Kiss on the stomach.
It happened on your couch. Your parents were fast asleep in their room, and they had left us to watch a movie. It was two am and you looked so adorable as you giggled at a funny part in the movie. My arms were around your waist and my head was resting against the side of your stomach, my legs dangling off the edge of the couch. My eyes were hurting from looking up so high to see your face, but at the moment, I couldn't care less. Your cute little face was worth it. And I couldn't help myself as I leaned forward and planted a small, soft kiss on your stomach, near your belly button. I realized that your shirt had been riding up because of our strange cuddling position. The look you had sent me was worth it. It was shy, all full of shy smiles and shy eyes and red cheeks. It was perfect. "What was that for?" You had whispered to me as you continued to stare at me. I had looked right back up at you and smiled a huge, cheesy grin. "What do you think that was for?" I had murmured and then hugged you around the waist tighter and kept my head resting on the side of your stomach. You had stared at me for a while longer before letting out a soft sigh and turning back to the TV. You might not have got it, but that kiss meant I was ready. I was ready for us.
Kiss on the forehead.
It happened at your house, much like that first kiss. I remember that you were upset about something that you wouldn't tell me about. I had my arms around your stomach as I sat behind you with you leaning back against me. Your head was resting on my shoulder, and your eyes were filling up with tears. I tried my best to comfort you but I didn't know what to say if you wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Finally, after about twenty minutes of coaxing you into speaking, you had mumbled something incoherently and pulled out your phone. You swiped through it for a couple of seconds and then handed it to me. I rested my head on top of yours as I read what was on the screen. It was Instagram, and it was on the last picture you had posted of us. It was the one when we were watching the movie, right after I had kissed your stomach. I had stared at it and frowned. "What's wrong with this?" I had asked, and that was when you had taken the phone back and clicked on the comments and handed it back to me. The first few comments were from a couple of our friends saying things like'oh y'all look so cute' and'why didn't you invite me? ' I was about to ask what was wrong with these when I glimpsed at the next one. I only had to look at the account to see that it was your ex-girlfriend, no doubt making a bitchy remark about how it wouldn't last long. I had immediately dropped the phone on the bed and wrapped my arms around you tighter. I leaned backwards until we were both laying down, you between my legs with your head still on my shoulder."Ignore her. She's just jealous because she's not good enough to have you." I whispered in your ear, and I felt your cheek move against mine as you spoke. "I know." I had then kissed your forehead and you smiled. The kiss meant that I hoped we were together forever. Even if you didn't know that, I did, and that was what mattered.
Kiss on the ear.
It happened somewhere different this time. It happened at school. It was a couple days after I had kissed your forehead. We were heading towards your bus and we were almost there when you suddenly grabbed me into a hug and kissed my ear. "Thank you. For everything." You had said and then you had let go and had ran into your bus, leaving me to watch as it drove away from me. I didn't know why you did it, but you did.
Kiss on the cheek.
It happened at the grocery store. We had gone to go get some cookie mix to make some cookies because we were at my house and we were bored. So we decided to make cookies, I guess. We were in the cookie mix aisle, searching through all different kinds when you suddenly looked around quickly and pressed your lips to my cheek. I had smiled and was about to do it back to you, but I heard a gasp and whipped around. There was a middle aged woman standing there, her mouth open as she stared at both of us. Your face turned bright red as she spoke. "Are you two dating?" She had asked in a digusted voice, eyeing both of us up and down. I was about to open my mouth to tell this lady that yes, we were dating, and to get her off our backs when you spoke for me. "No, we're just friends." I looked at you in shock as the woman nodded in approval and turned away. You turned away as well and grabbed a random package of cookie mix. "What about this one?" You asked and I nodded in defeat. That kiss meant we were friends. Just friends.
Kiss on the hand.
We were still near the store, walking home with the cookie mix, when the next kiss happened. I grabbed your hand and pressed my lips against it. You smiled shyly and pulled your hand back. Although it was a simple rejection, I was torn up on the inside. That kiss meant that I adored you. I hope you had known that.
Kiss on the neck.
It was about a week after the grocery store encounter, and you had forced me to go to your house even though I didn't want to. We had kind of been acting awkward around each other since the week before in the grocery store. As soon as we were in your room and you had closed your door, I was pushed against the door and your face was close to mine. I could feel your breath on me as you spoke. "I'm sorry." You had said, your eyes showing that you meant it. "I don't know why I said we were just friends. I was just scared that that lady was gonna, like, hurt us or something. I don't know. It was irrational and I should have told the truth." I was searching her face as she said this, and it showed no sign of telling a lie, so I nodded. "Its okay." I promised. You had smiled your usual soft smile and then you did something surprising. You pushed your lips against my neck and kissed it. I froze, surprised, and then relaxed under your touch. I knew what this kiss meant. The way that your lips fit perfectly onto my neck meant that we fit together. This kiss meant that we belonged together.
Kiss on the shoulder.
