He is silently raging. Screaming for control that he cannot have. What's happening in front of him is wrong. It shouldn't be happening. He should stop it. He could stop it. But he knows he can't now. Not while he is in control.
He. Me. The other half of myself. A part of me forever now. But not me. Us. Or... it should be us. We should be one. Not forever divided in one body. That is the deal that we made. Two beings in one body, bound by common cause. We would work together. We would give up ourselves so that we could accomplish something beyond us. Together we could do what neither could do alone. One without the body. One without the will.
It was a sacrifice each had made without really realizing what was being given up. Neither foresaw the changes that would come. He is losing more of himself every day. He knows this. He is changing more and more into something new. Something beyond what he ever thought he would be. He tried to fight it at first. He wasn't used to change like this. He wasn't used to change at all.
How could I be? Every day of my life seemed the same. I was always so sure of who I was. What I had to do. So sure of what was right in the world and what was wrong. But I had no idea. Things like 'right and wrong' changed and blurred when I joined with him.
Eventually he learned to accept the changes. They weren't all so bad as he had thought. Or, if they were bad, he sometimes forgot about that when she was around. She'd shown him a path he hadn't considered. It was amazing to him sometimes how much she had done, especially considering how dismissive of her he'd been at first. She'd persisted despite constant warnings of danger and hurt. She'd remained because she'd seen something more in him. Something worth standing by.
Is she just a distraction? She is not a mage. She cannot understand what she is really fighting for. But fight she does and admirably. No... she is no distraction. She has become a partner. More. An inspiration. And she has helped us too. We've found a new peace.
Despite their increased unity, he still fights. Part of him still wants complete control so that he can do what he wants and not be burdened by the will of another.
Then there are times like now when he screams silently. He screams for action. He screams for JUSTICE. For, no matter how much he changes, that urge will always drive him. Especially here, in the Gallows. He cannot watch as the Templars drag another child in for imprisonment. But action now would stop them from what they must do later. It has been a long process, but Anders has taught him some patience. To achieve their goal, he must wait.
And he will wait. He'll wait so that everyone will be forced to see the injustice that he sees. Until then, he will continue to scream silently.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: written in response to the prompt "silence" in the Anders writing group on BSN. I was going to write this the other way around, with it from Anders' POV. Then I decided to play devil's advocate. Or, at least, kind of demony spirit's advocate. That said, I wanted to leave the POV ambiguous for most of the story. Hopefully it's still understandable.