Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville…if I did it would still be on
Author's note: This story was written for and is dedicated to my friend Jules in honor of her birthday. Here's to the pranks we pulled, the craziness we thought up, and the hours spent tracking down our favorite targets. Hopefully the statute of limitations has expired and we have been forgiven as hopefully Clark will eventually forgive Lois and Chloe...if he can ever manage to prove that they were involved. Happy Birthday, Jules!
There is nothing I do better than revenge…
-Taylor Swift (Better Than Revenge)
The night was as black as ink. A fine sliver of a moon hung overhead amongst a blanket of twinkling stars, just barely visible above the buildings which lined the narrow alleyway. It was a peaceful night, a quiet night…a night perfect for mischief.
A car appeared at the mouth of the alley; it slowed to a stop a few yards from the rear door of Talon. Twin shafts of light sliced through the darkness as the headlights flashed twice and then vanished as quickly as they had appeared. A small light appeared from the deep shadows inside the doorway. The signal was repeated and a figure emerged as the vehicle slid forward. A faint click sounded as the door opened and the figure slipped inside; the car moved forward, barely pausing long enough for the passenger to shut the door. A gloved hand shot forward to brace against the dashboard as it shot out of the alley, tires squealing as it took a hard right onto the deserted side street. The headlights flashed on, illuminating a stretch of empty road as the vehicle sped out of town.
"Well that was discrete." Chloe remarked dryly as she released her grip on the dash. "You might have waited until I at least shut the door." She arched a fine eyebrow in her cousin's direction as she secured her seatbelt. She paused with one hand still on the buckle as her remaining eyebrow rose to join the first. "What the heck do you have on your face?"
"Camouflage…which you could use a bit of yourself, Blondie."
A sock hat was dropped unceremoniously into her lap, followed by a small tube of black face paint. Chloe rolled her eyes in mock exasperation, even though she knew the gesture was lost on her cousin in the dark. She retrieved the knit cap and tugged it over her hair before uncapping the tube. Her nose wrinkled in slight distaste at the odd smell of the paint.
"Remind me again why I agreed to do this?" She sighed as she began to spread the sticky goop over her face.
"Oh come on, Chlo, where's your sense of adventure?" Lois retorted as she turned the car off the main highway and onto a side road.
Chloe grimaced as a finger of the paint shot into her hair as the car sped across the uneven surface of the dirt road. "It's probably with my sanity, which strangely seems to vanish whenever you show up on my doorstep, cousin dear…along with my sense of self preservation." She capped the tube and wiped the excess goop onto her black pants before reaching beside her seat to retrieve her laptop from its bag. "Why is that?" she asked as a soft blue glow lit the interior of the car.
Lois shot her a grin worthy of the famed Cheshire…a gesture which was made even more unnerving by the fact that it was all that was visible in the dim light due to the thick black pain which coated every inch of her face. "Come on, you know you love it." She sing-songed. "It'll be fun…just like old times. Besides it's not as if Smallville doesn't have it coming to him."
A soft snort was her answer. A snort which Lois ignored as she continued, warming to her speech.
"Oh come on…do it for every time he's left you hanging, for every promise he's made and broken…for every favor he's requested and has yet to return…for every sob story about some floozy he has expected you to just sit and listen to." She slammed a hand against the steering wheel with a sharp thwack. "You owe it to yourself, Chloe! You owe it every girl out there!"
"Are we talking about me or about you, Lois? I don't have any quarrel with Clark…at the moment at least." Chloe replied calmly as she continued to fiddle with her computer. A small smile creased her face as she sensed her cousin's frustration.
A hand slammed down on the steering wheel a second time. "Then do it because it's fun and a bit crazy…and face it, after the last few months we could use some fun and crazy."
Chloe paused in the midst of her typing and sighed. Lois was right. They could definitely use a little harmless fun…though a small part of her did fear the retaliation her super powered best friend might concoct in return. She wondered if Lois would still be as enthusiastic if she knew what Clark was capable of.
