A few snippets of spoilers for the last three episodes of Castle. But mostly just me letting my imagination run wild. I have many ideas about the last few episodes, but for this story I just started writing and didn't stop until the case was solved. Also, I apologize for any spelling/grammar errors that I missed in proof reading.
Her hotel was 15 miles away, but an hours ride in L.A. traffic. Castle's room was, of course, in the heart of the city. Right where she needed to be. So it made sense to stay there. And it was a suite with two bedrooms. So it wasn't like anything scandalous would be happening. Or at least those were the justifications she was giving herself. He, naturally, made as many inappropriate jokes about it as he could. After she'd accepted the offer to stay though. Because beforehand would have meant her digging her heals in and saying no just to spite him. As was their norm.
But eventually the joking turned serious. That was something they couldn't avoid. After all, she was here against orders. Who knew the repercussions she'd endure upon her return. And let's not forget her reasons for flying out in the first place. She was hunting down the killer of her training officer. The man who taught her the basic skills needed to keep herself alive as a rookie cop. Who understood her need for joining the force when other people told her it was just a knee-jerk reaction to what she'd gone through. A decision she'd ultimately come to regret. So she had to solve his murder. Because in the beginning, he was the only person who supported what she was doing. And whatever his reasons were for doing it, she owed him.
Which meant she was determined to find his killer. Maybe too determined. And Castle noticed. Which ultimately led them to where they were now. At a serious moment. Where they always seemed to end up eventually. It was hard to make it through a case with one recently. And she wasn't sure how much longer she could take them. They weighed her down. Not necessarily in a bad way. But they made her heart heavy. They made her bite her lower lip in deeply concentrated thought. They made her whole body a few degrees warmer. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't good. It was distracting. And distraction was something to be studiously avoided when in the middle of an investigation.
But Castle was Castle. Always concerned about her. Always butting in where he wasn't supposed to. Especially inside her head. Been in there more and more lately.
So when he said, "Kate, I think you need to take a step back from this one. Let the L.A.P.D. take the lead for a while," she looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language. A little confused. And a little angry.
So he knew he was in trouble.
"I just mean, you've gone at some suspects a little more aggressively than usual."
She glared. And not the cute, flirty glare. The one where her nostrils flared.
"What I mean is, I know how much solving this one means to you, but if you keep pushing so hard at other people, I'm afraid you're going to push yourself to a breaking point," he said softly. Because he needed her to know that he wasn't trying to be confrontational. He was just thinking of her. Only her.
In her mind, that was his problem.
"Castle," she said in an exasperated sigh, "you're thinking of me. And I appreciate that. But I'm thinking of him. And his family. Who need some closure."
He just couldn't stop himself from responding. "Kate, just because you don't have closure, doesn't mean you're always going to be able to find it for other people. Not everything's that simple." And sometimes he really wished he could learn to not say anything.
Now her voice was rising. She only had so much patience for him. "You think I think this is simple? Of course it's not simple. Of course I can't give them all closure. I'm not naïve Castle. Just stubborn. And the more you ask me to back down the more I want to push forward, so just keep your comments to yourself and you'll help us both."
It was harsh. She knew it. Would have known it even it hadn't left him without something to say. But now he was standing there with that wounded puppy-dog look. This was what happened at the end of long days when they had no new leads. Except usually they'd part ways for the night and come back in the morning, both with bashful looks on their faces for the things they'd said while stressed and overtired. So they'd mumble apologies and share their new a ideas from a night of sleeping on it. But now they were driving the same car back to the same hotel room. Tense was an understatement.
She wasn't to the point of feeling sorry for what she'd said yet. So when they got back to the suite she went straight to her room and shut the door without a backwards glance. Not because she was trying to be mean. But because she'd crack first if she had to look at the wounded expression on his face any longer. Or fight looking over at him when she knew he was staring at her.
But knowing he was lying in a bed just across the hall from her meant she couldn't stop thinking about it. And even though she didn't want to, she knew she had to get up and apologize.
They'd been back for over an hour now, and though it was already 2:00am, she knew he wouldn't be sleeping. If she couldn't sleep, neither could he. So she got out of bed, opened her door, took the three steps it took to cross to his door, and didn't bother knocking. She turned the knob and stepped in.
