Hey everyone. My first ever fanfic. Just got annoyed at how the stendan story is at the mo. I wrote this to cheer myself up really lol Anyway... sorry if its rubbish but the story just came to my head. Enjoy XX

Ashleigh's POV

"It's the people you love your afraid of."

I am watching him curiously deciding whether I should push it, I know he has a temper. The way he was shifting on his feet and looking around for a distraction, any distraction from what I am saying tells me he is uncomfortable with the truth I am speaking. I can tell I am hitting a nerve but he isn't angry. I think I will risk it and go for it.

"You care and that makes you weak"

I can't believe I just called Brendan Brady weak. I am terrified but am trying not to show it, I can feel he is about to erupt with some long winded retaliation so I start recording him.

"I went back because I wanted to show that guy. He needed to know that he wasn't bulletproof, his bullet was ignorance, his weakness was assumption, which meant he never saw me coming. Look around you Ashleigh all this is mine."

I can't help but feel like I am trapped in a cage with a pissed off and hungry lion roaming his domain pinning down his prey. I am an unwelcome intruder and am about to be devoured. But he isn't stopping there he continues.

"I survived prison, I survived the man that put me there and I can do it with anyone. Haven't you noticed? I've got everybody on a string, I'm King Ding-a-Ling, I'm the last man standing, I AM INVINCIBLE! Do you know the difference between me and the previous owner of that bullet? Do you? I've got no blind spots; I've got no hits coming in from the left no bullets coming out of the blue. Nothing can threaten me – why? Because I won't let anyone in."

It is over, the self obsessed rant is over the shouting dying down I can breathe easy, he is wiping his hands together to imply that we are done, he is done. He is untouchable and it is the end of that discussion but someone is coming up the stairs not put off by the commotion.

"Brendan"

I look to the top of the stairs where a nervous looking Ste is standing. The look on Brendan's face says it all. He isn't bulletproof and he has just taken a hit to the chest.

Brendan's POV

I hope she gets it now I am not weak, not even close. If having to block out these feelings I have for my kids, Cheryl and S.. Him is what I had to do to stay on top of things it was a small price nothing can make me stumble, nothing can affect me.

"Brendan?"

Steven shit. Why you? What is he doing here? What does he want?

I try to put on my best poker face not just for myself and Steven but for Ashleigh too, I can feel her eyes bearing into me, scrutinising my reaction to Steven's presence. I try to look annoyed at Ste for his bad timing. But I am holding back the thrill of seeing him here, burying the feelings I'm having. Of all the people in the world to walk in on a discussion about not needing anyone it had to him didn't it? But there he is looking gorgeous as ever.

"I found someone wondering the village" Ste continues as he guides a young blonde haired boy in front of him

"His left his mam"

What? What had just happened I felt so in control, invincible, impenetrable and now I am wavering .I feel like I have had someone whip a carpet from underneath my feet, crack me over the head with a brick and punch me in the stomach all at the same time. Before I can say anything or even think what to say, Declan talks.

"I am all yours now dad"

I'm still lost for words, I still feel disorientated like I'm trying to grip on to some form of reality. I manage to pull myself together. You are still staring, just act normal you idiot. I tilt my head to one side and force a reaction.

"Hmm interesting"

Declan POV

I wake up in my dad's room its clearly either late morning or early afternoon as I can see the January sun beaming through my dad's black curtains. I had to explain why I was here to my dad yesterday so I know he has left me to sleep off the travelling. I told him that I had needed to get away for mum as she was doing my head in, he seemed to get that. What a surprise? I just wanted to see him though, I know he has been acting weird since leaving prison, Chez told me. She also told me that he and Ste had a row and that dad was pushing everyone away. I didn't want dad to think that I didn't care it was mum that was the one not letting me visit him in prison. I just wanted to see him and tell him that I am fine with him and I don't care about the whole gay dad thing.

I talked to Ste last night quickly before he took me to the club. I asked him if he was with my dad now but apparently my dad sacked him. I thought I should ask him while it was just me and him as my dad is hardly likely to talk to me. I am walking out to the kitchen and my dad is sitting at the dining table. Eating a bacon and sausage sandwich. He has made me a sausage sandwich too. God I hope that's not an actual pork sausage.

"Dad? You know I don't eat..."

"Its veggie sausages" He is mumbling with his mouth full

"Had some left in the back of the freezer, its not like anyone else is going to eat them, now is it? Devour"

Dad is waving a hand to the seat next to him. I smile and sit.

"Thanks. So you spoken to mum yet?"

"Ye, ya mum said she will be coming to get you next week so, you can stay till then, if ya wan?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...Alright well that's sorted then".

"Da?"

"Declan?"

"I... um... was wondering"

"Spit it out will ya, ya making me nervous?"

"Why did you fire Ste?"

