Hey all. Here it is, part three of my yearlong ITunes challenge. Another angtsy one too. Enjoy!
~AnimeniacAnonymous
Thrown Away
The voice had been there as long as he could remember. In fact, it had been a part of him so long that Rin didn't even know it wasn't normal until he mentioned it in passing to Yukio as a small child: about the part of him that talked to him when he did the things that their Dad discouraged. When the younger just looked at him like he was crazy, Rin hadn't known what to do. Nobody else had that whispering raspy voice in their head? They didn't hear someone telling him that beating up those kids that made fun of him would make him feel better? Didn't have someone encouraging them to just do what they wanted and who cares who it hurts? It was the first time the ravenette had truly felt like he was as different as all those people said.
When he awoke as a demon, the voice became louder and more insistent. It goaded him more: pushing him to let himself loose. It was for the good of humanity after all. Who cares if Rin didn't have complete control over himself in that state? Who cares that, if he relaxed his tight standards over himself, he might catch people within the path of the destruction he was capable of? Rin would push that voice away over and over again; reminding himself that his Dad had wanted him to gain mastery over himself and use his demonic power to fight against Satan and the demon's that came over from Gehenna.
It was hard sometimes though, especially when all hope seemed lost and it looked like releasing his demon form was all the half-demon could do to save everyone. Rin often wondered at how often he felt compelled to do so, but it wasn't until his sword broke and he truly lost control that he understood why. The voice inside of him that spoke to him like the Devil on his shoulder actually was the Devil inside of him. It was his own voice, the voice of his satanic lineage cresting from beneath his human consciousness. When he finally regained his sword, the voice had quieted down a bit. Though it was still present, and sometimes, felt almost comforting, familiar in the wake of his friends' apprehension. But he knew it was a false pretense. The voice didn't want what was best for Rin; it wanted what was best for the son of Satan. And that was not who Rin was.
When he was about to be sacrificed in order to bring forth the Gehenna Gate, the voice had practically been screaming at him. 'Fight back! Protect yourself! You don't need to sacrifice yourself for these worthless humans!' And it was true, Rin could have fought back, could have broken free and saved himself. But he didn't want to. He could understand where they were coming from. If he had not been the son of Satan, if it had been someone else, someone who he had known nothing about, even Rin might be convinced that this was the right thing to do. What really hurt was when Yukio had shown up, had been tricked into agreeing with the process, and then had shed his blood so that less of Rin's had to be. When the demon heritage in his younger brother woke up, the older twin felt devastated. Because he could not control himself, his amazing brother had to awaken as a demon. It was something the shorter boy would not have wished on anyone, let alone his brother. But it had happened, and there was no taking it back.
After the two of them had fought to close the Gate, things seemed to settle down. It seemed like Yukio's power was a bit less powerful than his, he didn't need a sword to contain it. Just a holy symbol to conceal it. But the voice had come to the new demon as well. When he had come to Rin in tears, asking if he were going crazy, the older twin had nearly wept himself. But, being the big brother, he held it in and explained to Yukio what was going on. Once he knew, the taller of the two seemed calmer. After that, he didn't really seem to have much trouble ignoring the voice of his inner demon: nothing less from his genius brother.
Because Rin still fought it: every day. He fought to ignore it during the regular school day when it urged him to skip class because these skills were useless anyway. He refused to listen during the exercises at Exorcist Academy when it encouraged him to demonstrate his powers so that his classmates and fellow Exorcists would take him seriously. And he shoved it deep into his subconscious at night, so that he wouldn't have to hear it whisper to him in his dreams. Rin hoped that, one day, he would gain the control necessary to ignore it completely. But, until then, he fought against it with the same stubborn will that had served him all his life. He would not be defeated, not until he kicked Satan's ass. No one would beat him: not even himself.