|| NEVER LET ME GO ||
It's supposed to be human, but they're threaten like animals;
They're living their empty meaningless existence in the kindest school of all;
But they don't know, not right away, they don't know there's no escape;
The end is already planned, everything is;
Fatality;
Death.
-15 SEPTEMBER 1963, THE SHOWING ROOM-
It's an infinite routine since she's born, but she's not the result of love, no, she was simply a small eleven years old destined to help, she's forced, and that's what she is, why they created her. She knows but she doesn't understand, most likely won't before she'll realise the donations are about to be made, the end is planned since the beginning. But it's not clear. And now she looks through the glass trying hardly not to faint, cold sweat running down her aching temples, shaky hands holding the rim of the window, heart pouding heavily, loudly, lips an aride desert, throath tightened strongly, eyes slightly wet, breathing awfully short, knees weak, gaze staring painfully, gaze locked on the girl laying inertly in the modern, simplistic bed inside the other room. Meanwhile, her stomach violently crushes, expand, contract, flip, flop, twist, jump, pinches. It's her fourth and it's a miracle she made it to the operation, it's her fourth and it's her last, this time they won't try to save her, she begged for it, and this time she couldn't say no, as much as it would destroy her, completely. Her fragile heart would be surgically removed, as well as everything they were, everything they planned for themselves when they were idealistic young souls, their dreams, their life, their past, their love, it wouldn't be there, it would be gone, forever, and she would watch it, powerlessly, assist to Naomi's final act, Naomi's planned end, she couldn't deny it now. She always thought life could be a fairytale, stubborn, so stubborn about it, the blonde knew, and told her, billion times, but her too, couldn't resist, she wanted to be normal, she wanted to feel the love she never had, her parents inexistant, they didn't even have family names. Emily, Naomi, Katie, Cook, merely.
She truly hates Romeo and Juliet, she hates love stories of that kind, she hates love and relationships sucks and she cries warmly, bruisingly and it's started and she can't stop it, them with scapels like a knife in butter, incising her pale skin, killing, murdering, assassinating, she can feel the pain, it literally slices her in half, she lost her, everyone, Naomi held on for her. Naomi is the human, the organisation isn't, Naomi is stronger than them, Naomi is so much better, Naomi is why she still hoped, ''Naomi, Naomi, Naomi, Naomi.'' She whispers it until she collapse on the floor, curled in a tiny ball, her brown hair spread on the sanitized floor. The curtain close, the piece is looped, her view blacken, she dies slowly, she's mentally gone. Emily couldn't win the battle.
The end is at the beginning because that's the only thing she knew right then. Reading a book backwards always been more interesting to her, more realist, she thought the end wasn't important, all the story behind it, though, was.
-2 JUNE 1952, EMILY IS 11 YEARS OLD –
The birds are humming soft melodies in major A, in a slow rythm, the sound is neat, clean and joyfull. She wondered if sometimes they could get up in the wrong side of the bed, or more of their nests, they seemed so happy to see the sun up in the sky, caribbean blue sky, cloudlessly magnificent. There's a lot of them in the morning, hidden between puffy branches of a luxurious forest surrounding a wide meadow. In this peaceful place some buildings of great britain's early 30's had been secretly built to hide a burden of the society. Because even if it's legal, giving birth to someone and imposing them a future, a death in a short 20 years of experiences, there's all this moral thing, people just ignore it, people surprisingly care. People don't say or act, though, they are what could change things, but they need organs, more than little orphan bastards.
Needs before empathy, it's human instinct.
Emily wiped her sleepy eyes, the mild light infiltrating the girls' dormitory by the used blinds' cracks. She dreamed of the flea market during the night, teachers said they got a very good harvest with nice objects, she was now overly excited, she'd hoarded 15 tokens the past month, giving her multiples opportunities to own the greatest discoveries. (Twelve times a year a big market was set in the gymnasium, frail tables overwhelmed by all kind of items coming from the nearest town. Between each the students earned round and precious yellow plastic pieces they used as money for trade during the special occasions.)
