Emma Swan hates surprises, this one, in particular, she hates most of all. It wasn't a jump out at a surprise party that she figured out was planned beforehand, it was a "Hey you want to get married to the guy you've been with for over five years, but you're already married. Surprise!"

She's heading to New York, snow hitting her windshield, coming down heavier than she anticipated, divorce papers taking up the passenger seat next to her. She's trying to remember when and how it happened, it had to be when she went with Ruby to Barcelona four years ago to celebrate Ruby showing everyone up with a shiny degree from a two-year college.

A degree she never did anything with but people were so sure she wasn't even going to graduate High School; let alone College.

The Barcelona trip was four days of heavy drinking and she can only remember bits and pieces, none of which were her getting married to some random guy. A random guy she now has to go politely ask for a divorce so she can marry Neal and be happy.

When she was able to find out where this guy worked, Ruby was happy to find out it was a Professor at the University she went to and happily gave her a list of all the male hotties who seemed like the type to get blackout drunk and marry Emma.

Neal just hopes she didn't sleep with him, or kiss him, or touch him in any way other than a friendly handshake. The likelihood of that…

It doesn't matter if she did, it's not like she remembered or stayed in touch with him, it's not like they spent the next four years seeing each other in secret. She genuinely had no idea she was already married when she went to marry Neal.

Three Days ago

Ruby bounces over to the coffee table, a piece of paper and pen in hand, smiling more than she should be.

"This isn't funny," Emma says as Ruby sits on the floor, hunched over the table, a wicked grin playing with her lips.

"You're right." She says, wiping the smile away, "It's hilarious." Ruby bursts out laughing. Emma sits, still dressed for her big day at the courthouse, a short and simple white dress. She hates this. Neal is pissed, more pissed than she's seen him in a while. She left him back home to cool off, Henry staying at a friends house until they can get this sorted out. Mary Margaret joins them, sitting on the couch, setting the small tray of hot chocolate down on the table, glancing at Ruby's paper.

"What are we doing?" She asks, handing a cup to Emma and Ruby straightens, writing one more name down.

"So I don't remember everyone, but I wrote down some possible suspects." She says, "We are going to try and get Emma to kind of remember what happened. Maybe if she hears his name, she'll know."

"What if he didn't use his name?" Mary Margaret asks.

"You have to use your actual name on the marriage license, you're married how do you not know this?"

"I was just saying-"

"Okay, I'm going to read it out and Emma, you stop me if one sounds familiar."

"Alright," Emma says softly.

"First one, ready?" She nods, "Will Scarlet?" Emma thinks for a second but the name doesn't ring a bell, so she shakes her head.
"I don't know if this is going to work."

"Hush." Ruby waves a hand as she scratches out the name. "Robin Locksley." Emma shakes her head again and they go through more names. After pretty much all of them, Ruby's eyes flick down to the last one, lips turning up in an absolutely sinister smile. "Oooohh my goddd."

"What?"

"I hope it's this one." She says, "Emma really try to think about this last one."

"You have to tell her for her to-"

"Killian Jones," Ruby says slowly, cutting off Mary Margaret. "K-I-L-L-I-A-N...J-O-N-E-Ssseriously the sexiest human to walk the planet."

"That's an interesting name." Mary Margaret says, rolling her eyes when Ruby puts her hand up to shush her, eyes hopefully turned on Emma. Emma sighs, thinking back, the name already sounding familiar, but if he's as attractive as Ruby says, she could have just heard her talking about him.

"Uuumm...okay. He sounds familiar." She says softly, her brain scrambling to find some kind of memory. She remembers someone slipping a plastic wedding band on her finger, one she must have lost by the time she woke up. But that's it, it's enough though, enough for her to know. He's the guy. "Oh god." She puts her head in her hands and Ruby jumps up with an "Oh my god this is the best thing to ever happen."

"Ruby this isn't funny." Mary Margaret says softly, but she's trying desperately to hide her smile.

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Okay, it's a little funny." Mary Margaret confesses, "What the hell were you guys doing that had you so drunk you don't remember marrying someone?"
"Apparently we were having a lot of fun." Ruby smirks, "Please tell me you slept with him."

