Common

What follows is a collection of diary entries made by yours truly, Clara Knight, in the course of my 7th and last year at Hogwarts.

Aug 31 st:

I can't believe it! My books and robes are bought, my trunk is packed and my train ticket is on my nightstand with my wand. Tomorrow I will be leaving for my final year at Hogwarts and I'm Head Girl! I can't believe I got it! I mean, I knew there was a chance, and a good chance at that, but still! Ah! I'm so excited! I have to go to sleep now because I have a long day ahead!

Sept 4rd:

Wow it's been a very busy couple days! The train ride to the castle was pretty uneventful besides the expected learning the ropes of Head Girl stuff and finding out who is Head Boy. That was rather eventful . . . It's Jason Vespers.

Now I'm staying true to my Hufflepuff personality and am going to be optimistic about this. He's a Ravenclaw – so what? That doesn't actually mean that he is smarter than me or that I should be intimidated. He's like a foot taller than me and really attractive – again, so what? No need to be intimidated. Thank goodness he's not a Quidditch player at least. But the 'best' part? Yeah, the fact that we now share a common room . . . I mean I knew that the Heads were housed together but I wasn't really sure what that meant. What it means is that the Winged Boar in the Entry Hall is the entrance to a narrow set of stairs that lead into our common room. It's super awesome so I'll take the time to describe it.

As you enter from the stairs (which have no door) you find yourself in a large, open, round room. To the right is a fireplace and around it there is an indention in the floor with two steps leading down into the sitting area which has a couch, several large armchairs and a coffee table. To the left is a wall lined with bookshelves (Jason seems very, very happy about this and I myself look forward to evenings in front of the fire with a good book and no exploding snaps games a few feet away). On the left after the bookshelves is the door to my bedroom (which is huge and has a giant four poster bed and it's own bathroom), and then there is the double glass doors to the balcony and then a writing table with two chairs that seems to be the joint desk, then the door to Jason's room (which I assume is like mine) and then the sitting area again. It's amazing!

Although it is rather strange living here with someone that I barely know . . . but still, it's great!

So in the last few days I've settled into my new living quarters, got my class schedule, met with Jason and all the prefects and worked out a schedule for evening rounds. I have not been able to spend any time with my friends yet, which they remind me about at every meal, but we've planned for them to stay the night in my room this Friday so that will be nice.

Sept 8th:

Well it's now Saturday morning so I have made it through the first week! Although really it was just last night that was hard to make it through. Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends . . . but they like to find romance when it just isn't there! Most of last night was spent detailing out my future romance and marriage to Jason! They even doodled out Mrs. Clara Vespers!

I really, really hope these bedroom walls muffled all the giggling because if Jason heard any of that, I'm going to die of embarrassment.

Nov 21st:

Well. 7th year is not quite as great as I was thinking. I've been at school for a month and a half now and school is doing fine, my grades are good, and all the Head Girl stuff is going fine. Only two things are really bothering me but they are pretty big things.

1: I don't get to spend much time with my old dorm mates and girl friends anymore and any time I do get to spend with them they spend most of it giggling about this made up romance between Jason and I. Everything is somehow turned into an 'aww' moment: I dropped a quill and he handed it to me. I took his shift of evening patrol so he could finish a paper. I couldn't find a book I needed in the library and since he owned the book, he loaned it to me. One of his friends stopped by when he wasn't here, so I relayed a message. This all clearly means that we're madly in love with each other. Clearly.

2: I have been basically living with Jason for almost two months and still barely know him. All of our encounters are just in passing (usually with barely a 'hi') and Head duties. We'll sit in our common room and study, but it's always a totally separate thing, even though we're taking a lot of the same classes. Part of me feels silly for being so bothered by it because last year and every other year, it didn't bother me that we didn't know each other at all but now that we are rooming right next to each other and sharing a common room . . . I don't know . . . I feel like we should be at least casual friends and not just acquaintances. I don't know what to do about it or if I even should do anything and I can't ask my friends because they will go all giggly on me.

