A/N: Welcome to the first chapter! Here's a plot bunny that has been in my head for a while: what can go horribly wrong with Edward not being able to hear Bella? This is what I came up with.

Some things to note, this is a slightly OOC Edward and Bella. All other couples are also cannon. Jacob is a few years older than Bella as well. Renee has had many husbands and Phil is her current one. There will be scenes of sexual violence, and other graphic forms of violence. This is sort of an AU, and yes, the Cullen Clan members are Vampires. I tend to write with a lot of UST and love writing my characters into realistic situations. I love making things go pear-shaped and throwing things into the fan…if you catch my drift. That means that these characters are flawed, just like we are. Even Edward.

I hope that you come to appreciate these characters' struggles, their quirks, their human-ness and, most of all, I hope that you enjoy the story and all it has to offer.

On another note, I am most definitely not a perfect writer. I do my own editing as soon as I flush out a chapter so I'm sorry — there are going to be mistakes. Also, insert generic disclaimer here: I do not own the characters. But I do control what happens to them (muahaha!)

For the first of many times:

Much love,

-DD

CHAPTER 1

EDWARD

Death called her number when I first saw her. Smelled her. Tasted her in the air.

I had been wrong when I said I could handle it. Intoxicating. I was obsessed. With wanting to know her, with wanting to touch her, smell her…drink her.

Out of all the places in the world. Out of all the countries, cities, towns...she had to pick Forks. It had to be here.

Incredible.

I gazed through the contents of Alice's mind as she wondered about this human's special connection to me. It was obvious she was my singer. Her blood called to me and I would be helpless against her heady siren. That was it.

Because of this, I decided to take a long vacation. I stopped my schoolwork and hunted more than I ever had in a single sitting. Since our existence here balanced on my ability to not suck her dry, I took every single precaution I could.

As if the universe hadn't already been against us, our kind, she was also in my grade. She was my lab partner in Biology. Her friends sat at the table next to ours. She was put on this earth to test me. I swore it to be true. I wanted nothing more than to bite through the delicate flesh over her jugular and sing praises to the god who created her blood.

Then curse him forevermore for having ever created her.

At night, I paced the circumference of her house with my brothers by my side to pin me down should I give in to the ferocious ache in my mouth. Not too close. We sat in the surrounding forest and breathed the air she perfumed.

Mouth-watering. Simply put, she was mouth-watering.

Flanked by my siblings, they helped get my sorry ass away from her window. They forced me to peer into the mind of her father to help me see her humanity.

I never allowed myself the pleasure of getting close enough to see into her mind. I couldn't...her thoughts would surely be as addicting as her blood. Her face, her beauty. All of her would sing to me. And I would be sure to leave not a drop of her life blood left if I did.

I already knew I would kill myself if I ever killed her.

I lay sprawled out on my roof. I looked at the stars at how, in my hundred and nine year existence they had yet to change. After that many years, the stars held no more significance to me than the dirt under my shoes. Just a bunch of now-dead balls of gas lighting up the night sky. Insignificant.

The air up there cleared my mind. No, it was the distance from town that did it. There wasn't a mind for miles to listen to, except for my family – which I thoroughly ignored.

Despite my attempts, Alice kept calling me to attention. Making me think about who this human would be to me, what she would mean to me.

She was crazy if she thought the human and I could ever get along. I hated her cursed existence, and Alice wanted us to be friends? Incredulous.

No matter how clear her visions were, the second I came into contact with the girl would be the second I would decide to snap her neck. Imagining her death was easy. I planned it a million times in my head. I would lure her with my beauty and kill her without a second thought. Alice wouldn't see a thing.

I growled and rubbed at my face.

Maybe it was better for me to leave and then come back when the human was no longer alive. This wasn't the first time I had thought this. And this wasn't the first time Alice saw this and called everyone to the roof to persuade me not to leave.

My siblings were dressed in formalwear. I had forgotten that tonight was prom.

"Don't let my thoughts take you away from your priming, ladies and gents," I mumbled.

Alice's eyes flashed. Beside Jasper, her height was laughable. Beside Jasper, her stare could kill. I shook my head.

I already knew what she was going to say. "Edward. You know very well just how horrible it would be if you left. Think of Carlisle and Esme. Think of us! You can get used to her…just…stay Edward. Please."

"For the last time!" I growled. "You guilting me into staying is not solving anything. The longer I put it off, the longer I am a danger to her. You of all people should know this. I do not want to hurt her, Alice." I emphasized each word. "Why the hell is making me suffer through it part of your agenda? Is this another one of your games?"

