Interestingly enough, I usually tend to hate the "Dib is an adult now" genre. Go figure. Plus, as in my story "Bestest Friend II," I used Dib's unspoken last name (Casil) as Membrane is only a stagename that his dad came up with. Anyway, I don't own anything involving Invader Zim, except for a few DVDs, some action figures, and the fossilized left arm of head writer, Frank Conniff. --Matt
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Going Sane In A Crazy World
by Matt Garner

It was just another typical day for New York City. Actually, it was a particularly pleasant day! The sun was just a-beamin' her brightest over everyone and everything. Everyone was being shockingly friendly to each other. The pigeons in the park even looked a little less diseased today! Yep, things were pretty good all over today...

Except for Dib Casil.

On an old park bench sat "The Sole Defender of Earth," an anemic-looking young man shrouded in a nightmare-black trenchcoat and his own personal aura of depression. The heavy droop of his shoulders betrayed his tall stature and made his weak back and near-crippling depression very noticeable. Dark black hair contrasted against Dib's pale white skin and the shocking contrast only seemed to make his abnormally large head look even bigger. The sunlight momentarily danced across Dib's thick glasses in a desperate attempt to bring some cheer into the man's life, but to no avail. As the sun's glare vanished from his corrective eyewear, another glint, this one a look of deep thought sparked in his endlessly deep brown eyes. He was currently staring at what appeared to be a small purple-clad green child with a little green puppy at his side.

Just look at him... Dib complained to himself, Such a smug little creep... Convinced he's going to rule this planet one of these days... He's so stupid... He heaved a sad, broken sigh under his breath. The problem is, he probably WILL win eventually. No one else ever even seems to notice all the weird things Zim does. I don't even think anyone's realized that he hasn't grown even an inch in the 12 years he's lived in this city... And there's no telling how long his people can live... What if I die before he does? Then no one will protect the future generations of Earth from his heartless evil! ... I've got to do something...

As all these thoughts ran through Dib's head, Zim was having a little conflict of his own, but with his mechanical servant rather than himself.

"GIR, STOP THAT!" Zim shrieked as his defective android chased a family of ducks toward the lake. Starting after the disguised robot, he continued "Are you listening to me, you stupid... DUMB... THING? If you trip or something and fall into that pond, you could start short-circuiting or something and then the humans would notice and that would be... er..." The Irken racked his brains to come up with a sufficient line to describe the danger. "...not... good..." Vocabulary was not one of his strong suits.

A little smirk came to Dib's lips as he watched the insane alien and his idiotic android. Sure, this didn't help him come up with any plans, but it was at least a healthy reminder to see just how incompetent his arch-rival was. Just now, Zim had skidded to a halt just before running head-long into the pond. As the diminutive Invader heaved a sigh of relief at having escaped certain Hellish doom at the... liquidy... hands of... the... Earth-pond, GIR cheerfully ran around his master, giggling maniacally. This brought on a new round of angry shouting from Zim as the alien now realized that GIR had succeeded in wrapping his leash tightly around his master, making any sort of movement all but impossible. "GIR, YOU LITTLE FOOL! Now I can't even move! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

GIR stopped momentarily, blinked at Zim, then closed his eyes tightly, smiled, and stated that "Acne Blast blasts acne dead!" He then returned to circling around Zim.

"I mean it, GIR! Cut it out!" Zim whined, wriggling about, "Dib's laughing at us now! If humiliating your master is what you wanted to do, then mission accomplished! ... Whu-oh..." It was at this point that the idiotic Invader realized that he was toppling over towards the pond. After a pathetic squeak of terror, he promptly splashed into the water, then leaped back up, shrieking in untold agony and lacking his hairpiece.

As luck would have it, there just happened to be a large number of people in this area of the park today and they had all turned their attention to the bellowing lunatic. (Can you blame them?)

