Remember Me?
"I am sorry to say the drug hasn't brought forth the expected results. I am afraid you have less than three months left." The doctor, his voice laced with pity.
Unemployed, living in poverty, bedridden and paralysed waist down from a car accident 2 years ago, Takao Kazunari couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment along with the expected fear when he heard death would probably be knocking at his door in less than 3 months.
Over time, the fear had slowly been replaced with acceptance. Accepting death had been a lot easier than Takao expected. After all death was inevitable and for a man like Takao with no bright future or perfect life ahead what difference did it make whether it was sooner or later. That was what he had told himself everyday whenever he felt fear or regret. The illness didn't change much for Takao except for the fact that he was living in a hospital, which in his opinion was better than the alternative, the small apartment that was almost an attic. Every day passed by, black and white until one day, two and a half months since he had heard his death sentence, he caught a familiar glimpse of green.
"Shin-chan!" exclaimed, the dark haired lad.
Dr. Midorima Shinataro turned as he heard (a very odd version of) his name being called to see a dark haired man waving excitedly at him. He apprehensively entered the room "Can I help you with something?" he asked in his most professional voice.
Silver eyes stared back imploringly at him "Shin-chan, don't you remember me? Takao Kazunari." Takao said desperation and confusion mingled in his voice. Midorima stared back at Takao, puzzled.
"We dated throughout high school" Takao explained 'And then we broke up because long-distance never works.' He added mentally.
By now the confused look on Midorima's face had been replaced by one of understanding "I got into a car accident when I was 20." Midorima said simply, as if that cleared up everything. "I suffered from amnesia, my memories are slowly coming back but high school and middle school is still a blur." He explained.
Takao's eyes widened in shock, he had accepted unemployment, he had accepted his paralysis, he had accepted his death sentence for god's sake but somehow the idea of the one person he had loved romantically (and still held a small torch for) not remembering him, being completely unaffected by him broke him. It was the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Midorima stared at Takao, not quite sure what to do. It was clear to him, that he had affected the dark-haired man and not in a good way. He considered the idea of leaving the other man to his own thoughts.
"I have to make you remember me again." Takao said resolutely breaking the silence.
Midorima stared back at him blankly. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"I am dying. I probably have about half a month or less left." Takao said stated, no hint of regret or sadness in his voice. "And even though it was just high school, those are some of my brightest memories and you were really important to me, and this may sound selfish but even after I die I want the person who I loved to remember me. Do you understand?" Before Midorima could reply, Takao continued a wry smile on his face. "I mean it's not the coolest dying wish but it certainly is better than my previous one which was just praying that my death is painless. So, what do you say? Are you with me? Just know that if you say no, you're robbing me of a chance to fulfil my dying wish."
"Yes." Midorima said immediately. He didn't know if it was pity or curiosity that made him agree, perhaps it was a combination of the two. Takao looked surprised at Midorima's quick agreement.
"So what exactly do I have to do?" Midorima inquired. "I only have a few minutes of free time in a day."
Takao placed a finger on his chin. "To be honest, I hadn't thought it out that far. I'll figure something out by tomorrow. Just drop by whenever you're free, it's not like I'm going anywhere." He said with a chuckle.
Midorima nodded silently and walked out leaving Takao deep in thought.
The next day...
Midorima peered into Takao's room to see the dark haired man sighing and looking at the clock every few seconds. "Um hi" he said awkwardly as he entered, not quite sure what to say. Takao's face visibly brightened as he looked up "Hey Shin-chan!" he said with a grin.
Midorima flinched at the nickname. "I know we used to be very close, but right now I barely know you so don't call me that."
Takao pretended to think for a moment before speaking. "Nah" he said with a small smirk. "Besides I called you Shin-chan way before we started dating, so you don't have to worry."
"I wasn't worrying, it's just tha—" Midorima's protests were cut off by Takao.
"I got my landlord to bring over this album." Takao said pointing to the thick, brown, leather bound album in his lap. "I figured I'd just show you the photos and tell you stuff and hopefully you'll remember somewhere along the line. It's not the best plan but it's a start."
Midorima nodded. He would be lying if he said he didn't want his high school memories back, but it wasn't a top priority for him. It was all in the past and he wasn't really bothered with it. "This is a group shot of the basketball team in our first year. That's how we met, through the basketball team." Takao said pointing at the slightly yellowing photo in the first page. He tactfully decided not to mention Teiko.
Midorima stared at the photo, slowly reaching out letting his fingers skim the smooth cover. He looked at the photo. He was the only one not smiling, but Takao's bright grin made up for it. He noted the way the dark haired boy practically hung off him.
"We started dating about a week after our first Winter Cup." Takao said nostalgically. "You asked me out, I guess, if random awkward mumbles count." He added with a chuckle.
Midorima smiled inwardly; apparently he hadn't changed much since high school except for his taste in partners. He had always thought his ideal partner would be a serious and diligent person with a good work ethic. Apparently, his high school self was into the exact opposite.
"We watched a movie for our first date, it was a horror movie. I think I still have the bruises you left on my arm from gripping it too tight." Takao reminisced ash he flipped the page in the album to an old movie ticket stub. "So do you remember any of this?" he asked silver-blue eyes full of hope.
Midorima shook his head, "I can kind of see everything you are saying playing out in my head but I don't remember anything new." He said.
Midorima noticed that the light in Takao's eyes was replaced by a light frown and tried to console the dark-haired man "It's still early. Treatment for amnesia takes quite a while."
"I know but I guess I was hoping that you know, 5 seconds and it would all come back to you." Takao said wistfully.
