Author's Note: Hand to Universe, it's just a one shot and it all kind of spun off the little blink and you miss it wide angle shot of them at the funerals. Four dozen people are in that compound, yet they're there in that moment clearly together. To put them together after the way we saw them last (his kind lies at dinner, and then hugging goodbye in the other cemetery) I saw a lot more swirling before and after that moment. Hence.
And this is a bit different than my usual. If you read me, you know I generally am very 'detail oriented' in my writing, and that tends to lead to VERY long stories. But here I didn't want to get sucked into another very long story, so though the muse was adamant about sharing these scenes with me to get them out of my head, when I was putting them down, I made a concerted effort to try a slightly different style of Daryl's narrative thought process and observations rather than delving too much into my usual back and forth with live scenes. More at the end on that.
So this is canon C&D leading into the season seven finale in Alexandria. I might have taken a few liberties with who was doing what after the fight, but I'm not even sure if I did take any liberties because those scenes were obviously a compilation of activities. The community had to be secured, graves had to be dug, people were fed, wounds were treated, loved ones were visited 'in hospital,' funeral services were had, ra ra speeches were given. And that's a lot of stuff. That's a couple hours of time passing at least. So there's nothing to say that what I have people doing in here, weren't things they did THERE, too :)
And in Alexandria, I can't remember the configuration of who technically lives where as of this point in time. Like they started off the first night all in one house, and then I know they continued to spread out after that, but I don't know where everyone ended up settling before they all started leaving or dying. So let's just go with what I have here.
Jump. Push. Fall.
Daryl turned and looked down from the wooden platform, to the people below him.
"They're gone!" He called out the words with a shake of his head as his eyes locked onto Carol's, "they're all gone!"
Carol was the last one he'd expected, or wanted, to see there that day . . . what he'd wanted was for her to be away and be safe . . . but of course she'd shown up to save their asses like she always did. That was just her way. And though they still had so much to do if they had any real hopes of winning this war with Negan, when he turned to climb down the ladder, Daryl found his expression softening as he unexpectedly flashed back to that last day at the CDC and the grenade Carol pulled from her purse. Then he remembered her showing up at Terminus and blowing everything to bits. And most recently, just a couple months earlier, when the Wolves had attacked them there in Alexandria, she'd slashed and burned those fuckers ten times over before the rest of them had even known anything was wrong. Every single time, she'd been the one to rise up. Without her, most of them, (him and Rick included), would have been dead long before this battle they'd fought today. Of course people tended to think Rick that made all the big choices for their group, but Carol . . . Daryl bit his lip . . . she'd made a lot of big choices for them too. Choices they'd never really thanked her for, 'cuz they'd taken those things for granted. But really, she'd been the true guardian of their little family right from the beginning of the end. It wasn't until their talk at her house out at the cemetery though, that he'd finally understood the true price she'd paid for that role. The horrible pain she'd suffered for the things that she'd done for them.
And he'd give anything if he only he'd be able to take that hurt from her.
One thing though, as he moved to jump to the grass, he promised himself that things would be different with her now that he knew the truth. Yeah they had shit to do and people to kill, and he was looking forward to that, he truly was, but he wasn't gonna let Carol lose anymore of herself to this fight. Because this fight was his to take point on. For sure they were gonna need her skills because hands down she was the best fighter they had. Again, him and Rick included. But he didn't want to ever see that kind of pain in her eyes again that he'd seen back in the cabin. So he was gonna have to figure a way to make it better for her.
Somehow.
First thing though, before he could even begin to find the way to take some of that weight off her heart, he needed to find out just how upset she was at him. His fear was, "very." But after all, he had straight up lied to her, and never before in their time together had he done that. From the beginning, she was always the only one he laid out the straight truth with. And even if that night he'd lied with his best intentions . . . because he loved her . . . he knew she might still see that choice to have been a betrayal.
And that would make one more thing he'd need to get right before all this was over.
In the now though, as he came up from the grass and their eyes caught again, he didn't see any anger there. Thank God for that. All she did was give him a faint, sad, smile, before she turned and walked off by herself down their main road.
She was pushing her rifle back on her shoulder as she went.
All he could think was how beautiful she looked with the color in her cheeks and that dirt on her face, and how he could not afford to lose her again.
Not in body or in spirit.
