When Smash Items go Wrong
(The entire thing is coincidental and has nothing to do with the game as well)
Super Smash Brothers have been one of the most popular events in video game entertainment, containing a battle between Nintendo All-Stars. Not only do they use their physical appearances and signature maneuvers, but there are items they use for their handicap. But what would happen if they use the item and it somehow malfunctions? Here are some possibilities for some of these items selected for its own trusted battles. Pay attention and see:
The Home Run Bat
A match between Pikachu and Lucario began. Lucario had become damaged severely, but has gotten stronger. A Home Run Bat appears and he picks it up. He attacks Pikachu with a couple of swings. However, Pikachu's speed became an advantage to avoid the home run hits. Lucario glowed and swung the bat real hard. Pikachu dodged it.
"STRIKE ONE!" A voice called.
"Huh?" Lucario thought.
He swung at Pikachu again; only to dodge it again.
"STRIKE TWO!" The voice called out again.
"What trickery is this?" He thought as he looked up in the air.
Lucario dropped the bat and attacked Pikachu with his own style. But as he was about to finish him off, Pikachu picked up the bat and swung at Lucario, only to dodge it.
"STRIKE THREE! BATTER OUT!" The voice called again.
The beam of light hit Pikachu and sent him flying off the screen. Lucario was all confused.
A fact about the bat is that in baseball, you have 3 chances to swing the bat to hit the ball. Of course, strikes occur when you swing and miss, you hit a foul ball, OR you let a pitch go right past you, hitting the center of the strike zone.
In this situation, when the Home Run Bat was used to swing a SMASH strike at your opponent, and miss, you will get penalized.
Not always the Home Run Bat is a very common item in the battlefield; it was also used for Home Run Contests, since the Melee Era. There are times when you swing the bat and hit the sandbag; but there are times that you failed to hit the sandbag… or in this scenario, an attempt that backfired.
Link was continuously beating the sandbag into submission. The sandbag took at least 235% damage. Link took aim at the bat and swung really hard, the second the announcer counted down to one. But then, a bolt of lightning struck the bat and electrocuted Link, burning him into a crisp. He fell down and started to shake.
The umpire appeared from the stands and cried, "YOU'RE OUT!"
The sandbag's eyes were full of joy. He jeered at Link, who was out like a light.
"HA-HA!"
The Sandbag
Speaking of which, the sandbag plays an important role in the Brawl Era. Not only it can be used in the Home Run Contests, it can even produce such great items such as food and stickers. However, some items aside from those can appear from the bag. Say if a bomb was in the sandbag. What do you think would happen?
Mario and Luigi began to brawl on the sandbag, during a battle with Bowser. They smacked the bag all the way to the other side of the stage. Suddenly, a Bob-omb appeared from the bag. Mario was shocked, as Luigi looked from far away.
"Mama Mia, there's an explosive in this sandbag!" Mario said.
Luigi was scared after hearing it.
Bowser jumped down and saw the sandbag and laughed evilly. He knew that there would be a sticker, a MAXIM Tomato, or some food in it. He was about to strike a SMASH hit with his claw; Mario and Luigi dashed off and ran for cover. Bowser swings his giant claw and slashed the sandbag ferociously. However, the Bob-omb from earlier was moving. And it was hit by a Smart Bomb. And then…
BOOM!
A huge explosion occurred. Mario and Luigi jumped down from the stage, avoiding the massive explosion. Bowser was badly charred; he stumbled down and was immobilized. Mario jumped in and swung him around by the tail. He threw him up in the air.
"So long, Bowser!"
Bowser flew toward Luigi, who used a Super Jump Punch at close range, sending him flying to the sky. He disappeared into the sky.
The moral to this story is: "Use your punches on items wisely!"
The Bumper (SSB and SSBB)
The Bumper made a huge appearance in the original SMASH Bros.
However, in Melee, it was replaced by a small red swinging bumper. It made its return in the Brawl.
Let's recall the past and look back on this whole ordeal that happened, when you place two Bumpers on the field and retain about 999% damage.
It happened at Dream Land. Kirby, Samus, Luigi, and Donkey Kong were battling each other. Luckily, 3 bumpers appeared. Samus threw the 1st one at Kirby; DK threw the 2nd one, likewise the third, thrown by Luigi. Kirby was hit by the first bumper, causing him to collide to the 2nd bumper which was suspended in midair. The 3rd ended up upward over the first two. Kirby kept getting hit by the bumpers continuously, like a pinball.
The whole thing lasted 20 minutes; the bumpers never disappeared and Kirby was damaged severely; but he kept bouncing around the bumpers; not even an exploding crate sent him flying.