Midorima felt bad for the dark-haired man. He wasn't too concerned with getting his memories back but it seemed to be of utmost importance for Takao. Perhaps, Takao still harboured feelings for him. Midorima inwardly flinched; if that were true he hoped the dark-haired man would never mention it. This arrangement was already strange enough for him without throwing feelings into the mix.
Nevertheless, Midorima wanted to make Takao who was clearly disappointed feel better. He attempted smiling at him (which looked more like he was baring his teeth) hoping that the other man would smile back. Instead, Takao burst out into laughter, rolling on the bed holding his stomach. Midorima scowled, as far as he could see there was nothing funny about the situation.
"Is that your attempt at a smile?" Takao sputtered between laughs "You look like the Big Bad Wolf!"
Midorima's scowl deepened "That's gratitude for you" he muttered to himself. "My break is over. I'll see you tomorrow" he said, scowl still in place as he turned around and made his way out."
"I'm sorry Shin-chan, I'm sorry" Takao said apologetically though he was chuckling and though Midorima would never admit to it, he felt a chuckle escape involuntarily.
Over the next two weeks, Midorima was shown a series of photos and videos in order to regain his memories but to no avail. But somehow, along the way his visits to Takao became the highlight of his day. Midorima could see what his high school self saw in Takao. Ever so often, Midorima entertained the idea that he was developing feelings for Takao but he managed to push the thoughts away. Developing feelings for a dying man would be unrealistic and stupid, not to mention masochistic. Midorima had also come to admire Takao, even on his soon-to be deathbed, whenever the dark-haired man spoke to Midorima he managed to be light-hearted and humorous. But no matter how much he pretended not to mind Midorima could clearly see Takao's disappointment because of his lack of progress in the 'memory regaining' department. Even he thought that he would at least remember something, no matter how insignificant by now. But sadly, it was not to be until one day...
"This is a picture of our first anniversary. We went to an amusement park together. You hated the haunted house. I was kind of surprised that you didn't cry. That's another thing, I never saw you cry even though you saw me cry loads of time. I always wanted to ask you, do you actually have functioning tear ducts?"
"Of course I do" Midorima deadpanned.
Takao chuckled. "This may sound weird but I always wanted to see you cry." He said.
Midorima looked at Takao weirdly "What kind of relationship were we in? Did you take pleasure in my sorrow or something?" he asked incredulously.
Takao waved his hands in protest "No, of course not!" "It's just that I wanted a chance to comfort you which you never gave me." He added. Ignoring Midorima's weird look he continued "Anyway continuing with the story, even though you thought it was a horrible idea we decided to go on the rollercoaster straight after lunch and then—" Takao was cut off by Midorima.
"You ended up puking on me and I had to spend the rest of the day in that horrible flashy amusement park t-shirt." Midorima finished. Both men looked at each other in surprise.
"Did you remember that?" Takao asked his eyes widening.
"I think so.." Midorima replied slowly. "I don't know, it's like a wave. You tried baking for me on Valentine's Day. You once asked me if I wear nail polish. You ate all my popcorn when we watched that movie on our first day."
"Shin-chan, you're remembering!" Takao whooped.
Midorima placed his hands on his temples as he sat down on Takao's bed. "There's too much, there are too many. Look, I know this is what you've wanted from the start and you're happy but I really need to be alone right now." Midorima said, his voice, strained.
Takao looked surprised for a moment but it was immediately replaced by a look of understanding "Of course Shin-chan. I'll see you tomorrow."
Midorima ended up taking the day off. He always thought that regaining his memories would be like opening a treasure chest, he could slowly move through his memories and they would just be back there. But instead they were like waves crashing quickly and before he could properly process them the next wave had already engulfed him.
That night Midorima's dreams were filled not with the usual maniac zombies or living cutlery but rather with an onslaught of memories; memories from high school, memories with Takao. It all came back to him: The teasing, the awkward romantic moments, the arguments and the whispered confessions of love.
Midorima woke up in a cold sweat. At that moment he decided on three things, one, while his memories with Takao were certainly wonderful and worth remembering, he decided that they weren't a patch on the memories with Takao that he had now. Two, he was in love with Takao, he had tried to avoid it, he had pushed it into the cellar of his mind, but somehow Takao had built himself a palace within the cellar. . He knew loving a dying person was a one-way ticket to the depths of despair but seeing as he couldn't run from it he might as embrace it and cherish his time with Takao. And three, he had to tell Takao. He glanced at his bedside clock. It was only 4 am, 4 more hours till his shift at the hospital started but he couldn't wait that long.
He quickly changed and drove up to the hospital. Hoping that none of the staff would recognize him (after all he had a reputation to maintain) he ran through the hallways. He stopped in front of Takao's door, took a deep breath and opened the door, expecting to see a sleeping Takao, instead he was greeted by an empty bed with pristine stark white sheets.
A nurse who was passing by noticed Midorima. "Are you looking for Takao Kazunari, Midorima-san?" she asked. Midorima silently nodded. "He just passed away a few hours ago. It was sudden but it was a peaceful death." She said with a small smile, as if she was delivering good news.
Midorima gulped. He knew it, he knew it the minute he saw the empty but hearing the actual words made it so much more real. Wordlessly he walked into the room. At that moment he noticed a small black notebook on the bedside table. He had often noticed Takao writing in it before he came in. He opened the book, all the pages were torn out except one. There were only three sentences. Midorima slowly read Takao's untidy scrawl.
To tell Shin-chan or not to tell Shin-chan? Even if I tell him, it's just going to end in badly for me. After all, who would love a dying man?
"I do" Midorima croaked, his voice breaking. If Takao's spirit was anywhere about he would have seen the sight he had always wanted to: a crying Midorima Shintaro
Fin.