Disclaimers: JKR still owns it all. I write AU/OOC...if you want canon you picked the wrong story.
THE SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON...maybe that's why you're such a strange and special one... (Sheena Easton song)
"Harry Potter! That name is beginning to make me sick. I don't want to hear anymore about him for a very long time!" Voldemort was sitting in his chair, trying to enjoy his toasty warm fire, but was being horribly disturbed by the continued existence of his arch nemeses. The presence of the hook-nosed potions prick who had delivered the latest missive from said antagonist wasn't improving things any.
Snape merely stood beside Voldie's chair, shoulders slightly bent toward the heat of the fire, maintaining an air of casual interest as he twiddled his thumbs behind his back. "M'Lord, you must understand my position. The brat has been resorted into Slytherin after coming back from summer break. He says he has news of immense magnitude and refuses to share it with anyone but you."
"I don't want to see the insufferable brat."
Snape heaved a sigh. "Even Dumbledore has been unable to extract any information from the boy. Surely, M'Lord, you can deal with him for a few minutes?"
Voldemort glared at Severus. "Just give me the wretched missive that the wretched beast has sent and let me get this over with."
Snape smiled benignly and reached for the roll of parchment that he had been unable to break open. "I tried to open it. Whatever it is must be good."
The seal fell off the paper as soon as it touched Voldie's hand. The older man bent and began to read. Within seconds he was cackling wildly and wiping tears from his eyes.
"What is the problem, Master?" Snape finally asked.
Voldemort looked up at Snape with an evil grimace in place. "Severus, you know how you wanted to have children when you were twenty?"
"Yes!" He nodded at the older man.
"I made that possible for you, didn't I?"
Snape again nodded his head in the affirmative. Then added rather petulantly, "But, I don't know who they are. I never got to bathe them, or bottle feed them, or even change a nappy." Looking straight at the really ugly guy he questioned, "Are you sure I have any children?"
"Well, since you are so keen to admit that you wanted a child, let me assure you that you have at least seven children who are alive and are doing just fine." The old warlock watched as what little color the younger man's face contained had drained away. "You have delivered to me a certified Wizarding birth certificate here."
Severus grabbed the pieces of paper away from the now smirking snakeoid. He quickly scanned the first document: an obviously fake birth certificate for one Harry James Potter. The original was a birth certificate made out to the parents of Sauron Tiberious Snape; parents listed as Tom M. Riddle, mater, and Severus Snape, pater. The last paper contained a list of the family tree of Snape; a family tree that included Harry James Potter nee Sauron Tiberius Snape along with six other names listed under Severus' name.
It seems that someone knew about Severus Snape and his sexual escapades when he was younger. Harry Potter was none other than Sauron Tiberius Snape; the seventh son of a seventh son. The birth father was still standing there in shock when a Gringotts Goblin apparated into the room, handed Severus a wrapped package, had him sign for it with a drop of blood, then disapparated.
Severus grinned as he handed the birth certificate back to Voldemort. "Well, Momma, I really must ask you why you are so determined to be rid of the boy when he is your own child. Your only child if I am correct?"
Voldemort glared at Severus for an indeterminate amount of time before sneering. "Fat lot of good that does me, you know." Then he gave Severus a beatific smile. "So, I guess it is a bit late but I'll have you know that all six of the Weasely boys are your sons also."
Severus gave Tom a stupid look. "How in Circe's tits did you manage that?"
Tom snickered. "Do you remember the first time you went on a Death Eater raid with your father and I brought you a prize as a reward for doing such a good job?"
Snape's skin paled even further. "Eugh." was all he managed to gag out before he slumped to the floor in a dead faint.
Voldemort cackled with glee as he watched his Potions Master sleeping on the floor. "You would probably be dead by now if it were not for the fact that you were a seventh son…of course it doesn't hurt that you are bloody brilliant with potions." He left Snape lying there and wandered into the kitchen for a cup of PG Tips with cream and sugar.
Later on, after Snape had finally regained his formidable thought processes, and vanished the wrinkles from his robe, he resumed baiting Tom. "So, why exactly are you angry with the boy?"
Tom glared at him through red eyes. "Just how would you feel about a child after giving birth to it, having it stolen, spending the next fifteen months tracking it down, and then after killing the kidnappers and reaching down to pick it up; it looks up at you with an innocent expression on, points it's finger at you, and says, 'Avada Kedavara'?"
Severus smiled complacently at his somewhat iffy partner. "Well, at least everyone believed that it was you who cast the killing curse and that it had rebounded. Your claim to be the Dark Lord is going to be a bloody joke if everyone finds out that a fifteen-month old took you out using wandless magic."
Yes, folks, this story is a repost from several years ago. If you see errors that need corrected let me know. If you have ideas or questions feel free to get the message to me.