Author's Note: HOLY CRAP. This story breaks so many records for me. I broke my record for most words written in a day with this story. It is the longest Oneshot I have ever done. And it surprised me by how it just kept writing itself. I am so proud of this story. It is so special and so personal to me. I enjoyed every second of writing it, and It took me about two weeks to do so. I hope you all love reading it just as much. ENJOY THG FANS!
Secrets.
They were Finnick Odair's favored form of currency. He had been all over Panem, learning secrets, gaining lovers, and locking them away for safekeeping. But while Finnick spent his time dealing in other people's secrets, very few knew his.
They didn't know he had fallen in love with Annie Cresta. Only Annie and Mags knew that. But his biggest secret, one kept so under wraps that only two people knew it, was one that could destroy his image. Or at least, the Capitol's image of him.
Underneath those layers of charm, of flirtation, of confidence, was a little boy, who yearned for more than anything else to be loved, not for his looks, but for himself.
That little boy inside of him didn't get the chance to come out very much. With eyes on him constantly, it wasn't easy to maintain discreetness. But Finnick managed. That little boy inside of him just wanted to play, and to love, and be taken care of.
The two people who knew of this were the two who knew how he felt about Annie. Annie and Mags. Mags had been the first to know. Though he hadn't actually had to tell her anything. She had come over to his home in the Victor's Village one day, and found him asleep, sucking his thumb. He thought that that might have been all of the confirmation she needed, since she knew him so well. When he woke up, she was there, and he was embarrassed, pulling the offending digit from his mouth and stammering as he tried to explain. But Mags had just smiled at him, hushed him, and guided it right back in. Mags wasn't known for speaking, but she could convey everything with her eyes. When she looked at him that day, her unspoken words of choice were, If this is what you want, I accept you. I love you just the same. And he'd nodded his understanding. And Mags wound up taking care of him. She would occasionally bring him a toy, maybe something fun to read. But mostly, she would do whatever activity he wanted. If he drew, so did she. If he wanted to nap, she would watch over him. But the thing they both enjoyed the most were the quiet moments. Sometimes Finnick would sit next to her, and he would curl up, put his thumb in his mouth, and lay his head on her shoulder. And Mags would hold him close, and rub his back. Occasionally she would kiss his forehead in such a pure show of affection. That little boy inside of him ate that up like a hungry dog. He was so starved for real love that didn't have to do with his body, and Mags gave it to him.
That little boy didn't come out often, but when he did, Mags was always around, and he called her Mama. She practically raised him anyway, so it wasn't like the title was unearned. The first time he said that word, Mags' face had lit up like the sun. She had nodded, and gave him a kiss, so tender and loving that there wasn't a word for how it made him feel. He had giggled after that, a high, carefree sound that made Mags smile even wider. And she adored him like a son.
Annie finding out didn't happen the same way. In fact, he never had a moment she walked in on, a slip in behavior, or just plain telling her. Nothing like that came to pass. As he fell in love with her, they learned, much like Mags already knew, to communicate without speaking. A touch could say so much. A glance wrote a novel. The one day he got a particular look in his eye, Annie seemed to understand what it meant. She may have been called mad, but it did not mean she was not perceptive. She too saw beneath those layers of bravado to the little boy underneath. So occasionally, when Mags could not be there, she was there. More as a babysitter than a mother. But nonetheless, when it came down to it, she showed him just as much affection as Mags did. The two of them didn't play as much as they did cuddle. But that was fine with Finnick. Big or little he would never refuse a cuddle with her. And when his thumb slipped in his mouth, Annie just smiled and said how cute he was. She even gave him a nickname. Finny. Swimmy Finny was the full one, given for how much he enjoyed swimming in the ocean, but Finny was what stuck. Other nicknames followed, including Nicky, Finlin and Fin-Fin, but Finny was the most affectionate one Annie used. He took to calling his little boy self that, to distinguish the two parts of himself.
Though Finny rarely came out, one habit of his did carry over to Finnick. The thumb sucking happened. Very rarely did it happen, but a few times it happened. But only under severe circumstances. It only happened when Finnick thought he would not survive. That did not necessarily mean thinking he would die. If that had been the case, he would have been doing it in the arena and likely lose sponsors as a result. No. Him not surviving meant dealing with something so traumatic that he didn't think he'd make it through. It happened the night they announced the Quarter Quell and he realized that he could lose Annie or Mags if they were reaped. That night his thumb was in his mouth all the way until reaping time. It didn't happen again until the Quarter Quell.
There was one instance during the Quarter Quell where it almost happened. He and everyone else in their camp had been running from the poison fog. Peeta had been hit badly. And he had said that he couldn't carry him and Mags. Mags had seemingly made a decision. She looked at him one more time, with eyes that said so clearly, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much, and she had kissed his cheek with that pure love and affection Finny had needed so badly. And then she ran into the fog.
"Mags? Mags?!" He was panicking.
Mama…
If Katniss hadn't told him to go, he probably would have stayed. So he ran. He ran and ran until the fog ceased. He nursed his poisoned body in the sea water, and then he got out. Katniss apologized to him about Mags. And he told her that he knew she wasn't going to make it. And that was true. But Finny… Finny didn't think that way. Mama was strong. A survivor. She was invincible. His thumb almost went to his mouth before he remembered the cameras. Finnick could not do that. Finny could, Finnick couldn't. But Finny and Finnick both needed to grieve their loss. And it was Finny who cried for her all night long.
The next time it happened, it was with the Jabberjays. He had chased Katniss down, asking if she was alright, when suddenly, Annie was screaming for him.
"Annie? Annie?!" He chased the sound. It wasn't until Katniss shot the offending bird down that he understood it was a Jabberjay. But something else perturbed him. Where did they get that sound? Katniss tried to get him and herself out, but they were trapped. Boxed in to say the least. Images of Annie assaulted him. Annie holding his hand, Annie laughing and calling him Finny, Annie smiling at him. Those were replaced with images of what would happen to make her scream that way. He could only take so much. After a while, he put his face to the ground, threw one arm around one ear and the hand from it over the other, and had his thumb in his mouth, sucking on it until finally, it stopped. He popped his thumb out, put his arm down, and slowly got up.
Johanna checked on him, asked if he was okay, and he said yes. He was fine. That was a blatant lie, but he had to say it. Had to be strong now. Because he knew Annie was watching. He would be strong for her.
The last time it happened, though, it wasn't in the Quarter Quell. It was in District Thirteen. Finnick himself had been doing his best to keep it together. With Annie taken by the Capitol, he had no one. Mags was gone, and Annie was too. He had kept himself sane by tying knots in a length of rope he constantly kept on Hand. But today that wasn't enough. Katniss had been shooting a Mockingjay Propo when he had finally broken down over Annie. He had run, all the way back to his compartment, and locked the door. He crawled into bed, put the covers over his head, and lo and behold, Finny had come out. His thumb was in his mouth and he was whimpering around it, thinking of Annie, poor Annie. Annie who had been nothing but sweet to him. Annie, who had done nothing to deserve this. Annie, Who loved him unconditionally and knew every part of him. Between them there were no secrets. And now what would become of her? The girl he loved… The only family he felt he had left.
He stayed in that dark room for several hours. He didn't dare come out, face other people, until Finny was done. And after maybe five hours, he was. So Finnick came out. His face was no longer red, and though he wasn't smiling, he was essentially himself again. And when he came out, he heard the news. They were going on a rescue mission.
Annie could be safe.
Oh he had dared to to pray that prayer a million times over, and now, it may be answered. The waiting though, that was sure to be the worst.
And it was.
But then, he heard they were back. And he heard Annie call for him, and it was the sweetest moment of his life. She was a puppet in their game no more. And that night, he spoke to her all the time. Giving her words of comfort, of love, of reassurance that he was there. And when he thought she was asleep, Finny came out. He put his thumb in his mouth and suckled. He didn't feel lost anymore. Someone was there to love him, to take care of him. He was not alone. The thought made him cry. And the tears were what stirred Annie. With one look, she knew that Finny was there. Not Finnick. She was quick to perceive what he needed.
"Finny?" Her voice was soothing, lighter than air. He turned to her and kept on crying. She ran a hand through his hair. "Shhhh. It's okay. I'm here. I won't leave you." She promised.
He moved his thumb. "B-But Mama-"
"Your Mama didn't want to leave you. She didn't have a choice. She made a promise to a friend to keep those two safe. And she did that. She kept her promises. And you know I keep mine. I will never leave you. Do you understand?" She told him.
He nodded, almost cautiously. Then, without warning, he plunged his face into her chest, sobbing his eyes out. She held him close and stroked his hair. The words, "It's okay" were repeated over and over. Until finally, exhausted and tired, he fell asleep. And so did she.
The next morning it was Annie who woke first. Finnick lay in her arms, thumb in his mouth, and she wondered what state of mind he would be in when he woke up. She didn't have to wait long for an answer. When his eyes opened, it took him a second to come to, and he pulled his thumb out, looking at Annie. This was Finnick, clearly. She smiled at him.
"Morning."
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep alright?"
"Thanks to you."
She grinned and gave him a kiss. "My pleasure."
"I'm sorry I woke you last night. I-"
"Finnick." Her tone became serious when she cut him off, and he closed his mouth. "Don't apologize for what you need. You needed reassurance and I am here to give it to you anytime."
He nodded slowly, as if still processing her words. "Okay."
"Ready for breakfast?"
He smiled. "Absolutely."
In the days that followed, Finnick and Annie were inseparable. They constantly held hands and were together. And when he proposed to her one evening, she accepted readily.
The wedding itself was a joyous affair. Neither had ever been so happy. And when the dancing started, it was the most fun either of them had had in months. Finny only made a brief and subtle appearance that day. When he and Annie were dancing, The look in his eyes reflected Finny's joy, and the smile he gave her was boyish. But then, like a shooting star, he vanished, and Finnick was back again. And it meant a lot to Annie to know that Finny was just as excited for that as she was.
Finny didn't make an appearance after that, at least not one that Annie was privy to. And she always knew when he did because the boy didn't like to be alone.
And then, it was the day of Squad 451's infiltration of the Capitol. Finnick was down in the sewers when the mutts attacked. He was brave, a warrior, slaying beasts with his trident. But then, one of the beasts got the better of him, and he was taken down into the dirty sewer water, body burning with pain as they attack, and then, with an ominous sight of fanged teeth, everything went black.
But only for a moment.
He opened his eyes again, and looked around without moving his head. Katniss was above him, crying. The mutts were still around him but they were leaving him be. And for a minute he didn't understand what was going on. Why were they leaving him alone? He was about to sit up when suddenly a hand was in front of him. He looked up to it's owner, and it was Mags. Only… The way she was looking at him, she wasn't looking at Finnick. She was looking at Finny. And it wasn't until he saw her that it finally clicked in his mind about what was happening. He took her hand and stood up, looking down at his own body, which had been shredded by the mutts.
So he was dead.
He found himself wrought with guilt at first. Leaving Annie behind… Oh he couldn't imagine the pain he would cause her. But Mags seemed to understand. She gave his hand a squeeze.
"It will be fine." She said. "She will be safe."
"But-"
"Shhhh. I promise you, everything will be fine. You don't need to worry about that right now, because she's waiting for you."
"Waiting for me?" He blinked. "What?"
A door materialized out of nothing, and it looked like the door from his home in District Four. Mags opened it. A beautiful golden light shone before him. It was warm and inviting, beckoning him to it.
He stepped forward, only looking back once, and it was in time to see the bomb Katniss set off explode. But instead of fiery death, it looked strangely beautiful. There was something magnificent about it, something he could not place. And he thought maybe he found it that way because he saw the old Panem, the one he had grown up in, dying a spectacular fiery death, and a new one was rising from the ashes. He found it fitting, and his lips curled into a small smile, knowing that his death would mean something, and that the revolution would end with a better world.
He turned back to the open door, stepped through into the blinding light. And when he could see again, he was in his living room. Annie was sitting on the couch, smiling at him. And he went and hugged her, Mags smiling behind them. When Annie pulled away, she was grinning, and not her usual crazy in love smile. It was that too, but it also had the distinct hint that she had something for him.
He quirked a brow. "What are you up to?"
Annie pretended to be confused. "Me? I'm not up to anything. We, However, have a surprise for you." She said, gesturing emphatically to Mags, who was smiling.
He quirked an eyebrow at them, then smiled. "Well, don't keep me in suspense forever."
The two women shared a grin, and took him down the hall.
Everything looked much the same as he left it before he left for the Quell. The door to his bedroom was the same, and it was open as he preferred it, but there was something different. Another door next to it that hadn't been there before. That door was closed. He looked to them.
"Is that it?"
They both nodded. "Open it." Said Annie.