The announcer called out, "TILT!"
The crowd booed as the match ended in a bizarre no-contest.
One thing we learn from bumpers and its Melee knock-offs is that they can reflect you away from the bumper. It's a good thing they can give you 1% damage. It's also a good thing that there's no Waluigi Pinball Stage in the SMASH Bros. series.
Everything is all wacky when it comes to bumpers. In fact, there was one moment, at least, that you die from the bumper. And by dying, I mean knocked-off. In a Brawl match between Ness and Lucas, Ness knocked off Lucas, felling him into the bottomless pit. However, Lucas used his PK Thunder to bounce back up; but what he didn't know was that there was a lone bumper there in the air. He zoomed up, hit the bumper and flew off upward into the sky. Of course, he was knocked off on the side.
And, as usual, the announcer announced, "TILT!"
Stupid Pinball reference.
The Metal Box
Debuted in Super Mario 64, as a way to be immune to breathing gas and drowning, it was a very popular motive. It allowed the appearances of Metal Mario and Metal Luigi. But sometimes, there are all these metal boxes you grab and sure enough you ended up as a different item?
Let me put this in laymen's terms: When grabbing the green box, does it affect you in any way?
Tell that to Zelda, Peach, and Zero Suit Samus, who are statues in this horrifying moment. They remained as statues for all eternity… well, not all eternity, but let's explain how:
The three Nintendo queens ended up fighting in a 3-way match to determine who is the greatest woman EVER (Not counting Jigglypuff and Nana). Peach had the advantage, until a metal box appeared. Zelda knocked her away and grabbed the box. But when he grabbed it… she was frozen stiff, like when she was hit by a Freezie. Her entire body was turned to metal and was like a metal statue. Samus tried to attack Zelda with her whip, but the whip ended up hitting another metal box. She was turned to metal and was frozen in place. Peach, realizing this is a perfect opportunity, went after them. However, she stopped and realized that she couldn't fight them. She found a lone metal box and struck it with her golf club. As it hit, Peach was frozen as well. In the end, it was declared that the match continued, until the affects wear off. Sadly, it lasted 2 hours, and they still didn't move. The crew looked on and declared that the Metal Boxes they received for the matches were defective. So many complaints in that match's aftermath; SO… MANY… COMPLAINTS!
Following that frightening showcase, Zelda, Peach, and Samus (in her Zero Suit) were on display in a store window in downtown Saffron City. Everyone was amazed, confused, and/or in tears when they saw their favorite ladies of Nintendo frozen and reduced to being metal mannequins. They were frozen…and they stayed frozen… forever…
But it didn't last; the display window thing last 2 weeks and they recovered from being metallic mannequins (Had you there, didn't I?). Though, despite the horrifying outcome, it wasn't the only Metal Box-cased error that happened. Chances are that you can turn metallic and still move around. But, what if you can still move, but the affects never wear off? Tell that to Marth and Roy.
In a match located in Hyrule Temple, they battled each other in a very even-sided match. Around the 2 minute mark, Roy obtained the Metal Box and was turned to metal. He then fought at Marth continuously, but throughout the entire match, he didn't change back to normal. He lost the match via a technicality, but he never changed back. Marth tried to throw him off the stage, hoping that he is normal when he would regenerate; that didn't work.
Roy was sent to the hospital to remove the metal skin epidemic. It lasted 3 months to remove it, but he recovered. He was shouting in Japanese, knowing that he was gypped of his win.
Another error that happened in the Metal Box debacle was sinking. In Delfino Plaza, Wario, who was in his pre-Final Smash form and Meta Knight, who was badly hurt fought each other in a showdown. When Meta Knight swung Wario over the ocean, he inadvertently hit the Metal Box, causing Wario to turn to Metal Wario. He then ate his garlic and turned into Warioman. Wario laughed evilly in the air and said that he's going down.
"Correction, you're going down… literally," Meta Knight said.
Wario looked down and was over the water. Still in his Metal Wario form and Warioman Final Smash form, he plummeted into to water and sank. He sank down into the abyss.
10 minutes later, a gas bubble appeared from the water. It let out a scream from Wario. Seconds later, he floated back up, in his normal form. He recovered after being not able to breathe underwater. Luckily, they took care of his Final Smash form, to make sure his Metal Wario form will only work in Special Battles.
