Black No More
Dear Diary,
It's not easy, being different in such a narrow-minded world as mine. It took me a very long time to acknowledge that I was. Everything started two years ago when the object of all my night- and daydreams since months, noticed me. A wonderful thing itself, I only wished my sister hadn't noticed it as well.
"Andie! Hey Andie!" a voice sounded behind me. I stood still and waited for him to catch up with me. I had recognised his voice, of course I had. Ted Tonks, the boy whose voice I had longed for hearing since months, and now, he was calling my name.
"You forgot your Transfigurations book", he said. Only seconds later I noticed it was my book, and I took it back. "Oh, thank you", I said quietly, desperately hoping he didn't notice the blush that was undoubtedly creeping up my face. I waited for him to leave again. Not because I wanted him to, but because I expected him to. That's what everybody did; they said what they had to say, and left. I didn't have any real friends here at school. My sister Bellatrix always made me hang out with the so called 'Pureblood gang", and whenever I had a potential 'normal' friend she would scare them so thoroughly they never even dared looking at me again. My sister's pureblood friends usually just ignored me, I'm pretty sure they knew, despite what Bella said to them, how different I was.
"We have History of Magic now, don't we?" Ted's voice brought me back to earth. He had not left. It took me quite a while to reply again. "Oh, yes, I believe so", I finally said. Hopefully he didn't think I was a complete retard now, incapable of conversation.
"I hope I don't fall asleep", Ted continued, smiling slightly. I managed to smile back, despite the hundreds of butterflies in my stomach. "So shall we walk together then?", he asked. Ted Tonks wanted to walk with me? Had I died and gone to heaven?
We climbed the stairs together to our History of Magic classroom. Neither of us really knew what to say, but it did not matter to me. For the first time, I felt like I had a friend.
Everything went up hill after that day. I started to spend more and more time after that with Ted. We sat together during classes and occasionally we studied together in the library. We always made sure Bellatrix or any of her gang was nowhere to be seen, of course. Any other might find it stupid that I'm so afraid of my own sister, but they obviously don't know Bella. 'Toujours Pur', she always said. Pure blood and traditions above all, even family. So Ted and I continued our friendship half in secret. In the back of the library he gave me my first kiss. It was so perfect I wanted it to last forever, I felt more alive than I ever had. Not long after that we decided to use the Room of Requirement, just to escape the spying eye of Madam Pince in the library. I'd learned of the existence of the room from Bella, actually. I often heard her tell our younger sister Cissy of the time she spent there with her current boyfriend Rodolphus Lestrange. I'm pretty sure she had no idea I was listening as well. Perhaps it would have saved us a lot of misery if I had not been.
"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen", Ted whispered in my ear between kisses. The night was perfect. We were celebrating our one month-anniversary as a 'secret couple'. I had to admit the secret thing made it just a tad more exciting, though the whole situation was exciting enough already. I'd never been in love before. For a long time after that we were lost in each other. I couldn't imagine ever feeling so good as when Ted kissed me, his strong arms around me, my fingers running through his hair. It was perfect. The perfection did not last long though; soon I realised we were no longer alone. Deep inside I already knew what I was going to find when I looked up, and I was right. I stared right up into Bella's dark, black eyes. They were filled with anger, and once again when I looked at my own sister I feared. Not what she could do to me, but who she was.
I don't think I'd ever seen Bellatrix so angry before. Not even when Lucius Malfoy had beaten her with OWLs.
"Come here", she said to me. Her voice had a dangerous undertone that made sure you did not dare to refuse. Trying to remain calm at least on the outside, I got up from the sofa me and Ted were on and made my way over to my sister. For a while I thought she was going to let me get away with it, for she didn't move nor speak, till suddenly her hand struck out and she'd slapped me hard across the face. Her black-painted nails left a small trickle of blood on my left cheek.
"You are a disgrace to the Black family, Andromeda!" her harsh voice sounded. The remark stung more than the slap, but not as bad as I had expected. I think that deep inside I had already known for a while that I was not a true Black anymore. "A blood traitor!", she continued, but I did not listen. From the corner of my eye I noticed Ted was starting a duel with Rodolphus.