"I hope the hell not."

"You're not going to be saying that when you look at his face." Ruby says, "He's beautiful."

Present

The university is relatively small so she has no problem finding his room, asking for it at the front desk, getting an eye-roll from the receptionist when she asks.

"It's late." She says, setting her bag down but grabbing the binder with the room numbers, "You know I get asked this every few days I should know without looking. What happened, do you want him to change your grade too?" It's how she says it that has Emma raising an eyebrow, hoping he's not one of those professors who can be persuaded by a little flirting from female students to change something important.

"I'm not a student," Emma says dryly.

"Well, you're certainly not old enough to be an angry parent." She says softly, flipping through laminated papers, "Ex-girlfriend?" Soon to be ex-wife.

"Can I just get the number?" She says looking outside, the snow is coming down pretty hard and the sky is turning from grey to black.

"Yeah, yeah." She says, running a hand through her dark hair and sighing, "Room A450. Take the East hall and turn left." She says as she writes down the number on a sticky note and hands it over. "Make sure you knock." She wants to ask why, but decides against it, she sticks the note on her folder, says a quick thank you, and heads for his room. Only stopping because Ruby is blowing up her phone with texts.

R: "Tell him Ruby says hi."

E: "I'm only here for the divorce, Rubes."

R: "Emma plleeeaassseee. He was my favorite!"

E: "Fine." She puts her phone back in her pocket and keeps going, glancing at room numbers as she goes. There are cute little stickers on the door, a Christmas tree and snowmen and little snowflakes. (At least he's festive). A little note that says, "Stop asking for the due date, it's January 8th. No exceptions, you've had two months." If that's his handwriting, it's beautiful. She's lifting her hand to knock when her phone beeps again but this time it's Neal.

N: "Did you get it?"

E: "Working on it."

N: "I can't believe you married someone else." She rolls her eyes, she can't believe it either and he's obviously still mad about it, so she doesn't respond. She takes a deep breath and knocks. Nothing, he doesn't answer, doesn't say anything, oh my god he better still be here. She knocks again.

"You're not going to have any luck with that, love, I'm behind you." She jumps, biting her lip to stop herself from screaming and turns around. He reaches around and unlocks the door, stepping around her to go in. "What can I do for you?" He asks, "You don't look like one of my students." She blinks.

Okay, Ruby was right...he's probably the most beautiful man she's ever seen in her life. Dark hair, dark stubble, a black sweater and tight jeans that fit just right and she's probably staring.

"Hello?" He says, raising an eyebrow and then clearing his throat. She shakes her head.

"I'm not a student."

"Hm." He nods, heading for his desk and unplugging his laptop, obviously in the middle of getting ready to leave. "Well, get on with it, love, I have a lot of work to do."

"Get on with what?"

"Telling me why you're here...knocking on my door?" He says, not looking at her, the duh was implied. Get a grip, Emma.

"Uuuhh…" Suddenly she has no idea what to say to him, how to start this conversation, she's staring at her husband, like a legal husband, actually married...to this person. Does he even know?

"Okay, nice chat." He says, zipping up his bag and slinging the strap over his shoulder, grabbing his keys and heading for the door. "Really pleasant, you have a way with words."

"You're my husband." She spits out quickly as he's opening the door. Wow, yes, lead with that. He turns slowly, confusion twisting his features.

"Huh?"

"Did you go to Barcelona...four years ago, by any chance?" She asks, mentally kicking herself for how this conversation was going and he nods.

"Oh." He says, "Oh."

"Yeaahh…"

"Oh, it was legal…"

"You remember?!"

"How can I forget, look at you." He says, "I mean I was pretty drunk, but you left a lasting impression."

"Please tell me we did-"

"No."

"No, you're not going to tell me?"

"No, we didn't sleep together, love. Did you need a little liquid courage before you came here, or are you just slow?"

"Wow, you are so sweet."

"I've been known to be quite charming." Okay, he's pretty, but she already hates him.

"So, you've known for the last four years…"
"I didn't think it was legally binding, had no reason to look for you, other than the fact that you are adorable."

"I want a divorce." She says with an eye-roll.

"Was it something I said?" He asks with a smirk and she's ready to bang her head against the wall. Should have known it wasn't going to be easy.

