DISCLAIMER: All Rurouni Kenshin characters belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro, Jump
Comics, and all concerned parties. No infringement intended! Please don't
sue me, a poor person. This applies to all chapters of my fic. Any other
characters created belong to me.
SPOILER WARNING for Seisou Hen. If you haven't watched that particular OVA, this will just spoil you on its ending and then some ^^;;
NOTES:
I don't actually know the timeline after the Seisou Hen ^^;;; So, I ended up inventing a lot in the following storyline based on the thoughts that entered my mind after watching the second episode ^^;;; The title came to me after watching… I seem to remember a fic titled similarly in the past but I'm not exactly sure… *shrugs*
Please forgive me for wrong grammar ^^;;; I wrote this for a few hours straight so I wasn't paying attention ^^;;; Furthermore, I didn't proofread this. --;;; I wrote it then sent it straight to the ML after writing the notes after the fic ^^;;; Please feel free to let me know what you think ^^
This is actually going to be written in Kenji's POV… Though I cannot say how he really thinks about everything ^^;;; So sorry if he's OOC… Please note that I'm assuming a lot of things here so much so that it may be a little inconsistent with what really happened… Again, so sorry ^^;;; Well, on to the fic! ^^;
OYASUMI
By Neko
**********
I woke up this morning feeling glum. After all, this was my last day in the place I had called home for most of my life.
Home…
I stared lazily upon the ceiling that kept most of the sunlight away from my room at the present. Funny, I never noticed just how it really looks. Then again, I never actually spent much time brooding on such things considering that I always rush out of my room day by day to go to Kaachan simply greet her with an enthusiastic, "Ohayou!".
Kaachan…
Eventually, I found my thoughts drifting back to that day… Ayaya! I'd better get up or Chizuro'll let me have it. I smile briefly as her image flitted by, long black hair framing a small yet delicate face… just like Kaachan.
I feel something catch my throat and had to swallow repeatedly to compose myself. I sigh and hesitantly got up from the futon. Almost methodically, I reached for my clothing and put them on before I kneeled to tuck away my sleeping materials. With a satisfied pat on the futon's cloth, I stood up and headed for the door. I slowly brought my hands up and slid it aside quietly.
Amazing. The world just seemed peaceful this morning. I close my eyes and breathe in the fresh air that had a hint of dew. So fresh, so delicate, yes, that was the sign of a good day ahead.
I head towards the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast. Inside, I took the ingredients for the soup I was going to make and searched for the knife. I found it in its usual place by the cutting board and gripped it lightly at the handle. But, instead of going over to start my daily task, I found myself staring at the steel blade that reflected back to me my own pondering image. I didn't see that. Instead, I found myself in a trance, hearing words Yahiko-san commented some time ago.
Flashback
Chop, chop, chop…
I held the knife expertly as I chopped the vegetables into equal portions. I smiled as I felt something akin to thrill come as I cooked. And, eventually, I found myself humming a nameless tune so much so that I didn't hear Yahiko-san enter the kitchen.
"Oi!" he announced gleefully. I nearly jumped out of my skin but if I am to be proud of anything I've mastered so far, I have to say that it's the skill of controlling my bodily reactions.
I turned around and smiled brightly at Yahiko-san. "Ohayou, Yahiko-san!"
A brief flash of some emotion crossed the older boy's face just then that I thought I was just imagining it. Shrugging I resumed my task, humming that same nameless tune again. I felt Yahiko-san approach to check out what I was doing. I looked up again and smiled at his dumbfounded expression. He seemed to notice and looked away quickly, embarrassed.
When I finished my dish, I offered him a sample which he gratefully accepted and tried. "Sugoi! Totemo oishii desu!" [Wow! It's very tasty/delicious!] he commented and smiled a sad smile.
I frowned and asked, "What's wrong, Yahiko-san?"
The older boy answered, "It's nothing." But, I persisted and he sighed. "It's just that… I just remembered Kenshin… I mean, not only do you take after him physically, you even take on some of his traits like cooking." he said, smiling that same sad smile again. "Not that I'm complaining!" he added before laughing what I thought was forced.
End of flashback
Oya-ji. [Father] I wonder what he really was like? Kaachan has always told me stories of how great he was yet I knew she was saddened greatly by how he is not always there for her, for us. I felt the anger rising again before I knew it was coming. Oya-ji. How come he was always leaving. Why?! Then, like a bubble, I felt it burst from existence and I felt a hollowness in my heart that I never knew was there.
I forced myself to resume my task and in no time at all, I finished the dish for breakfast. Looking down at my handiwork, I found myself drifting to the times when father was home and cooked. Although I flatly refused to eat what he made, mother always found ways for me to take in some bites. Although it annoyed to me to no end, I had to admit that he was good at the art. Well, better than Kaachan anyways.
I smiled sadly. Kaachan…
After eating, I went out and toured the grounds one last time. Everything seemed to be in order and I felt suddenly nostalgic about it. Everywhere I passed, I remembered the times I spent with our distinct family: Kaachan vs. Yahiko-san, Ayame and Suzume, Yahiko-san and Tsubame-san… Once again, I felt bile creep up my throat as well as a burning sensation coming to my eyes. But, I breathed in deeply and settled my racing heart.
I headed back to my room and got my possessions which were already packed beforehand. On my way out, I picked up the sakabatou from its stand and closed the door gently behind me. I walked around again, wandering aimlessly through the halls, memories coming to me at random.
Finally, I reached the porch and its twin support posts.
I suddenly remembered all the times father was away. Kaachan used to sit there and smiled sadly while remembering the good old days when father was still what they called a rurouni. When she noticed me, she would beckon me to sit beside her and tell me all sorts of tales about my father. 'He is a great man,' she used to say, 'helping people out of their problems when he sees them in need… Her eyes would get unfocused as she began to see things that I would never be able to. Then, her face would melt sadly to a tired smile before she would continue her fascinating recollections.
