My life has been divided into the before and after. The before is a bit like looking under water you can go there but once you try to open your eyes all you see is the blue and blurred outlines. Staying there to long gives me a headache as well so I try to avoid the murky waters that are before. The after is also not the best place to be but I don't really see much of a choice. The best way to describe it would be that for the before I was asleep. The after I'm awake, but it feels wrong. Like when you're awake but still unsure which is reality the dream you're having or your impossibly cold feet. That's what I feel like, always one step behind the rest of the world.
Shivers course though me as I lay in the hospital bed. I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't know if I want to. I like it here or rather I don't not like it. I the doctor said I would be taken to my mum. I wonder why I have to be taken, why she didn't visit it me. All the other patients had visitors. These thoughts swirl around my head, but there was no urge to try and find the answers. I am completely content to live in utter ignorance of my past. And this lack of enthusiasm frightens me. I want to live a life not full of answers but of questions.
A nurse walks into the room sad to see Audrey leave. The place would certainly be less lively without her. Running across the hospital back and forth trying to do as many things as possible before the security guards caught her. Most of the staff secretly chuckled at her antics and curious nature. She understood how someone who couldn't remember much would want to do as much as physically possible.
"Wake up," She half whispered. Audrey's eyes bolted open and the nurse left her to herself.
I crack my neck and slowly sit up and feel my jaw pop as a yawn escapes. There were clothes on the floor next to me I grabbed them and splashed them on. Grabbed a toothbrush and walked to the women's restroom. I'm looking at myself in the mirror as I brush my teeth and notice what I see everyday. Long walnut colored hair parted in the middle reaching my lower back, a pale gaunt face, and slivery eyes almost to large for my face and wide open. MY appearance is almost disturbing, but I can't find it in me to care.
To saw I'm nervous about meeting my mum. Would be putting it mildly. Elephants seem to be playing jump rope in my stomach. I get to the waiting room and walk up to the front desk while glancing at the clock to see that it's five in the morning.
"Hey why did I wake up so early?"
"It's a two hour drive to wherever you're going and you have to be there by eight. So you have an hour to pack up." She says this all without looking up. She's one of the more patient staff members. I turn around and go back to my room.
I throw my treasure into the backpack. A book, the only thing I own besides a toothbrush. A book by Charles Fort.