Forty-two times. My name was placed in the bowl forty-two times. And as I'm walking down the street towards the Reaping, my shoes seem to echo the words. Stupid shoes. They're way too stiff and tight. They're hand-me-downs and I would so much rather have my boots. At least this is my last year.

The thought is both terrifying and comforting. On one hand, there's not a chance of me ever being brutally murdered on live television. On the other, this is the last of the tessarea I'll get. We'll get. I refuse to let Rory or Vick take any. As I get closer to the Justice Center, I start looking for Katniss and Prim. I remember Rory's first year, last year. It was hell. At least Prim doesn't have her name in more than once.

I think that I see Katniss's light blue dress between the rows of people. When we get into the rows, I know I'll be able to see her. We always stand at the same place every year.

Her eyes meet me as I hear the stupid woman from the Capital say the same thing she always does. Katniss looks scared. I don't blame her. I feel like throwing up. She has less chances than I do, which is good. I don't know what I would do without her with me. I remember her sneaking around my traps all those years ago and how she looked so comfortable and, not to sound cliche, but I did kind of know that she was the one I wanted to run away with. I'd been daydreaming about it for years, but that's when it felt real. I could really do it.

We should have run away this morning. We should have brought the little ones with us through the fence and run and taught them to hunt. Our odds would be much better than here. Katniss and I could definitely make it. The only potential problem would be clothes, but Katniss could probably come up with something. I just want to make one thing clear. When I say I've imagined it, I mean I've actually imagined it and figured out exactly what we would do and how much food we would need to eat to make it. Vick doesn't eat much for a ten-year-old, but maybe if he finally had enough to eat, that would change.

"Everdeen!" The trill cuts through my figuring like a dagger.

All of the air immediately drops out of my body. What did she say? My eye flies over to Katniss, but she isn't looking at me. She's panicking and looking down the aisle and I follow her gaze. It's Prim.

At first, I feel so relieved, that it's not Katniss, but, when I look back over at Katniss, I feel horrible. She is pushing and fighting her way forward and I know that her world is falling upside down.

Then she screams out the two worst words that I have ever heard in my life.

"I VOLUNTEER!"

The next few seconds are a blur. Prim starts shrieking and, without my knowing it, my legs run up to her and I grab her. She's much lighter than I expected, but she fights me. I let her, but as I carry her away, I look back and see Katniss climbing up the stairs and I realize that I carried away the wrong sister.

As soon as I get her away, Prim runs to her mother. I stand there for a second, not sure what to do, but I return to my place. The blood is pounding in my ears, so I can't hear a thing, but I see Effie walking over to the boy's bowl and I realize that I could save Katniss. I could volunteer for the boy and protect her.

She calls the name and a blond boy starts walking forward. I start forward, but before I can say a thing, I see Rory, standing perfectly still in his button-up shirt and I stop. Without me, he won't eat. He'll have to get tesserae. So will Prim. And I can't do it. I have to care for Rory and Vick and Posy. They can't go to the Hunger Games. I can't let them. So I stand firm.

The boy looks pretty dorky, though. I doubt he'll prove much of a challenge for Katniss.