But I was different. The more I heard about him, the more anger I felt. For me, he will always be a man who abandoned his family to try to save the world. For me, he will always be the man who leaves his wife and child waiting for his return. And for me, he will always be my… father.
I slumped down in defeat and sat down, leaning my back against one of the pillars. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine my father sitting there all those years ago. For some reason, this spot feels peaceful as if my father's constant presence has made it a place where one can feel calm. Heck, the place practically radiates it.
I opened my eyes and picked up the sakabatou, once again looking at it not as a weapon but as a symbol of peace. Gingerly, I pulled the blade out of the sheath and stared at the excellent craftsmanship of the blade. Kaachan used to tell me all about the deeds my father did with it and how he could always surprise the group with his skill. I felt the hollowness seize my heart again as I replaced the blade back in its sheath.
I stared at it for some time, lost in the memories of the past. I never saw father use a blade let alone teach anyone how to use one so I've always assumed that he wasn't as great as Kaachan says he is. I thought that she was just conjuring illusions up so that I would not be mad at father for not being there with us, his family. But, I remained stubborn and my anger built up over the years.
I sighed, defeated.
Now, I am a man. Now, I can see that my behavior in the past was just a reflection of a child wanting attention, of a child who craved for his father's return of affection. After all, I grew up not really knowing father… and I regret not being able to see him for whom he was as Kaachan did.
I smiled bitterly. I returned home with Yahiko-san at that time to be with Kaachan and to see if I could resolve my issues with father. Heck, I was fifteen already and I needed to sort out a lot of things with a man that I barely knew. I was willing to give it a try and I thought that my return home would generate that spark.
But, he died before I could do it. I felt a burning sensation in my eyes again as I remembered what happened that day.
Flashback
Megumi-san came running to Yahiko-san, panick etched on her features. She acknowledged my presence with a nod and hastily interrupted Yahiko-san.
"Kaoru's missing…!"
"Nani?!" Yahiko-san shouted, instantly standing up and facing the woman doctor. Megumi-san quickly recounted Tsubame-san's seeing Kaachan bent over so she quickly rushed to get Megumi-san. However, when they reached Kaachan's room, she simply wasn't there.
I felt my heart hammer against my chest as I raced along with Yahiko-san to Kaachan's room. Indeed, it was empty and I saw the cup on her futon.
It was the cup with sakura designs. Fear gripped my heart and, before I was aware of it, I had rushed out of the house, running along the roads in a frenzied state. I distantly heard the three adults shouting and rushing after me but for some reason, I couldn't breathe. Could it be true? Is he really back?
At first it surprised me that anger didn't cloud my feelings. Instead, I felt elation and anticipation. The thought of seeing Kaachan smile without any trace of sadness made me feel exhilarated. Finally… Finally, Kaachan need not be sad anymore!
I don't know what brought me there… I just found myself along the river for some reason. I looked around and sakura petals fell silently around me. Still, there was no sign of Kaachan. I slowed down my run and opted to walk, panting a little with my earlier exertion. My heart was racing and it took some time for it to calm down.
I gazed left and right.
No sign of Kaachan.
I was beginning to worry and considered turning back to go home when I heard it.
Someone was sniffing.
I paused and tried to sort out the sensations I was perceiving. Furthermore, I became reluctant as conclusions I was reaching made me hesitant to come forward and see if they were the truth. Still, he needed to find Kaachan. She is sick and rest was the order of the day. I smiled as I imagined myself berating my own mother for going out while she was still sick.
Still hesitating, I finally forced my body to follow the sound and, eventually, I found myself staring directly at a sakura tree. Its beautiful petals were falling down as though the rain had finally come to wash the earth of its impurities. But, the worry in my heart made me overlook that fact as I stepped around its trunk. What I saw made me freeze in my tracks.
Kaachan was sitting peacefully against the tree, singing softly to herself and staring at nothing. Streaks of tears were traveling down her cheeks as grief etched themselves to her features. On her lap was father, sprawled over the greenery by the river, a peaceful smile radiating off his face. Kaachan was stroking his hair gently, as if afraid that any more pressure would destroy his body. Sakura petals were falling around them at a steady rate, oblivious to the events surrounding them…
What I saw didn't register at first as the sight of father awakened some old hate within me. But, surprisingly, it retreated just as quickly as it came. Again, I stared at the redheaded man on my mother's lap and noted unconsciously that Kaachan didn't notice me yet. But, that wasn't what caught my attention. I felt rooted to the spot when I realized that father's chest wasn't moving… In fact, he himself was not moving…
'Iie…' was the first thought I had. I shook my head slightly as the implication of that detail made itself clear. 'Iie…'
Just then, the rest of the group caught up. Panting, they stared at Kaoru, reflecting their shock as well in their body language. Then, I noted that they also noticed Kenshin and his lack of response. Nobody moved as they dared not speak out the obvious.
Kaachan moved suddenly that we were caught off guard. She looked at us and the deep grief that reflected on her twin orbs had us frozen. Her lips lifted in a small smile and she said brokenly, "Ho… ra…" [Look…] she said, slowly moving father's bangs aside.
At first, why she did this didn't register. Only when Megumi-san gasped did I realize what it was about. My father's cross-scar had disappeared.
"Kieta ne…?" [Disappeared right?] Kaachan whispered before she doubled over, crying. I distantly noted that both Megumi-san and Tsubame-san had fallen to their knees as well, crying. Yahiko-san, though a tough man on the exterior also had tears falling on his cheeks.
What happened next, I have no explanation. One moment I was looking at Kaachan, the next, I found myself running aimlessly, my face screwing up for the first time in years.
I don't know how long I ran. All I knew was that I eventually fell on my knees and doubled over, crying my pain out. As I sobbed repeatedly, I distantly had a funny thought: how could I, a child who so hated his father, cry for him on his demise?
End of flashback
I felt my consciousness return to the present. Those events felt like it happened a lifetime ago rather than only a month or two ago.
I opened my eyes slowly and I found myself focused on the two graves on the grounds. I smiled bitterly once again as I remembered what happened afterwards.