Dec 3rd:

Worst. Day. Ever. My face is still burning, I'm sure. Jason woke up late today and came rushing out of his room, shirt un-tucked and unbuttoned, the strap of his book bag clenched in his teeth and only one shoe on. I was walking across the room to the door and well . . . I kept walking but stopped looking where I was walking as my eyes seemed to have lost the ability to move in their sockets. And well . . . I fell down the stairs into the sitting area and hit my head on the armchair on the way down (which was heavily padded thankfully).

"Clara!" I was pretty sure it was Jason's voice (and who else could it be?), but I had never heard him say my name like that, so loud and with a hint of panic. I groaned and rolled over to my back, clutching at my head.

"Clara, oh good Merlin are you okay?" I opened my eyes and stopped breathing. Jason was leaning over me, his shirt still unbuttoned (how could I help but notice with that chest right in front of my face?!), and his expression very concerned.

"Uhh Mmm gah…" My own intelligence astounds me sometimes. But he was so close, much too close. I closed my eyes again so I wouldn't see him, but I could still smell him. He smelled like mountain pine and fresh laundry. I had to say something or he wasn't going to move. "I'm fine, yeah, I'm okay." I felt him move away and opened my eyes. He was now kneeling at my side, his hands on his knees; the concerned look still in place. I groaned and started to sit up; Jason put his arm behind me and pulled me up.

"Am I bleeding?" I asked once I was leaning against the side of the chair. Jason reached out and very gently brushed my hair back, looking at my forehead and scalp.

"No broken skin but probably a bruise." He removed his hand and leaned back. "What

made you fall?" Was that a hint of a smirk I saw at the corners of his lips? I narrowed my eyes.

"I was um – just not totally awake yet I guess." I stuttered out. He nodded once and glanced away. That was a smirk! Oh kill me now!

Dec 7th:

Well I feel slightly better about my intense embarrassment from last Monday. Slightly. Because although I feel better about being so – uh . . . distracted by Jason . . . yeah . . . I feel worse because . . . well I really can't explain this right without starting at the beginning.

So earlier today I had a free period after lunch and went back to the Heads common room to work on a paper. Lying on the coffee table was a thin leather book. I was pretty sure I had never seen it and out of random curiosity picked it up and flipped it open as I sat down.

It was full of small, neat hand writing with a date at the beginning of every several paragraphs.

Jason keeps a journal as well.

And it was in my hands.

I should have put it down right away.

But . . . I could see my name in it . . . and well I'm not perfect! Don't judge! I uh . . . well I did a quick duplication spell on that page and then quickly retreated to my room where I then read every word. Here is what it said:

That girl is going to be the end of me. I swear it, if I make it through this year I will not have Clara to thank. First there's just the fact that I'm living with her (really, what teachers decided this was a good idea?!) and she's just so - ugh! And then today I come in after evening patrol and it was rather late and I wanted to go straight to bed because I have an early class in the morning but NO. Clara has to go and – and – and be asleep on the couch in a t-shirt. ONLY. Judging by the papers strewn around I'm guessing she was studying and planning to be out of the common room before I returned but then she fell asleep.

For being a rather short girl her legs look very long when bare.

I wanted to hex myself for looking but she was just laying there! All that skin and the firelight was flickering on her and everything! I am a horrible man. Completely horrible. I was perving on her while she was sleeping. At least she stared at me while I was awake and I was able to enjoy how flustered she was. I can't believe myself. Now every time I look at her I'm going to picture her lying in front of the fire with her mile long legs completely bare.

I'm screwed.

Since this is a private diary (and I'll be sure to make sure I keep mine hidden and with several protective charms on it now) I guess I can be totally honest.

My first reaction was pleasure. He finds me (or at least at that moment) attractive; enough so to feel bad about it and then to write in his journal about it.

My second reaction was to wonder about and even feel hurt for 'and she's just so - ugh!''. What does that mean? But I have decided to try and put it out of my head because it's not like it was something he said to me and he was basically talking to himself so I will try not to read into it.

