Chapter One

Legolas was chasing Bolg on horseback, angry as ever that someone made him bleed his own blood. It completely tarnished his perfectly clean and unbeatable-in-battle persona that was so prominently shown in those films that he hadn't technically been in yet. There was something hitting his back. That's when he remembered he had his bow with him! Whispering to the horse in elvish to put in on cruise control, he reached back and pulled out his bow and knocked it with an arrow. This was going to be a cakewalk compared to the daring CGI acrobatics he did when chasing the barrels. He shot one arrow after another at the pale orc until it finally fell from the saddle of its warg. The warg ran off into the forest on the other side of the bridge as Bolg slipped off of the bridge into the freezing cold lake. Served him right. He turned his CGI horse around and rode back into Laketown to find out where in Eru's name she was that was more important than killing orcs.

Tauriel was pondering over whether she should run back to the woodland realm before the dragon showed up or to stay behind with the dwarves and children. Forsaking her friends in times of need seemed to be right up her alley at the moment, so she decided to stay. She hoped Legolas was ok. He probably was. He never got a scratch. If he did, whoever gave it to him would be dead before they even realized what they had done. Besides, she didn't really want to go back home, especially after Thranduil had embarrassed her and discriminated against her race. She found poetic justice in her falling for a dwarf instead of Legolas. It would be the icing on top of a lovely cake of racial Middle Earth minorities.

During her pondering, she hadn't heard the boy re-enter the demolished house.

"They've taken my father prisoner and the Dragon is coming!" he said anxiously, looking to Tauriel for assistance. She only shrugged.

"Hey, I'm not technically supposed to be here. And I've been cooped up in Mirkwood for so long I don't even know what this town is called."

"Where's the black arrow?" Fili asked

"I hid it in a boat under some nets!" the boy replied.

"Well that was dumb," Bofur grumbled, "do remember which boat it was?"

"Erm, no," the boy said sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

Tauriel rolled her eyes. "I'll go find it. You dwarves go release the boy's father. What exactly am I looking for?"

"It's this giant black arrow that's supposed to be used from a dwarvish wind lance," said the boy. "I put it in a boat near a giant statue of the master. You'll know it when you see it."

Tauriel nodded and ran out of the decrepit house leaping effortlessly from boat to boat. The wind began to pick up and she heard a roar in the distance. She quickened her pace.

Meanwhile, the dwarves followed the boy Bain to the dungeons, where ironically again the guards had fallen asleep from drinking too much. Bard was pressed against the bars, anxiously looking at the sky.

"Da!" said Bain as he rushed toward his father.

"Why Da?" Bofur whispered to Fili. Fili only shrugged. Oin ran over to the drunk guards and nabbed the keys off of them. He tinkered with each one until the door clicked open.

"Where's the arrow?" Bard said as he gripped his son's shoulder

"We sent a ginger elf to go get it!" Fili said reassuringly.

Bard's face looked more terrified than it had yet. "A ginger? We're doomed!"

Gandalf swung in his cage, desperately wishing that this place wasn't so desolate. Otherwise, he'd have found a butterfly to call the eagles again. The orcs were marching for Erebor, making Gandalf wonder if the battle of Dol Guldur was actually going to take place during the battle of five armies which also made him wonder what exactly was happening in the East. From what Manwe had told him Valinor, he'd thought that things would be going much differently.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking echoing throughout the fortress. Sauron answered in a hissy voice "Whoooooo'ssss theeerrrrree?"

"It is I, Galadriel!"

Gandalf's heart leapt for joy. So his incompetent cousin had actually done as he was told!

"You willllllll dieeeee she elffffffff."

"I don't think so. Remember that one time when that other she-elf that I can't name because of copyright issues and her dog came and whooped your sorry flaming butt? Yeah, that's going to happen again."

Gandalf raised an eyebrow. He never knew Galadriel could be so sassy.

"I'm going to count to three, and so help me, you better make like one of these decrepit trees and leave! ONE…"

"Are youuuuu jokinnnnggg?"

"Two…"

"Seriously, you expect me to believe…"

"Three!" Galadriel snapped her fingers and Sauron was gone. Gandalf supposed it was because being beaten by a woman twice was not good for the Dark Lord's reputation. Galadriel slowly walked over to where Gandalf was hanging, since she only had one speed at which she did everything, and set him free.

"I did not know you had such a power over him milady," Gandalf said with a bow.

"It is because I know how to make all creatures feel uncomfortable," she replied as she moved a piece of Gandalf's hair back behind his ear. He gulped and turned the other way. She was right about that most definitely.

At this point, everyone has probably forgotten that this is my story. Well guess what, IT IS! It's called the bloody Hobbit! Sure, it seems like I'm just telling Thorin's story, especially because of the prologue in the first film, but it's not! Or at least, it shouldn't be…

Anyway, I watched in horror as Smaug flew off toward Laketown. He only hoped that Bard would warn the people before it was too late. That man seemed to have a sixth sense for bad things.

I was soon joined by Thorin and the rest of our company, who had managed to follow me somehow by avoiding the molten gold on the floor. Thorin sniffed.

"Well, there's nothing we can do now but wait."

"What?" I said incredulously, "Wait?! We have to help them! They won't stand a chance, especially if they don't know that there actually is a weak spot on Smaug!"

"How do you propose we warn them Master Baggins?" Thorin said condescendingly. I was so sick of that. Hadn't I proved myself to be a worthy member of the company? This guy was ridiculous!

"What about the thrush?" Balin chimed in. "I still know how to speak to them!"

"Yes, but what are the odds of that fitting into a Lord of the Rings prequel? It's too ridiculous," Thorin said dismissively.

"That's actually not as ridiculous as that stunt Bombur pulled in the barrels!" I complained, but I was ignored.

"They have their legend about the dragon's hide, that'll be enough."

"You're also forgetting that four of our company are STILL IN LAKETOWN!" I yelled, smacking my forehead. The dwarves muttered anxiously.

"Well, that's a bad twist of luck," Balin sighed.