Guess it was not meant to be
It's not as bad as it seems
It only burns when I breathe
Harry pulled the covers up over his head, wanting to block out the fact that the sun had risen and it was now Monday morning. Meaning that he would have to go to classes. That he would have to see him. Harry didn't think he could bear that.
Forever, Draco. That's what we always said. We'd love each other forever. Because we're soul mates. But I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Ron forces him out of bed and Harry drags himself off to the shower, hoping the hot water will wash away the pain.
It's not so bad. It only hurts when I breathe. Know why, Draco? Because you were my oxygen.
You saw the way that I fell
But I'm better off by myself
That's the tale I like to tell
Breakfast isn't as difficult to handle as he expected. He sits with his back to the Slytherin table, giving him no reason to seek the blonde out. He eats his toast and bacon in silence, drinks his pumpkin juice and finishes everything on his plate so that Hermione can't say he's not eating. The food sits heavy in his stomach, not settling well. Harry knows he'll throw it back up later, but for now he'll hold it down so that his friends won't worry. So that he can avoid an interrogation. Because he doesn't think he can talk about it just now.
It's better off this way, Harry. You're better off this way. Alone. You don't need him. You're so much stronger. You can take care of yourself. You don't need anyone.
He'll repeat those words to anyone, should they ask. He's better off by himself. He doesn't need anyone to take care of him. He knows they'll believe him if he says it. And he only wishes he could believe it himself.
But it's not that easy for me
To say goodbye
Everything in me wants you
Back in my life
Defense is harder. Draco's just two tables in front of him and Harry's eyes are fixed on the back of his head, gazing at the soft blonde hair and replaying the now painful memory of how it felt to run his fingers through that hair while they kissed. How it felt to tug at it when Draco fucked him.
Draco's sitting there and acting like nothing in the world is wrong, like he didn't just break up with his boyfriend of fifteen months. And that shatters Harry even more to see him so unaffected.
I wish I could be like that. I wish I could be numb. It's not that easy for me to say goodbye, so why was it so easy for you, Draco?
Ron asks Harry if he's feeling alright and Harry shrugs in response. He wants to leave. He wants to go back to his bed and sleep. He wants to cry because despite the fact that he's seventeen and that he defeated Voldemort, he still has the need to cry. Because this boy broke him into so many pieces that he knows he'll never be able to fully put himself back together. And it's all made worse by the fact that every ounce of him would kill to have Draco Malfoy back in his life.
Can't let you go