His fingers wrapped around the doorknob, and he opened the door, unprepared for what he saw.
It was a room for a little boy. The walls were painted like the ocean, with sand and starfish and shells near the bottom. The ceiling was painted so it almost seemed to shimmer, like sunlight on water when it was above him. The carpet was the color of sand and just as soft.
The bed itself was a twin, with something metallic on the sides, and he looked over at it questioningly. And then he recognized it. It was a guard rail, to keep little boys from falling out of bed. Then there was the rest of the things in the room. A white dresser painted with starfish and waves. There was a net hanging in one corner of the room housing a plethora of stuffed animals, mostly sea creatures. A night light in the shape of a wave was plugged in but not lit, as it was sunny outside the window. A toy chest decorated with swimming fish held every toy he had ever loved as a child, and every one he had dared to want as a child or as an adult. The closet was full of clothes, some for dressing up and pretend, others just boyish and fun. The drawers of the dresser were filled with clothes of the like, but with other additions. The last two drawers were filled with other items. For if Finny ever went younger than five. There were training pants, pull ups, and even diapers sized to fit him. There were also Pacifiers, Changing supplies, footie pajamas, and onesies. It was then that he realized the dresser also acted as a changing table.
He was struck in awe by the room, and was about to say something when he realized there was another door in that room besides the closet and the exit. A small bathroom was there, but everything seemed resized to make him feel as small as possible. He could barely look over the counter it was so tall, but luckily there was a stool for him to stand on to be able to reach the sink. A brightly colored toothbrush and flavored toothpaste were there on the counter, along with soap. The toilet itself was a blue training potty often used for toddlers, but it could be flushed. And then there was the bathtub, that had a sea faring shower curtain, smiling starfishes and seahorses decorating the walls, And the bath products were all intended for children, including a giant bottle of bubble bath.
Finnick walked out of the bathroom in a daze, and went over to Annie and Mags, hugging them both.
Annie giggled. "We thought Finny needed a place to play with his Mama and favorite babysitter."
"You did all this for me?"
"We're your family. We would do anything for you." She said.
Finnick wanted to cry, he was so happy to hear that. There weren't enough words in the world to describe what he was feeling. How could he show them how much it meant to him? How could he make them see?
He didn't really have to answer that question because in his emotional state, Finny easily came out. The boy bounced up and down over and over, thanking them both while the women laughed.
Mags went to him. "You like it?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "I love it, Mama!"
Mags laughed. "Good. Because it's all yours."
Finny beamed.
"What do you want to play with?" Asked Annie.
He looked around the room. It all looked tantalizing to him. When looking over at the net of plushies, he spied a starfish. It was medium sized. Two or three times the size of a real one. The color was realistic, and it had big eyes and smile. He went over to it, and picked it up. It was very soft.
"I like this one." He said.
"What a nice starfish." Said Mama. "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Finny snorted because to him it was obvious. "It's a boy, Mama!"
"Are you going to give him a name?"
Finny considered that a minute, looking the starfish over. After a few moments, he said, "Peaches."
"That's a pretty name." Annie said.
"Very nice. And appropriate." Mags concurred.
Finny grinned. He made the starfish, Peaches now, give each of them a kiss. Annie giggled and Mags grinned, taking one of the appendages of the toy and shaking it like she would a hand.
"Thank you, Peaches. That was very sweet." She smiled.
Finny gave her a big hug, then gave Annie one too, and the three of them went off to play, creating an undersea adventure with themselves and some plushies. There was an abundance of sea themed plushies, from seahorses, to several fishes, to crabs, to lobsters. Peaches guided them on a quest through the sea, but the mighty shellfish army tried to stop their treasure hunting. So they used their smarts to outwit them and safely made it to the treasure. After that, there was a small game of who could make the funniest face, causing giggles and laughter to fill the room. And of course there was some time outside. The backyard of this house, not unlike his real house in Panem, led to the ocean. A game of tag ensued, with Mags being able to run this time because her body was in top form again. He suspected she only looked the way she did because that was how he remembered her and wanted to remember her. After tag there was some fishing just for fun, and even a bit of sailing on a small boat that awaited them. The ocean seemed to stretch on forever, but as soon as Finny got tired, they turned it around and seemed to be at the shore in a second.
Mags and Annie both ushered him inside. Mags helped him into more comfortable clothes, seeing as his other ones were soaked with ocean water from when a wave splashed over one side of the boat and Finny was too close to the edge. Finny was very sleepy now.
"Why don't you take a nap?" Annie suggested. And he nodded. A nap sounded nice. So he climbed into his new bed, Mama and Annie on either side of him. Mama cuddled him and held him, and Annie read him a story of three little fishes. His head lolled to one side, and his thumb entered his mouth as he started to suckle on it, sleepy. By the time the story ended, he was asleep.
Mags stayed with him while Annie went to fix them all something to eat. Not that Mags could leave anyway with how he was draped over her. His upper body leaned against her chest, and one hand was fisted into her shirt. She didn't dare disturb him, not when he looked so angelic. So she stayed, watching his eyelids move when he entered deeper sleep. He stirred occasionally, but his hand never left her shirt, and his thumb never exited his mouth, and even when sleeping was given the infrequent suck by his lips.
When he did wake up, he was cozy. He stayed in the realm of half-awake half-asleep for a while, until he finally pushed himself into full-fledged wakefulness. His eyes fluttered open, and the first sight he saw was Mama's smiling face. He grinned and cuddled into her sleepily.
"Good morning, little guppy." She sang.
"Is Morning?" He slurred.
"No. Just evening. Sunset to be precise."
"Why morning?" He asked.
She shrugged. "What else do you say when someone wakes up?"
He hummed noncommittally. He didn't feel like answering that. Just then, Annie announced that dinner was ready.
Mama held his hand as she led him to the table. As with before, everything looked the same. But there were a few changes. Not with the kitchen itself, or the chairs, or the table. The change came in the dinnerware. At least for him. A blue plastic bowl covered with fishes was presented to him, containing lobster bisque. A smaller plate with stars on it held crab cakes. And a sippy cup full of juice. And his silverware wasn't silver at all- It was blue plastic to match the bowl and plate. He ate without care, and Mags chuckled when he had soup dribbling down his chin and wiped it with a napkin. There was so much love in such a small gesture, and Finny basked in it.
Everything was delicious. And when dinner was done, dessert was pulled out. Sand dollar looking cookies and peanut butter fudge shaped into starfishes were on the table. He ate one of each, grinning at the sugary taste and was going to reach for another before Mama quickly stopped him.
"If you have too much sugar now you won't want to go to bed tonight." She reasoned. And he had pouted, but accepted.
Mags then offered to do the dishes so he could have some time with Annie. He cuddled with her on the couch and babbled on about the dreams he had had of pirate ships and sail boats and buried treasure. And she smiled, and asked him questions about it. His eagerness and joy lit her up inside. Big or little, he was a bright light in her life.
When Mags returned, the three of them ended up in the living room, reading stories to one another. Poetry, novellas, and of course children's books were read. And by the time the darkest night came along, Finny was exhausted. Mags, with her restored strength, carried Finny to bed.
While Mags helped him out of his clothes, Annie grabbed something for him from one of the drawers. When he was stripped, she went over to him. She and Mags had talked about this while he was asleep, had full conversations without waking him. Being rendered mute and learning to speak with eye contact certainly had it's advantages. They had discussed how to do this, how to bring it up, and decided that being direct was the best way. After it was brought up, they would let him call the shots.
"Finny?" Annie asked. He turned his head to her, eyes bleary but gaze questioning. "Do you want to wear some protection to bed?" The second she asked it, she tensed imperceptibly, waiting for his reaction.
Finny was startled by the question. Not because it bothered him, but because it was unexpected. He considered this very carefully. Would this enhance his experience? Would it make him feel safe? He sucked on his thumb as he pondered these questions.
"You don't have to use it unless you want to, Minnow. We won't take the potty away from you." Said Mama. "It's just there to make you feel protected, and we think you might enjoy that."
Finny only needed a half a second to consider this before he nodded his consent. Annie pulled open the bottom drawer and he had three choices: Training Pants, Pull Ups, or Diapers. The diapers he nixed immediately. He wasn't that little. The training pants and Pull ups were worthy of his consideration though. He suckled on his thumb some more as he weighed each in his mind. The training pants were more appropriate for his little age, since they were closer to regular underwear, but they were also made to contain an accident on the way to the potty, and could only hold a little. The pull-ups, by contrast, were made for accidents and offered more protection. He didn't need either, but if he ever did, he would want more protection because when he was asleep, he didn't think he could control himself like the training pants connoted. So he pointed to the pull up and Annie took off his underwear and slid it up his legs. Mags returned shortly after with a pair of footed pajamas decorated with fish, and made of fleece. But while she helped him into the childish pajamas, he pondered his new underwear.
It was different, that was for sure. Much thicker and less roomy than his boxers. But it was also very plush. Like a pillow around his bottom. It crinkled a little, but the sound didn't bother him in particular. In fact, it was oddly comforting to him. It reminded him that he had protection on and that an accident would be handled. The pull up itself made him feel safer, and he was calm.
Mags read him one last story after they both tucked him into bed, each kissing one of his cheeks, and then put the guard rails up on the bed before they left. Annie turned on the nightlight, and Mags flicked the light off and closed the door. And then, he was asleep.
As expected, he woke up dry that night. He would for many more nights after. He grew used to wearing them to bed, and not once did he contemplate using them. When he woke up in the night to use the bathroom, he always used the potty. It wasn't even in his realm of possibility.
But then came one night. The nightmare had siezed him out of nowhere. He was back in the arena. And it was full of his friends and family instead of other tributes. Annie, Mags, Katniss, Peeta, Johanna, Beetee- all of them were there. And it was he who killed them. A knife to Katniss, a blow to Peeta, a spear through Johanna, a net to Beetee and then a blade through him. But Mags and Annie were the worst. He took a Trident to both of them. Mags got pierced through the neck. Annie was stabbed in the heart so hard that he heard the sounds of her ribs cracking. And when it was over, he stared down at their bodies, and didn't feel a thing. He was a killing machine and a puppet, just like they wanted.
He woke up with a gasp, heart pounding, covered in sweat, looking around the room for potential threats. But there were none. He was alone, in his bed. He clutched the guard rails, their cool metal chilling his hot hands. And then, there was a twinge from his bladder. He needed to go to the bathroom. And he needed to go now. But he was scared to leave his bed. The night was ominous outside, and despite the nightlight in his room making it not as dark, the shadows it cast made things worse. The bathroom was only a few feet away, but unlike his room it was bathed in darkness. It would be unless he turned on the light. His mind conjured up images of what could be waiting in that blackness for him, and he was too scared to leave. But what would he do? He shifted to one side, weighing his options, when a crinkling sound stopped him. In his panic, he had forgotten his Pull Up.
This moment was a crossroads for him. He sensed that if he should take this route, there would be no going back. He was scared to move, scared to leave the meager safety of his bed. But actually using his Pull Up? It was practically unthinkable. Years of being in the public eye had taught him to always think of the reputation preceding him. He had to be conscious of his self image anywhere. But he wasn't out there. He was at home, with Mama and Annie. And from what he'd seen, nobody else was around. And no one would be at this time of night.
Time was running out. His bladder was getting fuller with every second. He had to decide now. He looked at the bathroom, and then realized that even if he did make it, he wouldn't be able to do anything because he wouldn't make it that far. When he moved, the pressure worsened. The choice had inadvertently been made for him. So he laid back on his pillow, and tried to let go. But it wasn't working. His body was too well trained to just let go. So he tried a different tactic. He filled his head with childish thoughts, like drinking from his cuppy and playing with his toys, sticking his thumb in his mouth to help relax him more.
Finally, he was rewarded with a few drops, then a trickle, and then a stream. He failed to pay attention to anything else but the easing pressure on his bladder, and sighed in his relief. When it was over and done with, he paid a bit more attention to his feelings about the whole thing and the sensations it gave him.
The first feeling he identified was of course, Embarrassment. He could not believe what he had just done. But the embarrassment was quickly shoved to the back of his mind as he remembered a few things. Only Mama and Annie would ever see this and they would never judge him for it, and had already said it was okay. He also remembered that he was, for the moment, a little boy. And little boys had their share of accidents. He also reminded himself that he was home, not in public. And then, as that faded, other feelings came to mind. He felt safe and protected. Like he couldn't get hurt. And he felt little. So incredibly little. Little enough that this seemed okay, that it couldn't be helped.
And then he focused on the actual sensation. It wasn't bad at all. He wasn't exactly sure what he had thought this would be like considering he'd never given it any thought. But this wasn't it. Thinking on it now, he supposed he might have presumed it to be cold, disgusting and demeaning, and uncomfortable and just plain wrong. But it wasn't like that at all. It was safe, and warm. Oddly comforting. It wasn't uncomfortable, just different.