He was lying in the middle of the bed with his hands behind his head, deep in thought. A wrinkle of concentration across his forehead. When she came in he leaned up on his elbows. She didn't say anything, just came and sat down on the side of the bed. Kept her back to him as she sat. But she could feel him less than a foot away form her. And for a second it annoyed her that she could feel him even though they weren't touching.
After a few minutes of silence Kate uttered softly, "I'm sorry." Whispered it just loud enough so he could hear it.
He didn't know what to say. "It's okay," didn't seem right. Because it wasn't okay. "I didn't mean it," was all wrong. Because he definitely was worried with how caught up she was.
He settled for, "I can't sleep. Want to watch a movie with me?"
And she smiled at him. Grateful for his ability to let her earlier comments go. And grateful for the company. And the chance to get out of her own head.
So he scooted over to one side of the bed. And she stretched out on top over the covers on the other. And they both unknowingly relaxed just being next to each other. Doing something normal.
Eventually they both drifted to sleep. But they were woken up only a few hours later by the room phone ringing. There was a break in the case. So they'd hurriedly dressed and rushed out the door.
Twelve hours later found them on a flight back to New York. Case solved. Closure found. But when they were ready to part ways at the airport, she grabbed his hand to get him to turn around.
She looked nervous, he noted. Which was adorable, if you asked him. She took two steps closer and put her arms around his neck. If he was surprised she didn't notice, because he immediately wrapped his arms around her. She whispered, "Thank you, Castle," into his ear and pulled away. And it was over. Just like that. All too quick. But they had pretenses to keep. So he smiled at her, leaned in, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "call me tomorrow and let me know how your talk with the captain goes."
And she was relieved. That he hadn't said what he wanted to. Whatever that was. Because it was standard protocol for only one of them to get emotional. Or tell half truths of what they meant. Or wanted.
Death at a beauty pageant. It wasn't a particularly taxing case. And she was grateful for that. Especially after L.A. She was lucky she hadn't been suspended. Or even sentenced to desk duty. Thank god for being understaffed. But she should have known it was too easy. Because right as she was walking the victim's parents to the elevator the Chief approached her. So she sent the parents on their way, hopefully giving them some peace at knowing what happened to their daughter, and turned to face what was coming.
The look on his face scared her. And she knew what he was going to say before he said it. Because she'd only seen that look on his face a few very specific times.
Her mother's case. Something had happened.
And suddenly she was right back in the middle of it. Up to her neck in bad guys. Overloaded with her emotions. Not only in grieving for her mother, as she was inevitably forced to do every time the case came back to the forefront, but also overwhelmed with the support she was receiving from everyone around her.
It felt like they were closer than they'd ever been to ending this. And she wasn't the only one who felt it. Because everyone was more involved than they usually were. If that was possible.
But something went wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. She wasn't supposed to lose someone else in order to bring the people who killed her mother to justice.
She couldn't feel an ounce of happiness or relief that he mother's case was finally solved. Because she was in the precinct. Watching as Esposito told the Captain's wife how he had died with grace. With purpose. Never to be forgotten. The scene was too painful to look at. She had to leave. She was going to have a panic attack if she let herself think about any of this beyond right now.
She walked over to Ryan, handed him her badge and gun and said, "tell whoever's in charge now that I'm taking an indefinite leave of absence."
Ryan was too stunned to say anything. Just watched her as she dropped her cell phone on her desk as she walked by it to grab her jacket. Clearly intending to not be found.
Once the elevator doors closed Ryan came to his senses. He ran to find Castle, who was sitting with Roy's kids as Esposito broke the news to Mrs. Montgomery.
After everything they'd just gone through, Castle wondered what else could have possibly gone wrong when he saw Ryan's panicked look from the doorway.
It broke his heart. But somehow he wasn't surprised. She couldn't be strong forever. Everyone needed a release at some point.
But he grew more worried when Josh rushed into the bullpen an hour later. He demanded to know where Kate was. What had happened. Castle looked on as the boys told him to calm down. Asked him what had happened. He said Kate called him a half hour ago. Said she was sorry, that he should go back to doctors without borders. She was leaving for a little while. Didn't know when she would be back.