It happened at the movies. We had decided to watch as a way for you to show me you were sorry for what you had said. I don't even remember what movie it was. I only knew that it was some horror movie that I thought was ridiculously funny, but you actually thought was scary. So you had to hold on to me the whole movie, and you kept burying your face in my shoulder to not look at the gory parts when they appeared on the screen. And that meant I had to hold you as you cringed away and I tried to not laugh. It was about halfway through the movie when I felt something soft touch my shoulder. I had looked down to see that you had just pressed your lips against my shoulder. "I want you." Was what you had whispered after, looking up at me with scared eyes. I had just wrapped my arm around your waist tighter and leaned my head on top of yours. Maybe it was just me, but you seemed to be more at ease the rest of the film. I didn't know what that kiss meant, but I know you did.
Kiss on the lips.
It happened on the way home from the movies. I was walking you back to your house and it was late at night. We were just at your door when you suddenly pulled me close and gently pressed your lips against mine. I was taken aback. You had never expressed any urges to kiss me like that. I had tried, but every time you said you weren't ready. But here you were, with your lips against mine, and I was kissing back now. You tasted like the butter from the popcorn you had eaten at the movie. I wanted it to last forever, and I was just opening my mouth to make the kiss deeper when the sound of a door opening made us leap apart. I remember the look on your face as your parents yelled at you and looked at me with digust on their faces. You looked so scared but angry, and when they grabbed your arm you looked even more pissed than before. I remember being frozen as they dragged you back into the house. I also remember you mouthing "I love you" to me as they shut the door in my face. I stood there for a while before I realized that you weren't going to come back. And as I ran back to my house to grab my phone (which I had forgotten at my house), I realized that kiss meant that you did love me. And I never got to say it back.
We should have shared a lot more kisses than that.
And we should have shared more moments than we got to.
Holding hands.
I should have been able to hold hands with you more often than we did. Like on one of the first days we were dating. We were holding hands on the bus on the way back from a late night football game. We were both in band, and we fell asleep holding hands with you leaning on my shoulder. Even then we definitely loved each other.
Slap on the butt.
I should have been able to slap your butt whenever I wanted. Like I did that one time we were home alone at your house. We were making some dinner a little late because we had lost track of time. And I had crept up on you preparing the food for us, and I had slapped your butt. It was a way to claim what was mine. It was mine, you were mine, and I hope you had known that.
Holding on tight.
We should have been able to have more times where we just held on to each other and not let go. Like on the buses home from football game, after we were tired from marching at halftime for band and tired from playing truth or dare (or, on special occasions, dare or dare) with our friends. We should have been able to do it more while watching movies. Holding on tight to each other and never want to let go. We didn't want to let go, and we shouldn't have been forced to.
Looking into each other eyes.
We should have been able to do this more. As cheesy as it sounds, cuddling and just looking into each others eyes was perfect. Just looking into your eyes and seeing the love that lay there was nice. Even though we hadn't said it yet, I knew you loved me, and I loved you. So much.
Playing with hair.
I should have been able to play with your hair whenever I wanted to. Stroking your hair and pulling it around with my fingers, staring into your eyes and begging you to tell me you love me so I didn't have to do it first. You should have been able to say it, but you never were.
Arms around the waist.
Why didn't we do this more often? I loved doing this. Having you lay there while I wrapped my arms around you tighter and tighter, not letting you get away. I know you acted like you hated it, but you really loved it. And as you tried to get away, I would tickle you and force you to stay with me. I loved you too much to let go, and I hope you knew.
So many other things we didn't get to do.
Laughing while kissing.
We should have got to kiss more than that one time. We should have kisses a lot more, and laugh while doing so because we thought it was so funny. We should have been completely comfortable with each other.
Making out.
We never got to do this. We should have kisses and never pull apart, only for air. Should have felt the feeling of tongues sliding against each other and fighting for dominance. The taste of something we had just eaten, sweet. Hands exploring each other. We should have gotten to feel something like this.
Making love.
We should have gotten to have sex. See each other at their most vunerable. Skin against skin, nothing but skin and the indecent sounds we should have made as we were both being pleasured. We should have showed that we loved each other in more than just words.
But we never got to.
And we never will.
After your parents found out about us, I never saw you again. I guess you moved away, but I never saw you or your family again after that.
A year later and I'm still feeling numb. Sitting here in my 8th period math class, senior year. We would have laughed that I had the hardest class at the very end of the day. I sighed, realizing I was doodling your name again, next to a little drawing of a lion.
I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't call you: it never worked. I couldn't talk to you on any social media: that wouldn't work either. My texts never went through. Nothing worked.
I missed you. So much I couldn't take it anymore.
At home, my parents suggested that I go to therapy. For you leaving.
I couldn't take it anymore.
So I would leave too.
That night I found a pencil in my hand pressed against a sheet of paper. Writing a letter to you. Tears in my eyes. A gun to my head.
A shot sounding in my ears.
Then nothing.
A/N I actually have no idea where this came from. I'm sorry
I just saw this picture that inspired me to write this. I swear it was supposed to be sweet and fluffy, but my mind twisted it into this story telling how they were seperated and ended it on suicide
And, actually, I saw this picture and it reminded me of the girl that I like, and this was originally gonna be about me and her, but near the end I just kinda switched it to a phanfiction.