He was too tired to worry about changing now. In retrospect he realized that he could not get off the pajamas he was in himself, and he didn't want to wake anyone else. So he just closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
When he awoke that morning it was to a kiss on the forehead. He peeled open one eye and saw Mama smiling at him. He smiled sleepily.
"Good morning, guppy. How did you sleep?" She asked him.
"Mmmm…" Finny groaned. He wasn't one for mornings. Mags nodded her understanding.
"I know. You're not a talker this early. Let's get you out something to wear."
He was suddenly aware of the coldness around his privates and remembered his pull up. He blushed. He hadn't thought about their reactions last night.
"Um… Mama?"
"Yes?"
"I… Um, I…"
Mags went over to him. "What is it, tadpole?"
Finny buried his face in his pillow and said it. But it came out muffled to Mags.
"What was that?"
He lifted his face up from the pillow but away from her and said it in a rush. "I had an accident."
He wasn't sure what he expected at that point. Maybe for Mama to leave. Maybe for her to be mad. Maybe for her to laugh. None of that happened though. Instead, she put down one of the guard rails and sat on his bed, stroking his hair until he calmed down.
When he dared to look at her, her eyes were filled with compassion, and love to boot. He was confused. Why did she look like that?
"Minnow, you did nothing wrong. I know you probably think you did, but you didn't. It's okay to use your pull ups. You're a little boy. They're there to protect you from accidents. And Annie and I are here for you. And if we say it's alright, then it's okay."
"But-"
"Shhhh. Don't worry about it. Just let me take care of it."
He nodded, uncertain still, but feeling slightly better. Mags, so gentle and tender with him, unzipped his pajamas and pulled them down, revealing the Pull Up, tinted yellow now. Finny felt shame bubble up inside of him again, and wondered what the hell he had been thinking last night. But he never said a thing out loud. He just waited. Waited for someone to tell him what the correct response to this was. Mags was quick to slide it off and clean him up, brisk and efficient. She plucked an outfit from the closet- a simple shirt and jeans, and helped him dress in regular underwear this time. She gave him a kiss, told him he was a good boy, and then she gave him a few minutes to himself to figure things out, knowing he would come out when he was ready.
Finnick- not Finny at that point- sat on the bed, mulling things over in his mind. He wasn't all too sure what to think here. He thought about his desperation last night, and how the Pull Up had essentially saved him some embarrassment last night, but saw that it had been delayed until this morning. He thought about the feelings he had gotten last night after using it, and by contrast how he had felt this morning. The dichotomy of the two fascinated him. His feelings of safety and warmth from the night before, and the feeling of coldness and exposure in the morning. He had had an accident last night and no one got hurt, so that was good. And he thought about how he had felt so little last night, and how it had faded this morning. And he tried to dissect it, pick it apart, but he couldn't. Because there was a disconnect there. He couldn't see what it was for a long time. And then, like lightning, it struck. Because he wasn't thinking from Finny's viewpoint this morning.
So, trying to figure this out, he closed his eyes and entered his mind. He pictured a stage, like the one Caesar Flickerman interviewed tributes on, and pictured himself In Caesar's seat, with his little self in the other. His mind, perhaps working against him or maybe for him (though he didn't recognize it as that at that point in time) conjured up an image of a five year old boy, with blonde hair, and green eyes, wearing a little boy's button up shirt and tan slacks with polished shoes.
"How do you feel about what happened last night?" He asked the little boy.
Finny, smiling at him with nary a care in the world, was quick to answer. "I felt safe, and protected. I felt loved, because I knew that someone would come and help, maybe not right away, but later."
"And you didn't really feel weird about it at all?"
"Why should I?" He asked. "Mama said little boys have accidents, and I had one. And she came and took care of it like she said she would. What's weird about that?"
"Because you're grown." Finnick stated.
"No, you're grown. I'm not. Your body is where I live so I look like a grown up, but I'm not one on the inside. I think you forgotted that."
Finnick paused. The kid did have a point.
"So now what?"
"What do you mean 'now what'? I do what I always do, and you do what you do."
"But this isn't something you've always done." He countered.
"How do you know?"
"What?"
"Did you ever think that maybe I have but you've been keeping me out to not do it because you're scared?"
Finnick was baffled by that. "I am not!"
"Yes you are. You're scared that someone is gonna find out and then it will reach the mean Capitol people and they'll do something bad to you or Mama or Annie if you don't do what they say. But you don't see it."
"See what?"
"Those people aren't here. They can't be in this room. Do you know why?"
"No…"
"Because this is your heaven. Anything you don't want to happen can't happen here. They can't get here."
"So why did I have that nightmare?"
Finny smacked his head and shook it like he was trying to explain to someone how to do something simple. "Because you wanted an excuse to have an accident, duh!"
"I what?"
"Ugh, you're dumb. Don't you get it? I am made of what you want. Everything you have ever wanted comes back to me. You wanted a way to feel littler and safer so you had an accident. And you got changed, and it was over. It got cleaned up. But you can't stop thinking about it because you're so worried about what other people think! This is your heaven. Nobody is going to think what you don't want them to. You don't have to be there anymore. Stop thinking like you're still back there and start thinking about what you want in here."
Finnick was stunned to be lectured that way by a child, even if that child was himself.
"I don't know how." He said after a while.
"You don't. I do. So stop fighting me and let me out! You don't have to think when I'm here. That's kind of the point. You can still do grown up stuff, but stop acting like you're still on camera everywhere! You gotta learn to let that go, and the only way you're gonna do that is to let me be me, and after a while you'll learn to do that too."
"So I just… Let this go?" Finnick asked slowly, blinking.
"Accidents happen. They get cleaned up and you move on. It's what little boys do." Said Finny.
Sage advice from the mouth of a five year old.
Slowly, the words sank in with Finnick and he found himself nodding. "Okay. Thanks."
"Mhm!" Finny nodded.
Then, he opened his eyes.
He blinked, looked around. His mind was momentarily free of any one occupant. Neither Finnick nor Finny had come out. He felt as though he was a blank slate. Nothing written in mind nor memory. He felt a sense of peace forming, blooming inside of him. And he was safe. He knew that. This room was safe. He would not be seen here. The ideas repeated in his head a few times, before someone finally came and took control.
Finny was there in his sunny glory. He smiled. Today was going to be a good day. He just knew it! So he got out of bed and used the potty before breezing through the door. He went to the table where Mama and Annie were and grinned at them. He gave Annie a big hug, and his nightmare from the night before came to mind.
"Are you okay?" He asked her. She nodded with a smile.
"Perfectly wonderful, Finny." She said. He beamed and nodded.
"'Kay!" Then he went to Mama, who was smiling at him, and nodding a bit. If he had to guess he would say that Mama had thought this would happen, and that was why she left him alone for a bit. "Hi Mama!"
"Morning, my guppy. Feeling better?" She asked him not-so-subtly. He hazarded a guess that Annie was well aware of what had transpired the night before. But he found he didn't care much.
"Yep! Can we play today?" He asked.
"Of course we can." Said Annie.
"But you need to eat your breakfast first." Mags finished.
Finny pouted at having to delay his fun, but he was pretty hungry. All that worrying worked up an appetite. Mama did know best. So he ate a breakfast of eggs and cheese, a bit of fish, and some toast on his favorite plate. He drank orange juice from his cuppy, and chatted to Mama and Annie about whatever crossed his mind. When he was done he cleaned the dish himself, which was easy considering he practically licked it clean. After that, he refilled his cuppy, rinsing it out and getting some apple juice instead, carrying it with him.
Mama and Annie came with him into his room, and they started a game of hide and seek, with Mags being it and Annie and Finny hiding around the house. Annie hid in a closet while Finny, in his childish mindset, hid underneath the kitchen table. Mags knew exactly where Finny was hiding from the giggles coming from under the table, but she purposefully ignored him to make him feel like he was hiding well. She found Annie fairly quickly, and then made a show of searching everywhere near Finny, but not where he was, until he giggled a little too loud. Mags gasped.
"I think I heard something! Oh my, where could he be?"
Finny had to stick his thumb in mouth to keep from giving himself away. Finally, Mags looked under the table.
"Mama!" He giggled.
"There's my little tadpole!" She grinned, and wrapped him in a hug. "You hid very well, little one. It was very hard to find you!"
He grinned, and it was like looking into a mega-watt lightbulb. "I did good?"
"You did great, love."
He cuddled her a minute, and then went to Annie. "You hided great, Annie!"
Annie grinned. "Thank you, Finny."
"I know we're having a good time playing, but I think it's a little boy's bath time." Mags cooed.
"Bath time?" He parroted.
"Bath time." Mags affirmed.
Bath time could go one of two ways. Finny would either be thrilled at the idea or totally against it. Mostly it depended on what it was interrupting. Mags had strategized that between activities were her best bet of not having a fussy Finny on her hands. And so she waited for a reaction.
Finny's face lit up, and he looked excited. "Yeah! Bath time!" He said, and ran off to his bathroom. Mags and Annie, meanwhile, exchanged relieved looks. They both knew that things with this could get a little dicey. Luckily, today it hadn't gone that way.
Mags and Annie trailed along, Annie running the bath for Finny and Mags selecting his clothes, since the shirt and pants she'd put him in earlier were just transitionary. Annie poured in the bubble bath, and Mags helped him undress. She tested the water herself, Making sure it would be perfect in temperature, and then they both helped Finny in.
The two women took turns helping bathe him. Mags did the shampooing and first rinse, Annie did the conditioning and second rinse, and helped wash him while Mags played with him. Bath time that day was incredibly fun. While Mama and Annie did his hair, he used some special wash off crayons to draw on the walls around the bathtub. Then, when that was over and the washing of his body was done, The three of them played. They played pirates, and scuba divers, treasure hunters, and sailors. They had a splash fight, ending with Mags and Annie both getting soaked with the warm bubbly water. But neither of them minded. If Finny was having fun, that's all that mattered to them.
When the women decided it was time to get out, Finny eyed the clothes before him as Annie got a towel to wrap him in and Mama drained the tub. A boyish shirt and a pair of shorts that purposefully looked childish with cartoons on the pockets waited for him, along with a pair of patterned underwear. And as he looked at the underwear, he couldn't help but think of his Pull Ups. Patterned underwear was nice, but the pull ups made him feel littler and safer. He liked how they made him feel, and he wanted to feel that way all of the time. But something made him hesitate, and to Finny it felt like Finnick, telling him that it was a step too far. But Finny reminded himself that his older counterpart was still learning how to let go of his fear of what other people think, and specifically the shame of wetting his pull up last night. So he resolved to take care of it and put those fears to rest.
Annie wrapped him in a large and fluffy towel, and it was so large it brushed the tiled floor. Finny smiled. Heaven really did have everything. Annie helped him dry off and when he was dry, it was Mama's turn to help him dress. But as she went to grab his underwear, Finny spoke and stopped her.
"Mama?"
"Yes, Tadpole?"
"Can I have my pull up, please?"
Something flashed momentarily through Mags' eyes in that instant, before she gave him a big smile and nodded. She pulled one out of the cupboard below the sink and held it for him while he stepped in before sliding it up his legs. The second it was on, he felt safer and littler. Mama helped him with the rest of his clothes, and then like a bullet he was off.
Mags and Annie, who were behind In the bathroom, were planning on cleaning up anyways. Finny could be alone for short periods of time, and this wouldn't take more than a few minutes at most. Annie would help sop up the water that had gone over the tub and Mags would take care of his discarded clothes. It was a system they had worked out early on, Since Mags had more of a fashionable eye than Annie and Annie could bend more easily than she. With Finny's way of play, Puddles around the side of the tub were a common occurrence that they were well prepared for. But for a moment, before they began their tasks, they shared a look with one another. Both were smiling. They nodded silently to one another and then began their cleaning duties, each one lost in their thoughts.
For Annie Cresta, Finny's presence had become an integral part of her day to day life. His obvious joy, his giggling laugh, his creativity, and his pure innocence gave her a positive perspective on everything that had happened in her life. If Finny could find joy after everything he went through, then why couldn't she? He was a golden, gleaming reminder that perspective was key, and that positivity was power. He was proof that happiness still existed during dark times, that childhood was never really lost and only ever hidden. She had known about Finny's presence long before Finnick had ever showed any interest in her. Something in his eyes had told her that he was there. He was just a twinkle in Finnick's eye back then. He never came out the way he did now. And when he had finally made an appearance in front of her, she had been cheerful. To see that he hadn't completely lost himself in the games and to the Capitol was such a relief to her. She delighted in his appearances, and every time he came she set a goal for herself to make him feel as safe and loved as she could manage.