Silence.

Dad seems to be thinking about his answer like he used to when mum asked him where he had been all night, I know he is going to lie but I figure I might as well ask, I mean he has told me he is gay so maybe he will be honest again.

"Did he dump you?"

I think I should have timed that better dad is now half choking on his sandwich.

"Wha? Why? We aren't? ...he didn't dump me"

"Ok so why?"

"Because he was starting to get the impression he was the boss of me and needed a telling, He kept trying to talk to me about prison and I snapped. It was either the sack or a punch that he got and as I am never going back to prison I thought firing him was the better option. Ok?"

Dad is lying, I know his lying. What is worse is he knows that I know his lying. He is doing that fake smile he does when his cheek twitches. This trip is going to be fun. He still likes Ste but won't admit it. It's gone silent again. I am going to have to talk again.

"I?"

"Ok... Right...Good... glad that's sorted, right I got to go help with a delivery. I will be back in about an hour or so and we can plan something for later. Cinema maybe?"

"Yeah ok, dad."

He thinks he is off the hook. Not likely. I have an hour to get this sorted. I am grabbing my phone and leaving the flat seconds behind my dad.

Right I am at the door I hope this goes to plan. I'm knocking. It's too late now the door is opening.

"Declan? You ok? What you doing here?"

"Hi Ste, I just wanted to hang out, dad is sorting a delivery. So I was bored. Can I come in?"

I am not really asking as I am already squeezing past him. He is looking at me like he has seen this sort of confidence before. His hostile attitude slips and he is smiling now. Eww omg I remind him of dad. That's why he is smiling. Ok this should be easier than I thought.

"Ok but not for long yeah, want a tea or something?"

"Yeah sure"

I don't really drink tea or coffee for that matter but I am guessing it will help the conversation flow. I am getting my phone out my pocket. Flick through the menu. Found it. Voice recorder. Start recording. Let the fun begin.

"Ste... can I ask you something about my dad"

Ste is uncomfortable I can tell he wants to say no so I have to persuade him.

"Its just I have asked him but I can tell he is lying, and I just want someone to be honest with me"

He is still not sure. Shit. He is going to say no. He is looking at me. Ok do something dad does something small that will get a reaction. I look down at the table tilting my chin down. I'm looking up at him with my eyes only raising my eyebrows as high as possible. My dad does it when I have done something naughty and have just lied about it. It always makes me rat myself out. It seems to have the same reaction on Ste.

"Honesty isn't something your dad is very good at. Ask me and I will try and be honest, Ok?"

Yes it worked.

"Thanks"

"What do you wanna know Declan?"

"Well I know you and him were...erm...like together for a bit."

"Right" He says prompting me to go on.

"Well I was just wondering why you broke up, because he isn't very happy and I thought that maybe you could help him"

"I have tried helping him Dec, that's why he fired me because I dared to offer advice"

"Oh right, well why did you break up in the first place"

"It's not really something I should be talking to you about, he wouldn't be very happy to hear me talking to you"

I need to annoy him, only a little, just enough to make him more chatty and more likely to slip up. I watched it in legally blonde. I know, not my kind of film but mum had argued with Michael and she wanted "a catch up with me boys". So anyway stuck in front of this film and this attorney guy is asking this other guy loads of questions really quickly and pushing for answers, and then he says something he shouldn't have said but it was too late. That's where I got the idea from.

"I have talked to him and he said the reason he sacked you was because you were pushing him to talk"

"Yeah I was trying to get him to open up about prison, Chez was worried he wasn't talking about it"

"And he said you were whining at him"

"He told you that?"

"Yeah, why? Does it bother you what he thinks?"

"Yes ...er..."

"Why do you care you dumped him right?"

"No...I..."

I can tell, it's like the movie. Our voices have quickened and his answers are without thought. His gonna spill, one more question and we are done.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes"

And there it was the moment had past. Ste loved my dad and it was caught on my phone. He continued though.

"No, I dunno"

"It's not a difficult question is it? You either love him or you don't? I mean you can love someone and not be with them right? So do you love him?"

"Yes I love him but it would never work... It's complicated"

"Because he hit you?"

Ste looks shocked like he didn't think I knew. I had seen dad hit him before and when I talked to Chez and Lyns that said it was because dad couldn't handle the fact he is gay.

"Yeah"

Stop recording. I thank Ste for the tea. He looks really confused. I had only been there a few minutes and I had got what I wanted. He looks at me like he knows he has said something he shouldn't have. But it's too late. On the way back to the flat I saved the recording as Ste's confession.

Next up dads turn. This was going to be harder... this is the part of the plan it all depended on.

