Thank you to my wonderful beta, Sanctuaria, for helping me out with this! :)
~Xx
"Goodbye, Peggy."
"Please don't go, Steve," she begged. "Stay with me."
"Don't worry, Peg," he said, his blue eyes looking steadily into hers. "I'll come home. Wait and see."
Then he was gone.
#####
Peggy awoke abruptly, her heart pounding wildly, the sheets twisted tightly around her legs. It was just a dream. Just a dream. She sank back down onto the soft pillows, the dull and familiar feeling of emptiness rising in her stomach. Peggy tried to push it away, focusing instead on the way Steve had looked and sounded in her dream. But he was fading, slipping away like fog in the morning as reality set in, and she couldn't remember anymore. So she reached over to her nightstand and picked up the only photograph she had of him. It was taken before Project Rebirth, but that's why Peggy liked it. He didn't need any chemicals to make him brave or kind. That had always been a part of him. She fingered the photograph gently.
"Come back home," she whispered. The aching hopelessness overflowed, tracing a slow path off the end of her nose.
#####
"Peggy, you've got to get out of the house," Howard told her seriously. He came to check on her frequently since Steve's death. "It's been a month now. You need to get a job or go dancing or something. You need to live a little."
Peggy turned her head to look at him. "No, I'm not much of a dancer. But thank you for your concern, Howard."
"I can't leave you here alone like this anymore," Howard said firmly. "Tell me you'll at least think about getting a job."
"I don't think so. Now that the war is over, I don't know what I would do."
"Peggy, we're going to see a movie tonight," Howard decided. "You and me – seven p.m. Be ready. I'm not taking no for an answer," he added, as Peggy opened her mouth to argue. "Peg," he said more gently, "It'll be good for you. You need to learn to live again. It's what Steve would want."
Peggy looked away. Steve smiled at her from her nightstand. Don't worry, Peg.
"All right, I'll go," Peggy agreed at last.
#####
A little before seven, Peggy began to get ready. She put on a nice red dress, picked out a pair of high heels, then sat down at her vanity to brush her hair and apply her signature velvet red lipstick. When she finished, she stood and surveyed herself critically in the mirror. All that was missing was a smile.
Sighing, she twisted her back to the mirror and looked over her shoulder at her reflection. It didn't feel right somehow, going out all dressed up so soon after…
She turned away from the mirror. Howard was right, she told herself sternly. This would be good for her. And it was only a movie – she wouldn't be expected to talk to or dance with anyone. She glanced at her watch. Howard would be here to pick her up soon. The memory of Steve's misunderstanding of Howard's use of the word "fondue" came back to Peggy, and unconsciously, she smiled a little.
"Peggy?" Howard's voice floated through the closed door as he rapped quickly on it. "Are you ready?"
"Yes," she answered hesitantly, after opening the door. "I suppose I am."
"Well, then." Howard smiled, and offered her his arm. "Let's go to the movies."
#####
There were so many people at the theater. Peggy remarked on the size of the crowd as she and Howard scooted down a row and found seats.
"The Wizard of Oz is a popular movie," Howard whispered back. "We're a little early, so we'll have to sit through some advertisements. I hope that's okay."
"It's perfectly fine," Peggy replied, smoothing down her skirt.
"Maybe we'll see some of my inventions," Howard whispered eagerly, more to himself than to her. Then the theater darkened, and the ads began to play.
Peggy let her gaze wander absently over the crowd in front of her. There was an elderly couple, a young woman sitting alone, a soldier and his sweetheart. Peggy's gaze lingered on them wistfully.
"—Captain America!" The name jumped out and grabbed her attention forcefully. Her head snapped up, her focus suddenly riveted on the screen. A photograph of Steve grinned proudly, large as life. Peggy froze.
"This is the first episode in a fun new series of short cartoons," the announcer continued, as Steve's face morphed from a snapshot into a colorful drawing. "The Adventures of Captain America will also be playing as a radio show. In this episode, Captain America travels to Nazi Germany!"
The theme music began to play as the screen showed the superhero in cartoon form standing next to a plane with a blonde girl.
"Oh, Captain America, I wish you wouldn't go! Germany is such a dangerous place."
"Don't worry, Betty! I'm Captain America and I always defeat the bad guys!"
"But what if you meet Hitler?"
"Why, then I will tell him you said hello before I punch him in the face!"
"Oh, Captain America, you're so funny! And brave! Please don't be gone for too long!"
"Don't worry, Betty Carver, I'll always come back home!"
"You'd better not be late. Goodbye, Captain…"
A soft touch on her arm startled Peggy from her trance-like state.
"Peggy?" Howard's voice was full of concern. He handed her a handkerchief, and she realized that tears were slowly streaming down her cheeks. She snatched the handkerchief and used it to dry them away.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized. "I can't stay." Peggy's breath hitched in her throat as she stood abruptly and made her way quickly out of the row to the exit.
#####
The high heels were the first to come off. Then the dress, replaced by a favorite pair of pajamas. By this time, Peggy had calmed down, but she still felt out of sorts. So she made herself a cup of steaming tea, because tea felt like a hug in a mug and could basically solve any problem. Of course, this didn't stop Peggy from taking a double shot of bourbon along with the tea.
Howard knocked on the door to apologize, and even though she didn't feel like talking to anyone, she told him that it wasn't his fault, she just wasn't ready to get back out into the world yet, then closed the door after telling him she was tired.
Then she curled up in a miserable ball under her covers, sipping her tea and trying to ignore the clawing feeling in the pit of her stomach.
But she couldn't stop thinking about Steve. And she realized, at that moment, that she needed to move on. Not forget him, of course, or try to replace him, but to take another step, however tentative, back into the real world, because her life couldn't be tea and sleep and trying to ignore the pain forever. At some point, she needed to go from existing back to living.
Her only regret was that she'd never really said goodbye.
Sighing, she rolled over to place her empty teacup on her nightstand, and there was Steve's photograph, his small face showing the hint of a smile. Like so many times before, she was struck with the desire to speak to him, to carry on a conversation with him, even if it was just for one moment.
So, why don't you? a voice inside her asked. Peggy sat up straighter, pushing the pillows up behind her. She took the photograph from its treasured place on her nightstand and propped her wrists on her knees, taking in every detail of Steve's motionless face.
"Hello, Steve," she began softly, relaxing a little further into the pillows. "I never actually said goodbye to you that night, so I feel that our story is rather unfinished," she continued. "And you know how I like to have all the loose ends tied up." Her eyes traveled the ceiling as she thought about what to say. "I suppose, more than anything, I want to thank you, Steve. For the example that you were – that you are – to me. You showed me what courage really looks like, from your stories of fights in alleyways, to going after Sergeant Barnes on your own, agreeing with Howard's mad Project Rebirth plan… and your sacrifice." She paused, regaining her composure.
"And thank you for being kind. Every day of your life held evidence of that trait. You were kind to everyone, without reservation, and that's something I really admire about you." She paused again, for once not trying to repress her emotions, not trying to hide the pain.
"I want to thank you for one more thing, Steve… you showed me what true love really looks like," she finally managed. "Love like that is rare. And you… you were the right partner for me. I don't think I ever told you that." She closed her eyes. "This is my goodbye," she whispered. "I love you, my darling."