When she and Mags had designed this room for him, part of the reason she had invested in the training pants, the pull ups, and even the diapers was to give him that feeling. To know that she cared enough to change him after an accident, or to want him to feel protected- she imagined that meant a lot to little Finny, considering that he hadn't had anyone like that around when he was physically a toddler. To see him willingly ask for one when he didn't need it made her thrilled because it meant he felt safe enough to ask. And for her, feeling safety was hard to come by after what had happened in her Hunger Games. To give that to someone else- especially when that someone was Finnick- was everything to her.
Mags, meanwhile, Gathered up Finny's discarded clothes from the morning, lost to her thoughts as well. The moment Finny had asked her for a Pull Up had surprised her in the nanosecond after the question had been posed. She had thought that, for now, at least for the day, he would have avoided it like the plague. She had seen the embarrassment on his face this morning, from his tense body and red face. He had obviously been uncomfortable, and not just from a wet pull up. So when she had changed him, she gave him some space to process things. And a few minutes later he had bounced out like it had never happened. But that was Finny- he couldn't be held down long. She had thought his happiness genuine, but had anticipated avoidance of their nightly bedtime ritual later that night in response to the morning. It was not an unfounded one. Finny had been known to avoid things he didn't like or wasn't comfortable with, so she had expected that knee-jerk reaction to rise up again with this. When he asked for it after his bath, she truly had been surprised.
But the surprise was only momentary before it was replaced with joy. She wasn't all that sure why he had asked for it in the first place, whether it was to prove that he wasn't embarrassed or that he wasn't scared, Perhaps to feel secure or maybe some other reason entirely, she didn't know. But he had done it, and he had conquered his embarrassment and fear of judgement, and that was as good a reason as any for her to smile. For him to ask for something that he wanted was a big step in itself for him. He had always been handed things for a large part of his life, due to his beauty, his talent, his body. But usually those were things he needed or hadn't asked for. Finnick Odair, when not being touted as a Capitol Darling, was someone who put the needs of others before his own, and set his needs as far back on a shelf as they could go. He didn't ask for things he wanted because he was so busy trying to protect or take care of everybody else. So for him to ask for something he wanted… That was pure joy for her as a mother.
The bathroom mess was over quickly and they both went to see Finny drinking from his earlier filled cuppy and playing with some crayons. They were quick to join him, and the three rode through the day on the roller coaster of a child's imagination. Drawing, pretend, a nap, dress up, and tag filled their card until dinner, not counting lunch with it's crab jambalaya and two cups of juice for Finny. By that time though, he was getting anxious. He needed the potty, and he needed it badly. But something was stopping him. A desire to show his older self that accidents were no big deal. He wanted to go in his pull up, but unlike last night, he didn't have sleep to relax him marginally and convince him that it was okay. He was on the floor right now, looking through a picture book. He couldn't stop squirming in his seat. Thankfully Mama and Annie were making dinner so he didn't have to share his dilemma with them yet. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and started sucking, trying his best to let go. But his body wasn't allowing it. So he tried what he'd done the night before: thinking of childish things, like himself in a nursery or being fed a bottle. The fantasy engrossed him enough to relax him, letting his guard down, and he found himself quickly sitting in a used pull up.
The sensation was much the same as last night but he could appreciate it more now that he was awake. And for a minute he took that in before his mind raced on ahead. He needed to get changed soon because he didn't have any protection from rashes if he stayed in his wet pull up too long. So he made his way to the kitchen where mama was heating up a pan to cook and Annie was chopping vegetables. They both paused when he came in. Perhaps it was instinct that helped them sense something was amiss. Mags however, sensed what had gone on. She wasn't at all surprised when Finny came out with the phrase: "I went potty in my pull up.". She just smiled, told him that was fine, that's what it was there for, and helped him change. And as Finny had told his older self repeatedly earlier in the day, it was no big deal, and this proved it.
That moment in particular was a landmark moment for him. It was a point in his life he looked to down the road and said about it, "That changed everything."
After seeing Mags and Annie treat him no differently after his accident, Finnick finally accepted that it was okay to use his pull up. He relented his control when Finny was out, and let the boy run free. He began to use his pull ups more, though only for wetting. Messing himself was an experience neither Finny nor Finnick felt like trying. As he grew more comfortable using his pull ups, a strange thing happened. His little age went lower. From five to around three, and occasionally as low as two and a half. It never went any lower, because Finny enjoyed being a toddler and having his independence, not being a baby who was completely helpless. Although with his lowered internal age, a few things from babyhood carried over to him.
He used a pacifier occasionally. This wasn't so much a choice as it was forced by Mama and Annie. When his thumb got raw from sucking, he was cajoled into using a Paci while they worked to heal it. It wasn't that he hated the pacifier, it's just that the taste and texture bothered him. It wasn't natural to him like his thumb was. But he put up with it until his thumb was all better.
He crawled around sometimes if he felt particularly small. That was as rare as a blue moon. But it did happen, a bit more as he got more comfortable with his new age range.
And then there was the subject of the bottle, which was the second most used new habit he had attained. He liked the bottle. He got to suckle on it like his thumb but he got rewarded with a drink instead of a red thumb. He liked it a lot, but it never quite took the place of his cuppy, which was special to him because of when it came to him on that very first day here as a sign of love and affection. But that didn't stop him from calling out "baba!" And nursing it in Mama or Annie's lap. Mama in particular enjoyed it when he fed in her lap, and always praised him, saying: "That's Mommy's good little boy. You're going to be so strong someday.". Somehow the bonding it created was sweeter than sugar cubes.
But the biggest habit he adapted was the baby talk.
Annie and Mags had practically swooned over it when he did it the first time, and it just solidified his decision to use it. So the "r" and "l" sounds in words were replaced with the letter "w", and the word "with" pronounced "Wif." He used more babyish terms like "baba", "moo moo", "fishy", "pee pee", "Poopie", and "Paci". Mags and Annie responded in kind with calls for "sleepy time" and "night night". And it made him feel accepted.
The one subject from Babyhood that he himself had closed time and again was diapers. Both Mags and Annie had pleaded their cases at certain points as to why he should switch to them, but he wouldn't have it. He was a toddler, not a baby. And there were some things for which he would not stand. That was one of those things. The only time he ever willingly accepted diapers (or "Diapees" as his little self called them) was when he was sick, and the babyish side of himself was accepted totally. The sickness maybe lasted one day at most with the medicine they gave him during those occasional flare ups, but usually he felt so bad he didn't want to move. So he agreed to diapers for that day, and used them accordingly.
Finnick himself had questions about why the heck that even happened, because if this was heaven shouldn't he not be able to get sick? But then he remembered Finny's words to him the morning of that first accident, about looking for an excuse to have one. And he thought that's what was happening now. By putting himself in a situation where he was helpless, he could explore what he felt without admitting anything to himself. It wasn't a coincidence that his getting sick was only a few days after a diaper discussion. And he had thought through everything thoroughly, and ultimately come to the conclusion that while sometimes it could be nice, it just wasn't for him.
The pull ups were for him, that was the decision he made. And most of the time he could back that up pretty well. The one thing the three of them had definitely agreed on though, was not to have him be without protection at any point. Because the one time he was ended up being a mistake.
He had been in an odd place that day. Finnick and Finny were handing off the baton to one another throughout the day, and he had woken up in his big headspace. So he hadn't thought about needing any protection because he didn't wear it when Finny wasn't out. And every time he had had to go to the bathroom, he had made it there, and Finny came out intermittently a few times that day. He had been in his little room, looking for something- he couldn't remember what he thought he had left there at the time- when Finny popped out. It wasn't surprising, considering that this was his space, so him being there wasn't a shock. What had been a shock was suddenly feeling warmth running down his legs and looking down to see a huge wet spot on his pants and a stain on the carpet.
It was at that point that Mags had come in, to tell him she found the book (so that's what it was!) he thought he'd left in here was in the living room. She had paused when she saw what had happened, and the only thing out of his mouth came from Finny, not Finnick. He had looked over at her with fearful eyes and said,
"Mama, sowwy fow pee pee."
And Mags had melted like butter. She had smiled at him, told him that it was fine, that it happened to everyone. And then Annie had come in, hearing Mags use the voice she had reserved for soothing him, and she had seen what happened too, although her gaze was more fixated on the bright red flush on Finny's cheeks. But maybe that part wasn't Finny's- that may very well have been Finnick's. But she had smiled at him, and talked to him while Mags got him a pull up and some new pants. She enjoyed talking to him and calming him down because it reminded her of all the times he had done that for her when she had spaced out. And after the change was over, Finny was very quiet. And so they were too, waiting for him to show some kind of reaction so they could handle it.
It was to Finny's surprise, but not theirs, that he started to cry. It marked the second of only two times he had ever cried here. The first had happened when he had tripped over his own feet in the living room and on the way down to the ground had scraped his head on the coffee table and was bleeding. He had been in his headspace then, though he had been crying more from shock than from pain at the time. This time was surprisingly not from shame like one would expect, but out of guilt.
Both parts of him had long since accepted the use of his pull ups, and Finny had become very dependent on them for feeling protected. The logic in that was not what troubled him. What he was dealing with was the guilt of feeling like Mags and Annie were doing so much for him and he wasn't doing enough in turn. It came from Finnick, that guilt, and it had haunted him constantly both in and out of this place. He had spent so much time taking care of others that when others worked to take care of him, he felt bad about it. He had accepted the fact that Mags and Annie had become caretakers to his little self, and he had accepted them changing his pull ups, but what he had not accepted (because frankly he hadn't considered the possibility until that point) was them having to change his wet pants and do his laundry because of it. It was one thing to change him out of a pull up but to have the additional steps of washing his pants because he had an accident was a little too much for him. And it was Finnick, not Finny, who was crying out his guilt.
Mags and Annie teamed up, as so often happened, to calm him down. They knew exactly how to talk to both parts of him at once, so whichever part of him was feeling this would be soothed. They knew the places to touch him that would make him feel not like a man being touched sexually, but like a person who needed comforting. They held off though on hugging him, because sometimes it didn't make him feel better when he was too upset between headspaces like they thought he was now.
And slowly, Finnick calmed down. The dramatics were all Finny, but the guilt was his burden, and it was being lifted by their words. And eventually the tears stopped and he was quiet. Much like that morning of the first accident, He was free of any one occupying his mind. Mags and Annie had only seen this a few times, but they knew enough to be patient and wait for something to happen.
But even Finnick himself couldn't see the reaction that came coming.
For about two hours after the guilt-laden outburst, he didn't speak. He pointed when he wanted something or only made vague sounds to confirm or deny something when asked a question. He had flung himself so deep into his little headspace that he had broken through his own limits, surpassed his boundaries, and went to a nonverbal state like a baby who couldn't talk. And for a long while after, he questioned why that had happened because it had literally never appealed to him. But many weeks later, he would come to the conclusion that it happened because he wanted Mama and Annie to feel the depth of just how much he needed them, and also because he needed to see that they understood him no matter how far in his little space he went. And to his delight, they did.
He often thought that Mama had the unique ability to have entire conversations through eye contact, and it seemed that she had passed the skill onto him, because She and Annie seemed to understand what he needed without him having to say anything, and the same went for what he wanted. Looking back, he couldn't remember the last time he had felt so understood. And their patience, love, and care was rewarded when he spoke again. It was a harried apology, begging for their forgiveness because he had heaped so much responsibility on them, and he had known all too well what that was like. He was babbling on and on about how much he had failed to do or show them, when not one but two index fingers were pressed to his lips to silence him.
"Finny, you don't understand something." Annie began. "You aren't forcing us to do anything."
"We do this because we love you and it makes us happy. And if it makes you happy, it's not a responsibility at all. It's a joy. And we know you love us, Tadpole, because you show us every day in your smiles, and your excitement, and your joy. The fact that you share this part of yourself with us willingly is in and of itself a show of pure love and great trust." Mags continued.
"You don't have to tell us or do anything for us. You show it by just being yourself." Annie Finished.
He looked between them for a moment, trying to see any hint of dishonesty in their faces. But all he found was love and compassion. That was the moment that made it click for him that they weren't just taking care of him, but he was doing the same for them. And he threw his arms around them in response.
After flipping between headspaces all day, he was exhausted, and that night he went to bed early, overemotional but comforted by what had occurred the day before. Unconditional love did exist, and this day proved it.