Still, as he turned and jogged off in the other direction to go check the perimeters and make sure none of those fuckers were hunkered down waitin' to slit some throats while the others slept, he knew that he needed to put Carol out of his head for the moment. Because they still needed to find their girl Sasha and put her down, then give her a proper burial. Seeing her pop out of that coffin and go for Negan's throat had been unbelievable.
And she'd sure as shit had saved a LOT of lives that day!
Because without that delay, or distraction, or . . . he felt a fresh pang of grief in his chest . . . whatever it was she'd planned in her head right before she'd climbed into that wooden box, Alexandria would've been a full on bloodbath before the Hilltop and the Kingdom showed up. Just like Carol though, Sasha had always been one of their best fighters. His eyes started to sting.
He was gonna miss her.
Even still, he quickly blinked those tears away, 'cuz grief wasn't something he had time for now. Her death was just one more thing to avenge, because even if Negan had clearly been surprised as SHIT when she'd came flying out of that box(!), he was still just as responsible for her death as if he'd taken a baseball bat to her head too. Everything, every death over the last month, and every one to come over these weeks ahead, they all were linked back to that night on the road. And Negan was gonna die for what he'd done to them.
If Rick didn't take him out then he would.
Daryl's priority personally though, was killing that shitbag, Dwight. Just 'cuz he was having some buyer's remorse now about throwing in with a fuckin' monster, well damn, that didn't mean he'd get to live. All he'd bought himself was a little time. They'd use him for the information they could get, and then Daryl's plan was to slit his throat. Or maybe he'd let Tara do it, if there was time to plan it out. After all, even if he'd considered Denise a friend, Tara'd had the more personal loss of the two. But either way Dwight was gonna die, and he was going to be there to make sure it happened.
A person could put fucking bank down on that.
It was the last real focused thought Daryl gave to either Dwight or Negan, for awhile. 'Cuz after that he got busy with the perimeter check . . . those Kingdom people had already gotten on that though, so he'd just needed to make sure they did it right . . . before he went back out to the main street to find Maggie and Jesus carrying Sasha's body through the main gates. Just when he was about to run over to help, Aaron cut out in front of him, stepping up to take the weight to make sure Maggie didn't hurt herself or that little baby. So after he gave them a look, and a nod, Daryl decided to keep himself useful by going to help dig the graves out back.
When he got over there and stepped through the trees though, he saw Carol was already there with a shovel in hand.
She was ankle deep in freshly dug soil.
Of course, again, he should've expected that. After all, she was the one who had helped him dig the grave for Denise. Thinking back, that day was the last time they'd really talked before everything had gone to shit with her and Maggie getting taken by the Saviors, then all the REST of them getting taken too. And that day on their porch, when they'd talked, he'd known there was something off with her, something more even than was off with him . . . and he'd already been pretty f'd up at the time . . . but he hadn't pushed her, because he'd figured she'd let him in when she was ready.
Later on, he'd come to regret how he'd handled their whole last month together.
Because even then he'd been able to see how hard she'd been working hard to hide something from him. Later of course, after he'd tracked her down and talked to her at the little house, he'd found out how bad things had really been, and why it was she'd gone away. Because she couldn't keep losing people, she'd said. Actually though . . . he bit down on his lip . . . what she'd said was that she couldn't lose him. That fix to her words was important.
He was literally putting all of his hopes on that fix.
And when he caught her eyes across the graveyard, with the shovel in her hands, helping Father Gabriel, dig the first hole, all he could think about was what they'd said to each other that night. And he knew from the way she was staring back at him, that was what was on her mind too. For a moment then, he had a flash of real panic . . . and pain . . . that maybe the lie he'd told her about what had happened on the road, really wasn't something she would forgive. Because she wasn't looking at him with that softness like she usually did. Instead it was like she was wearing a mask. Which was basically what she did with everyone, but him.
It made his heart ache to see her using it now.
But then her eyes fell to the half dug hole, and when she looked back up to him, her expression twisted with pain. That's when he saw her tears. And though she was quick to blink them away, the point was more that she'd let him see them. What he didn't know though, was if those tears were for her grief over Sasha, or for how he'd hurt her with his lies. And not knowing which it was, made his jaw start to twitch as his own eyes started to burn.