News of Kenshin's death quickly spread all over and people trooped to the Kamiya Dojo in flocks, offering their condolences to the ones he had left behind. Kaachan received them all and tried to smile for them. But, it was too much for her as well.
Hiko came during the funeral and proclaimed that he never expected to outlive his baka deshi [stupid pupil]. Even so, those who knew him saw his face lined with grief that he would never express in public. Others, like the Kyoto-based Oniwabanshuu, came over trying to help but found themselves being dragged down by the gloom as well. Even Aoshi, whom everyone has tagged as the icicle, was in grief.
More and more people came and although I knew of father's deeds, I was still surprised at the turn-out. They didn't know but I listened to them exchange stories of father and I found myself respecting him for the first time in my life. Maybe Kaachan wasn't lying when she told me those stories years ago after all. I looked down then and thought of how much I really didn't know about this man who fathered me. Now, it's too late.
I focused my gaze on the second grave and the fresh grief sprung to me immediately. This time, I let the tears fall and I didn't care if anyone saw me right now.
'Kaachan…'
I remember her after father's funeral. She tried to be cheerful for me, for everyone. Although the disease she caught was slowly eating her, the recent death of father overwhelmed her. But, she always told us that she was all right, that he was in a better place with no more pain and no more suffering.
However, I knew her better.
The nights following the funeral were brutal and I would always hear her crying herself to sleep. Often, I would see Megumi-san sit outside Kaachan's room as if her presence would give Kaachan more strength in order to live to see a new day. I, on the other hand, would lay down on my futon and lose myself to my own thoughts of "what-if" situations. Too bad you can't change the past. You can only live at the present for the future.
By this time, I found myself drifting back to that day a little over a month ago when I met Chizuro. I had just come from the market with the tofu when I saw a group of men ganging up on a young girl. She had long black hair and features that reminded me of Kaachan.
"Mou! Let go of me!" she yelled profusely at one of the guys who had fastened himself to her arm. I don't know why I did it but I found myself teaching the guys a lesson about respecting women. The men looked at me and I felt satisfied in seeing their scared faces as they ran away to the horizon, leaving me staring dumbfounded at this girl. Since then, she became a good friend and, when I introduced her to Kaachan one day, I found a suspicious sparkle light up her tired eyes.
"Are…" I muttered under my breath and Kaachan just smiled knowingly.
After that incident, I found myself helping more people around town. Seeing their happy faces made me feel exhilarated enough to want to help those around me. And, one day, I suddenly recalled Kaachan's stories of father.
'So… this is why he chose to help others in need…'
A few days later, Kaachan's health deteriorated so fast that Megumi-san was practically panicking. Tsubame-san had asked Yahiko-san to stay at the dojo to help out with the chores and he had agreed to her request.
I found myself by Kaachan's side day in and day out, attending to her needs as the sickness she had contracted made her feel more badly as time went on.
Then, one afternoon, she called to me softly, "Kenji?"
I looked at her with a questioning gaze and said, "Hai?"
She smiled sadly at me before she continued, "Would you please get Megumi- san for me?" At my panicked gaze, she chuckled painfully before saying, "Nothing's wrong… I just… want to… talk to… her."
I looked quizzically at her for a few more moments before I stood up and fetched the lady doctor. Kaachan gave me a knowing look and I sighed before retreating outdoors. I hate it when she did that.
I took my position nearby, just in case they would need my help. Suddenly, I heard Megumi-san's outburst.
"Absolutely not! Kaoru-chan, you might…"
The doctor paused, probably due to Kaachan's reply. Then, I heard her sigh in defeat before hushed tones signaled that the conversation was resumed in a more civilized manner. Finally, a few minutes later, the door to Kaachan's room opened and Megumi-san stepped out with a suppressed emotion on her face. Then, she suddenly reverted to her usual, haughty self.
"Kenji-kun?" she said, looking at me. "Could you please fetch Yahiko and Tsubame and tell them we'll be eating outside?"
I nodded and did what I was asked to do. I helped prepare onigiri and other delicacies while pondering what happened earlier. Although eating outside the household was not something new to me, it was the first time we did it since I returned from Kyoto.
Afterwards, the five of us headed out towards the river and sat under one of the sakura trees. Why Kaachan picked this spot, I will never know but there was no trace of grief on her face when we started to eat and just enjoy the falling petals. It was just like the old times when I was younger. We would sit out by the river and just enjoy each other's company. Sure, there was always an exchange of jests but it was always done in a good-natured manner. How I missed those days.
Kaachan coughed and Megumi-san immediately came to her side. "Dai… joubu desu." Kaachan said amidst the fuss Megumi-san was giving her. Then, I heard the doctor cluck her tongue and give Kaachan a knowing look. Kaachan just looked sheepish and insisted that she was all right. I shrugged and prayed that she really is as well as she is claiming to be.
Darkness approached quickly as nighttime came. "We'd better get going." I said as I started packing our things.
"Iie…" Kaachan said suddenly, tearing her eyes away from the river. "Just… a little while… longer… onegai?" she said haltingly. I was about to argue with her when I saw the pleading in her eyes. I stopped short of what I was doing and nodded wordlessly to her. Kaachan just smile her thanks and looked again at the river.
Megumi-san looked at me then and I could see that she didn't wholeheartedly agree with my decision but she will respect it. I smiled gratefully at her although I didn't stop in packing our supplies. When all our things were in order, I turned around to find Kaachan looking intently at something near the riverbank.
Everyone noticed my pause and followed my gaze down the river and saw the little pinpricks of light.
"Fireflies…" Tsubame-san stated the obvious although her voice was colored with awe. "Kirei…" [Beautiful…] I agreed with her as I watched the pinpricks moving back and forth among the plants near the river's edge.
By now, the darkness was complete and the air had just gone chilly. I turned around to go to Kaachan and I could only see a vague outline of her leaning against the tree. I grew worried. We'd better go home now or else she'll catch more than just a cold.