Finnick and Finny both had equal time being out and about in the coming weeks. The first few spent in his heaven were mainly occupied by Finny, who had to adjust to the changes that came with being allowed to be little as much as he wanted, having his own space, and of course dealing with the changing of his internal age. But Finnick had his equal amounts of time out as things came along and grew more balanced. He cooked for Mags, Kissed his Wife, Fished (with a trident instead of a net like Mags insisted upon when he was little for fear of him hurting himself), Read books, And occasionally just had a lazy day around the house where he did whatever he chose. On those occasions, Annie and Mags would leave him for a few hours to get some clothes shopping done or pick up some food. Sometimes Finnick took them both out for dinner, And in a place to eat they were never disturbed like they would have been on earth, except of course by a waiter who took their drink and food orders. He was never gawked at in public or crowded around by a sea of women who made him think he'd rather die than be with sexually. In that department he only had eyes for his wife.
Finny, by contrast, was having some difficulty. Nothing was wrong with his life. He had a loving family, plenty of toys, good food, a home, and his own room. There was nothing inherently wrong in his life. So when feelings of dissatisfaction arose within him, he had to carefully comb through every area of his life to try and figure it out. And when that didn't work either, he had to try and identify where the feeling was coming from. But to do that he first needed to find the pattern of when it came. So he paid attention. It came when he played adventurer and had to do two voices of plushies himself. It left when Mama or Annie took over. It came when he was cuddling Peaches on the couch and Mama and Annie were in the kitchen. It came when he woke up and left when someone came to get him. It was that in particular that clued him into what he felt.
He was lonely.
That wasn't entirely unreasonable. There were times when Mama and Annie were both busy and he played by himself. But it had never bothered him before. So why now? He puzzled over that a long time and got another clue to the problem when Annie was playing with him but he felt that sense of incompleteness again. So maybe it wasn't just that he was lonely when they left. And then, a thought came that stopped him short.
Maybe it was that he felt alone in his desires.
So maybe what he wanted was someone to share this with. Someone besides a caregiver. Someone like him. But who on earth would he share it with? It wasn't like he could ask someone on the street to share this with him. Of course, he could ask a friend. A few fellow victors had been known to visit on occasion, but only ever when he was big and his little room was locked. But even then, sharing something of this magnitude was terrifying, humiliating, and too dicey for his liking. So he clammed up, and chose not to say anything. He would rather be safe in his discontent than exposed in his vulnerability.
The fatal flaw in his plan was that Finny could not hide his emotions as well as his adult self. He withdrew somewhat, and both Mags and Annie immediately took notice. But the maternal instincts in both of them screamed that he would not say anything. So, like any mothers would do, they watched him carefully to determine the problem. They saw that in the moments he thought he was alone, he withdrew even more. But as soon as one came around the corner, he was rejuvenated again. Not completely revitalized, but rejuvenated. And after a few days, the two women came together one night after Finny was tucked into bed, and discussed their findings, both coming to the same conclusion that Finny had: He needed someone to share this with.
It took them both a few days to come up with a solution to that problem. It could have been easily solved by just blurting it out to someone, but that would be unfair. Finny was an intensely private little boy. Selecting a playmate was going to be incredibly difficult. They spent nights after Finny was in bed, detailing for hours the pros and cons of different people who Finnick considered friends. They each screened them and vetted them, trying to figure out who would be best for him to play with. They also discussed how to go about bringing this up. A few ideas were put on the table, but nothing solid was selected. Finally, though, after several late nights of deliberation, they came up with one person whom they both thought would fit the bill.
Peeta Mellark.
Peeta's understanding and compassion were a perfect fit for Finny. His kindness was unmatched by anyone else they knew. But going about telling him this was going to be dodgy, especially because they were torn on telling Finny their plan or not. Of course they wanted to, to be completely honest and upfront with him was what they were used to doing. The issue was if they did tell him and he refused, they worried that he would deny himself something he desperately wanted and clearly needed. And if he were to resign himself to a life of loneliness as a child, they thought very much that he would not be living his life to the fullest and enjoying it like he should be. And for a few days, they were at a standstill, leaning one way and then The other, before they came to a decision.
They decided not to tell him. If he was angry with them after, they could deal with that. But to see him resign himself to loneliness was more than they could bear. So they sent a letter to Peeta in District Twelve, asking him to come and visit alone. They assumed he had been perplexed by that last word, but nonetheless he had accepted, and promised to be on the next train to four.
The women had discussed who would go and meet Peeta and who would stay with Finny, and ultimately it was decided that Mags would stay and Annie would go, since Finny would be more likely to keep in his headspace with his Mama around, rather than risk him going out of it to have some adult time with Annie. Finny had whined at her leaving, but she promised him to be back quickly. When he asked where she was going, she just replied that she was going out to get something to surprise him with. And he had accepted the answer and known she wouldn't tell him more if she wanted to surprise him. And Annie felt relieved that she had been able to disclose a selective truth to him rather than lie. Annie gave him a kiss goodbye and told him to be good for his Mama, before leaving.
Very quickly she arrived at the station, and easily spotted Peeta coming out. She gave him a quick hug, and thanked him for coming, before asking that they go somewhere private to talk. Somewhere private ended up being A small shanty near the beach that was really just a glorified storage shed. But she had taken some time and cleared it up enough to let two chairs in. And when they got there she locked the door so they wouldn't be disturbed.
"Thank you again for coming, Peeta." She said to him, turning on the light and sitting down.
Peeta followed her lead and pulled up a chair. "No problem. But I was hoping you could explain why I had to come alone. I don't like leaving Katniss alone."
"I know. And I'm sorry about that. But I'm going to be letting you in on something very secret, that only Mags and I know about. We may eventually tell Katniss about this, but we wanted you to know first because we thought you would be more… understanding about this."
"I'm listening."
"It's about Finnick."
"Okay…"
Annie racked her brain trying to figure out how to explain this. "Have you ever wished you were a child again? So you could be innocent and not have to worry about, well, any of what we've gone through?"
He considered that for a few moments. "Aside from Katniss my childhood was pretty bleak. I don't particularly miss it. But I do understand that feeling of not wanting to worry about things and not feeling responsible for what's happened. Why do you ask?"
"Finnick feels that way. So he's made a decision to be a child again, or at least act like one at home."
Peeta blinked. "Alright. So what does that have to do with me?"
"Let me be clear about something first before I get to that: Mags and I weren't supposed to know about this either. Nobody was. But Mags walked in on it and I figured it out. And he's let us take care of him. We thought that If you knew than maybe…"
"Maybe I could help take care of him too?"
"Not exactly. See, we think he's lonely. We think he wants someone to play with him that isn't us. So we were wondering if you would." Annie felt herself tense as the question was posed, bracing herself for a bad reaction.
"You want me to play with him?"
"…Yes?"
There was a total instant of terror for Annie as she pictured his reaction going all wrong and Finny being revealed, but the instant passed when Peeta's face lit up.
"I'd love to!"
Annie relaxed and exhaled. "Really?"
"Of course! I love kids. Always wanted my own someday. This could really help me prepare for that, and besides, Finnick saved my life once. It's the least I can do."
Annie's face lit up and she wrapped him in a hug. "Thank you, Peeta. We knew we could count on you."
"Where is he now?"
"He's at home with Mags but… He doesn't know that we decided to tell you."
"What?"
She explained to him exactly why they thought it best not to. From his outright rejection of the offer for fear of publicity and backlash, to him denying himself something they clearly saw he desperately wanted. And Peeta nodded his understanding.
"We thought this was the best way to do things." Annie said.
"Well, I can't pretend to say I understand what it would be like to be in your position and make that decision, but I can say that I hope it works out."
"Me too."
And so the two of them walked to District Four's Victor's Village. As predicted it only took about an hour to get to the station, tell Peeta and get back. And she and Mags had both agreed on keeping Finny in his room during that time in case they came back early. They both wanted Peeta to see him playing. Partly to impress upon him how seriously he took the role, and also because if Finnick- not Finny- tried to later deny it, he would have indisputable proof of how much he enjoyed it.
When they entered the house they were careful to be quiet. They were lucky though, because Mags at that point had come to the kitchen to refill Finny's cuppy.
"Is he in his room?" Annie whispered.
Mags nodded. "Go and see him. Last door on the right. It's open."
Peeta nodded. And when he stepped toward that room, he couldn't help but get the same feeling he did when he was walking a path alone at night before the games. That sense of certainty that he was on his own here. And for this part, he was. He had to see this for himself before going any further, and Finnick's caretakers had thought it best to be that way. He agreed with that. He needed some space to make his own decision on how he felt about this. That didn't mean he wouldn't help, but he needed to sort through how that made him feel.
As he crossed through the kitchen and silently padded his way down the hall, he found himself curious. The Capitol darling had gone through such changes since they had first met. From looking like a sexual player, to becoming a devoted husband, Peeta could only theorize that this was like another layer underneath. It seemed to him that Finnick Odair was an onion. The more you peeled away the closer you got to what was truly underneath. The outer layer had been a playboy, the next a caring friend. Then there was an adoring husband, and now this. And he wondered, perhaps absently, if this was the center of the onion.
Eventually though, he made it to the door. He paused just beside the door, and put his back to the wall, before he looked inside. Initially he could not see when he turned his head, so he had to lean over a bit before he caught a glimpse. From the inside though, he only was visible enough to see a few streaks of blonde hair and a part of his face. Peeta looked.
Finnick was on the floor, sitting down on the carpet, legs splayed out as he cuddled a toy starfish. His thumb was being suckled as he did so, and when he shifted, Peeta thought he could hear faint crinkling. It may have been his imagination, but then it may not have considering what Annie had said. Finnick giggled and Peeta was struck by how childish it sounded. Then, Finny popped his thumb from his mouth and spoke to the starfish.
"Peaches, Whatcha doin'?" He asked. He paused to listen to the starfish, apparently called Peaches. "Tweasuwe?" He asked. "We can find it!"
For Peeta, hearing the lisp, the crinkling, the giggles, they were a confirmation for him. Finnick was happy this way. And seeing him look so happy, that released the tension inside of him. He thought a part of him might have worried that he wouldn't look at his friend the same. But now he saw the truth. What he had seen of his friend before was only part of the story. This was the complete book. And he realized he didn't want to look at his friend the same, because this had opened his eyes. So, he stepped forward, with a smile on his face, in plain view of his friend. He wasn't too sure looking back if that was a conscious decision. But it hadn't mattered in the end.
Finny had still been grinning when he looked up, having seen from the tail of his eye someone standing in the doorway. He thought it was his Mama with his Cuppy. But it wasn't. It was Peeta Mellark. His face dropped instantaneously. He was in such shock he could only stare at the man before him. But Peeta was smiling at him. He stepped inside.
"Hi there." It was soft and kind.
Finny couldn't do anything but stare, terror in his eyes. What was Peeta even doing here?! And where was Mama? How did he even know this room was here? And what would happen now? The questions swirled around in his mind and he felt like he was going to be sick. But he didn't move. More accurately he couldn't move. His body was frozen in time. All he could do was stare and wait as the mighty hammer of judgement was smashed upon him.
Peeta saw that he wasn't going to move, and how scared he looked, so he took it upon himself to comfort him. He went over to his friend, set a hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay. I know you're scared, and that's understandable. I can't pretend I know everything you've been through in your life, but I know this helps you. And you're my friend, Finnick. I wouldn't ever judge you or stop liking you for something that helps you deal with all of that. You saved my life once. How could I ever see you differently when I have seen the person you are inside already? I want to do something to help you, too. So if you'll have me, I'd love to play with you." He said, smiling kindly.
Finny looked up at him with wide eyes, equal parts hopeful and scared. He wanted that to be true but he was afraid it wasn't. He looked into Peeta's eyes, and saw nothing but kindness and compassion. And in that instant he made his choice.
"Finny." He said.
Peeta looked confused. "What?"
"I Finny."
Understanding briefly flickered across Peeta's face before he smiled. "I see. Well Finny, you want to play?"
Finny gave him a shy smile, and nodded.
Peeta looked over to the Starfish he had been holding and pointed to it. "Who is that?"
"Peaches!" He smiled. "He my fwiend."
"I see. He looks very happy."
Finny nodded. "He happy."
"What does Peaches like to do?"
"He swim. He wike piwates, and aventuwes." He said.
"Really?"
"Uh huh!"
"Can he take us on an adventure?"
Finny's eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously.
And so on that day, Peaches the Pirate led Finny and Peeta on an adventure through the seas around District Four. They went on a treasure hunt, Finding it not without some difficulty. But then the rogue band of Shellfish pirates attempted to steal it. An epic battle ensued, with First Mate Finny ending it by knocking them overboard while Peeta managed the sails. And when the treasure was saved, they docked upon the shore. And their treasure hunt was rewarded by some cake that Peeta had brought in his bag, and some ice cream in the freezer.