I stood up and faced her, trembling with anger. The rest of them enclosed us in a circle, just in case I ran.

Edward. Just go. Emmett's thoughts pleaded. Running away from here is your best option. I should have...it was what I was supposed to do. Go. Go to Brazil or somewhere else equally as far!

He was looking away from my direction as to not aggravate Alice even more. He was the only one who outwardly supported me. Not even Carlisle dared support me though he knew it was only a matter of time before something horrific happened. He could not betray Esme.

"Edward, please. It will just take some getting used to, that's all," she said with a sad smile. "The longer you stay, the longer you will get used to her. You're stronger than that."

"No mother," I whispered. "The longer I stay, the closer to death she becomes. I can't, I can't. I ah—" I hissed and twisted my nose toward town. Toward my prize.

Jasper's mind flipped to this afternoon in the cafeteria where she tossed her hair in his direction. I crumbled to my knees and focused on something else. On anything else. Emmett's heavy body slammed into me and carried me into the living room. I was now focused on Jasper's sorrysorrysorrysorry and Carlisle's vision of me looking feral in his mind. Rosalie then did the stupidest thing she could have thought of and then filled her mind with the human's scent, recalling how obtusely wonderful this human girl smelled, even to her.

Though subdued by their thoughts, my mouth was pooling with venom. I hacked back a cough and at the same time wrestled with Emmett and Jasper. I bit the both of them and might have even ripped their suits. They thought they had me.

I was faster.

I pushed the both of them toward the fireplace and they yelped from the close contact. I pummelled into the front door and ran as fast as I could into the night. Shards of glass whipped from my hair and pierced the darkness of the night like missiles.

BellaBellaBella.

BloodBloodBlood.

I was ravenous, and a small part of me knew it. I was so raw and so full of incomprehensible emotions that it felt good to give into my instincts. I scaled trees and waited for her scent to come out from between the pines. I followed the smell of town like a compass and traversed many kilometres in a few moments time.

EDWARD!

Just then, Emmett's mind barrelled through my own thoughts, but just barely.

RUN! RUN! I'll tell them you ran. I swear I will. GO!

I had half a mind to run to her house, but with the wind blowing her scent away and Emmett's thoughts filling my mind, I was able to think clearer. Emmett was holding Jasper and Carlisle back and Alice was busy envisioning all the millions of decisions I was making.

And so I held my breath and ran to the garage.

My decision was made and no amount of guilt could stop me now.

Emmett was pleading my case when I arrived there. Alice was busy dodging Rosalie's defensive crouch before my car. She planned to dismantle the engine so I couldn't drive. Like Carlisle, Rosalie would not desert her mate. She knew how much pain Emmett went through and how much pain he still was in because he killed his singer without a single spec of his humanity. She would never know just how much I understood him.

My teeth clenched. "Carlisle, I am not asking you for permission. I am leaving."

"Edward, think of this as a learning experience. You can get better," he spoke from knowledge. "Exposure makes it a lot easier."

"You're putting this girl's life in danger, Carlisle. I can't even say her name without venom coating my teeth." I spat on the ground to prove my point and the silky fluid pooled. It swirled under the luminescent light. I stalked towards him.

"You think I can just turn of my instincts?!"

Alice squeezed into the tiny space between us. "Edward, I've seen it. You can do it, just believe in yourself!"

I nearly burst out in laughter, I was absolutely at my wit's end and she wanted me to rely on faith? I peered down at her and wondered how far she could fly if I tossed her, but she deftly moved out of my reach.

"You and I both know that's a bunch of bullshit." I tugged on my hair as I pulled my head level with my navel. "Why don't you believe me? I said I don't have the strength to resist. Please don't make me prove it again, and again, and again. It's absolutely torture," I said on the verge of insanity.

As I spoke, everyone's minds commanded my attention. Loud, boisterous thoughts invaded my own train of thought filling me with illegitimate hope.

Emmett spoke over Alice who spoke over Rosalie who spoke over Esme who spoke with Carlisle who sided with Alice...

I growled my frustration. "ENOUGH! ALL OF YOU! ENOUGH!"

In all of my existence, I had never yelled so loudly. It rivalled the screams of my transformation. The lights even flickered. If vampires could pall, this is what it would look like. They were silenced by the desperation and sheer anguish in my voice. I fell to my knees out of exhaustion. This was an argument going on for months now.

Their minds were silent. Waiting. I didn't need to look up to see their shocked expressions. Esme was sobbing silently, she hated when we fought.

"I will leave when you come back from your evening."

"Edward." Please think this through.

