A/N
This is my first ever attempt at a fanfic so don't be harsh on me! I love Will and Alicia together but I don't want Alicia to be mourning Will for the rest of her life so I wrote this. Hopefully Alicia finds happiness before the season ends.
I own none of the characters or the Good Wife. The Good Wife is owned by CBS and Robert and Michelle King
As soon as she stepped out of her car, Alicia could feel the wind rippling through her clothes. It was an unusually cold and windy day in March in Chicago, maybe it was the day that was in it. Alicia took a deep breath and started to walk to her destination.
She had woke up that morning feeling like she could hardly breath. The pain just came crashing back unexpectedly. She knew it would be a tough day but she didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did. It felt like it had just happened, that Will had just died. It felt like she was reliving the emotions of that day all over again. When in fact, it had been two years, but the pain was still running deep.
She slowly made her way to her destination. She knelt down and placed down the flowers she had been holding among the other flowers. She looked up at read the grave stone which said, "William Gardner 1974 - 2014. A loving son, brother, uncle and friend. Gone way too soon. RIP". Alicia sighed and could feel the tears running down her face. Two years. It had been two years since her world had been turned upside down and changed forever. What a crazy and painful two years it had been. It seems like a lifetime ago yet it still feels like yesterday when she last felt his touch. Oh, how she longed to feel his touch, just once more. How she longed to look into his dark chocolate brown eyes for one last time and tell him how she really feels.
That's the thing that Alicia regrets the most. That never told him she loved him, that she loved him more than she had ever loved any other man. That she wanted to be with him, that she was just too scared to take the leap and actually be happy. But no, instead she ran away from him, tried her hardest to convince herself she was happy with Peter, happy with being the wife of the Governor who cheated on her with prostitutes. She wishes that before he died, he knew how she felt. It troubles her that Will may have died thinking she didn't care for him or his feelings. She left, she stole his clients and she knew that that truly hurt him. She hopes that he knew she left because she was scared of falling into deep. She truly hopes that he knew that.
She told Ruth that if she could go back to Georgetown, she would have said yes to Will. And she means it. She doesn't regret Zach and Grace, she loves them more than anything, but she does regret that she never had a chance to have a life with Will, to marry him, have kids with him, open up their own law firm 'Gardner & Gardner', and grow old with him. She knows deep down that Will would have made her happy, much more happier than Peter ever could make her. He knew her better than anyone, he was her best friend.
Alicia sits at the grave for some time and thinks over everything. She knows she can't live the rest of her life mourning Will, longing for a life with him. She needs to live her life, maybe even find someone that can make her happy. Maybe Jason is that person, maybe he isn't.
She takes a deep breath and talks out loud, to the grave stone, in some hope that maybe Will, wherever he is, hears her. "Will Gardner. I miss you so much. I miss you everyday. I wish we had of got more time, but unfortunately we didn't. You were too young to die. 40 is too young to die. I want you to know that I am truly, deeply sorry, for being scared and constantly running away from you. For hurting you by leaving the firm. I want you to know that I loved you too. I was madly and deeply in love with you too. I probably was in love with you ever since Georgetown, I don't think I ever stopped. I still love you today and I know I always will. Even when we were apart for all those years and didn't see each other, there wasn't a day that you weren't in my heart, and there never will be. I wish that we had gotten a chance of a life together, we would have if I hadn't of been so scared. But, I can't mourn you forever and no amount of wishing is ever going to bring you back to me. So I'm going to have to let you go. But I hope, that somehow you can hear me and know how I feel. I'll always love you will. Always".
Alicia stood up, the tears now frantically running down her face. She did feel that a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She planted a kiss on the grave stone and began to walk back to her car. When walking back to her car, she realised that it was no longer windy and cold, the sun was shining bright in the sky. And that was the only sign she needed. She knew Will had heard her.