Peeta, who noticed that Annie and Mags had mostly confined themselves to the living room. He wasn't too sure if they were just giving them privacy or if they perhaps felt guilty about not telling Finny he was coming, but he knew they would come eventually. It was just a feeling he had, but he was pretty sure it would happen. So after that he and Finny went back to the room, where they had a play sword fight not unlike the one they had on their pirate adventure. Then, they tossed a ball around for a bit. Next, they built an entire city from wooden blocks. After that they made forts and subsequently had fort wars, throwing plushies at one another. When they slowed down, it was then that Mags entered the room, smiling at the literal explosion of plushies that had been strewn around the room.
"Having fun?" She asked.
Finny, who hadn't noticed her presence, squealed at the sound of her voice and went over to hug her. Mags chuckled and hugged him back.
"Are you having a good time?"
"Yeah, Mama!"
Mags grinned, partly in happiness and partly in relief that he wasn't upset with them, and pulled away. "Good. But it's time for a break, tadpole. Just long enough to eat something and have a potty break." She wasn't sure if he would be okay with her saying something about the pull ups, so she tried to be tactful about the whole thing. But it didn't matter because Finny had spoken of it anyways.
"Mama, Changies?"
"Of course." She said. Then she looked to Peeta. "Annie is preparing lunch right now if you want to join her in the kitchen. We'll be out in a few minutes."
"Sure, no problem." He said. He sensed that they wanted privacy, and felt free to give it to them. So he exited the room, leaving Finny and Mags alone.
Mags easily hefted him up on her hip and got him to the changing table, undressing him while he babbled on about the adventures he had gone on. It was mostly unintelligible because of the speed he was talking and the muffled articulation because his thumb was in his mouth, but she could decipher some of it. She nodded, and proceeded with the change, only pausing to wipe him clean. And as soon as he was changed and redressed, he was up and practically running to the kitchen to see what was for lunch.
It turned out to be lobster, shrimp, soup, and some crab legs. Peeta, not used to the sea faring tastes of District Four, was amazed at the flavors. He couldn't ever remember having lobster, even in the Capitol. And dipping it in butter was incredible. Shrimp he'd had, and crab he'd had, but the soup, which he'd found out was called Tomato Bread Soup with Steamed Mussels, was all new to him and delicious. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a delicious meal outside of the Capitol. Finny seemed to think so too, because he devoured everything on his plate, inadvertently smearing soup on his face. Mags had laughed at the sight and Annie had wiped his face clean. And then, lunch was over, and Peeta and Finny went back to playing while Mags and Annie cleaned up. That lasted another two hours until Finny eventually grew tired. Mags and Annie both seemed to have some sort of sixth sense about that because they came in right as he started slowing down in his play.
"I think it's nap time for you, Guppy." Mags said to him.
"But I'm not tiiiiiiiiireeeeed, Mama!" He whined.
"It's time for bed, Finny." Annie reiterated.
Peeta joined in. "Their right. I have to get going if I want to make it back home by tonight."
"Will you come back?" He asked with hopeful eyes.
Peeta grinned and smiled. "Anytime."
Finny gave him a hug goodbye and a smile, and let Mama and Annie get him ready for nap time.
He fell asleep, happier than he had been in weeks. And Mags and Annie both knew that this had to happen again. So they discussed who might be the best choice for his next playmate.
They discussed it among themselves before they brought up someone to Finny, because in the end it was all about making him comfortable. And when they brought up the candidate, Finny had nodded happily in agreement.
Their choice for his next playmate was a rather bizarre one from an outside perspective. But they wanted him to have a playmate he had an established connection and trust with. Someone who knew him as a person, and who wouldn't find all of this too surprising. So their next candidate was Johanna Mason, victor of District Seven.
They had repeated the letter writing process to Johanna, and she had reluctantly agreed to come, though her reluctance was never directly stated and merely assumed, because she never liked making things easy.
This time, It was Mags who went to get her from the train station. Finny and Annie had been enthralled in a game that day, so she had soldiered on, not wanting to disturb them. She met Johanna at the station, and Johanna gave her a half smile. Mags hadn't been there two seconds before Johanna spoke.
"Let me guess, this is about the Thumb Sucking thing with Finnick, right?"
That was Johanna. Straight to the point. No nonsense or beating around the bush.
"How-"
"He did it once, very shortly, when he was asleep in the games. I have a guess as to why that was."
Mags smiled. "You have the gift of intuition."
Johanna snorted. "Not really. I just figured there was something more going on here. Anybody could see that. So tell me what's going on exactly."
Mags nodded. "Let's get somewhere private first."
Mags took her to the same shanty that Annie took Peeta to, and explained everything, all the way up to Peeta finding out and spending the day with Finnick. When she stopped, Johanna blinked.
"You want me to play with him? Me, of all people?"
"Yes. We want him to play with those he has a connection to already. Especially to those who understand him better."
"I don't know anything about kids, Mags. Nothing. Do you really think my snarky ass is what you want around your kid? I don't think so."
"It's not about who you are, it's about who he is. He needs friends. And you're one of the closest ones he has. And you don't have to know anything about kids. All you need to know is things about him. What subjects to avoid, and the things he enjoys. Most of that hasn't changed with his little self. Besides, he may surprise you. And you may surprise yourself with how well you do with him."
Johanna blinked. She looked at Mags for a very long moment, and finally nodded her consent. "Alright. Let's go."
So they went back, and when they got to the house and entered, Finny and Annie were snuggled up on the couch as she read him a story. But the second the door opened, he was up and moving.
"Mama!" He grinned and gave her a hug.
"How are you, Minnow?"
"Good!" He smiled. Then over her shoulder he caught sight of Johanna, who was smiling a bit at him. His whole face lit up, and he let his Mama go to see her. He was practically bouncing with excitement.
"Ya gonna Play?" He asked. The hope shining in his eyes honestly stopped her for a moment. How he could still feel emotions like that after all that happened was incredibly shocking to her. But she realized that the hope was about her. About her staying to play with him. About her accepting him. It had been so long since someone had thought that much of her, and although she didn't want to admit it, it touched a place inside of her. So she gave him a surprisingly soft smile and nodded.
"Yay!" Finny cheered and gave her a hug. She surprised herself by hugging him back. She felt an odd sort of protectiveness of him. It was strange. All her life she had been about self preservation, and now, she realized that she wanted to protect someone else. Not because they could get her something she wanted, as with Katniss in the arena, but because she genuinely wanted to for no reason she could name. Finny let her go and she did the same, and he grabbed one of her hands and tugged on it lightly.
"C'mon JoJo!" He said. If anybody else had called her that, she would have put an axe through them. No questions asked. But the way he said it… It wasn't a mocking sort of thing like she might have thought it to be. It was a genuinely affectionate nickname. And this struck her as odd. Not because he used it, but because of the affection behind it. She disliked affection, but it was a strange dislike. Because underneath her hard exterior, she craved it deeply. But since everyone she loved was killed, she couldn't get it. But now, she seemed to be getting it from him, and in an odd way it soothed her.
"I'm coming." She said. And she followed him to his room. A glance around told her everything she needed to know about how seriously he took this, and she swore to herself that she would not ruin something for him that was clearly so special and obviously a labor of love for Annie and Mags.
Finny looked so excited to play with her, and it warmed her. "What we play, JoJo?"
Johanna scanned the room for something they could do together, and spied some bean bags in the net that held the plushies. That gave her an idea. So she gathered them up and turned to him. "Want to play bean bag toss?"
Finny nodded, but then paused. "We don' have a thing to toss in."
"We can make one."
"Really?"
Johanna nodded. She was originally going to say they get some tape and make spaces for them to toss them into, but she thought twice about that on the carpet, knowing it might not stay as well. So she improvised. She instructed him to grab all the plushies he could carry and she did the same, before she started making them into something else. She grabbed several and made one circle, then another, and another. By the end, there were three circles made from the space behind the Plushie's backs. One was big, one was smaller, and the furthest one was the smallest.
"We have to get the bean bags into the circles. The big circle is five points, the medium circle is ten, and the small one is twenty. I'll write down the points we get. And whoever has the most points at the end wins. Sound fun?"
"Yeah!" Finny was so excited it almost made her laugh. His exuberance was a breath of fresh air for her, because back at home everyone was so… drab.
They began to play. Finny went first and got in the big circle. Johanna went and got hers in the medium one. And they took turns until six rounds had passed, and they decided to tally their points. Finny ended up with 125 points, and Johanna with 130. It was very close, but considering their skill levels, that wasn't surprising.
"I won this time, but I bet you're going to beat me soon." Johanna smiled.
"Really? You tink?" He asked hopefully.
She nodded. "I'm sure of it."
He gave her a hug and giggled. "We pway sometin' ewse now?"
"Sure. What would you like to play?"
"Can we pway caws?"
"Cars?"
He nodded. "I got caws in my toy box."
"Sure, we can do that."
He let her pick out a car and he picked out a smallish looking train. But there was no track. So, creatively, Johanna made him one. She didn't use Plushies this time. She used some fishing wire to do the job, and made it form pathways to different parts of the room. So Finny's train raced Johanna's car (Though it was really more of tank looking thing) and in the end, Finny won the race. He cheered and clapped for his train, and Johanna couldn't help smiling. What surprised her though was when Finny literally leaped forward to tackle her in a hug. She found herself laughing, and it was such a strange sound to her. So foreign coming from her lips. But she hugged him back, and realized that for the first time in a very long time, she was having fun- And it didn't involve being snarky or violent.
After that they ended up making something together. A paper tree, made from brown construction paper and green paper. It ended up being fairly large, them using tape to make it bigger, elongating the trunk. And they each cut out the leaves, drawing on them to try and make them more realistic. Johanna added lines to the trunk, but left some of it blank in case Finny wanted to draw there. And he did. There were four stick figures there. One boy and three girls. One girl had white hair, one had red, and one had black. And he wrote the words "Finny's Family" underneath. Johanna smiled.
"It's very good. Tell me who each one is." She asked.
He pointed. "That's me, that's Mama, that's Annie, and that's you JoJo."
"Me?"
"Yeah. You."
"I'm your family?"
"Yeah. You're my family, Auntie JoJo."
Johanna's lips tipped into a wide, happy smile. "Auntie JoJo, huh?"
"Well yeah. You play with me like an Auntie. And I always wanted one. So it's you."
Johanna's grin widened even more somehow, and she surprised herself by pulling him into a hug.
"Thank you." She said. She wanted to say more, but somehow she knew he understood what she meant.
He giggled, and when she pulled away, he said: "I wanna put this somewhere."
"We can do that. Where do you want it?" He considered this.
"Door?"
She nodded. "Sure."
So they got tape from the kitchen and put the tree up behind the door to Finny's room. When it was up, they stood back and smiled, admiring it.
And then, they played for a little while longer. Just some imaginary situations with the plushies. Then, Finny began to yawn, and she knew what that meant.
"Tired?" She asked.
"No!" He said too quickly.
She almost laughed. "Come on, Squish. Nap time."
"Squish?" He questioned.
"Squish. Because you like to squish me with hugs, and I like to squish you with hugs."
He considered this, and smiled. "I like that."
Johanna smiled. "Good. But it's still time for a nap, though."
Finny pouted. "Fine. But I don't like it."
"You don't have to like it. You just have to do it. But I'll read to you to make it easier."
His face lit up. "Story time?"
She nodded. "Story Time."
He gave her a hug, and then scrambled to the bed. He got himself comfy, and Johanna sat next to him on the bed, and began telling him a story about a tree. By the end, he was asleep.
Johanna could have left after that to let him sleep, but she chose to stay. She spent that time contemplating how she felt. This day had been so different. Back home, though things were better than they were, the people remained drab and dreary. Very bitter. But this house was so vastly different. Joy radiated from every corner, especially in this room. And the change in herself shocked her. She had never thought herself good with kids. She never wanted any of her own, even before she participated in the hunger games. She never had that itch. But how she did with Finny today, she showed some instinct. Some promise. And that warmth and protectiveness she felt over him… That was so different. So unlike her. But she realized something. The cold, ruthless, and snarky person she was now was not who she saw she could be. She could be a warm, loving, person, and Finny brought that out in her. She rethought that a moment. Okay, maybe she couldn't be that all the time, but she could be that for him. And she wanted to be.
The realization comforted her. And she realized that she didn't want to let go of this moment. So she held onto every second until he woke up.
Finny woke up with a groan, and shifted on the bed, realizing there was something warm next to him. He pried bleary eyes open, and saw JoJo smiling at him. And he gave her a tired smile in turn. When he shifted again, though, he realized he needed a change, and whined.
"What is it, Squish?" She asked.
"I need changies." He said, He was going to get Mama or Annie when Auntie JoJo stopped him.
"Do you want me to change you?" The question popped out of her mouth before she even knew it was coming. And Finny paused and looked at her in surprise. No one ever did that but Mama and Annie. He didn't want Auntie to think he was gross.
Johanna saw the indecision in his face, and asked him a question: "Do you trust me?"