My third reaction was to remember that night. I had been studying and planning to be back in my room before he got back and I had fallen asleep. I woke up fully covered by a blanket though and hadn't thought about it too much. Now I see that Jason probably put the blanket on and that makes it awful all over again! I'm going to make sure I'm wearing long pants around him whenever possible now.

My fourth reaction was: well crap, what do we (or I?) do now?

Dec 21th:

News on the Jason plain! We're now kind of friends! Even if a bit awkward and uncomfortable ones . . . and I think I have my crazy girls to thank for it . . .

It seems that Jason's friends and my friends have been scheming together and took over the Heads common room for a Christmas party. Kayla and Nikki showed up right after lunch today and started chattering on about how fun tonight was going to be while they decked the place in all things Christmas. It looks very festive now, I'll admit. When I questioned them they stated it was for 'the party' and then dragged me off to my room where Joan and Daley showed up and we had a 'spa day' like we hadn't done since 5th year. It was some wonderful girl time and they were very successful in distracting me from the question of 'what party?'. Well around 7pm we emerged all decked out. I'm going to take a moment to be all silly and girly and describe what I looked like.

My normally mousey blond, wavy, frizzy hair had been hot oil treated and carefully smoothed down into glossy waves that cascaded over my shoulders. My standard clothes when not in school uniform (which I usually was in even more now with all the extra Head Girl stuff) was sweatpants or jeans and a t-shirt. This has been complained about for years by my friends and though I refuse to dress up as frequently as they do, I let them have their way on occasion and today was one of those days. I was wearing a very sparkly top over skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots with chunky bangles and a several long necklaces and I have to say, even I thought I looked pretty good (the girls went on and on about how sexy I looked and how Jason was going to declare his undying love the moment he saw me; I rolled my eyes and ignored them, careful not to let my expression give anything away about somewhat recent events that they knew not of and that I'd like to keep that way). I'm not super big on how I look most of the time, but the sleek hair and heels (which made me feel awesomely taller than my 5'1"!) and light makeup did make me feel pretty . . . well yeah, sexy. It was a fun change.

So we all emerge from my room (the girls all dolled up to perfection as well) to find Jason and a handful of his friends gathered around the fire with drinks in hand. Now I know we're all of age, but I still think alcohol in the Heads common room was a horrible idea, but I was overruled by everyone but Jason, who remained silent. I had one swallow and then decided to just sneak off to the 'restroom' to get a drink of water whenever I needed.

It was a very fun evening all and all. No one got truly drunk and we played games most of the evening and I really enjoyed getting to know Jason and his friends and just spending time being a teenager again, something it feels like I hadn't got to do in quite a while.

Here is what I learned about Jason:

1. He wants to be a healer.

2. He has an older brother who is a reserve player for Puddlemere.

3. He's only had one steady girlfriend, Vanessa Smith, who is a year ahead of us and broke it off after she graduated.

4. His favorite color is not blue, as expected for most Ravenclaws, but gold.

5. His dad is a paper pusher at the Auror office and his mom is a muggle saleslady.

6. All of the friends who were here tonight called him Jay and never Jason.

7. Dylan and Grover are twins who Jason has been next door neighbors with since they were toddlers.

8. Grover was flirting with me all night and even I could tell it bothered Jason.

This last one was most interesting and confusing, even more so when everyone had gone and Kayla, Dylan and Grover were the last to leave. Kayla and I went to my bedroom to get her bag and she stopped me at the door of my room, signaling that we should listen to Jason say goodbye to the twins. I was going to object but then I heard my name and lost my will to be a decent person.

"—prefer if you didn't flirt with her so blatantly, Grove." That was Jason.

"Hey man, if you haven't jumped that after so long, she's fair game." I think that was Grover but the twins sounded so alike.

"No, she's not 'game' at all, fair or unfair. I have to work with her and live with her; I don't want anything to be difficult." Jason said.

"Did you forget to open your eyes when you looked at her tonight, mate?" I think that was Dylan but it could have been Grover. "I wouldn't be complaining about living with her."

"Again, we have to work together and I don't want—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. I-can't-stand-awkward-situations. We know."

