The Green Freak - Chapter 1: Gone
The storm outside fitting his mood, his situation, Beast Boy watched the rain pour, the lightning light the sky, the thunder rumbling the very fabric of reality, metaphorically speaking of course.
Not only did the rain pour outside but it matched the boys face as tears fell from his eyes.
Feeling neglected and useless beyond belief, his self-esteem dangerously low.
Believing suicide was something that even he'd have to earn first, but to suffer any longer would be to annihilate what sanity he had left.
"I'm not even human."
Animal
"I'm green."
Freak
"I can't do anything right."
Useless
"I couldn't even save my own parents…"
Failure
"Why did I fall in love with someone who hates me?"
Pathetic
"Who am I?"
No one
"What am I?"
Nothing
"Why does this happen to me?!"
Why not?
"..."
His eyes dry but the shaking hadn't stopped, once again realising how emotionally unstable he was, DNA unstable, emotionally unstable, it was only a matter of time before he was mentally unstable.
Two voices in his head, did that qualify already?
He knew Beast was there, but he hadn't heard from him in a while, he used to be there telling the other voice to get lost.
The other voice, Beast Boy didn't know how long this one had been there, but he heard this one a lot lately, it didn't take long for him to realise that this voice was the personification of his self-doubt, his self-hate, his damaged conscience, his damaged heart.
Spending all his life, hearing the many insults, the criticism, the hate, the fear.
They thought he couldn't hear them whispering behind his back, they were wrong.
He could hear every word.
Was it simply cruel irony that he happened to have enhanced hearing?
No matter what he did, he heard it everyday, 'Freak', 'Monster', 'Abomination', 'Titan's Pet', 'Animal', 'Useless', 'Failure', 'Pathetic', 'Screw-up', he was even caught off guard when he heard someone use the word 'Orphan' one day.
For a while he just ignored these insults, he had finally found a home, a family.
He didn't want to risk losing such a thing again.
But, there was always a 'but'.
How long was this new family to last?
He couldn't save his parents, he was forced to leave the Doom Patrol, so what would happen with the Teen Titans? Would they let him stay? Kick him off? Kill him? End up killed?
He honestly didn't want to know.
What he did in situations like this? He did what he did best, what he's been doing his whole life, what he's used to doing - Run away.
He ran when he failed his parents, he ran when he realised his uncle was going to kill him, he ran when the Doom Patrol reluctantly kicked him out of the team, and so history was about to repeat itself, he would run from the Titans too, from Jump City, from more hate, from more pain.
But where would he go? Where would he hide? The pain always found him again.
He couldn't escape, no matter how far he went, it followed him from Africa to America.
Never too far, it always came back.
Knowing that the past would never leave him, the pain would never stop hurting, the nightmares would never go away, he had to try run from them again. Hoping each time he ran that the pain would lose interest, with each failure to stop the pain, it became clearer that there weren't many options left, but he would run again.
He opened his window as quietly as he could, morphed into a bird and flew out into the night, immediately regretting it when he looked back one last time, he didn't know he could cry as a bird.