I started my approach to her when I heard her gasp audibly. The others immediately stopped their conversation to see what was happening. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion, "Kaachan? What is it?"
She didn't reply to me. Instead, I vaguely heard her mutter, "Shinta…"
I felt my jaw drop when I heard that name. My heart started to beat faster as I raked my gaze over the surrounding area. 'Nani?!' [What?!]
Then, I saw him.
I rubbed my eyes harshly with the back of my hand and looked again at the path ahead, dubious. The moon had just disappeared over the clouds and darkness embraced us fully just then. Fortunately, the fireflies had come up and shed their little light over the sakura-laden strip of land. However, that wasn't what had caught my attention. Furthermore, I just didn't know if I had lost it because what I am seeing is just not truly possible.
Behind me, I heard Megumi-san gasp as the rustle of cloth indicated that the people behind me were shuffling nervously in their places as well. 'I'm not imagining it then…' I thought as I stared again at the specter before us.
The figure I saw was illuminated with a faint light, his form a little washed out and positively giving him an unearthly appearance. I saw that he was wearing a white hakama and a green gi. But, what held me on the spot was the fact that the figure before me was none other than my father, looking like what he did in that picture taken in Yokohama more than fifteen years ago. The only difference was that he had no sword by his side and that his left cheek no longer bore the cross-shaped scar. Instead, his face held peace as well as love so deep that I was shocked speechless. So, this is what my father truly looked like… Still, I couldn't discard the fact that he IS dead.
I noticed he wasn't facing us. Instead, he was looking in the general direction Kaachan is in. Then, a wide smile etched itself into his features as he held up a hand in an inviting gesture. No words could describe how he looked like at the moment, I thought. He simply was… beautiful.
A sudden sound broke my reverie as a choked cry came to my ears. I was still wondering where it came from when, to my shock, I saw Kaachan running towards him, tears streaming down her cheeks. I still thought it was an illusion but when Kaachan hugged the specter, I could only stare in shock. "Shinta… Shinta…" she kept repeating, the tender scene bringing tears to everyone's eyes. The fireflies danced around their outlines as if overjoyed at their reunion.
After what seemed like forever, the two looked at us with happy expressions. Father himself looked at me a little regretfully before they both bowed and started to walk away, some fireflies flitting by their side as they journeyed forth.
Shock kept us all rooted to the spot so much so that when everything registered to our brains, the two had disappeared. At that moment, I just wondered if my brain was just playing with me, that the stress of all the events had just taken their toll on me. But, the gasp that escaped Tsubame- san a few moments later told me that everything was not a hoax.
I felt my back stiffen just then. I heard Tsubame-san turn to Yahiko-san and crying profusely. "Iya…" I heard myself say. Not wanting to see it, I tried to escape but Megumi-san was blocking my way. She hugged me close and I felt her heave in a sigh. My brain told me she was crying but at the same time, trying to give support. I shook my head and had finally found the courage to look at the spot where Kaachan was. I saw her body's outline and I wondered why something felt different… I was denying it… No way is she…
Then, the moon chose that moment to come out of its hiding and bathed the landscape in a gentle illumination. Slowly, it revealed Kaachan leaning against the tree, her head drooping. I felt tears running down my cheeks as my emotions went haywire for a second time. However, it did not escape my attention that Kaachan's face bore no sorrow. Even if tears had streaked down her face, I saw a contented smile settled there and I knew at once that she had wanted it to be this way. I felt truly happy for her then but it will not still take away the pain I felt at the moment.
And, for the second time in my life, I lowered my emotional barrier and let the flood come forth… "Oyasumi, Kaachan…"
Coming back to the present, I carefully wiped away the moisture on my cheeks and smiled sadly. Then, I heard the dojo gates opening and Yahiko- san calling me. "Kenji?! Chizuro's here!"
I stood up and prayed to my parents. Then, when I heard the rush of steps towards me, I gathered up my things to meet them.
Yahiko-san looked at me tiredly. "Are you sure you want to go?"
I looked at him closely and saw that he was still disappointed with my decision to leave. "Hai." I replied shortly. After Kaachan's death, I found myself uncomfortable at my own home. And, indeed, at my age, I am beginning to finally understand the decision father made all those years ago. Maybe I didn't really hate him as much as I thought I did...
Yahiko-san looked crushed but hugged me good-naturedly before stepping back. "Kenji, please don't forget that this is your home and that you will always be welcomed back."
I nodded gratefully and smiled. "Itte mairimasu."
Yahiko-san just smiled and walked me to the gate. "Itte irasshai… I'll take care of this place, I promise."
"I know you will."
Chizuro walked with me to the path leading out of Tokyo. "Kenji-kun, where are you going?"
I looked at her intently, not really knowing how to answer her. "I don't know." She pouted and stayed quiet.
We reached the road by the river and I saw the place where father died in Kaachan's lap. I can just imagine them there again, hand in hand, watching the sakura petals gently floating to the ground. 'Oya-ji, Kaachan… I hope you're happy wherever you are…'
In a way, I envied them. Their life was just like a big fairytale come to life. I stared on the spot for some time and prayed that I, too, will find someone, someday.
Chizuro looked at me quizzically. "What is it Kenji-kun?"
I turned to her and found myself staring. Catching myself quickly, I replied, "It's nothing." But her face showed that she didn't quite believe me so I added, "I'll tell you someday."
I knew she was upset but she didn't complain. Instead, she followed me along. "That ribbon looks good on you." I said, looking at the blue ribbon on her head. I suddenly saw Kaachan in Chizuro. I couldn't help it, they just look alike with that ribbon on.
Then, without conscious thought, I said, "Let's live our live happily ok?"
She looked at me with a faint smile on her face and responded positively.
I smiled and thought that I was still a lucky man. Seeing her smile like that definitely lifts my spirit. I will protect her and this, I promise.