"But if you don't make a move soon, mate, I'm going to." There was a mumbled goodbye and the sound of footsteps on stone. Kayla elbowed me hard, grinning from ear to ear, and mouthed 'I told you so'.

"Jason didn't say anything at all about liking me, Grover did." I hissed. "You didn't 'tell me' anything." She rolled her eyes and dragged me out of the room with her.

"Well it's been a great night but I better get going." She said loudly. "You kids have fun!" And with one more smirk in my direction she was gone, leaving Jason and I standing at opposite sides of the room, both looking anywhere but at each other.

"So . . . um, you're friends are nice." I said awkwardly.

"Yeah, yours too." He replied, taking a seat on the couch and letting out a deep sigh. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room for a moment longer before moving to sit in an armchair close to the fire. We were silent.

"Despite how meddling they are, I'm glad we had this chance to get to know each other better." Jason said, not looking at me still.

"Yeah, me too." I said quietly. I guess I'm just Miss I-can't-stand-awkward-situations because this was killing me. "Uh . . . Grover seems nice." Why, WHY, did I just say that?

"Yeah, he's a great chap." Jason's voice sounded pleasant as he said this but his expression was far from.

"Does he flirt with all girls like that?" Gah! Who stole my brain and exchanged it with one that wants to die of embarrassment? I need to just leave before I can make this worse. Jason was silent so long that I almost did.

"Not all . . ."

"But?"

"Not all but most." Jason finally looked at me. "He's a great friend, he really is, but he's not all that great of a guy when it comes to girls. He plays the 'dating game' very enthusiastically."

"I heard." I gasped and put my hands over my mouth. The room froze for a moment.

"You did, did you?" Jason let out a short laugh. "I hadn't pegged you for an ease-dropper sort."

"I'm not, I'm really not. I am so sorry. I was just going to come out but Kayla stopped me and then I heard my name and I—"

"It's okay, Clara." Jason said softly. "Truly. It's not a big deal. Better that you hear Grover's intentions from behind the curtain anyway." I let my self-horror sit for a moment longer before looking at him again.

"The 'jump that' did make me rather uncomfortable." I admitted.

"I can't image why." Jason said with a snort. "From what I've seen a girl's idea of romance is not to be shoved against a wall and snogged until she can't breathe."

"We do like to have something a little sweeter to start off the relationship." I said with a smirk. Jason's eyes widened ever so slightly and he swallowed. I can't be sure but I think he mouthed the words 'to start off'. I felt a blush hit my cheeks as I realized that I had implied that 'girls' do like to be shoved against a wall and snogged until we can't breathe, but only after proper romance. As true as that might be, the way I said it and in the context . . . Oh my goodness I just flirted with Jason!

"So um yeah it was a long night so I'm just going to head to bed now okay good night." I stood so quickly I tripped over my feet like I had my words but I didn't stop and practically ran to my room.

"Good night." I heard Jason say as I shut my door.

Dec 31:

Wow. I don't really know how that happened. I still can't figure it out. I woke up this morning on the couch (it really is a rather comfy couch). No big deal, right? Yeah, well Jason was also on the couch. And I was more on him than the couch actually.

I am going to die of embarrassment. I will never be able to look at him again.

Jason was hanging out with his friends last night so I curled up on the couch with some snacks to watch a muggle chick flick. About half an hour into the movie, Jason comes in. He looked upset, so I asked if anything was wrong.

"Dylan and Grover had a fight about a girl." He said, sitting down on the couch. I am sitting in the middle so this puts us not close but not far either. "They'll be over it by tomorrow but it kind of ruined the evening." I frowned in sympathy, but wasn't sure what to say. He leaned back on the couch and sighed. "That's okay; I'm just fine with doing nothing over break." He closed his eyes. There was silence again. I didn't move, unsure of what to do. Jason opened one eye. "I didn't mean to interrupt you. You can keep going with your movie." He closed his eye again and didn't say anything else. Feeling rather strange, I turned back to the TV and hit play.