"Well?" Lois demanded.
Chloe shook her head as the smile morphed into a grin. Nope – definitely would not make a difference. Not when Bulldog Lane was on the warpath.
"Is this the part when I am supposed to clap and cheer?" She asked dryly.
A thermos appeared before her.
"I have coffee."
Chloe shook her head as she accepted it. Sorry, Clark.
"According to the GPS on Clark's cell, he's still in Metropolis. We should have a couple hours at most." At least I hope so. Chloe closed her laptop with a soft click before turning to face her cousin. "What's your plan?"
Lois's grin widened and an evil cackle worthy of the Wicked Witch of the West echoed through the car.
oOo
A muffled sneeze sounded from behind a large bale of hay; a cow in the neighboring pasture raised its head and issued a low moo in response.
"What part of quietly is so difficult for you to understand." A shadow hissed from the base of the bale.
Another sneeze sounded in response; it was followed by a quiet grouse regarding insane relatives and stupid hay fever. A second shadow separated from the opposite side of the bale and crawled awkwardly to the rise of the low hill which ran the edge of the fence line bordering the Kent Farm. They had hidden Lois's car roughly a half a mile away off a small dirt road which ran parallel to the farm in case Clark or his mother returned without warning, though the alarm Chloe had linked to his cell phone's GPS might give them a head start. Chloe pressed deeper into the tall grass as she scanned the farm for movement…other than the small cluster of cows there was none. So far so good. She grinned as she heard Lois join her.
"Do I even want to know where you managed to get a pair of military grade night vision goggles, let alone two?" Chloe asked as she fiddled with focus on her pair.
The image was quite impressive. If they'd had this type of technology when they had executed their last 'mission', which had been many years earlier, it might have ended without the unfortunate incident which had involved an army jeep…and a set of rather large road spikes. The only thing that had saved them in the end was the fact that no army private in his right mind would have confessed that a pair of teenage girls had managed to catch him off his guard long enough to saran wrap him into a port-a-john …and chain said port-a-john to a certain general's jeep…though Chloe suspected that her uncle had figured out the details on his own as that was the last summer that she had spent with her cousins on base.
"Probably better that you don't." Lois whispered from her position sprawled on the grass beside her. "Let's just say that a certain grunt owed me a favor."
Chloe smirked. "Must have been some favor if he was willing to risk the ire of a certain general."
Lois grinned. "Need to know, baby coz, need to know…and you don't." She rose to a crouch, grunting softly as she swung her backpack over her shoulder. "Looks clear. Let's go."
Chloe swung her own pack onto her back as she followed her cousin down the small hill and across the field toward the Kent's barn. With their black clothes and painted faces, they were nearly invisible as they moved along the edge of the weathered barn to the open door.
"Are you certain Mrs. Kent said she was going to Washington this weekend?" Chloe hissed as they slipped inside.
"Positive." Lois whispered. "Don't get cold feet on me now, Soldier."
A thin beam of light switched on, softly illuminating the weathered planks of the stairs which led to the loft.
Chloe grinned as she felt her pulse quicken. "Not a chance."
The pair reached the 'Fortress' without incident. Lois set her pack down by the top of the stairs and quickly got to work, retrieving an industrial strength staple gun and two very large balls of twine. She straightened and tossed one to Chloe with an evil grin.
"I'll go high."
Chloe caught it easily, her grin mirroring her cousin's. Lois was right. It had been too long.
"And I'll go low." She replied as she set her pack down and the two got to work.
One hour, eight balls of twine, two boxes of staples, and a rather elaborate mechanical trap later, which involved a trip wire, six cans of silly string and a motion sensor camera, the two girls retreated back to Chloe's apartment over the Talon to celebrate a job well done with pizza and ice cream…after hiding all evidence in the truck of Lois's car and in the bottom of her laundry basket…while they waited for their trap to be sprung. In the end it was definitely a moment worth waiting for. Their howls of laughter could be heard halfway across the county…and Clark's loud bellow of surprise across the remaining half.