When boys said they didn't know where she'd gone either, only that she'd turned in her gun and badge, Josh hung his head in defeat.
Well, he gave up easily, Castle thought to himself. There was too much commotion for him. Josh was there. The Captain's family was still there. The boys were trying deal with those two situations while still trying to officially close the case.
Castle had to get out of there.
There was only one place he wanted to be. With Kate.
He had to find her.
He knew where she'd go before she disappeared off the grid. He just hoped she was still there.
He had to call Jim Beckett to find out which cemetery Johanna was buried in. Jim was glad Castle had called. Said he'd talked to Kate. She'd told him what had happened. Tried to sound happy that they'd finally solved her mom's case. But he could tell something was wrong. Castle told him not to worry. He would be with her and Jim could call his cell phone later to check in.
Castle knew Kate would go home to grab some things form her apartment and then go to the cemetery. That way she could leave right after she visited her mom.
When he found the grave and she wasn't there he thought he'd missed her. But he let out a breathe of relief when he saw a figure walking towards him in the dusk. He should have known he'd beat her here. She had to call Josh and her dad from the land line in her apartment since she'd left her cell phone behind. Plus she had to pack a bag.
As she got closer he saw the duffle in her hand. She was walking with her head down. Didn't know that he was there yet. Ten feet from the grave she looked up. He thought he'd see surprise. Or anger. Instead the look on her face broke his heart. She was fighting back tears. Being as stubborn as she was, she refused to let them fall.
She stood in front of the grave, lowered her bag to the ground, and gazed down at the head stone. After a few minutes the tears started to fall. But he didn't move. Just watched her. She knew he was here. That was all she needed right now.
The sun had all but disappeared when she finally looked at him and said, "Castle," in the most desperate and pleading tone he'd ever heard from her. Desperate for what, pleading for what, he couldn't be certain. But he knew what he wanted it to be.
So he did what he was best at. Used his words. And once he started, he couldn't stop them. Everything came spilling out. And he realized he didn't want to stop himself this time.
"No one knew where you went. Everyone's worried. I knew though. And I didn't know if you'd want me here. But I knew that you'd need someone. And I couldn't stay away. I couldn't fight it. I'd hoped you'd see my face and you'd be reminded that someone was here for you. Whether you want it to be me or not."
He paused briefly, collecting his thoughts, but then continued, "I'm always going to be here. Always going to chase you. There's nowhere you can go that I won't follow. Because I know that you need someone. And after three years, that someone you need turned into me. And I'm not trying to sound confident, or cocky. I'm just trying to tell you the truth."
She raised her eyes to his, and he knew that she understood, but he continued anyways, because there was so much more to say. "There are so many things we haven't said that we should have. And I know that what you need in this moment is for me to say all the things we never said. I want all of you, Kate. Always. And I'm not leaving. Ever. And, I know you're struggling with a lot of things right now. But, you need to know, I'd love you even if you were a barista."
Because she had turned in her gun and badge, so who knew what she was going to do. Maybe she'd go back to being a cop eventually. Or maybe she'd serve people coffee. He didn't care.
That seemed like an adequate place to stop talking. He'd told her loved her, but also saw a flicker of a smile on her lips at the barista comment. The smile didn't last though. Not after everything that had happened. And not after all the other things he'd just said.
But after everything that happened, looking at her now, he knew they were finally on the same page.
So when she said, "I need to get away from the city for a little while. Away from people," he knew she was asking him to take her somewhere.
He walked over to her, a breathe away, took her face in his hands, wiped away her tears with his thumbs, then leaned in and kissed her. Softly. But deeply. The kiss held sadness, and longing, and relief, all at the same time. When he pulled back he said, "I'll take you wherever you want to go."
And he was okay with running away with her. At least for a little while. She needed this escape. To process. To grieve. To put everything to rest.
So he picked up her duffle bag with one hand, laced her fingers in his with the other, and walked her away from everything.
Not matter what happened now, he knew she'd be okay, because they were finally honest about what they wanted. Healing would take time. He knew she'd have to do a lot of soul-searching. But he'd be there. Forever.
I don't necessarily need a review, just nice to hear from people who've read. So if you want to comment, please do. Can't wait for Knockout!