An hour later Jason and I were arguing over whether the main character was justified in her actions or not and what we each think certain characters should have done instead of what they did. Another hour later and the 'happily ever after' had happened and the end credits were almost over but I didn't want to move. It was after midnight and I don't know, I guess my judgment was impaired by how late it was and how tired I was but I didn't want to move from the couch and without thinking about it I leaned over and burrowed into Jason's side, resting my head on his shoulder. I was almost asleep and I don't remember what his reaction was.

This morning when I woke up, he was lying at an angle, his feet still on the floor but the rest of him more lying and then sitting on the couch, and I was curled up against his hip and side, my head pillowed on his chest. Worse of all, his arm was draped over me and my arm was stretched across his stomach. It was the perfect 'couple cuddle'.

Except we're not a couple.

And we shouldn't be cuddling.

At all. Not at all. At all, at all, at all.

I managed to get up without disrupting him and got to my room before the hyperventilation started. Then I took a really long shower and now I'm still hiding in my room, writing this down and hoping we can both forget this happened. Because that is what I want to do: forget it happened.

Yeah. That's what I want.

(Crap, even to myself I sound like I'm desperately trying to convince myself . . .)

Jan 1st:

The worst and best and most confusing thing happened to me last night. When I finally emerged from my room yesterday morning, Jason was nowhere to be seen, so I went in search of my friends and spent the day with them. This of course led to me being dragged to a New Year's party taking place at the top of the astronomy tower. The girls dolled me up again (although this time we got ready in their dorm and they made me wear a dress) and besides the spiked punch, it was a pretty fun night.

Grover and Dylan both asked me to dance and I did and then they both asked me again, but I said no because I didn't want to give any ideas and the horrible (and probably very self centered) thought had occurred to me: what if I was the girl that Dylan and Grover had a fight about the night before? It probably wasn't true, but just in case . . . After that I just danced in a group with the girls, but when Jason asked me to dance (I hadn't even known he was there until then), the girls literally pushed me into him before I could decline. He laughed, caught me and led me further into the middle of the makeshift dance floor.

I was trying really hard not to, but I noticed what he looked like. I noticed it a lot. His dark jeans and black button up shirt (with sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms which only made me think of what his arm felt like when it was draped over me) complimented his dark hair and brown eyes wonderfully. When the song was over he led me over to the drink table and handed me a drink. I knew it was spiked but it was the only thing available and I was really thirsty so I took it. We stood and talked and sipped for a moment, and I didn't realized what time it was so when a countdown suddenly started, I was confused for a moment.

"5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . ." Jason shouted with everyone else.

"2 . . . 1 . . ." I joined in.

"Happy New Year!" We both shouted. Then Jason completely surprised me by looping his arm around my waist, pulling me close and kissing me full on the lips. I was too surprised to respond, but he took my glass out of my hand and got rid of it somehow and put his free hand on my neck and I was gone. A complete lost cause. My hands went to his loose collar and fisted, pulling him closer. All logic went far, far away. I couldn't think of a single reason why we shouldn't be kissing, though I knew there were many. I couldn't think about how we were barely friends and how this probably didn't mean anything but was just a 'oh it's midnight' kiss. I couldn't think about how all our friends were right there and how mine would never let this go. All I could think about was how warm his hands were and yet not sweaty; about how gently he was kissing me.

No matter what happens now, it was a wonderful kiss.

Jan 15th:

We're back to school and Heads duties and so far Jason and I have both kept busy enough with those that we haven't had to talk about the kiss. Somehow, I still can't believe my luck; none of my friends saw us. I'm very certain about this because if any of them had they would have said something. Part of me almost wishes they had because then they would do something about it and Jason and I would have to face this . . . this whatever. Instead we are avoiding each other as much as possible. We're right back at where we started the school year except now it's even more awkward. I hate this.

Jan 21st:

Same.

Jan 29th:

Still the same. It's been almost a month and we haven't had a single conversation that wasn't required of Head duties.

Feb 8th:

I hate this! Why won't he talk to me?

Feb 16th:

Well. Not the same. Not at all.