Despite her concerns that the camera might reveal something of Clark's secret to her nosy cousin, Chloe found she had little to fear as Lois had barely managed to remain seated for long after the trap was sprung. Chloe quickly scanned the images as they appeared on her monitor, laughing as her cousin danced her way to the kitchen to find a bottle of wine to toast their success with. A small frown replaced the grin as the image on the screen went blurry before going dark. She slammed her laptop shut with a small squeak, fumbling for the remote controls that littered the surface of the small table. A familiar sound was heard on the opposite side of her apartment door as she queued the movie in the DVD player for a scene somewhere in the middle. Lois paused in her search, her eyes meeting Chloe's as a loud pounding shook the door. She took a flying leap toward the couch as Chloe hurried for the door. The vision on the opposite side nearly made her burst into laughter.
"Clark, what a nice surprise." Chloe said brightly as she stepped aside to allow him to enter.
His normally friendly face twisted with an expression of extreme irritation.
"Where is she?" Clark demanded.
"Who?"
Clark ignored her reply in favor of focusing the full force of his glare on Lois, who was lounging comfortably on the couch. Her cousin, to her credit, stared back at him unfazed.
"What happened to you, Smallville?" Lois drawled. She raised an eyebrow at him as her eyes scanned him with a well practiced expression of innocent curiosity. "Explosion in a joke store? Five year old birthday party? Late night kegger?"
Chloe hid a snicker with a soft cough as she moved into the kitchen and out of the line of fire. Clark's dark hair and jacket were covered with long sticky streaks of neon pink, yellow and green, despite the fact that he must have super sped from the farm; it was an impressive testament to the mysterious substance. As she watched a large clump slipped out of his collar to land on the paper clutched in his hand. She choked back a laugh as she recognized it as the 'note' they had left behind.
"Explain, Lois." Clark growled as he held the note toward her. "And my loft? Seriously?" The wounded note in his voice only served to make Chloe shake harder as she struggled to hold back the laughter.
In a performance worthy of an Academy Award, Lois made a show of leaning forward to examine the crumpled paper. "If you are asking my opinion," she replied, "neither is really your color. You're more of a Passion Pink or a Berry Plum, I think." A slight smirk played across her lips as she sunk back against the couch, watching as Clark's face began to turn the same shade of brilliant red as the lipstick prints on the note.
At this rate, Chloe feared she would asphyxiate if the two continued their little routine for much longer. She managed to choke back the laughter, morphing her expression into one of calm curiosity as Clark spun on his heel and stomped his way to the door. He paused in the open doorway, turning to cast one last withering glare at Lois.
"You're playing with fire, Lane." He stated, a challenge in his eyes.
"I have no idea what you are referring to, Smallville. We've been here all night long eating cookie dough, doing our nails and watching chick flicks until our brains rot. Right, Chlo?"
Chloe nodded, delighted that her voice at least was calm. "All night. Sorry, Clark."
Lois smiled as tapped a finger against her lips. "You are welcome to join us if you like, we were just about to do makeovers and I think Chloe has an avocado mask that might complement the streaks in your hair."
A low growl and the slam of the door were his response.
Lois shrugged. "Guess not." She patted the cushion beside her with an evil grin. "Come on, play it again."
Chloe reclaimed her seat on the couch and opened the laptop, cuing it to the images sent from Lois's camera before it went dark. Laughter filled the apartment as they watched Clark trip into a tangle of twine, buried beneath a blizzard of colored sticky string.
On the opposite side of the door, unbeknownst to the girls, Clark stood listening with a slight grin on his face. He shook his head as he turned to leave. Despite the mess they had made of his loft, he had to admit that it was worth it to see Chloe smile. The grin widened as he made his way down the stairs…he would get Lois back when she least expected.
After all, revenge was a dish best served cold…right?