on and tells me their problems, the other and much larger one was for me to lay on and draw, while pretending to listen to their problems. My desk had a wonder silver lining on it with all of Avalanche's names on it because secretly I was a fan girl.

"Ashley?" his voice cut through my thoughts as I quickly re adjusted my glasses.

"Please continue Mr. Wallace."

He grinned at me before starting again.

"Cid and Vincent were always hanging out together, at first I thought they were gay because they always hung out together, but then I always hung out with Caith Seith, who was a robot controlled by our enemy, and then mother &$#$&()()))(&$! #$&)()(&$#$#&&()())+(&$$()()+)((&&#$#&()()+()(+)(((&Y&$&&()()+)((&&&)(&((&)()(."

I sighed I knew what exactly the clients problem was.

'Are you finished Barret?" I asked kindly as he looked at his gun and then me. I gulped and regained my mono-tone voice.

"You suffer from the Tourette's Syndrome, now my suggestion is to-" A bullet went flying straight for my head and I ducked underneath my desk.

"YOU MOTHER F&&$&&( HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? ONLY TIFA CAN DO THAT!(&$$&())(&&&&)()(&&(&)&)(&)(&()."

"SOMEBODY HELP ME AND GET THIS f CRAZY MAN OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!" I screamed as two of our biggest man came in and took Barret away. I gasped in relief and a brown headed girl came in.

"Sorry about him, Mrs.?"

"Jones." I replied as I fixed my glasses again.

"What seems to be the problem with our Barret?" she asked sweetly as I just stared at her.

Suddenly a voice rang out from the halls.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG WITH ME TIFA ITS THAT f DOCTOR THAT'S A NUT JOB TELLING ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND."

"BARRET THAT IS WHAT WE PAY HER TO DO!" the girl screamed back as I rubbed my temples.

Barret poked his head in the door.

"Really?"

"Yes, Barret Really." Tifa stated back as the two big guys' drug him off in a straight jacket to the nearest "hospital."

"Mr. Wallace has the Tourette 's syndrome, and that means, like he just clearly showed me, that whenever he is talking he will randomly start shooting out long and never-ending strings of cuss words.

"Is there nothing we can do?" Tifa asked as I slapped my forehead at this girl stupidity.

"Yes, there is one thing Don't talk to him and he won't cuss back. Good day." I said rudely as I shoved her out of my office and sighed. I was going to lose what little sanity I had left with these guys.

"So Ashley, how did the first one go?" my asstenctance asked as he brought me a pain killer pill and some food.

"First one?" I asked choking on some of my roll.

"Yea, you're booked for all of them for the next three weeks."

I said nothing but slowly took off my glasses as my right eye twitched.

"You want to know what I learned from my first client." I asked sweetly as he shook his head up and down.

I grinned at started yelling.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN (&$#$&&() THERE'S MORE OF THEM &$$&())&&( I CAN BARLY HANDLE ONE&$#$&()()(&)(&&(&&."

"I'll just leave your next clients boi right here." I gasped at myself and quickly regained my composer, and I thought my trouble was only beginning. I looked at the card name and sighed. This was going to be living hell.

Client Two, Subject :Sephiroth Hojo, Occupation: Super Evil Villain.

The end of my short story the next one will be were Sephiroth plays our therapist a visit.

Hope you enjoyed.

Mage21