Two nights ago I was sitting in front of the fire, doing homework and nibbling at a box of chocolates that my parents sent me. I didn't know where Jason was, but I rarely did anymore. I don't know what came over me but one minute I'm translating runes and the next I'm sobbing my eyes out. I don't do well with tension and emotional stress so I guess I have that to blame it on but still. I felt like such a wimp.

And of course! Jason chooses that moment to walk in from the stairs. I glanced at him without thinking. He froze on the top step, still in the doorway, his eyes going huge and wide. The panic on his face triggered something and I started to cry harder, falling onto the couch face first, trying to muffle my sobs. I was nearing the end of my cry fest when I felt new weight on the couch. A hand tentatively laid on by back for a moment, and then started to gently rub. I didn't move, just tried to pull myself together. Looking back I still can't believe I broke down like that.

"Seen one too many happy couples today?" Jason asked softly.

"Now that you mention it . . . that could be a factor." I mumbled into the couch. And suddenly a courage, or maybe stupidity, came over me. I sat bolt upright, looking him straight in the eye. "But mostly I'm just pissed off." His eyes widen again and his body went still. He could see the danger. "What kind of jerk kisses a girl and then doesn't talk about it for over a freaking month?!" I grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at him. He reeled back as it hit him in the face.

"Wait, what?" He asked, tossing the pillow behind him. "I haven't talked about it? You're the one who ran away from me that night!"

"You didn't say anything! You just let go of me and stood there!" I shouted at him, standing up.

"I didn't think saying anything was necessary!" He shouted back, standing up as well. This really was quite unfair considering that he's almost a foot taller than me. "I kind of thought kissing you like that would say quite a lot!"

"Yeah, it said 'oh hey, it's midnight on New Year's Day, I'm going to kiss the nearest girl'." I tried to say it in a mocking man-ish voice but I don't think it worked well.

"Why do you think I asked you to dance when I did?" He asked, throwing his hands up. "I was trying to plan it so that I would be with you at midnight so that I had a reason to kiss you!"

"Oh, sure, because you need a reason to kiss a girl." I crossed my arms and glared at him, suddenly aware of my sweatpants, ratty t-shirt and messy ponytail.

"Well, yeah, I did." He said, his voice going back to normal volume. "You're kind of terrifyingly beautiful and I'd tried so many other times and failed and I just thought . . ." He trailed off and shrugged.

"Terrifyingly beautiful?" I questioned, flattered and yet wary. "Yeah, right." I scoffed. "I wear sweat pants or school uniform. I don't really do beautiful unless my friends have done me up and that hardly counts."

"You don't get it, do you?" He asked, his voice even lower. "That's what so terrifying about you. You're beautiful when you're wearing sweats. You're sexy and you're alluring and I can't take my eyes off of you. And when you fancy up . . . Merlin that dress you were wearing. I couldn't breathe when I looked at you. I'm surprised Grover didn't jump you that night and I knew I had to take the chance." He looked away. "But you ran. I figured that was a no."

"A 'no' to what?" I asked quietly.

"To . . . I don't know, to trying?" He looked at me again. "To being my girlfriend? To a second kiss? To simply being the friend I'd come to love?" I was thinking hard, and though I may have been quiet on the outside, I was anything but on the inside.

OH MY GOSH DID HE JUST ASK ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND? I think he did! And he said I am SEXY AND ALLURING IN SWEATPANTS and I make him unable to take his eyes off of me or to even BREATHE and I'm 'the friend that he'd come to love' and he wanted (wants?) to kiss me again! Oh YEAH. I'm all that. That's right. Jason Vespers is mine now.

"So to clarify – oh never mind." I stepped up onto the couch, grabbed the front of his shirt to steady myself and kissed him.

So life is not at all the same as it was two days ago. I'm am now dating Jason (whom I have permission to call Jay but I'm still getting used to it), my friends probably won't stop saying 'I told you so' for years, and Jason's friends keep making comments to Grover about how he didn't move fast enough (to which I roll my eyes and kiss Jason, letting them know that it didn't matter if Grover had 'moved' any faster, it wouldn't have happened).