~Owari~
NOTES part II : Thank you for reading! This is the first time I wrote a fic that is twice the usual length I write and for it to be Kenji… ^^;;; He IS OOC if you noticed but this idea came to mind after I watched the OVA… *sigh* C&C welcomed ^^
SPOILER WARNING for Seisou Hen. If you haven't watched that particular OVA, this will just spoil you on its ending and then some ^^;;
NOTES:
I don't actually know the timeline after the Seisou Hen ^^;;; So, I ended up inventing a lot in the following storyline based on the thoughts that entered my mind after watching the second episode ^^;;; The title came to me after watching… I seem to remember a fic titled similarly in the past but I'm not exactly sure… *shrugs*
Please forgive me for wrong grammar ^^;;; I wrote this for a few hours straight so I wasn't paying attention ^^;;; Furthermore, I didn't proofread this. --;;; I wrote it then sent it straight to the ML after writing the notes after the fic ^^;;; Please feel free to let me know what you think ^^
This is actually going to be written in Kenji's POV… Though I cannot say how he really thinks about everything ^^;;; So sorry if he's OOC… Please note that I'm assuming a lot of things here so much so that it may be a little inconsistent with what really happened… Again, so sorry ^^;;; Well, on to the fic! ^^;
OYASUMI
By Neko
**********
I woke up this morning feeling glum. After all, this was my last day in the place I had called home for most of my life.
Home…
I stared lazily upon the ceiling that kept most of the sunlight away from my room at the present. Funny, I never noticed just how it really looks. Then again, I never actually spent much time brooding on such things considering that I always rush out of my room day by day to go to Kaachan simply greet her with an enthusiastic, "Ohayou!".
Kaachan…
Eventually, I found my thoughts drifting back to that day… Ayaya! I'd better get up or Chizuro'll let me have it. I smile briefly as her image flitted by, long black hair framing a small yet delicate face… just like Kaachan.
I feel something catch my throat and had to swallow repeatedly to compose myself. I sigh and hesitantly got up from the futon. Almost methodically, I reached for my clothing and put them on before I kneeled to tuck away my sleeping materials. With a satisfied pat on the futon's cloth, I stood up and headed for the door. I slowly brought my hands up and slid it aside quietly.
Amazing. The world just seemed peaceful this morning. I close my eyes and breathe in the fresh air that had a hint of dew. So fresh, so delicate, yes, that was the sign of a good day ahead.
I head towards the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast. Inside, I took the ingredients for the soup I was going to make and searched for the knife. I found it in its usual place by the cutting board and gripped it lightly at the handle. But, instead of going over to start my daily task, I found myself staring at the steel blade that reflected back to me my own pondering image. I didn't see that. Instead, I found myself in a trance, hearing words Yahiko-san commented some time ago.
Flashback
Chop, chop, chop…
I held the knife expertly as I chopped the vegetables into equal portions. I smiled as I felt something akin to thrill come as I cooked. And, eventually, I found myself humming a nameless tune so much so that I didn't hear Yahiko-san enter the kitchen.
"Oi!" he announced gleefully. I nearly jumped out of my skin but if I am to be proud of anything I've mastered so far, I have to say that it's the skill of controlling my bodily reactions.
I turned around and smiled brightly at Yahiko-san. "Ohayou, Yahiko-san!"
A brief flash of some emotion crossed the older boy's face just then that I thought I was just imagining it. Shrugging I resumed my task, humming that same nameless tune again. I felt Yahiko-san approach to check out what I was doing. I looked up again and smiled at his dumbfounded expression. He seemed to notice and looked away quickly, embarrassed.
When I finished my dish, I offered him a sample which he gratefully accepted and tried. "Sugoi! Totemo oishii desu!" [Wow! It's very tasty/delicious!] he commented and smiled a sad smile.
I frowned and asked, "What's wrong, Yahiko-san?"
The older boy answered, "It's nothing." But, I persisted and he sighed. "It's just that… I just remembered Kenshin… I mean, not only do you take after him physically, you even take on some of his traits like cooking." he said, smiling that same sad smile again. "Not that I'm complaining!" he added before laughing what I thought was forced.
End of flashback
Oya-ji. [Father] I wonder what he really was like? Kaachan has always told me stories of how great he was yet I knew she was saddened greatly by how he is not always there for her, for us. I felt the anger rising again before I knew it was coming. Oya-ji. How come he was always leaving. Why?! Then, like a bubble, I felt it burst from existence and I felt a hollowness in my heart that I never knew was there.
I forced myself to resume my task and in no time at all, I finished the dish for breakfast. Looking down at my handiwork, I found myself drifting to the times when father was home and cooked. Although I flatly refused to eat what he made, mother always found ways for me to take in some bites. Although it annoyed to me to no end, I had to admit that he was good at the art. Well, better than Kaachan anyways.
I smiled sadly. Kaachan…
After eating, I went out and toured the grounds one last time. Everything seemed to be in order and I felt suddenly nostalgic about it. Everywhere I passed, I remembered the times I spent with our distinct family: Kaachan vs. Yahiko-san, Ayame and Suzume, Yahiko-san and Tsubame-san… Once again, I felt bile creep up my throat as well as a burning sensation coming to my eyes. But, I breathed in deeply and settled my racing heart.
I headed back to my room and got my possessions which were already packed beforehand. On my way out, I picked up the sakabatou from its stand and closed the door gently behind me. I walked around again, wandering aimlessly through the halls, memories coming to me at random.
Finally, I reached the porch and its twin support posts.
I suddenly remembered all the times father was away. Kaachan used to sit there and smiled sadly while remembering the good old days when father was still what they called a rurouni. When she noticed me, she would beckon me to sit beside her and tell me all sorts of tales about my father. 'He is a great man,' she used to say, 'helping people out of their problems when he sees them in need… Her eyes would get unfocused as she began to see things that I would never be able to. Then, her face would melt sadly to a tired smile before she would continue her fascinating recollections.
But I was different. The more I heard about him, the more anger I felt. For me, he will always be a man who abandoned his family to try to save the world. For me, he will always be the man who leaves his wife and child waiting for his return. And for me, he will always be my… father.