"Yes, Auntie." He said. There was no question about that.
"I won't look at you any different. You can trust me." She said.
After a few moments, he nodded his consent and he got onto the changing table. Luckily for Johanna, he was wearing a pair of shorts with an elastic waist, so she didn't have to worry about unbuttoning or unzipping anything. So she pulled them down and saw the pull up, tinted from use. It didn't gross her out like she thought it might when she made that offer unthinkingly. She supposed it might have disgusted her because it was Finnick wearing and using them. But it wasn't- this was Finny, who was just a little boy. It didn't phase her, really. She'd seen her share of blood and guts, so a used pull up was nothing to her. She pulled the wet pull up down his legs, and tossed it out in the pail nearby while Finny sucked on his thumb. Then, she wiped him clean and got him into a fresh pull up. She got his pants back up, and smiled. She felt good. It went well- better than she hoped. Finny hadn't fought her, and she felt she had done well for her first time with this sort of thing. And when Finny sat up and hugged her, it was all the confirmation she needed.
"Tank you, Auntie."
"You're welcome, Squish."
He beamed at her and kissed her cheek.
Johanna stayed until nightfall, and Finny was sad to see her go. But she had to get home.
"Will you come back, Auntie JoJo?" He pleaded.
"Anytime you want, Squish." She smiled.
He hugged her, and she him, before she said goodbye to everyone, thanked them for a fantastic day, and left for the station.
Finny had been so happy that day, and they all knew they would be seeing Johanna soon. But there was one more person they wanted to ask over for a playdate.
Katniss Everdeen.
With Peeta already in the know about everything, she was an obvious choice. They figured that this might help her grieve the loss of her sister in a positive way. And Finny had indicated that he was okay with it.
So they sent her a letter, asking her to come down, and told her that Peeta would explain why they asked for her.
So, all the way down in District Twelve, Peeta regaled Katniss with the tale of what happened when he himself went down.
At first, Katniss had been skeptical. But as he explained, her face grew more serious. She thought she could understand why that happened. It was how he had coped with everything. It was different, that was for sure, but she knew for a fact that everyone coped differently. She put entries in a memory book and hunted. Peeta painted and baked. Finnick tied different knots and apparently did this. But she would try and help him cope, because she knew what it was like to have no one to help you do that.
So she sent her reply that she was coming, and boarded the train to District Four. She found her way fairly easily to the Victor's Village. And she figured out which one was Finnick's because of the voices of three people that could be heard through the walls. Mags, Annie, and Finnick. It was easy to do the math. So she knocked on the door, and Annie answered.
"Hello, Katniss." She smiled.
"Hi Annie."
"Come in, please." She said, very welcoming.
"Thanks." She smiled, and entered.
Mags entered next to Finny, having just come from his room to give him a change. When he caught sight of Katniss, he smiled.
"Hi!" He said, brightly.
Katniss saw the joy in his eyes, and for a moment, she flashed back to Prim's face when she got Lady, her goat. And that made her smile, genuinely smile.
"Hi there. How are you doing?" She asked him.
"I good!" He grinned. And the look on his face looked so innocent it was very hard for her to come to grips with the idea that it was the same Finnick who had been such a lethal killer in the games. But she supposed that was the point. He wanted to be this, not who he was there.
"That's good." She said. "Peeta told me you have an amazing room."
He nodded excitedly. "Wanna see?"
"Sure, I'd love to."
Finny beamed, and scampered down the hall. Katniss followed at a leisurely pace. She'd had enough rushing in her life, and she liked to slow down when she could. But she was smiling as she walked.
She came to the room with Sand colored carpet and ocean walls, with the guard rails on the bed, a seafaring toy box, and plushies in the net in one corner of the room. It was for all the world a little boy's room. And she thought that Finnick just seemed to fit there. It was odd, how seemed to fit there, but he did. He raced around in the room, wearing a green shirt with a bear on it and some shortalls, as he grabbed something from his unmade bed, pulled it out and brought it to her.
"Who is this?" She asked in the same interested tone she had used when Prim brought home an animal- sick or not.
"Peaches!" He cheered.
"I heard about him." She said. "Peeta told me he likes to go on adventures."
Finny nodded very enthusiastically. "Uh huh!"
She turned to the starfish, with it's wide eyes and nice smile, and gave it a smile of her own, shaking one of the arms. "It's very nice to meet you, Peaches. I have heard very nice things about you."
Finny grinned, ecstatic. And Katniss found herself oddly relieved. Though she had only been here a little while, this had relieved her of some of her pressure. Her sisterly instincts were being put to use, and she had easily slipped into that same mode of relating to him that she had used when Prim was little.
Finny was quick to launch into a detailed description of what Peaches liked and didn't like. Katniss listened, and after asking her questions to him about the starfish, tucked the information away into her mind for someday. When they had exhausted that, she asked him what he wanted to play.
"Puzzle!" He cheered.
Katniss grinned. "Sounds like fun."
Finny grabbed a puzzle from his toy box, one of a beach with sand and shells, and of course the ocean. It was five hundred pieces, and he hadn't tried it yet. So he shook up the box, opened it up and dumped out the pieces, and the two of them set to work.
It took a while, longer than Katniss would have liked to admit, to put it all together. But she gave herself a break. Puzzles weren't her forte. Hunting was. But Finny was happy and babbling the entire time, so she considered it a great success.
After that, Finny seemed to have boundless energy, something she herself had not seen in anyone but actual small children. She knew it was a good idea to get him active, so she decided to take him outside. But when she turned to him, he was bending down to pick something up from the floor and had bumped into the door, making it close. And she spied what was on the back. A tree, a large one at that, made with a trunk of several brown papers, cut to be shaped like one, and individual branches on leaves.
"Finny?" She asked. She was still getting used to the nickname rather than calling him his full name as she usually did.
"Huh?" He looked up, picking up a stray toy that had fallen on the floor.
"What's that?" She asked pointing to the tree. "It's very pretty."
"Dat's a tree, silly! Auntie JoJo helped me make it!"
Katniss blinked. It took her a moment to connect that Auntie JoJo referred to Johanna. And that surprised her. "She did?"
"Uh huh! She came and played with me!"
"Wow." She said, her fascination genuine and not just for his benefit.
"Beach now?" He asked, inadvertently giving her puppy dog eyes. They broke through her surprise and got her back to the present moment. She could mull on that later.
"Sure."
And so they went to the beach, with Finnick changing into a more plain shirt. The shortalls weren't all too uncommon in their district, considering they were handy for fishing when paired with waders. So after informing Mags and Annie, who were having a discussion over tea, they headed out. They walked to the beach, and it was mercifully pretty empty at that point, and Finny was free to be himself. So Katniss suggested a seashell hunt, where each of them gathered up the prettiest shells they could find.
It didn't take long for Finny to sprint down the beach, burning some of that energy off as he looked for shells. Katniss, by contrast, was more subdued in her hunt. She didn't take her eyes off of Finny for more than a few seconds at a time. It wasn't that she feared he would drown or anything of the like. Far from it. She worried that someone would come and start questioning him, and she wanted to be ready to swoop in and come to his defense. The moment never came though. So she picked a few shells, and Finny soon came back with his.
They compared shells, and the winner ended up being Finny, who found a small spiral shaped shell that seemed to be a shade of pearlized pink. However, Finny hadn't wanted to relinquish any of the shells he had collected, so Katniss came up with an idea. After he ran off a bit more energy outside, they raced each other back to the house. In that respect, Katniss had won. But when they got back, she started on her idea.
There were two empty mason jars in the cupboard. She asked permission to use them, and when it was granted, she brought them to the bedroom. She got out some paper and made labels to tape on the jars. They each marked the jars "Katniss and Finny" along with the day's date. Then they put their shells in the other person's jar along with a note about what made them happy that day, and traded the jars with each other to keep. Finny set his jar on the dresser to remind himself of the fun they had had. Katniss put hers in the bag she brought with her, planning to put it on her nightstand at home.
After that, they played a game of Simon Says, practicing just how fast they could start and stop doing something. Katniss tried to keep it fairly active to help him burn off the energy he might not have lost after the beach run. Finny seemed to think that way too, because he kept it high energy. When that ended, they ended up stopping for a few minutes, just standing there to calm down.
After a few minutes, Finny spoke. "Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you tell me a story?"
Her lips easily curved into a smile. "Sure. What would you like to hear?"
He shrugged. "Anything."
"Alright." She said. Finny got up onto the bed, and she sat with him, telling him the story of one of the days she had spent with her father on the lake near District Twelve. It calmed Finny significantly. To the point where he was almost asleep.
"Can you sing me a song?" It was a murmur.
"Mhm." She smiled a bit and nodded, and began to sing him "Deep In The Meadow". And by the end, he was asleep.
Not too long after, Mags poked her head in the door and gestured her over. Katniss nodded and let him sleep, following Mags down the hall to the kitchen where Annie was waiting, smiling at her.
"What is it?" Asked Katniss.
"When you came through earlier with Finny, we were talking." Annie began.
"We were wondering if You and Peeta would be up for doing a group playdate with everyone, including Johanna." Mags continued.
Katniss smiled. "I'd love that, and I'm sure Peeta would too." She said, then paused when she got the feeling that there was something else they weren't saying. "Is there a date you have in mind?"
"Next Friday." Mags said quickly. A little too quickly.
"We- Well I have a doctor's appointment that day and Mags is coming with me so she can get a physical. If we do both at the same time, we won't have to leave him again for a long time. We would take him with us but doctor's offices can be very… triggering for him, ever since he was in Thirteen. And we can't risk Finny coming out." Annie said.
"So you want us to help watch him?" She asked.
"We wouldn't trust anyone else." Said Mags.
Katniss was astounded by their trust in the three of them. For a moment, it took her breath away. But then, she got herself back, and nodded. "Thank you." She said. "We'd be glad to. I'm sure Peeta will be on board."
They grinned twin grateful smiles at her. "Thank you." Annie said.
"Absolutely." She smiled.
When Finny woke up, Mama came in and changed him, and Katniss told him that she had to go, but she promised to be back next week. And he gave her a hug, and her own nickname- Kit Kat. Katniss had grinned wide at the term of endearment. And then she left for the station. When she got home, she immediately brought up next Friday to Peeta, who agreed readily as she had predicted. And they sent word to Mags and Annie. A few days later, after Annie and Mags had sent a letter to Johanna asking about next Friday, and get an eager reply of yes. Mags and Annie were relieved. It was all set.
A few days before that Friday, the two of them had talked to Finnick about their appointments and the trio coming over, and he had replied that that was fine. But the true test would come the day of, when Finny was sure to come out. Mags and Annie had never been out at the same time, so this was sure to be an experience. They weren't sure how he would react. So whenever Finny came out in the days leading up to that, they reminded him that they were going to the doctor's and reassured him that they were coming back. And he had nodded, but they weren't sure if he really believed that last part.
Then, the day came. Mercifully, everyone had arrived early. Peeta and Katniss had arrived first, having taken an earlier train from District Twelve to make sure they weren't late.
"Peeta! Kit Kat!" He squeaked and hugged them.
"How are you, Finny?" Asked Katniss.
"'M okay." He said.
"Are you ready for a fun day?" Peeta grinned at him.
"Uh huh!" He beamed.
The three of them chatted for a while, before another knock came at the door, and Finny swung it open.
"Auntie JoJo!" It was a squeal as he threw his arms around her.
Johanna laughed, and Katniss and Peeta both noted how there was genuine joy in the sound. Johanna hugged him right back, then pulled away.
"Hey Squish! You ready for today?" She smiled. He smiled and nodded.
Johanna then looked to Peeta and Katniss. "How have you been?"
"We've been good. Things are better back home. You?" Asked Peeta.
"Same old, same old." She said.
Finny tugged his Auntie along to the couch and plopped down, and immediately talked to all of them excitedly about a colorful fish he had seen last week while swimming.
Annie and Mags, meanwhile, had done everything they needed to do to prepare for their visit. When there was nothing left to do but leave, they sighed. They had dreaded the moment they had to say goodbye to Finny, and they decided that they shouldn't put it off any longer. The sooner they faced this, the sooner they could get back.
They entered the room, and Finny grinned at them. He ran to both of them and gave them each a hug. Annie had spoken first.
"We have to leave now, Finny. But we'll be back in a few hours." She said.
Finny's eyes grew wide and he turned to his Mama.
"We love you very much, Tadpole. And we will be back very soon." She said, and kissed his forehead.
He clutched at her shirt, not wanting her to leave.
"It's alright, Finny. We'll be back before you know it, and we have some very good hands to take care of you." She said.
"Don't go." He whined.
"We're going together now so we won't have to leave you for a long time after. It seems bad now, but it will be better later." Mags promised.
"We love you so much." Annie said.
