Disclaimer: Not mine

Journey 1/3

It didn't matter, really it didn't, or at least that's what Mac was trying to convince herself. After years of dancing around the topic of 'us' with Harm, they were finally together, had been for two months and it had been one of the happiest times of her life. Still, here she was, staring out her office window, trying to convince herself that it didn't matter that Harm had just driven out of the car park with a well built, tall, leggy blonde when he was supposed to be having lunch with her. She tried telling herself that there was a reasonable excuse as to why he'd forgotten their plans, a suitable explanation as to why that woman had kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly.

Shaking her head, she turned back to her desk and sat looking at the piles of files on the corner and the three open windows on her computer. There was so much work for her to do she didn't really have time to think about her errant boyfriend. Ignoring her stomach's reminder that she was supposed to be at lunch by now, Mac turned her attention to the Taylor file and finished the paperwork which had been long overdue.

Locking herself in her office, Mac saw nothing except the reams of paperwork and after a very productive three hours there was only the current case file on her desk. Deciding to give herself an early mark as reward for her effort, and to avoid a certain naval commander, should he come back, Mac presented herself to the General and requested his permission to secure early for the weekend, something he agreed to.
"Everything alright, Mac?" General Cresswell asked as she neared the door.
"Yes, sir," she said turning to face him.
"Are you sure?" he questioned, he'd been in the job three years and she had never requested permission to secure early.
"Yes, sir," she repeated.
"Very well then," he said with a nod. "Have a good weekend."
"Thank you, sir, you too."

Home before 1600 hours, something which hadn't happened in a long time, Mac shed her uniform before dressing in jeans and a sweater. Grabbing a small bag, Mac threw in some clothes for the next few days, a couple of books, her camera , an extra pair of shoes and her toiletries before picking up her jacket and heading back down to her car. There was no way she was going to sit around and wait for any man to remember where he was supposed to be.

Heading out of town, Mac realised she didn't have a destination in mind but that didn't dissuade her, she was great at making plans on the run, she'd know the place to stop when she saw it. Driving north west she ended up on the I-70 W and kept driving, ignoring her hunger and the constant ringing of her cell. After three hours though, enough was enough and she took the turnoff for Altoona, PA.

The local billboards mentioned its tourist attractions and while caverns and railway museums weren't exactly her thing, she figured a nice hotel room, her books and room service would make an ideal weekend.

Pulling her car up at the Marriott Hotel, Mac went in and, after booking in and getting her swipe cards for the garage and her room door, moved her car and headed up to Room 429. Smiling to herself, Mac deposited her bag on the chair and took in the views in the fading twilight, it would do.

Picking up the compendium, Mac flicked through and to her disappointment found they didn't do room service.
"Oh well," she said to herself, "Guess I'll go to the restaurant."

Grabbing her purse and book, she headed back downstairs and soon found herself seated at a table for two near the fish tank. Perusing the menu, she found she was hungrier than she thought and ordered a porterhouse steak, with fries and salad and a coke. Reading her book as she waited for the order, Mac heard the pings of her cell telling her there was yet another message and reluctantly she took the phone from her purse.

18 missed calls

16 messages

Each one was from Harm.

Reading through them, they all in essence said the same thing – 'Where are you? Are you okay? Call me. Please.'

Deciding she wasn't up for any conversation, Mac sent a text in reply.
'Gone away for w'end. See you Monday.'

Not at all impressed by that information, Harm called once more only to have the call go through to voicemail.
'Mac, what's going on? I need you to call me. I need to talk to you.'
Mac just shrugged, that wasn't going to happen and she placed the phone back in her purse. When Harm continued to call she switched it off altogether and returned to her book, only stopping when dinner was served and Mac had to declare it was the best steak she'd had in a long time.

After being told that they did do desserts to take away, Mac ordered the chocolate mud cake with double whipped cream and headed back to her room after stopping by the vending machine to buy a few drinks. Settled back in her room, she drew a soothing bubble bath and relaxed in there for about 30 minutes before towelling off and slipping into her nightgown.

Sitting on the bed with the television on for company, Mac commenced her mission to eat her rather large portion of cake, something she achieved with ease. Feeling rather happy, and contented, except for the issues with Harm, Mac decided she should have an early night. Realising she should do the responsible thing, Mac pulled out her cell and turned it on, it was no surprise to her that there were a whole lot of new messages and all from Harm.