Seeing his chance, Dib jumped up and grabbed Zim, shaking him around in everyone's faces. "SEE?" he hooted, "SEE WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL THIS TIME? He's an alien! Just look at his antennae! Check out his reaction to water! You can't call me crazy this time!"

Some people started to back away nervously, but Dib advanced toward them, shaking Zim's protesting little body around, a wild gleam in his eyes. Soon enough, two men wearing what appeared to be some sort of government-issued uniform stepped forward to inquire about the occurrence.

"Hey! What's all the screaming about?" hollered one of the men, making at least twice as much noise as Dib.

Seeing his chance, Dib energetically thrust Zim into the man's face. Both Zim and the man blinked uncomfortably as their faces were now smashed awkwardly against each other.

"LOOK!" Dib squeaked excitedly, "The green skin! The antennae! He's an ALIEN! Don't you see it? He's a filthy, disgusting alien sent here to destroy us all!"

This was just too much. Zim had just taken all he could stand. For 12 years he had put up with this unhinged little brat, trying all he could to somehow kill him and yet the human Dib-thing continued to be a thorn in his side. Well NO MORE! THIS WAS IT!

"IT'S TRUE!" Zim screamed in an unnaturally high tone. "I, Zim, am an ALIEN!" He jumped to the ground and removed his contact lenses, revealing gleaming blood-red eyes. A few onlookers gasped in shock. The alien then grabbed GIR (who was now running in place humming the Benny Hill theme song) and ripped the hood of his dog costume off, revealing his metal face. "And this, in actuality, is my advanced robot, cleverly disguised as a simple EARTH-DOG!" GIR smiled and waved at the two suited men. "NOW!" Zim continued, shifting into a deep, commanding voice, "Now that you have seen my POWERFUL true form, you all must BOW DOWN AT MY MIGHTY IRKEN FEET AND... uh... PRAISE ME! ... or something..."

A long, awkward silence passed as Zim posed triumphantly, GIR waved to everyone, and Dib pointed wildly at Zim with the world's most psychotic grin on his face.

Finally, one of the men spoke. "Alright, you three. Let's go..."

The sunlight peeked mischievously into the barred asylum window and gave the small white-padded room an eerie sterile glow. A tiny, echoed voice giggled and shrieked "HELLO, LIGHT!" Two more voices, one an inhuman, raspy voice; the other the deepening voice of a 24-year-old man sighed in frustration.

"This is all your fault, you know," Zim snarled as he watched his robot flop around in his tiny straitjacket.

"MY FAULT?" Dib retorted, wriggling around in his straitjacket to get a good look at Zim. "Hey, if your stupid Tallies or Tallers or whatever you call 'em hadn't sent you here, this never would have happened!"

"DO NOT INSULT THE UNQUESTIONABLE REASONING OF THE ALMIGHTY TALLEST!" Zim roared, a murderous glow in the back of his deep red eyes. Luckily, he was also in a straitjacket, so rather than lunging at Dib to strangle him, the alien merely struggled around a lot and sighed as he wore himself out.

"Well..." mumbled Dib, "I guess we're gonna' be here for a while, so we might as well get used to it..."

"Yeah..." Zim huffed.

"So..."

"Uh-huh..."

"Hey," Dib giggled, "Remember that time when I fooled you into being my friend?"

Zim laughed. "Hey, yeah... and we stayed up all night playing video games..."

They both shared a big laugh and sighed, almost like old friends rather than mortal, borderline-psychotic enemies.

"Man, I really beat your little green butt in Marvel vs. Capcom 2..."

"... I beg your pardon, Dib. I believe I sufficiently destroyed your weak human hinder!"

"YOU WISH!"

"YOU SPEAK CRAZINESS, EARTH-BOY!"

Long, long silence. GIR's innocent giggle echoed in the room.

"...okay," Dib finally conceded, "But admit that I'm a better voot-runner pilot than you are!"

"(snicker) in your dreams..."

A BEGINNING...