Trigger Warning.
Atlantis
In My Heart
"AUSTIN!" she cries from the ground. There are so many people down there, all looking at me. The one time I wanted to be away from the light is the one time they give it to me. Hypocrites. So typical. But I focus on Ally. I can here her shout from down below, I can see her too, trying to push past the police who are blocking the doors. There trying to send people up to the roof, try and save me. I'll be gone before they get here.
But I focus on Ally. I can still see her, they wont let her inside. But she's still down there. I just cant make out her face, not that I would want to make her face out. I broke her heart. I can only remember her face from the other day, sad, tears down her eyes, her make up smudging. That's all I can see, I cant picture the times she's smiled at me, the times we laughed so hard we cried, her face when she was asleep on my shoulder. I cant remember any of it. Just yesterday.
"Austin" she shouted cheerfully as she walked into the room. I was sat on the couch, my head between my knees. I couldn't breath. I couldn't take it anymore.
"What's wrong?" she asks nervously as she see's me, sitting near me and holding me. I shove her off, I felt trapped.
"It's okay. Its okay" she says, rubbing my shoulder. I try to steady my breathing which is picking up second by second. The ground below me seemed to shake, the world around me collapsing second by second. Ringing in my ears, drowning out everything she tried to say to me. I couldn't listen anymore.
"Shut up!" I shout at here. Standing up from the couch, staring down at here. I was in love with this girl, but I could feel nothing but fear and anger coursing through my veins. I was loosing all sense of reality, the room feeling blurry, everything I had found comforting before was turning grey, meaningless.
"Austin, its okay. Just sit down, breath steady for a few seconds, you'll be fine. We've been through this before" she thinks she knows everything, she thinks she understands me, she doesn't at all.
"You don't know what's right for me. You don't know me. You don't know what's going on. Shut up!" as I scream at her. I can see the hurt in her eyes as she stares up at me. I breath steadier. I know I cant hurt her anymore. I know that I love her, but I feel too angry.
"I cant do this anymore!" I shout. Rushing my hand through my hair. I was gaining more sense of reality, but only barely. I couldn't feel anything.
"What?" she asks confused as I stride to the door.
"I cant be with you anymore. You don't understand anything. We need to break up"
"What?" she says, just as confused as before, maybe even more. The fact that she didn't understand made it even more clear to me why I had to go. "Austin, your just having a little freak out. You don't need to go so far. We've got through these before, in five minutes you'll be back to normal and everything will be fine. Just come sit down" she says, trying to take my arm but I flinch away.
"I mean it Ally. Its over." my words wobble as they come out of my mouth. Doubt in the back of my brain, telling me not to do this, but the rest of my mind was too strong, convincing me that this was the right thing to do. My hands were clammy, nervous, but why, I had no idea. I look her, dead in the eye. I can see tears in her eyes and my anger softens a bit, but not enough.
"Don't cry. don't be pathetic" I say in a harsh tone.
"Tell me why this has to end?"
"I don't have time to explain to you. don't be needy, don't cry like a baby either. Goodbye" I say hurriedly before running away.
I realise now how stupid I was. That's the thing with me, I tend to ruin everything good that happens to me. Even Ally, the best thing I had in my life and I ruined everything in a matter of seconds. Everyone now thinks that I'm a stupid bastard who has anger issues. They don't know the truth though, only Ally did. But I ruined things, all those times we had, the first date, the first kiss, everything, so beautiful, gone because I cant take back the things I said.
So what's the point of living without the thing you love the most?
I stood at the edge of the roof. The cold air hitting my face. It was a grey sky, appropriate, almost like it knew I was going to end it today.
"You couldn't give me one last blue sky?!" I shout to the air, as if it could actually hear me.
I shuffle forward a couple of inches, the tips of my shoes were now hanging off the edge of the roof. Just one more step I tell myself. That's it, that's all you have to do.
My name is Austin Moon, age 17, in love with a girl called Ally Dawson who know hates my guts. You probably think I'm a jackass too, so before I fall, let me tell you what happened. How I fell in love, how I had built up an unbelievable life, my own personal Atlantis. And then how pulled it down. From the beginning.