Deciding to be adult about things, she called Harm's cell and he picked up immediately, the caller ID telling him exactly who it was.
"Where the hell are you?" he asked, his extreme agitation at the situation plainly evident in those five words.
"I'm fine," she said curtly.
"That's not what I asked," he retorted. "Where are you? I want to come and talk to you."
"That won't be possible," she replied. "I'm not in town."
"I will drive, fly or swim to wherever you are, Mac," he said emphatically. "Now, where are you?"
"Harm," she said with a deep sigh. "This is not getting us anywhere."
"No, it's not," he agreed. "Okay," he continued, taking a deep breath. "I just want to understand what's going on."
"I felt like getting away for a few days and so I did," she said simply.
"Without telling me?" he challenged, not that she needed his permission but he would have liked to have been told.
"Oh, I was going to tell you," she said casually. "I thought we'd discuss it over lunch..."

And those two words hit him harder than any sledgehammer could – over lunch. The lunch he was supposed to have with her...the lunch he had completely forgotten about ... the lunch he'd taken with Shona Campbell with instead.
"Just what I thought, Harm," she said with a sigh. "Look, you obviously have more important things on your mind than me, so you have a good weekend and I'll see you Monday."
"Mac," he called out, afraid she'd disconnect the call. "About lunch..."
"What about it?" she asked, wondering what convoluted story he'd give.
"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I completely forgot about it."
"Great to know I mean so much," she replied, chewing her bottom lip.
"You mean the world to me, Mac, and don't pretend you don't know it," he replied, hurt that she'd be so casual about his feelings for her.
"I mean so much you forget about me and go to lunch with some leggy blonde," she said, not wanting to fight with him anymore, just wanting to forget about it.
"You don't understand," he protested, though he knew he hadn't given her any information to enable her to comprehend. "It was an important meeting."
"So important you were still out at 1530?" she questioned. "Must have been some lunch."
"Mac, it's nothing like that," he said defensively.
"Well, I left the office at 1530 and you hadn't returned from 'lunch', so what do you want me to think?" she asked sliding between the sheets of her king sized bed.
"I want you to think that I love you and would never intentionally hurt you," he said quietly.
"I know you love me and I love you, Harm," she said with a sigh. "But I'm getting a little tired of being second choice...today it was lunch with whomever she was, last week you threw me over for plans with Sturgis, three days ago you said you'd come over and stay the night and never showed."
"Mac..." he said although there was no way to defend his recent insensitive behaviour.
"Look, I think some time out is what we need," she said, closing her eyes to fight her tears. "You are obviously very busy and I'm in the way ..."
"No, you're not in the way," he protested, tears filling his eyes. "Don't ever think that. I have been an insensitive jerk and while there are reasons for it there is no excuse and I am so very sorry you've been hurt."
"Okay," she said, not wanting to prolong the agony of this conversation.
"Okay, what?" he asked. "Am I forgiven?"
"Yes, Harm, I forgive you," she said with a sigh.
"Okay," he said. "That's a start. Now, is there any way I can make things up to you?"

Mac thought about it for a moment; while it was true what she wanted was some time away from DC she wasn't all that sure she wanted to be alone.
"I'm at the Marriott in Altoona," she said. "If you want to take me out for lunch tomorrow."
"Altoona? As in Pennsylvania?" he questioned and when she confirmed it, he added, "That's only three hours away I could be there tonight."
"No, Harm, lunch tomorrow, that's what I'm offering," she said, and while she loved nothing more than sleeping with him and sharing breakfast, she was planning to make him wait until lunch.
"Can I push it and suggest brunch?" he asked, knowing he'd leave home at first light and be there in ample time.
"No, you can't," she said firmly. "I will see you in the lobby at noon and not a minute earlier...or later," she added to make her point.
"I will definitely be there," he said, very glad she'd given him a reprieve. Now, all he had to do was come up with a way to explain his recent behaviour and he had 15 hours to do it.

Once she'd disconnected the call, Mac rearranged the pillows before flicking through channels on the television and settling on watching Pretty Woman, she was asleep long before her favourite scene with the necklace. She slept soundly.

The same could not be said of Harm who tossed and turned for a good portion of the night, his bed feeling decidedly uncomfortable without Mac there, his heart feeling very heavy at the current turn of events in his relationship with Mac. He hadn't set out to hurt her, quite the opposite, he was on a mission to show her just how much she meant to him. Unfortunately, his methods didn't match his intentions and he had a lot to do to make it up to her.