Brendan's POV

I love my son's so much but they can really push me sometimes. Surely it is obvious I don't want to talk about him to anyone, not even Deccy. I need a drink, I help myself to a glass of whiskey and down it in one and then another. The stinging feeling as it burns my throat on the way down it feels like a release, it has the same sensation as trashing something after bad news or an argument. Like it's necessary to let go but you know it won't help. I have the need to numb the pain, to dull it down, to block it out. I need to get back to the flat but since returning from prison I find it hard to be in most of the rooms. The memory of Steven feels like it's written in the walls. It feels like I am suffocating with thoughts of what could have been. All I had to do was go on holiday with him. Why did I drive off? Now he is just a constant reminder of how weak I am, all the nights in my cell thinking about him. Another drink. I want to touch him, just to hold onto his warmth and never let go, I want something pure and loving next to me so I can soak it up and become consumed by it. I want this so bad. I want Steven so bad. Another refill and down it goes. Shit I've drunk almost the whole bottle. I have to physically psych myself up to return to the flat.

As I am walking up the stairs to the flat I can feel the contrast between the cold January air and my warm throat the lingering twinge of whiskey still radiating. Right forget Steven my son is my only concern this week. I'm going to just have to push these thoughts aside. Bury them. Steer the conversation.

"Deccy? Where are you?"

"In here dad, Kitchen"

I walk to the kitchen and he is sitting up at the breakfast bar a can of coke in front of him and a steaming coffee opposite. He is playing with his phone, as long as it's not that damn DS he had last time he was here.

"You expecting company?" I say pointing at the coffee.

"Na it's for you. You gonna sit and we can talk about the cinema tonight"

It's as if he knew I would have drunk too much with a coffee at the ready. Either that or this isn't bout the cinema.

"Yeah. Yeah ok"

I sit down. I know my son and the look he is giving me tells me this isn't about tonight's plans.

"Da?"

Here we go... What's he wanna talk about prison, being...gay, Steven... please don't make it be Steven. I have had too much to drink and I am tired of lying. My willpower to steer off any unwanted topics is subsiding.

"Yes son, what do you wanna know?"

I try and steady myself for his reply. I am gonna have to use my poker face.

"When you were in prison did you think about us?"

Wha... What sort of question was that? The poker face has gone. I didn't see that one coming, I was caught off guard.

"Yes, yes of course I did every day I thought about you all and st..." shit bloody whiskey.

"Ste? I know you love him dad and its ok you know, I am sure he loves ya too"

"He doesn't Deccy, look it's..."

"Complicated. I get that but why? Because you beat him up?"

He knows the full extent of the beatings? Don't bring it up. Ignore his comment.

"He thought I killed those girls, ok, thought I was capable of murdering 3 girls. And I know I used to hit him but that was different that was for a different reason and I have had to talk to people inside about my anger. I am not going back to prison not for anyone and I wouldn't hurt Steven ever again, I was in the wrong it was my fault we broke up"

I can feel my pulse racing I shouldn't be saying all this I just can't stop and I have months of pent up thoughts spilling out. I'm losing control of my mouth.

"Do you still love him?"

Before I could stop it, before I could think of a different reply I had spoken the words I had buried and thought I would never speak again.

"Yes I love him"

It felt somewhat anticlimactic. The conversation ended there. Declan has his phone in his hand again and is typing something. He just got up kissed me on the head and said "I love you dad" and walked into his room.

Declan POV

I walk into my room and save the recording of my dad "Save Brendan Confession?" I press yes. I text Lyndsey and Chez

"I wana go 2 d cinema 2nite, dad is busy can u come wit me? It's on me. (dads paying) lol please dec x x "

Sent.

Got a reply. Both are up for it. Have to meet them outside Chez Chez in 15mins.

Ok, now its time to sort this whole mess out. I know I shouldn't be interfering but they are both being stupid and more immature than anyone I know.

Send Brendan's confession to Ste mob?

I hit yes

I wait five mins then

Send Ste confession to dad mob?

I hit yes again.

I can hear dads phone got off in the living room. I wait silently for a few minutes.

"DECLAN BRADY COME HERE"

Shit his angry. I am walking through to the living room his still holding his phone but his hands are shaking. Like he doesn't know how to deal with the message.

"I am sorry d..."

There is a knock at the door we both looked up. I get to the door first. Yes! It was Ste.

"Declan..." he looks pissed off too.

"Your dad in?"

"Yeah come in"

"Dad can I have £40 I am going to the cinema with Chez and Lynsey and they are waiting for me and the club"

Dad seems to have forgotten he is angry at me and is staring at Ste. Without blinking or stopping his gaze he gets £50 out his pocket and gives it to me.

"Thanks dad. Now talk this out yeah" and I am running towards the door before either one of them can stop me.

As the door slammed shut I swear I heard dad say "So Stephen... How much do you love me?"

READ AND REVIEW PLEASE. Thanks for reading my dribble lol If you want me to write more I will. XXX