I slumped down in defeat and sat down, leaning my back against one of the pillars. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine my father sitting there all those years ago. For some reason, this spot feels peaceful as if my father's constant presence has made it a place where one can feel calm. Heck, the place practically radiates it.
I opened my eyes and picked up the sakabatou, once again looking at it not as a weapon but as a symbol of peace. Gingerly, I pulled the blade out of the sheath and stared at the excellent craftsmanship of the blade. Kaachan used to tell me all about the deeds my father did with it and how he could always surprise the group with his skill. I felt the hollowness seize my heart again as I replaced the blade back in its sheath.
I stared at it for some time, lost in the memories of the past. I never saw father use a blade let alone teach anyone how to use one so I've always assumed that he wasn't as great as Kaachan says he is. I thought that she was just conjuring illusions up so that I would not be mad at father for not being there with us, his family. But, I remained stubborn and my anger built up over the years.
I sighed, defeated.
Now, I am a man. Now, I can see that my behavior in the past was just a reflection of a child wanting attention, of a child who craved for his father's return of affection. After all, I grew up not really knowing father… and I regret not being able to see him for whom he was as Kaachan did.
I smiled bitterly. I returned home with Yahiko-san at that time to be with Kaachan and to see if I could resolve my issues with father. Heck, I was fifteen already and I needed to sort out a lot of things with a man that I barely knew. I was willing to give it a try and I thought that my return home would generate that spark.
But, he died before I could do it. I felt a burning sensation in my eyes again as I remembered what happened that day.
Flashback
Megumi-san came running to Yahiko-san, panick etched on her features. She acknowledged my presence with a nod and hastily interrupted Yahiko-san.
"Kaoru's missing…!"
"Nani?!" Yahiko-san shouted, instantly standing up and facing the woman doctor. Megumi-san quickly recounted Tsubame-san's seeing Kaachan bent over so she quickly rushed to get Megumi-san. However, when they reached Kaachan's room, she simply wasn't there.
I felt my heart hammer against my chest as I raced along with Yahiko-san to Kaachan's room. Indeed, it was empty and I saw the cup on her futon.
It was the cup with sakura designs. Fear gripped my heart and, before I was aware of it, I had rushed out of the house, running along the roads in a frenzied state. I distantly heard the three adults shouting and rushing after me but for some reason, I couldn't breathe. Could it be true? Is he really back?
At first it surprised me that anger didn't cloud my feelings. Instead, I felt elation and anticipation. The thought of seeing Kaachan smile without any trace of sadness made me feel exhilarated. Finally… Finally, Kaachan need not be sad anymore!
I don't know what brought me there… I just found myself along the river for some reason. I looked around and sakura petals fell silently around me. Still, there was no sign of Kaachan. I slowed down my run and opted to walk, panting a little with my earlier exertion. My heart was racing and it took some time for it to calm down.
I gazed left and right.
No sign of Kaachan.
I was beginning to worry and considered turning back to go home when I heard it.
Someone was sniffing.
I paused and tried to sort out the sensations I was perceiving. Furthermore, I became reluctant as conclusions I was reaching made me hesitant to come forward and see if they were the truth. Still, he needed to find Kaachan. She is sick and rest was the order of the day. I smiled as I imagined myself berating my own mother for going out while she was still sick.
Still hesitating, I finally forced my body to follow the sound and, eventually, I found myself staring directly at a sakura tree. Its beautiful petals were falling down as though the rain had finally come to wash the earth of its impurities. But, the worry in my heart made me overlook that fact as I stepped around its trunk. What I saw made me freeze in my tracks.
Kaachan was sitting peacefully against the tree, singing softly to herself and staring at nothing. Streaks of tears were traveling down her cheeks as grief etched themselves to her features. On her lap was father, sprawled over the greenery by the river, a peaceful smile radiating off his face. Kaachan was stroking his hair gently, as if afraid that any more pressure would destroy his body. Sakura petals were falling around them at a steady rate, oblivious to the events surrounding them…
What I saw didn't register at first as the sight of father awakened some old hate within me. But, surprisingly, it retreated just as quickly as it came. Again, I stared at the redheaded man on my mother's lap and noted unconsciously that Kaachan didn't notice me yet. But, that wasn't what caught my attention. I felt rooted to the spot when I realized that father's chest wasn't moving… In fact, he himself was not moving…
'Iie…' was the first thought I had. I shook my head slightly as the implication of that detail made itself clear. 'Iie…'
Just then, the rest of the group caught up. Panting, they stared at Kaoru, reflecting their shock as well in their body language. Then, I noted that they also noticed Kenshin and his lack of response. Nobody moved as they dared not speak out the obvious.
Kaachan moved suddenly that we were caught off guard. She looked at us and the deep grief that reflected on her twin orbs had us frozen. Her lips lifted in a small smile and she said brokenly, "Ho… ra…" [Look…] she said, slowly moving father's bangs aside.
At first, why she did this didn't register. Only when Megumi-san gasped did I realize what it was about. My father's cross-scar had disappeared.
"Kieta ne…?" [Disappeared right?] Kaachan whispered before she doubled over, crying. I distantly noted that both Megumi-san and Tsubame-san had fallen to their knees as well, crying. Yahiko-san, though a tough man on the exterior also had tears falling on his cheeks.
What happened next, I have no explanation. One moment I was looking at Kaachan, the next, I found myself running aimlessly, my face screwing up for the first time in years.
I don't know how long I ran. All I knew was that I eventually fell on my knees and doubled over, crying my pain out. As I sobbed repeatedly, I distantly had a funny thought: how could I, a child who so hated his father, cry for him on his demise?
End of flashback
I felt my consciousness return to the present. Those events felt like it happened a lifetime ago rather than only a month or two ago.
I opened my eyes slowly and I found myself focused on the two graves on the grounds. I smiled bitterly once again as I remembered what happened afterwards.