"Let him go, Rodolphus", Bella said. "Don't lower yourself to duelling with a… a Mudblood like that. We will deal with him later".
Something in me snapped. How dare she call my boyfriend a foul name like that?! I wished I was less passive aggressive. And I wished my own sister was not capable of doing unimaginable damage to the both of us. "Don't call him a Mudblood!", I managed to shout. It was all I could do, for my duelling skills were nowhere near as good as Bella's. Before I could do anything else she'd harshly yanked my hair back, so hard it made tears fill my eyes. She didn't let go and forced me to listen to her like that. "You will go to your dorm", she started, her fake nice tone sickened me, "and go to sleep. You will pretend none of this has ever happened, and the next time I catch you in the presence of that Hufflepuff, or any other Mudblood, things will not end so well for you. Do I make myself clear?"
I wanted to hit her, hex her, hurt her in any way possible at that moment, but the pain in my neck was starting to become unbearable, and I needed her to let go so I could go and see what had happened to Ted after Rodolphus had dragged him out into the hallway. "Yes, Bellatrix", I therefore said obediently, just the way I knew she wanted to hear.
It was even more difficult after that. For a while, out of fear for Ted's life as well as my own, I did not see him, but it was too hard. I couldn't stand the day without him, so after a month or so we carefully started planning secret dates again. Always careful, always in secret, but the love was worth it. In a way it felt good to be able to look at Bella and know something she didn't. She suspected things, I'm sure, but could do nothing as long as she didn't have any proof.
My graduation year at Hogwarts was the best; Bella had graduated a year before me, so she could not bother me and Ted now. We were still careful, for Cissy and several other members of the Pureblood gang were still there, but it wasn't as dangerous.
Right after my graduation I heard my parents had arranged a marriage for me with my cousin Evan Rosier. We became engaged, but I never had any intention to marry him, of course. My heart only belonged to one man no matter whose ring I was wearing.
The whole thing was planned carefully; on my said wedding day I would leave. For good. I would not marry Evan Rosier on the first of August 1971, but Ted Tonks.
For possibly the last time I stood by the window in my large bedroom at the Black Manor. I studied my reflection in the mirror, and had to admit I looked lovely. I wasn't a 'black beauty' such as Bella, or as delicate as Cissy, but in my ivory white dress and my dark brown hair up I was quite a sight, I'm sure. My stomach was in knots as I thought of what I was going to do in less than half an hour. It seemed slightly cruel to leave Evan like this on our wedding day, but I had never wanted to marry him in the first place, and today was my only chance; mother was so busy with the guests and everything, she wouldn't notice me sneaking out to the library to leave with Floo Powder.
"Come in", I called softly as I heard a knock on the door. There were my two sisters, dressed up as bridesmaids. "Bella", I smiled and walked over to her. She'd made such a fuss of having to wear that dress, and admittedly, lilac wasn't exactly her colour, so perhaps she had been right. She'd be able to take it off soon anyway, for how could there be bridesmaids without a bride?
"You look so beautiful!" young Cissy exclaimed, and I noticed even Bella smiled in agreement. Ever since my engagement to Evan we had been on speaking terms again. If only she knew what I was going to do…
"Can we tell mother that you're ready?" Bella asked me.
"A few more minutes", I replied, sitting down in front of my mirror. The two girls nodded and went to leave, but I couldn't let them go like that. We had grown up together, and I loved them no matter how much I wanted to hate Bella sometimes.
"Bella?". She and Cissy as well turned around when I said her name. "I love you both", I smiled.
"We love you too silly!" Cissy came over and hugged me. Bella stood behind her; she wasn't so keen on hugging. Perhaps I was only making things harder for myself this way, but when I looked in the mirror, and saw the three Black sisters standing there I knew it; I was no longer one of them.
I think it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best, after all; what is right is not always easy. Well, I was sure to find that out. In the beginning Ted used to ask me if I was sad about estranging myself from my family, but I don't see it that way at all. I didn't lose my family, because I never had them. Not really. It took me 18 years to figure it out, but better late than never, right? It's not the blood that determines who you are. It's the heart.