"I have the papers." She says, gesturing at the folder, "Just need your signature, please."

"Can't we talk about this?"

"What? No."

"I thought we had something." He's obviously joking, he cannot be serious. Does he even know her name? "What's your name, love?"

"You don't even know your wife's name?"

"Ah, was very drunk."

"Emma." She says, "Emma Swan." She finishes when he raises an eyebrow.

"Emma Swan." He nods, "Yes I definitely remember you." He winks.

"Can you just sign the papers?!" She snaps, thrusting the folder into his hand and he laughs.

"What's the rush, darling?"

"I'm getting married. I'm supposed to be married." She says and he pouts.

"Technically you already are."

"That's why I'm here."

"Seeing someone on the side is definitely grounds for a divorce."

"We're not...I- what?" He laughs, pats the top of her head as he heads for his desk, plucking a pen from the drawer. It's the longest thirty seconds as he flips through the packet.

"Already signed it, Swan, you're more prepared than some of my students." He reads through, "Reasons for filing, constant arguing, extramarital affairs...oh check. Lack of intimacy, another check."

"Oh my god." She mutters. "Please just sign it."

"Can I read it first, love, kind of important."

"Fine, just hurry up."

"Married for such a short time and you're already bossing me around."

"We've been married for four years, asshole."

"Language, Sweetheart."

"Stop it with the pet names."

"Okay." He smirks, "Babycakes."

"I'm going to hurt you." She glares.

"Domestic violence is not something to joke about."

"Are you going to sign the freaking papers, or not!?"

"I don't think I like your attitude, Swan." He says, smirk deepening, the man obviously thought this was hilarious and she knows now why Ruby liked him so much.

"Please."

"Are you being hounded to change someone's grade again?" Someone else walks in, "Listen, little lady, it doesn't work." He says, brushing past her.
"What are you still doing here, Will?" Killian asks, actually flipping the packet closed without signing anything.

"I saw your light on and was just about to ask the same thing." Will says, "Who's this?" He gestures towards Emma.

"This is Emma Swan." Killian says, "My wife." He adds and Will actually laughs.

"Ooooh, Barcelona."

"He knows?"

"He was there, love."

"Great." Emma huffs. "Sign. The. Papers."

"What papers?" Will asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Emma wants a divorce."

"Why would you divorce that?" He asks, pointing at Killian. "He is a catch, my friend."

"Glad someone thinks so."

"I hate both of you," Emma mutters.

"You don't even know me, Mrs. Jones." Will smirks and Killian laughs.

"Aw, that's cute. Emma Jones."

"Stop." Emma runs a hand over her face, she should have just called and mailed the papers. What was she thinking actually coming here? She sits at one of the desks, this is going to take a while.

"Has a nice ring to it- oh. Emma Swan-Jones."

"I like that even more." Killian smiles.

"I really want to leave."

"Don't go, Swan, think of the children."

"What?"

"What will little Hope think?"

"Who is Hope?" She asks annoyance showing heavily in her voice. She sighs, "If you say what I think you're going to-"
"You guys would make cute kids."

"What do you say, Swan, wanna forget this whole divorce thing and make a baby?" Killian asks and she slams her head down on the desk.

"Did you miss the part where I told you I'm engaged?" She asks, words muffled by the desk, "I want that divorce, please." Will pats her back.

"There, there, Mrs. Jones."

"Stop calling me that." She lifts her head, "I just want a divorce so I can go home and marry the man I've been engaged to for five years, please."

"You were engaged when you married me?"

"Wow, low blow Swan," Will says with a disapproving head shake.

"I was drunk!" She yells, "Not like it meant anything."

"Ow. My feelings." Killian clutches his heart, "Was I just a fling to you?"

"It's okay, Jones, plenty of fish in the sea."

"But she's my Nemo."

"Sign. The. God. Damn. Papers. Before. I. Beat. Your. Ass."

"Oh my lord, the mouth on that one." Will gasps, "Do you kiss your husband with that mouth?" He points at Killian, who just shakes his head, very amused by this situation.

She gets up and leaves without another word.

A/N: I don't know where this came from but I love it.