News of Kenshin's death quickly spread all over and people trooped to the Kamiya Dojo in flocks, offering their condolences to the ones he had left behind. Kaachan received them all and tried to smile for them. But, it was too much for her as well.
Hiko came during the funeral and proclaimed that he never expected to outlive his baka deshi [stupid pupil]. Even so, those who knew him saw his face lined with grief that he would never express in public. Others, like the Kyoto-based Oniwabanshuu, came over trying to help but found themselves being dragged down by the gloom as well. Even Aoshi, whom everyone has tagged as the icicle, was in grief.
More and more people came and although I knew of father's deeds, I was still surprised at the turn-out. They didn't know but I listened to them exchange stories of father and I found myself respecting him for the first time in my life. Maybe Kaachan wasn't lying when she told me those stories years ago after all. I looked down then and thought of how much I really didn't know about this man who fathered me. Now, it's too late.
I focused my gaze on the second grave and the fresh grief sprung to me immediately. This time, I let the tears fall and I didn't care if anyone saw me right now.
'Kaachan…'
I remember her after father's funeral. She tried to be cheerful for me, for everyone. Although the disease she caught was slowly eating her, the recent death of father overwhelmed her. But, she always told us that she was all right, that he was in a better place with no more pain and no more suffering.
However, I knew her better.
The nights following the funeral were brutal and I would always hear her crying herself to sleep. Often, I would see Megumi-san sit outside Kaachan's room as if her presence would give Kaachan more strength in order to live to see a new day. I, on the other hand, would lay down on my futon and lose myself to my own thoughts of "what-if" situations. Too bad you can't change the past. You can only live at the present for the future.
By this time, I found myself drifting back to that day a little over a month ago when I met Chizuro. I had just come from the market with the tofu when I saw a group of men ganging up on a young girl. She had long black hair and features that reminded me of Kaachan.
"Mou! Let go of me!" she yelled profusely at one of the guys who had fastened himself to her arm. I don't know why I did it but I found myself teaching the guys a lesson about respecting women. The men looked at me and I felt satisfied in seeing their scared faces as they ran away to the horizon, leaving me staring dumbfounded at this girl. Since then, she became a good friend and, when I introduced her to Kaachan one day, I found a suspicious sparkle light up her tired eyes.
"Are…" I muttered under my breath and Kaachan just smiled knowingly.
After that incident, I found myself helping more people around town. Seeing their happy faces made me feel exhilarated enough to want to help those around me. And, one day, I suddenly recalled Kaachan's stories of father.
'So… this is why he chose to help others in need…'
A few days later, Kaachan's health deteriorated so fast that Megumi-san was practically panicking. Tsubame-san had asked Yahiko-san to stay at the dojo to help out with the chores and he had agreed to her request.
I found myself by Kaachan's side day in and day out, attending to her needs as the sickness she had contracted made her feel more badly as time went on.
Then, one afternoon, she called to me softly, "Kenji?"
I looked at her with a questioning gaze and said, "Hai?"
She smiled sadly at me before she continued, "Would you please get Megumi- san for me?" At my panicked gaze, she chuckled painfully before saying, "Nothing's wrong… I just… want to… talk to… her."
I looked quizzically at her for a few more moments before I stood up and fetched the lady doctor. Kaachan gave me a knowing look and I sighed before retreating outdoors. I hate it when she did that.
I took my position nearby, just in case they would need my help. Suddenly, I heard Megumi-san's outburst.
"Absolutely not! Kaoru-chan, you might…"
The doctor paused, probably due to Kaachan's reply. Then, I heard her sigh in defeat before hushed tones signaled that the conversation was resumed in a more civilized manner. Finally, a few minutes later, the door to Kaachan's room opened and Megumi-san stepped out with a suppressed emotion on her face. Then, she suddenly reverted to her usual, haughty self.
"Kenji-kun?" she said, looking at me. "Could you please fetch Yahiko and Tsubame and tell them we'll be eating outside?"
I nodded and did what I was asked to do. I helped prepare onigiri and other delicacies while pondering what happened earlier. Although eating outside the household was not something new to me, it was the first time we did it since I returned from Kyoto.
Afterwards, the five of us headed out towards the river and sat under one of the sakura trees. Why Kaachan picked this spot, I will never know but there was no trace of grief on her face when we started to eat and just enjoy the falling petals. It was just like the old times when I was younger. We would sit out by the river and just enjoy each other's company. Sure, there was always an exchange of jests but it was always done in a good-natured manner. How I missed those days.
Kaachan coughed and Megumi-san immediately came to her side. "Dai… joubu desu." Kaachan said amidst the fuss Megumi-san was giving her. Then, I heard the doctor cluck her tongue and give Kaachan a knowing look. Kaachan just looked sheepish and insisted that she was all right. I shrugged and prayed that she really is as well as she is claiming to be.
Darkness approached quickly as nighttime came. "We'd better get going." I said as I started packing our things.
"Iie…" Kaachan said suddenly, tearing her eyes away from the river. "Just… a little while… longer… onegai?" she said haltingly. I was about to argue with her when I saw the pleading in her eyes. I stopped short of what I was doing and nodded wordlessly to her. Kaachan just smile her thanks and looked again at the river.
Megumi-san looked at me then and I could see that she didn't wholeheartedly agree with my decision but she will respect it. I smiled gratefully at her although I didn't stop in packing our supplies. When all our things were in order, I turned around to find Kaachan looking intently at something near the riverbank.
Everyone noticed my pause and followed my gaze down the river and saw the little pinpricks of light.
"Fireflies…" Tsubame-san stated the obvious although her voice was colored with awe. "Kirei…" [Beautiful…] I agreed with her as I watched the pinpricks moving back and forth among the plants near the river's edge.
By now, the darkness was complete and the air had just gone chilly. I turned around to go to Kaachan and I could only see a vague outline of her leaning against the tree. I grew worried. We'd better go home now or else she'll catch more than just a cold.
I started my approach to her when I heard her gasp audibly. The others immediately stopped their conversation to see what was happening. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion, "Kaachan? What is it?"