"Carlisle, please. I am not asking for your permission. I am asking for your acceptance. Please let me do this. If not for you then for me. I need this."

In his mind's eye, I saw him glance around the room. It was so silent that I could hear him smooth the muscles in his face. I could hear the grinding of his teeth.

I saw him nod.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and bid them the quaintest of evenings as kindly as I could muster. I didn't watch them as left in their respective cars, trunk full of props and decorations, rather I went up to my room and stood there, staring out the window in quiet disbelief. That was one of the most difficult arguments I've ever had with any of them. There wasn't a semblance of happiness in them after I stalked out of the garage. I didn't care. Whatever was going on with Alice was far too ridiculous and dangerous for me to entertain.

I packed what I needed in a couple of duffel bags and went with Carlisle and Esme for a last hunt. We ran in silence, drank in silence, came back in silence.

I waited with bated breath for my siblings to come back, but it seemed that they thought of every excuse to prolong their night. I kept in touch with Emmett via text the whole time, who told me that he was doing his best to hurry things along. His tone wasn't as cheerful as normal. There was a severe lack of smiley faces and hearts spicing up his words. I thought nothing of it, chalking it up to…well…being otherwise occupied.

They stayed behind to clean up the facility as well as participated in the prom after-party thoroughly, apparently. They drank beer, pretended to be drunk and laughed at those who really were. None of them saw the girl and none of them particularly liked her at the moment and so they avoided looking for her like the plague, apparently. He too mildly disliked her for being the reason behind my departure. She was frail, clumsy, but smart, pretty and unfortunately and involved with all the wrong people.

They also pitied me.

At last, at three in the morning, they were on their way home. A somber cloud descended upon our house the moment the gravel in the driveway crunched. Their moods were oddly stoic for having just been at their…hundredth or so prom. I would be gone for a year at the most, just until she left Forks and decided to never return. Hardly something to mourn.

With my Volvo all loaded up, I closed the trunk in time with their appearance at the mouth of the garage. They walked slowly, talking amongst themselves to quick and too abrupt for even me to hear. As they did so, their minds were full of everything and nothing in particular. Perhaps they were shameful about their actions. I humoured them by leaning against the hood, smiling.

"You guy are acting like I'll be gone forever. Did I mention you all seem to be extremely lethargic?"

"Edward Cullen, don't you dare smirk at me!" Alice screeched with her finger in my face.

"Ali, don't pout. You'll get wrinkles."

"And don't you dare try to lighten the atmosphere, Jasper. I want him to feel just how badly we feel. You better leave in the next five minutes Edward or so help me god I will drag your ass with us back to the high school."

I took her little marble frame into my arms and squeezed until she stopped squirming. She shook with her sobs, desperate to shed the tears she couldn't. "I'm – I'm so sorry, Edward. I – I just want what's best for all of us. Especially you."

"I'll be gone, a year. Tops. It won't be so bad. I'll check in often. Don't you know I'm not upset with you guys? Not this time at least. Annoyed, yes. Angry? No."

She let me go and nodded. "Okay, good. You're an asshole. But I love you."

Rosalie and Emmett came to me next, hugging me in unison. "You bet 'yar ass I'll be the first one to call you when the chick leaves. You of all people should know how fun it is when we're all together. Take care man," he patted my shoulder. "Love you."

"Bring me back a souvenir Eddie," Rose said as she patted the same spot Emmett did. "Miss you and stuff."

I hugged the both of them tighter and pushed Emmett's thoughts of Rosalie's ass away. I narrowed my eyes at him when they disappeared out into the forest surrounding the house, but thought nothing of it once Jasper came into view.

He pulled me in for a quick but tight hug, not really comfortable with the barreling emotions I gave off.

Esme was next with a wordless embrace. She spoke all her thoughts very loudly and told me how proud she was. She was the hardest to say good bye to. I couldn't push away the fact that she would miss me the most. It was destroying her and I knew it.

Carlisle didn't wait for Esme to let go. He took us both in his arms and clutched us tightly. "Edward, I understand. I am not angry, but I am not very happy either." Disappointment laced his words. "Please do come back soon. Tell us where you're going to be staying?"

"I think Isle Esme," I nodded. "Yes, there. I hope you don't mind."

"That sounds like a good choice, though you may need to do some cleaning while you're there."

He had some trouble pulling Esme away but when he did, they joined Alice and Jasper, standing in a line with equally somber faces. "You'll see me soon," I said quietly. "Maybe give the girl a scholarship to some university miles from here. Hell, give her old man the winning numbers to the lottery, Alice. Maybe then I could come back sooner."

