The crash of the waves, the push and the pull of the water dragging along the fine sand, it made me feel at home. At peace with myself for once, it felt so good to be away, even just for a few minutes. I ran my fingertips along the surface of the water, it chilled me slightly, but I did not flinch. No self respecting gem would shy away from a little water, after all. I sighed, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my chin on my knees, depression still looming over my head. 'Why does it have to be so hard?' I thought, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

Someone settled down into the sand beside me, I turned to find Garnet sitting there, eyes hidden behind her shades, lips drawn in a tight line. "You shouldn't be alone out here, Azurite". She scolded me gently, but I still shrank under it. Force of habit I guess, Garnet was something of an authority figure recently.

"I just needed some time away..." I muttered, staring out, refusing to meet her gaze.

"You know its dangerous to be by yourself," She raised a hand and set it on my shoulder. When I cringed she drew back quietly, but I knew it hurt her. "Azurite, you know you can't do this to yourself again".

"Do what?" I snapped, grip on my legs tightening. "Think? Am I not allowed to think now?"

Garnet sighed, exasperated with me at this point, and I didn't exactly blame her anymore. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Its not good for you to seclude yourself like this, Rose will start to worry, and you know we can't place any extra stress on her right now..."

I huffed, fingers digging into the worn material of my long skirt. "Why? Because of the baby, because of precious little Steven?" I knew the words came out harsh, and I didn't care. "I don't care about Steven, Garnet. Its because of him that Rose is dying".

"Azurite..." I struggled not to shrink away under her anger, "You know you don't mean that. Even you can't hate an innocent child".

"Innocent?" I scoffed, bitterness gathering in my heart at the mere notion of it. "Is he truly that innocent, Garnet? Hes killing his mother, whether its intentional or not, hes killing her. And for what? So he can be born? Whats a half human have that Rose doesn't? Why does he even deserve to-"

"Azurite!" This time I shrunk, falling back first onto the sand, hangs flinging up to protect myself. "Mind yourself! You know just as well as I do how much that boy deserves to live, just the same as any of us. How dare you implicate otherwise, what would Rose say?"

"I..."

"Exactly. You know exactly what she would say, Azurite. And you should be ashamed of yourself," She caught herself there, I swear I could see the anger brewing behind her shades. "Rose is sacrificing everything she has for Steven, everything. She will no longer live when Steven can carry on, she realizes this. But she accepts it, she is HAPPY about it. And you, what can you say for yourself?..."

I averted my eyes again, feeling hot tears form underneath. "I just...I just don't want to see her die..."

"And I do?"

I looked up to see tears on Garnet's cheeks, actual real live tears, the revelation made me freeze on the spot. Garnet was crying. Garnet, our stoic, level headed Garnet was crying. In front of someone, in front of me of all people. I didn't know how to process it. All I could do was stare...

"None of us want to see Rose die, Azurite. Pearl is in ruins thinking about it, Amethyst hardly eats anymore, and me...You saw, I almost..." She looked away, hand shooting up to wipe at her tears. "I almost came undone, Azurite. That's no small matter, so don't...don't you dare act like you are the only one suffering".

"Garnet..."

She waved me away, already rising to her feet. "Enough. I'm done talking about this for the night, I just came to tell you that Rose wanted doughnuts, and I was wondering if you wanted one as well..."

"I'm...I'm okay..."

She nodded, turning her back and walking away without another word to me. I hung my head in shame, careless to the tears on my face. 'What am I doing?' I thought, 'How can I be so selfish?...'

Steven didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't his fault that he was going to be born. He hadn't asked for that, Rose and Greg had agreed that they wanted a child. Steven was just the product of their love, their sweet love that I failed to understand. It was no real surprise that I was so bitter, but to blame an innocent child? I felt sick...

'I'm going to be better...' I promised myself, wiping at my tears. 'Not just for me, for everyone...for her, and for Steven...'

I nodded an affirmative to myself, 'Yes, I'm going to do this for them.'