She didn't reply to me. Instead, I vaguely heard her mutter, "Shinta…"
I felt my jaw drop when I heard that name. My heart started to beat faster as I raked my gaze over the surrounding area. 'Nani?!' [What?!]
Then, I saw him.
I rubbed my eyes harshly with the back of my hand and looked again at the path ahead, dubious. The moon had just disappeared over the clouds and darkness embraced us fully just then. Fortunately, the fireflies had come up and shed their little light over the sakura-laden strip of land. However, that wasn't what had caught my attention. Furthermore, I just didn't know if I had lost it because what I am seeing is just not truly possible.
Behind me, I heard Megumi-san gasp as the rustle of cloth indicated that the people behind me were shuffling nervously in their places as well. 'I'm not imagining it then…' I thought as I stared again at the specter before us.
The figure I saw was illuminated with a faint light, his form a little washed out and positively giving him an unearthly appearance. I saw that he was wearing a white hakama and a green gi. But, what held me on the spot was the fact that the figure before me was none other than my father, looking like what he did in that picture taken in Yokohama more than fifteen years ago. The only difference was that he had no sword by his side and that his left cheek no longer bore the cross-shaped scar. Instead, his face held peace as well as love so deep that I was shocked speechless. So, this is what my father truly looked like… Still, I couldn't discard the fact that he IS dead.
I noticed he wasn't facing us. Instead, he was looking in the general direction Kaachan is in. Then, a wide smile etched itself into his features as he held up a hand in an inviting gesture. No words could describe how he looked like at the moment, I thought. He simply was… beautiful.
A sudden sound broke my reverie as a choked cry came to my ears. I was still wondering where it came from when, to my shock, I saw Kaachan running towards him, tears streaming down her cheeks. I still thought it was an illusion but when Kaachan hugged the specter, I could only stare in shock. "Shinta… Shinta…" she kept repeating, the tender scene bringing tears to everyone's eyes. The fireflies danced around their outlines as if overjoyed at their reunion.
After what seemed like forever, the two looked at us with happy expressions. Father himself looked at me a little regretfully before they both bowed and started to walk away, some fireflies flitting by their side as they journeyed forth.
Shock kept us all rooted to the spot so much so that when everything registered to our brains, the two had disappeared. At that moment, I just wondered if my brain was just playing with me, that the stress of all the events had just taken their toll on me. But, the gasp that escaped Tsubame- san a few moments later told me that everything was not a hoax.
I felt my back stiffen just then. I heard Tsubame-san turn to Yahiko-san and crying profusely. "Iya…" I heard myself say. Not wanting to see it, I tried to escape but Megumi-san was blocking my way. She hugged me close and I felt her heave in a sigh. My brain told me she was crying but at the same time, trying to give support. I shook my head and had finally found the courage to look at the spot where Kaachan was. I saw her body's outline and I wondered why something felt different… I was denying it… No way is she…
Then, the moon chose that moment to come out of its hiding and bathed the landscape in a gentle illumination. Slowly, it revealed Kaachan leaning against the tree, her head drooping. I felt tears running down my cheeks as my emotions went haywire for a second time. However, it did not escape my attention that Kaachan's face bore no sorrow. Even if tears had streaked down her face, I saw a contented smile settled there and I knew at once that she had wanted it to be this way. I felt truly happy for her then but it will not still take away the pain I felt at the moment.
And, for the second time in my life, I lowered my emotional barrier and let the flood come forth… "Oyasumi, Kaachan…"
Coming back to the present, I carefully wiped away the moisture on my cheeks and smiled sadly. Then, I heard the dojo gates opening and Yahiko- san calling me. "Kenji?! Chizuro's here!"
I stood up and prayed to my parents. Then, when I heard the rush of steps towards me, I gathered up my things to meet them.
Yahiko-san looked at me tiredly. "Are you sure you want to go?"
I looked at him closely and saw that he was still disappointed with my decision to leave. "Hai." I replied shortly. After Kaachan's death, I found myself uncomfortable at my own home. And, indeed, at my age, I am beginning to finally understand the decision father made all those years ago. Maybe I didn't really hate him as much as I thought I did...
Yahiko-san looked crushed but hugged me good-naturedly before stepping back. "Kenji, please don't forget that this is your home and that you will always be welcomed back."
I nodded gratefully and smiled. "Itte mairimasu."
Yahiko-san just smiled and walked me to the gate. "Itte irasshai… I'll take care of this place, I promise."
"I know you will."
Chizuro walked with me to the path leading out of Tokyo. "Kenji-kun, where are you going?"
I looked at her intently, not really knowing how to answer her. "I don't know." She pouted and stayed quiet.
We reached the road by the river and I saw the place where father died in Kaachan's lap. I can just imagine them there again, hand in hand, watching the sakura petals gently floating to the ground. 'Oya-ji, Kaachan… I hope you're happy wherever you are…'
In a way, I envied them. Their life was just like a big fairytale come to life. I stared on the spot for some time and prayed that I, too, will find someone, someday.
Chizuro looked at me quizzically. "What is it Kenji-kun?"
I turned to her and found myself staring. Catching myself quickly, I replied, "It's nothing." But her face showed that she didn't quite believe me so I added, "I'll tell you someday."
I knew she was upset but she didn't complain. Instead, she followed me along. "That ribbon looks good on you." I said, looking at the blue ribbon on her head. I suddenly saw Kaachan in Chizuro. I couldn't help it, they just look alike with that ribbon on.
Then, without conscious thought, I said, "Let's live our live happily ok?"
She looked at me with a faint smile on her face and responded positively.
I smiled and thought that I was still a lucky man. Seeing her smile like that definitely lifts my spirit. I will protect her and this, I promise.
~Owari~
NOTES part II : Thank you for reading! This is the first time I wrote a fic that is twice the usual length I write and for it to be Kenji… ^^;;; He IS OOC if you noticed but this idea came to mind after I watched the OVA… *sigh* C&C welcomed ^^