This morning, everyone was fully awake, she was glad she didn't have to wait a minute more in bed, she thought it was plain boring, depressing, and she didn't like the noise of sleep, usually called silence, or it could also be some loud, annoying snoring. She rolled off the rudimentary matress and dressed immediatly, in a hurry; first come, first served. Clothes were at the effigy of the school's colour, school's policy, so it was grey and disastrous, nor she noticed or cared, only, Katie never stopped complaining about it. Two pockets were stitched on her dress, summer dress that arrived just under her hinges, the temperature was hot, the sunrays intense, she wished she could swim in the lake this afternoon.
On a outdated counter a glass of milk, a pale green pill and a slab of dark chocolate were waiting to be eaten, meticulously placed in order, one for herself, the others for her friends. She walked to it rapidely, the fabric of her robe brushing her knees, the ancient wood flooring squeaking under her light weight. There was already shadows on the walls, she always been her sister's, she wondered if she was the only one to see them, dancing, crazily, loyally. Her left hand grabbed the sweet, threw it upon her tongue as the other inclined the cup, the white liquid making it's way along her troath, to her grumpy digestive system.
''Emsy, take it'' she heard, swallowing the last sip of her matinal drink. She shook her head slowly, the pill didn't do anything, so she didn't see the point in taking it. ''Ems'' Katie repeated, glaring, her tone more abrupt, she knew that if she didn't do it in three seconds she would do it herself, so she rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatingly, stuffing it inside her mouth, smiling condescendingly before crossing the room in a wind blow, heading downstairs where a crowd of mixed gender residents bumped absentmindedly into the mass, the tension was tangible, in fact it was the same atmosphere as unwrapping christmas presents, but the twin didn't know that, they never celebrated it, she didn't even know it existed. Memories were indicating that they were always the happiest moments of her life, especially this one, when everything took place, when her appeared in the decor.
She haltingly followed the tall persons in front of her, they were older, she heard them talking about skipping a class to the shed, to play games, society games, they were expensive and rare. She envied them. Her gaze wandered where it could reach, the noises of muttered conversations echoing inside the biggest complex of the educational establishment. She didn't have anyone to talk to, she loved better being alone, not lonely; she had Katie. Even if her twin had her own friends, they were really close, they even spoke with their own language.
Emily took a seat between a brunette, her name was Ruth, the other was the infamous Cook, he was well known in her year, he was a troublemaker. The boy had short brown hair, short trousers and a polo, a green polo that floated around his skinny torso. He was yawning impolitely, rubbing his palm through his bony face, a smirk appearing on his cheeks as he turned to look at Ruth, then her. ''You look beautiful, Katie'' he told her out of nowhere confidently, almost arrogantly. Emily backed, frowning, a disgusted face deforming her porcelain traits.''I'm not Katie'' she finally exclamed, confused, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel, she never really had compliments, except for her work, she was good at drawing. Cook sratched is head and leaned, his elbows placed on his thighs, he rolled his tongue along his lower lip, wiped it with the back of his hand, shrugging. ''She was supposed to see me'' the boy said without traces of shame in his voice, did he cared at all? ''Looks like she forgot'' the girl answered, crossing her arms around her chest, sitting more comfortably on the chair, she didn't touch the ground, her feet were swinging in the air merrily. ''She said that to you?'' he questionned, shyly, the first time she saw him this way, she was sure he was blushing, but his arms were blocking the view. Maybe he fancied her, she wished someone would like her even if she didn't know. Emily felt bad for saying that, because it wasn't true, well, she didn't know. She didn't know a lot of things. ''No, she didn't'' Ems sighed. But then she saw her coming, leaving her friends with big 'see you later' waves, trotting to their height, flashing a smile at the little guy, bitting her lip at Emily, who understood all, stood up and sat on the ground far from there, feeling a bit sad to be walked on so easily. She sighed and the usual speech began, repetitive phrases, paragraphs that meant identical remakrs. She wondered if they spoke for so long only to make them wait, get excited even more, torture them. At least she could scan the articles and find the nicest already, so she wouldn't waste important minutes at searching on unworthy tables. Fortunately, teachers told the truth, she played with the tokens inside her pocket nervously, anticipating the moment where they would allow them to spend all their ''money'' unreasonably as the extravagant kids they were.