She seriously contemplated the idea and smiled back with a mischievous glint in her eyes. I could see the wheels turn in her small, little head, scheming to get me back home faster. Yet, there was something else in her head that she was hiding. Actually, they were all hiding something from me as they grinned perhaps a little too widely. I ignored it and passed it off as related to me and my departure. I didn't want to spend another moment with them in fear that they'd do or say something to make me stay.

"Well, this is it." I tipped my imaginary hat towards them, a remnant of my human years. I got into the driver's seat and peeled out of there before anyone had the chance to slash my tires.

I held my breath as I drove through town. Again, precaution was necessary. I didn't know where she was at this time of night, considering who she was with.

I allowed my mind to take control of my driving as I usually did and sped through many red lights with the knowledge that there was no one to stop me. The sleepy little town of Forks blurred by my windows and I smiled as I watched my prison's welcome sign shrink in my rear view mirror.

One less thing to worry about, I thought in relief.

A sudden weight lifted from my shoulders. I was finally free from the burden of murdering an innocent girl in cold blood. Free from the compromising position I would leave my family in. Free from all that I feared in myself. Free from the temptation of the world's most satisfying blood.

I actually grinned.

It would be a couple more kilometres before I would also be free from the minds of my family. I reached the car's top speed in seconds and covered that distance in a minute. Freedom felt so good.

I hadn't truly felt like this since I first left Carlisle and Esme. Secretly, they feared me relapsing into my self-hatred stage. The main reason behind Carlisle's hesitance earlier, I think, was that I broke his trust. I promised him I wouldn't go against our nature and became a murderer instead. I said I was trying to find myself, and he believed me. I killed thousands of criminals all over the world. He seemed to forgive, but he certainly did not forget.

I groaned at how stupid I was for a vampire.

They were criminals, but they were still human.

They still tainted my eyes.

I still heard their thoughts and saw me for the monster I truly was.

They were still human.

I was no better than they were.

I closed my eyes to stop myself from thinking myself crazy and drove blindly for another half hour.

I was reaching the next county over when my phone began to ring. Alice's name shot up on the dash and I carefully pressed talk. I wasn't sure what she wanted, but I could sure as hell take a wild guess and say she had a vision that something was going to go terribly wrong and that I had to come home immediately.

"Edward, Edward? Where are you?"

"Next town over. I'm not turning back Alice, if that's what you want."

A heavy sigh filled the car. "Edward, you know I want you to go, you know I do. I swear it. But, I saw something and Edward – you're not going to like what I'm going to say."

With my eyes still closed, I debated with Alice on her obvious blatant lie. Of course she was trying to get me to come home.

What she said made me accelerate even more. I absolutely floored it in hopes it would get me to the Airport immediately.

"Bella Swan. She's going to be a vampire. I've seen it. I've—" I cut her off with a growl and silenced her.

"ALICE. I can't believe you're doing this. You're fucking insane if you think I'm coming back. That's the only way that she's going to fucking become one of us."

"Yes, Edward I know you think that but, I've seen it. Edward I've got a really bad feeling about tonight. Please. Please come home," she begged. "At least wait until tomorrow. You can leave first thing."

Her breath was shaking, or at least the phone was. Wind noisy whistled in the background and I frowned, both angry and concerned. Her desperation clung to every word she spoke. "Please Edward. If it passes, you can leave. There's no other vampire in the area that I can see. It's just us, and it will be one of us who changes her tonight. Edward, please."

I hung my head. Conflict raging in my head. No one could ever bet against Alice, not even I was that stupid.

With a sigh of resignation, I whispered my okay, promising to head home, and hung up. The nasally dial tone beeping and then cutting off. I thumbed the steering wheel preparing to make a sharp U-turn on the two-lane road. My eyes were still closed, my breath still held, and my mind still searching for any passers-by.

I really didn't need to search again because I knew for a fact that there was nobody coming in either direction for tens of minutes.

I turned to the wheel's extreme and my tires screamed in protest. I was vaguely aware of the slight unfamiliarity in its pitch. I noted that I'd ask Rosalie to check it out as soon as I got back—

In the same second, I heard and felt a loud thump— enough to shake the car. It was instantly followed by a sickening crunch. The the sound of shattering glass. My eyes flashed open and my windshield was imploding a deep burgundy red. Something propelled backwards over the roof of my car and landed several meters into the field parallel to the road.

I gasped at the audacity of being taken off guard, of being splattered in blood. And then at the intensity of the burn in my throat.

It was…it was…bloodlust like never before.