Alex slowly opened her eyes and immediately winced, tears filling her baby blue eyes and streaming down her pretty face. She reached back to gingerly rub her sore, red bottom despite knowing it was against the rules. She propped herself up on her elbow and glanced around the room. She didn't remember falling asleep in Olivia's arms, but apparently she had, and Olivia had then tucked her into bed under a light sheet. Alex looked over and noticed a piece of paper with Olivia's handwriting lying next to her on Olivia's pillow. The pretty blonde wiped at her eyes and picked up the note that Olivia had left her.
Hi, angel!
I tried to wake you up, but you were out cold. Cragen called me in to work. I'll be back in a few hours. It's my night to cook dinner, so just rest and relax until I get home. You're a good girl and I love you very much. Clean slate, baby.
Liv
Alex tried to smile through her tears at being called a good girl, but she couldn't help it as she curled up fetal on the bed and cried, quickly beginning to sob nearly as hard as she had during her spanking. She wanted to be cuddled, but Olivia wasn't there to hold her. In Alex's vulnerable frame of mind, she began to worry. After nearly twenty years, Alex knew full well how discipline worked in their household. Spankings were doled out as Olivia deemed necessary, and then all was forgiven. But maybe this time was different. Olivia told her she had a clean slate, but maybe Olivia was still disappointed in her and that's why she left. Olivia didn't have much of a temper with Alex, but Alex hated it when Olivia was disappointed in her, which she had been earlier today. Alex cried for a while, and then slowly got up. She put on a loose pair of sweats that didn't require panties. She then decided that she was going to do everything in her power to get back in Olivia's good graces.
When Olivia returned home, her detective senses told her that something was very wrong with her sweet little Alex. After a spanking, Olivia could count on one of two things after Alex woke up from her nap. Either A) Alex would be ready to be her usual, albeit sore, kick-ass self, or B) Alex would be feeling vulnerable and needing to be cuddled, which Olivia willingly obliged since holding Alex was one of her favorite things to do. In either case, even if Alex woke up feeling vulnerable and seeking out comfort, she would have a certain peace about her, knowing that she was forgiven and loved and was still Olivia's good girl, something that she craved.
The woman who greeted Olivia at the door was not at peace in any way. There was anxiety in Alex's eyes and her shoulders were hunched, her face pinched.
"Here, Ma'am. I made this for you." Alex handed Olivia a glass of her favorite drink.
Olivia immediately went on alert. She responded to many names; Olivia, Liv, and Livy were just a few of them, and after nearly twenty years Olivia could determine Alex's state of mind by what Alex called her. Olivia was usually 'Liv' to Alex on any given day. For Alex to call her 'Livy' meant that Alex was feeling vulnerable and needed comfort. When Alex called her 'Detective', she knew that she had done something to tick Alex off and should run for her life to the florist downtown. When Alex called her 'Ollie', it meant that Alex was in a playful mood and was teasing her, which usually ended up with Olivia carrying a laughing Alex off to the bedroom over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes while giving her bottom love spanks. When Alex screamed for 'Olivia', it usually meant that there was a bug in the shower or kitchen that needed to die. 'Ma'am' was a special title reserved only for those times when Alex was being punished, or thought that she might be in trouble, or was feeling guilty about something she had done and needed to confess. For Alex to call Olivia 'Ma'am' after a spanking was over meant that something wasn't right.
"Thank you, baby girl," Olivia accepted the glass, "I'm sorry I had to go to work. Amanda's been out for a week because Jessie has the flu, and Cragen needed an extra set of hands. Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"I know. I'm okay, just sore. Are you hungry? It's your night to cook, but I can do it instead."
"That's okay, sweetie. I'll start cooking in a little while." Olivia glanced at her watch as she sat down on the couch, noting that it was just barely four pm and a little early for dinner.
"Do you need a blanket or a pillow? I can adjust the thermostat if you're too hot or too cold."
"No, thank you, princess. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Ma'am. I'm fine." Alex lied. She was a wreck.
"Is your shoulder acting up again? I can go get the heating pad." Alex said when she noticed Olivia wince and flex her left shoulder.
"I'll soak it in the tub later. Right now I'm worried about you, angel. Come here." Olivia pulled Alex down to sit on her lap.
Alex burst into tears as she sat down. How was she going to earn Olivia's forgiveness if Olivia didn't let her do anything for her?
"Oh, angel," Olivia cooed, cuddling Alex close to her heart, "talk to me, baby girl. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help."
"I'm s-sorry, M-Ma'am. P-please f-forgive me." Alex sobbed sadly.
"Why are you sorry, honey? Is this about earlier?" Olivia cuddled Alex and rocked her slowly.
"Yes, Ma'am." Alex nodded against Olivia's shoulder. Olivia stroked Alex's long blonde hair.
"Sunshine, I want you to look at me. Right at me, please. Let me see your eyes." Olivia ordered kindly, lifting Alex's chin so their eyes were aligned, blue clashing with brown. And then Olivia reminded Alex of a few things that the pretty blonde had temporarily forgotten about.
"You are forgiven, my love. Totally and completely. You recognized that you disrespected me and you gracefully accepted the consequences. You're my good girl and there's nothing that I would not forgive you for. There is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. I don't like spanking you, but sometimes it just has to happen. That doesn't mean that I don't love you. It means that I love you enough to help you remember to be the good girl that you are, and I am so proud of how brave you are to accept your spanking so well. You are my sweet and good little Alex. I'm not angry with you, and even when I am momentarily disappointed in your actions, I am never disappointed in you. Do you understand, sweetheart?"
"Yes." Alex sniffled.
Olivia sighed in relief. Alex wasn't calling her 'Ma'am' anymore, so things were at least a little okay.
"That's my good girl. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, princess. Cragen's timing sucks." Olivia smiled, hoping to get Alex to do the same. Olivia hadn't planned on answering her cell phone at all, but when she saw her boss's name on the caller ID she knew she had to respond or she would have the entire NYPD banging down her door looking for her.
"Hold me?" Alex managed a tiny smile.
"Always, baby." Olivia cuddled Alex close to her heart and rocked slowly, stroking Alex's long blonde hair.
"That's my good girl," Olivia praised kindly, "I love you, princess."
"I love you too."