The Hammer/Golden Hammer
The hammer is by far the greatest weapon in SMASH Bros. history. In Brawl, the hammer has doubled in capacity, introducing the ever fast, ever fun, ever RARE Golden Hammer. Once held, you can hammer anybody while hammering three times faster than the original hammer. Though, they have its flaws; for example, the Hammer can break its head off, while the Golden Hammer may act as a squeaky hammer. Let's show for an example of some other mistakes:
At the PictoChat® stage, Captain Falcon and Ivysaur began its battle. After 1 minute, the Hammer appeared. Falcon grabbed the hammer and proceeded to strike at Ivysaur. But with one smack of the giant mallet, it squashed Ivysaur into a pancake, rather than being sent airborne. Falcon was shocked; he called for the Blue Falcon and retreated. The police followed him as they were on hot pursuit of the F-Zero Champion. Ivysaur was okay, of course. He let out a weak "SAUR" while regenerating himself.
And as for the Golden Hammer, it was during a match in the Toon Link's ship between Diddy Kong and Toon Link. Diddy grabbed the Golden Mallet and ran after Toon Link. However, the tenacity of the hammer's velocity began to vibrate his cranial capacity by twitching around gyrating into a flighty condition, dropping his bludgeon. Or in Kong Talk, it means that the speed of the Golden Hammer caused Diddy to collapse to the ground, dropping the hammer. He was hospitalized for two weeks. However, he can still eat peanuts.
Sometimes, hammers can be safe; whether the head comes off or a Golden Hammer gets to be squeaky. There's a certain moment when the squeaky hammer ends up being a useful item.
In a match at the Delfino Plaza, Ice Climbers Popo and Nana faced Pichu. A Golden Hammer came out of nowhere and Pichu grabbed it. He started to swing the hammer and strike the Ice Climbers in fierce velocity. However, the hammer ended up being a squeaky hammer; but the hammer continuously hit Popo repeatedly. The hammer disappeared after 20 seconds and Popo was out cold. Nana tried to wake him up, but Pichu sent them flying with a Thunderbolt, at the right moment.
The Mushrooms
We shall now review the defect of Mushrooms. Aside from growing and shrinking at will…
Writer's Note: The rest of this section is omitted, because of certain parodies of wild, hallucinated mushrooms.
The Assist Trophies
Nowadays, the Assist Trophy has been the back-up for you. Aside from collecting these, they give you a huge advantage! But sometimes the Assistants can give you problems; namely only one thing: Turning on you.
Wario was battling Pit in the Skyworld. He grabbed the Assist Trophy and summoned Waluigi. However, Waluigi turned on his cohort and swatted him up in the air with his Tennis Racquet.
As Wario was sent flying, Waluigi then focused his attack on Pit, stomping him around like a pile of socks.
Another mishap was the epic Andross assist. Fox and Falco inadvertently summoned him in Corneria stage. Fox and Falco left the stage and went on their Arwings, in order to destroy Andross. They kept firing as Andross kept shooting at them. That lasted… forever.
Sadly, the worst thing possible is the most hated Assist Trophy EVER: Mr. Resetti. In the Final Destination, Mario and Bowser battled in the Brawl to end all Brawls! Mario had Bowser on the ropes… when Bowser grabbed the Assist Trophy, and out pops Resetti, complaining over this rivalry… which leads to the worst brawl ever.
"HEY! Mario! Bowser!" He screams in a thought bubble text, like in Animal Crossing, "DON'T RESET! I MEAN IT! So, this rivalry has become legendary. I'll tell you what's legendary: a smelly gym sock! I had to hunt for it in my house and it smells like dino poop! I grow tired of your outdated manic battles for good and evil! And what's with the stupid Toad? "Sorry, but your princess is in another castle!" Zzz… Zzz… Bo~ring! Think of a new line, you fungi freak! Bowser, you have such brawn, but no brains! An axe to let you die? You're such a loser! And YOU, Mario, where was your pasta dishes? And I like it better when you sound like Captain Lou Albano (God rest his soul!); now this Mamma Mia and Spaghetti are nothing but old lines! Here we go… to sleep! Over twenty years… and you plumbers think you are immortal? Well, let me tell you…"
Mario and Bowser were bored to tears. Resetti cannot stop talking and ranting. This whole Resetti thing lasted five hours! Mario and Bowser were frustrated; they left the area, with Resetti shouting non-stop.
"Hey-HEY!" He cried, "Don't you walk away from me! I have my complaints about this game! You can take Super Smash Boys, or whatever, and-!"
(Static ensues)
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(Miz-K runs an old 1930s projector, turning the crank)
(The projector turns to the front, while Miz-K keeps turning)
The Eyes, Pokémon, Triforce, and Garlic of the News!
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The End