Up, showered and dressed before the sun had appeared, Harm grabbed an overnight bag and a couple of bottles of water and set off for Altoona. Telling himself he'd stop somewhere for breakfast, Harm knew he'd most likely drive right through to Altoona and find something there – preferably somewhere very close to the Marriott to ensure he wouldn't be late.

That's what he did. Arriving in town just after nine, Harm pulled up in front of a cafe serving breakfast and bought a newspaper from the stand nearby before finding a table and sat so the hotel was in his vision every time he looked up. Not that he expected the hotel to disappear; he just didn't want to take the chance it would.

Breakfast for him was a cheese and tomato omelette with wholemeal toast and apple juice followed by a coffee and two refills to take him up to 1100, by which time he'd read the newspaper three times though he really hadn't comprehended most of it. Meanwhile, Mac enjoyed a full breakfast in the hotel restaurant, bacon, eggs, sausages and pancakes with orange juice and a coffee. After sleeping well and late, she had dressed and wandered down about 0930 and had helped herself from the buffet. Finished by 1015, she'd wandered back upstairs, showered and dressed for the day.

Her plan wasn't to sit in her room all morning but she knew Harm would be early and didn't want to see him until noon, eager to make her point. So she watched re-runs of I Love Lucy, filed her nails and thought of everything else but Harm ... not that it was too effective. Deciding she would drive herself to distraction waiting until noon, Mac made her way down to the lobby at 1130, planning on taking up a position in the corner and waiting for Harm, not wanting to seem over eager.

She didn't get the chance as he was sitting in an armchair looking straight at the elevator when the doors opened. Instantly he was on his feet.
"I know it's not noon yet," he said quickly without greeting. "So, if you're not ready to meet with me then I can sit here and wait...no pressure..."
"Hi, Harm," she said, stepping forward to stand in front of him.
"Hi, Mac," he said leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"Did you get much traffic?" she asked, finding it hard to make small talk with him.
"No, none at all," he said, although he didn't say it was because he left DC before anyone else was up.
"Good," she said, before nodding.

The silence grew and soon became uncomfortable.

"Um..." Mac continued. "Are you hungry? Did you want to get something to eat or drink?"
"I'm fine, Mac," he replied. "I've actually been camped out in that cafe..." He pointed across the road. "...For the best part of two hours."
"Oh, okay," she said, nodding again.
"But, if you are, we can..." he started but Mac shook her head.
"I've not long had breakfast," she said before taking a deep breath. "Okay...this is feeling all very strange..." she admitted. "I don't want to spend the day feeling awkward and second guessing everything we say to each other."
"Me neither," he agreed, not liking the feeling between them and knowing it was he who had caused it. "I have no excuses for treating you so poorly recently. I love you, I do and I know it might not seem like it but this is all still very new between us and I have to remind myself that this is real ... I still find it hard to believe I have you in my life as more than a work partner and friend ... For so long I have wanted this..." he gestured between the two of them ..."I guess I'm just no good at it."
"You're better than you think," she said, reaching out and taking his hand. "How about we head out to the Lincoln Caverns," she said, "And do some exploring and get a late lunch or early dinner and then talk this through."
"Sounds like a great idea," he said squeezing her hand.

Choosing to take Harm's car as it was already parked on the street, the pair travelled in relative silence until Harm took the left turn for the US-22 E and realised it was going to be a long day if neither spoke. Knowing Mac had said they'd talk that night, he wanted move things along.
"May I say something?" he asked, taking a quick glance at her.
"Go ahead," she replied with a brief nod.
"Yesterday, I had lunch with Shona Campbell," he said, his eyes fixed on the road. "You've never met her before but four years ago I went out with her three times." He could feel Mac bristle beside him. "Yesterday morning, she called me out of the blue to say she was in DC for the day with her young daughter and really wanted to catch up as she had something serious to discuss with me."

He paused to give Mac a chance to speak but nothing happened, so he drew a deep breath and continued.

"We, Shona and I, had had sex, back then and all I could think was she'd had my baby...It was the only thing I thought it could be and for the rest of the morning I could think of nothing else," he admitted, hoping she'd see he hadn't simply forgotten about her.

Still Mac said nothing.

"And so..." he continued realising he wasn't getting any feedback from Mac. "I told her to come straight to JAG and she did, called me from downstairs and I left for lunch. I'm sorry I didn't remember our plans ... but you have to understand that I wasn't thinking about much other than the serious discussion she wanted to have."

When Harm was taking too long to get to the point, Mac knew she'd have to say something or burst.