Finny wanted to say something, but his mind was filled with memories of them leaving him unexpectedly during and after the games. It wasn't for very long, but it was long enough for Mags to pry his fingers from her shirt. The two women gave him twin proclamations of "I love you's" before they exited, and Finny was frozen in place.
When he did move, it was to speak. "Mama? Annie?" The names were whimpers.
Johanna and Katniss were quick to react while Peeta trailed behind them a few moments later.
Johanna was in front of him and facing him, Katniss to his right, Peeta to the left.
"It's okay, Squish. They'll be back." She soothed.
"It's going to be okay." Katniss continued.
"We're here." Said Peeta.
But even as the words escaped them, they sensed it wouldn't be enough, and they were right.
Finny's breath hitched, and then he started crying. Soon after came wailing. He had lost control of his emotions in those brief moments when he imagined the ways they had left him before. He was scared. There was no other way to put it. One of them had always been there. He had never been without one of them. He always had a constant, and now that that had been taken, he was terrified.
The three of them tried to calm him, but it was to no avail. Finny erupted. The wailing never ceased, and grew into yells as his fear translated into anger. Johanna acted on instinct and took his hands in her own.
"Finny, I know you are upset, but you do not yell."
He tried to wrench his hands away from her, not wanting to be touched. "NO!" It was angry, seething.
He succeeded in getting his hands away, and Katniss and Peeta backed away to avoid being hit. He had so much anger. It was a dormant volcano, inactive and untapped since he had begun all of this, but his fear reactivated it, and it spewed forth like lava. He flung himself to the ground in a sobbing, screaming heap, And banged his fists and kicked his feet on the floor. Because even though he was angry, he did have enough of himself left to not want to hurt anyone.
Peeta watched this unfold with some worry and a bit of nostalgia. He thought he could remember seeing that happen when he was a child, though his mother had not dealt with it nearly as calmly. Katniss and Johanna meanwhile, waited. They both knew that he needed to get all this out of his system before he could be calmed. And after a few minutes, The pounding and kicking stopped, and the yelling died down enough that they could be heard.
Johanna got down to his level. "Squish, look at me." Her tone was very firm. Sniffling and with unsteady breathing, he turned to look at her from his place on the ground after a few moments. Pleased that she got his attention, she continued on. "I know you're scared. And it's okay to be scared. Everyone gets scared. But you need to know that they will always be coming back. Always. And none of us would leave you. We care about you, and they do too. And the people you love always come back. Okay?"
"Bu-ut Ma-ma le-eft befo-ore." He gasped between breaths.
"That was before. That's not now. And that's not here. I promise that she will be back, that they will both be back. Do you understand?"
He looked unsure, but nodded.
"Come here." Johanna told him, and he pulled himself into her arms, still breathing shakily. She gave him a big hug. That helped ease his mind, but his breathing was still a mess. So Katniss got down and started to sing to him the way she had her sister. And Peeta too got down to the ground and put a hand on Finny's shoulder. And they stayed that way for a long while, until Finny's breathing evened out. And once that happened, Johanna pulled away enough to look into his face, red and stained with tears. "You okay now, Squish?"
"Yes." His voice was small, like he was still drawing himself together. Johanna nodded.
"You did really good. Really good. You were a good listener." Said Katniss.
"And you didn't hurt anyone else." Peeta added. "I've seen a lot of kids that can't do that when they get upset."
"I did good?" His voice quavered with uncertainty.
All three of them, as if sharing a mind, said together, "You did."
Finally, he gave them a small smile, and they were all relieved.
"What do you want to play today?" Peeta asked, hoping that a subject change could let the sunshine through again.
The reminder seemed to be enough to cheer him, and Finny began babbling excitedly again about what they could do. One special thing with each of them at least. He wanted to go on another pirate adventure with Peeta, and make another art project with JoJo, and go shell hunting with Katniss. They were all relieved that he was cheery again. A sad Finny was nothing any of them wanted to experience now or any time in the future.
They didn't waste a moment meeting his requests. He was rather spoiled in that regard. Since they were all in the living room already, they decided to go shell hunting first, Johanna sticking by Finny as she searched and Peeta and Katniss making a pair. They gathered shells, each finding their own treasures. But it wasn't a competition like the last time. They just shared what they found. A shell with streaks of brown and flecks of that in it. Another shaped like a conch with some colors in it. A cockle shell In white, light brown, and dark brown. And a lightning whelk that reminded them all a bit of spotted animals in the jungle. When they had gathered their shells, they waded into the water up to their knees, just looking out at the view. For a few moments, there was quiet.
And then the splash fight ensued.
How it started would become a mystery to all of them over time. But they had fun. They did not get soaked, although it could have very well gone that way. At most they got damp. But they splashed in teams, and then on their own. And when they tired of that, they went back to the house and dried off.
The time for Pirate play seemed appropriate considering they just got back from the beach. But this time around, they had a whole crew. Captain Peaches, First Mate Finny, Quartermaster Peeta, Sailing Master JoJo, and Gunner Kit Kat. The Sailing Master and Gunner often found themselves in squabbles about their given nicknames that played out something like this:
"Arm the Canons, Gunner Kit Kat!" Ordered First Mate Finny.
Johanna would snicker. "Kit Kat, huh? What does that make you, a cat that you assemble with a kit?"
"Oh squash it… JoJo." Katniss would retort.
Johanna's eyes would narrow. "Call me that again and I'll kill you."
"Who's the one with the armed canon here?"
"The Girl On Fire can't light that cannon when she fizzles out from going overboard into the sea."
"Go ahead and try it, because you won't make it out of the line of fire from my canon or me."
"Is that a threat?"
"That's a promise."
And the two would glare at each other before Quartermaster Peeta intervened and reminded them that their First Mate would not be pleased with their behavior. They would huff, and get back to work.
Eventually though, the two of them did learn some cooperation. At least enough to get by their inspections. And they eventually battled a rival ship, swinging from ropes and boarding it, entering into epic sword fights as they attempted to steal the treasure from them. Captain Peaches and First Mate Finny did the brunt of the legwork, but Peeta, Katniss, and Johanna did the sneaking that got the treasure. And when they were done they swung their way back to their own ship and sailed away, but not before firing at the ship and causing it to sink. Thankfully, the crew were all creatures with gills, so no one died.
The treasure, hard fought and sorely won, was an actual box painted by Peeta to look like a chest. And the three playmates had each put something inside for Finny to remember the day by. Peeta gave him the box, of course, but also some new paints to use. Katniss had left him a necklace with one of the shells they had picked on their first playdate together. And Johanna had given him a small seed. He had looked at her questioningly at that gift, but when she explained it, his face lit up.
"Last time we played together we made a paper family tree. This time, we're making a real one that will last forever."
Finny had hugged her tight, then Katniss, then Peeta. This was amazing. He wanted to plant the seed now, but decided to wait until Mama and Annie got home. It wouldn't feel right unless his whole family was there. So they ended up doing an art project instead. They cut out several squares of white paper. Each of them got four. They drew something on it that made them happy. A beach, trees, a fire, a pearl. The four most important things they could think of, but they had to be inconspicuous. When the four squares were done, They glued those on larger squares of colored paper so that each had a different colored background. Finally, they put them all together. They looked somewhat like a patchwork quilt. And they each took one corner, and helped tape it up to the front of the door. They all looked at it, thinking.
One small thing, and look at what we can create. We really started something great.
Then, it was most definitely time for some food. So Peeta baked some bread in the oven, and Katniss made a stew. Johanna took it upon herself to bring some nuts and roots she wasn't sure they had here in Four from her home, and it was incorporated into the stew. Finny chatted with her and she listened happily. And when lunch was served they made sure to give him his special plate and bowl, as well as his Cuppy from the cabinet. It was a delicious affair for all of them. The fresh bread made the stew stand out, the butteriness of the bread complimenting the richness of the stew. The two women had fussed over Finny getting food all over his face and some on his clothes, but Peeta just shook his head. If there's one thing he understood, it was that food in any form got you dirty. So while they cleaned him up, Peeta had done the dishes, although that was comparatively light work to what he did at home. He finished in no time at all, and by then Finny looked tired.
"Squish, I think you should sleep now." Johanna suggested.
Finny shook his head with vigor. "No. Nuh uh."
"Why not?" Asked Katniss.
"I don't wanna sleep without Mama or Annie here. I have bad dreams even when they are. Don't want that now."
"But don't you think they'd want you to have a nap so that when you wake up it will almost be time for them to come back, and when they do you'll be ready to play with them?" Johanna prodded.
Finny wavered. "Ummm…"
"Don't worry. We'll all be here if you need us. You'll be safe." Katniss assured him.
He looked unsure for a second and then relented. "Okay."
They all took a second to praise him for his bravery before they led him down the hall in a pack. Finny paused at the sight of his bed and then remembered something. He turned to Johanna.
"Auntie JoJo?"
She turned to him with kind eyes. "Yeah, Squish?"
Finny paused. He was very conflicted about asking this but after hearing from all of them that he was brave, he decided to be brave and ask. "Can I have a baba and changies before sleepy time?"
The way he looked at her absolutely melted her. "Of course. Which do you want first?"
"Baba?" He asked hopefully. The change could wait.
"Okay." She said. Katniss and Peeta ended up preparing the bottle, and Johanna would feed him. They got the sense that he trusted her more in this state than he did them. But they weren't offended by this. She had known him a lot longer and trust was hard to build and easy to break. They brought the bottle back and Johanna took it, sitting down while Finny laid his upper body in her lap. She put the nipple in his mouth and watched as he started drinking, closing his eyes.
Finny melted like butter as soon as he started to drink. Bottles always gave him so much comfort and made him feel safe. It was a bit odd for him to be held by someone else while being fed, someone other than Mama or Annie, but he trusted Auntie JoJo. He could hear her heartbeat in his ears and it soothed him as he nursed. His head slowly tipped back, his eyes closed, and he continued suckling until the milk was gone. By that point he was almost completely asleep.
Johanna thanked whatever sort of deity might be listening that she spent her years working with lumber because it made carrying Finny much easier. He was still a bit heavier than what she was used to but not unmanageable. She carried him to the changing table, and laid him down gently before she changed him. He had stirred a little at the cold wipes touching him but soon settled down again. She got him a new Pull Up, got his pants back on, and carried him to bed. The three of them did something different for him. Katniss fluffed his pillows, Peeta pulled back the covers, and Johanna tucked him in.
"Sleep tight, Squish." She whispered. She was about to go to the kitchen and get a drink when a hand reached out to stop her.
"Stay." Finny's voice was weak and sleepy. She smiled. He hadn't even opened his eyes.
"Okay. I will. We all will." She promised.
A very tiny and almost imperceptible smile twitched on his face before he fell asleep.
He only stayed asleep for about an hour. Long enough to have a nightmare wake him in tears. Mama and Annie hadn't come back and disappeared into a fog. And no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find them and was alone. His panicked crying drew their attention and they surrounded him. Johanna on one side, Katniss on the other, and Peeta at the end of the bed. They all took turns soothing him. Peeta would describe the things he could do with them when they came home. Katniss would sing to him. And Johanna would tell him that it wasn't real and they would never leave him. And slowly, he calmed down.
After that, Finny refused to go back to sleep. And it wasn't like they could blame him. Besides, they didn't have any ammunition for him to get back to sleep since he had technically done as he was asked. So they played instead. They ended up in the living room, making up stories. They were ridiculous and wild and had everyone laughing, especially when someone did a funny voice.
In the midst of this, the front door opened, and Mags and Annie entered. Finny had leapt up from the couch and ran to them, practically tackling them in the process.
"Mama! Annie!" He cheered. He was so happy to see them he was crying.
"Did you have fun, Tadpole?" Mags asked.
Finny nodded and whimpered into her shoulder.
"We're here. We're home. We promised we would come back, and we followed through. We would never leave you." Annie said. And she let that sink in because that's what this was all about for Finny.
And eventually he calmed down, bouncing back to his happy self, and babbling on about what they had done that day. And then, he remembered the seed. He gasped and raced to get it.
"Mama, can we plant the seed together and help the tree grow?" He asked, holding it out.
"Of course, Guppy."
So they all headed out to a patch of grass near the house, carrying shovels. They all took turns digging a hole for the seed. Then, Finny himself planted it, and they each took a turn giving it a bit of water. They gathered around the seed, and Finny pulled them all into a group hug.
All the terrible things in his life had seemingly become worth it because in this moment he felt more whole than he had been in such a long while. His secret hadn't stayed completely secret. But instead of blowing up, it had Brought him some of the best people he knew, who accepted him and tried to understand him. Maybe it was better that this hadn't stayed secret. Because now he had friends.
Now, he had a family. And as he held onto them, he knew he would love his family, big or little, until the end of time.