''We're glad to announce the sixth market…open!'' The ridiculous director declared. A second later everyone was jumping table to table, it was crazy, amazing, they were gripping things fastly, putting them in their shirts, pockets, hands, bags after what they would pick what they really really wanted and would go to the front doors where a guardian would estimate the value of their treasures. Luckily Emily was agile and lively, she avoided and slipped subtly to have everything she wanted. A music tape from an artist she didn't recognize, but the picture on it was pretty, the name of the song too. ''Thieves''.
Finished, she went to the exit, two items in her possession, waiting in line for her turn, impatiently, she wanted to go back in the dormitory and listen to the music, alone, all the other girls were occupied or would play outside the rest of the day, she wasn't much into sports, but she liked to walk along the private path, the one leading to the lake, she wondered if someone else knew about this wonderful and savage spot, it didn't fit with the environnment of the area, it was absolutely magic, she sweared.
''10 for that and…. 8 for that'' the gardian told her warmly, but strictly, extending his arm. She knew she had only 15 but she counted them again anyways, ''1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6….'' Emily whispered, to stop at fifteen, she closed her eyes and shook her head substantially. ''Only three missing…'' she thought sadly, a hard choice between the two objects she wanted, or maybe she could not buy anything and wait for the next month?
''So…?'' the guy said, hesitantly, the twin almost forgetting she was still in line, it happened often, she was dreaming, daydreaming, she was doing it more than living, but was she living at all?
Suddenly, a voice broke the awkward pause: ''take this, that's all I have'' a girl confessed from behind, the tone was familiar but she couldn't replace who, frustratingly. She bit her lip not to grin and turned around, to look at a charming platinum blonde girl. Naomi. She was in her year but she never really spoke to her, not that she didn't seem sweet, just that she never had the chance. It was one of the rare time she saw her, actually, she wondered where she was when it wasn't in her dormitary or in class, where was she hiding? And why?
Ems smiled, embarrassed and took three of the tokens, two remaining in her palm. She nodded at the girl and gave 18 yellow pieces to the guardian, giggling, happy that she got to have two items. She wondered why Naomi had been so generous, they didn't even properly met, she guessed she had to thank her now, she wanted to, no one would've done that, not for her, she wasn't popular, she wasn't anything, really, just Emily, but i twas enough, well, she hoped it was, because she couldn't do more than be herself. The problem is that she still didn't find out who she was, and who she liked, who fancied her back, she didn't know, she wanted to, but a lot of things were secret, she wondered why, it annoyed her. But she went in the hall and waited for her, Naoms, she found her new nickname adorable, it sounded like pure honey when she pronounced it, Naoms. She was right after her in the queue, she was troubled it took so much time, she wasn't showing up, strangely, she disappeared… maybe she didn't. The twin shrugged and quickly went upstair, feeling guitly that she didn't that even thanked her, she would have to do that soon.
Ems entered the room and checked under each bed, wardrobe and any place someone could hide carefully, wrinkling her nose when she concluded she was alone, she made the music tape fit in the little apparel and put the volume at the middle, she didn't want to be heard, but she wanted to hear. She pressed on the rusty play button, letting herself lulled by the guitar's unvarnished strumming, violins making the notes perfectly fluid, the voices accentuated. She didn't understand the lyrics, but she thought it was melancholic, beautifully wistful. The ambiance tenderized her progressively, her eyelids closed, her world fading, the music so far, so far away, her anatomy numb. Naomi was the last thought before she fell asleep, that mysterious girl, she wanted to know more.