"So?" she prompted, desperately needing to know. "Is she? Is she yours?
"Her name is Alannah and she is the most gorgeous three and a bit year old, brown hair and blue eyes, so utterly adorable," he said with a smile. "But she's not mine," he added, taking a quick glance at Mac. "The father is the guy she slept with after me, another naval commander who was a one night stand... even she admitted she was a bit of a Navy groupie. She knew his name but nothing else and wanted to track him down, asked for my help."
"Oh, okay," Mac said, very relieved that Harm hadn't fathered a child to someone else. After all, he was finally hers after all these years and she'd be damned if she had to share him with someone else. Not that she'd let him know just how possessive she was about him ... that would boost his ego back to jet jock proportions
"Needless to say, I am very relieved myself," Harm continued. "The only children I want to father are yours," he continued, looking at her and catching her eye. "And it's been that way since we made the baby deal – it's why I made the baby deal."
"You do realise that AJ was 11 last month," Mac said looking at him.
"I know," he said with a nod. "I have wanted to parent children with you from way back then."
Mac nodded, not quite knowing what to say. Seriously, there'd been no one she had considered having children with but Harm. Despite all the angst and relationship breakdowns between them over the years, especially after Paraguay, she couldn't fathom the thought about a child of hers calling anyone else daddy.
"I guess I can understand yesterday's events," Mac finally said. She knew had he told her of the initial phone call then she would have been totally preoccupied too, she could only imagine what he had gone through.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said, taking the next turn off.
"I know," she replied, reaching over and resting her hand on his thigh.
"I do love you, Mac," he continued, hoping she'd truly believe him.
"I know," she repeated, rubbing his leg.

For a while there was silence once more and Mac knew she should ask the nagging question ricocheting through her head rather than waiting for later that night.
"I understand about yesterday," she said by way of clarification but what about the other two things?" she said, her hand still resting on his leg. "Sturgis and the no-show."

Harm made a noise which was half way between a deep breath and a sigh.
"I never had plans with Sturgis," Harm admitted and quickly grabbed Mac's hand before she retracted it. "It's your birthday next month and I was planning a surprise and used him as an alibi so I didn't have to explain it. I know you weren't impressed but the person who was helping me only had that time. And the other night..." he continued wanting to confess to everything, "Was also to do with your birthday...the time just flew and then I fell asleep at the computer and when I woke it was already midnight. I did text you though."
Mac nodded, he had done that, although by the time she received the message he was already in the bad books.
"I know it seems that I'm taking you for granted," he continued, "but I'm not ... I ... I am just having trouble with the communication side of things...yesterday was a different thing but the other two I was working on something to show you how much I love you and it backfired and I'm sorry."
"Pull over," she said, pointing to the side of the road.
"What?" he questioned, looking at the traffic around them.
"Pull over now!" she said firmly and the moment the car stopped Mac was out of the car, quickly followed by Harm.

Thinking the worst about her response, Harm threw his hands up as he rounded the front of the car to meet Mac who was coming his way. "I am sor..." Was all he managed before Mac's arms were around his neck and her lips were on his.
When she finally pulled back, she smiled at his glazed look.
"I do love you, Harm," she said kissing him briefly once more. "Just need you to consider how I might perceive things."
"I will. I will," he promised, wrapping his arms around her. "I will think things through and make sure you never doubt that you are very much the woman for me ... now and for always."

Another kiss to seal their truce and back on the road to the caverns. While Mac wanted to know what the birthday surprise was, given the trouble it had caused, she knew she should wait until her actual birthday. After all, if it had preoccupied Harm to the extent he had forgotten about her, it must be something big.

However, not knowing was going to drive her crazy, so she opted for a compromise.
"Can you give me a hint?" she said out of the blue.
"Hint about what?" Harm said, taking the turnoff off the caverns.
"My birthday surprise," she said, turning to face him.
"It won't be a surprise if I tell you," he said with a grin.
"So don't tell me," she said. "Just give me a little hint."
"Okay, I will give you a hint," he said, thinking of how obscure a hint he could give. "It's something you've always wanted but never admitted to."
"If I've never admitted it, how do you know that I've wanted it?" she questioned.
"Nope, can't tell you that," he said smiling. "That would constitute a second hint and we only agreed on one."
"But..." she began to protest.
"Sorry, Mac, your birthday is in four weeks and ..." he began to explain.
"Actually, it's in 25 days," she corrected.
"Great," he replied. "Even less time to wait."

And so their weekend continued with fun and sightseeing in a much more convivial manner than either had expected, given the way it had started.