He didn't even bother blinking back his tears.
So even though he needed to get over there and help with the graves . . . there were less this time than after the Wolves, but still too many holes to dig . . . for a moment he was frozen, staring down at his boots, and the drops of blood splattered over the tips. He didn't even know who that blood belonged to.
Worse, he was starting to wonder if he should even care.
Because caring was what was killing them. Caring about people, caring about doing right, and caring about not doing wrong . . . those were the real traps.
And that was where all the pain was.
So before he let himself feel any more of it, he took a slow, shaky, breath, and let it out. And when he looked up, he saw Carol was watching him again. That time there was no mask.
All he could see was the worry that he'd seen so many times before.
There wasn't anything he could do about that now though, so he just sniffed and shook his head, and went over to the pile to pick up a shovel of his own. Then when he was about to start a new plot . . . by his estimate they were gonna need probably six . . . out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carol coming over.
Her jaw was tight.
And though she didn't say nothin' when she walked up, her coming over to where he was, that, was deliberate. It gave him a fresh spark of hope. So after they gave each other a look, side by side, they set out to digging those holes just like they had on that other day, all those weeks back. And just like the last time, by the time they were done on this day, they were hot and covered in streaks of dirt and sweat. And that was even though more and more folks had started showing up to help, so they actually didn't need to dig anymore at all.
Course they did anyhow.
Because that's what they always did. They stayed down in the shit even when everyone else said it was time to go. But by the time they were done, there were eight new graves dug . . . he'd missed two of the older folks who got killed around back . . . six feet down. That was a lot of dirt to move. And as they started to step back from the last hole, Carol stumbled a bit over a big rock that had come up out of the earth. So of course he reached for her, because that was the other stupid thing they did.
They tried to save people.
That time, she didn't really need saving, it was just a little stumble and she righted herself even without his hand. But it was an excuse to touch her, and today it seemed like he needed to have an excuse because he wasn't sure if he was welcome to put his hands on her like he would have before.
Like when he knew for sure that she was his.
His touch to her arm though, she let it be. And then she looked up at him, with those streaks of sweat and smudges of dirt on her pretty face, she gave him a smile. It was so sad and broken though, he just wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her tight, like he would have even a week earlier. This time though, he didn't. Mostly 'cuz he was afraid she might pull away, and there were too many other folks around for him to be putting himself out there like that. He wasn't about to have a 'personal' moment with his woman there in front of so many strangers.
Hell no to that.
But then she reached up and touched his cheek.
"We're going to talk after the funerals," she whispered while brushing her thumb along his chin, "so you stay here with me, okay?"
And he was just SO happy that she was touching him like that, all he could do was choke back, "course, right. Whatever you want."
That there was the damn truth of it. It was whatever she wanted, that's what he would do. That's what he would always do. So he stayed by her side, feeling the warmth of her arm pressed against his as the dead started to get carried in and lowered into the ground. Then the rest of the mourners from all the communities finally showed up too. Words were said over one body after another, by one grieving friend or loved one after another, until they got to their big hero of the day.
Sasha.
They saved her for the last.
That's when Daryl listened while Rick gave a nice speech about her time with them, and then Maggie gave a nicer one still. And when it was done, he heard Carol sniffle twice before he saw her reach up to she wiped her cheek. Then she reached over to give his fingers a squeeze.
"Go and wait for me at the house," she murmured, "I'll be along after I talk to Ezekiel."
For a second he just blinked down at the grass, but then he nodded.
"'K."
So with the crowds beginning to separate off into smaller and smaller groups, he lifted his eyes and watched this woman who meant more to him than probably all the rest of these people combined, (Rick and Carl being the exceptions) slipping through the little groupings, heading over to the man with the tiger. When Ezekiel noticed her coming his way his eyebrow quirked up and she pointed over his shoulder . . . he nodded in response. So they stepped off alone . . . with the tiger trailing behind . . . to go talk out behind one of the other houses.
That's when Daryl finally turned and left.
Ten minutes later he was still waiting on her to show up at their house, like she'd told him she would. What she was talking to Ezekiel about, Daryl didn't know, but as he scrubbed his hand across his mouth and looked at the shadowy light cutting through the closed blinds . . . he didn't want to be on display for anybody . . . he was seriously hoping that she was telling that wannabe king how they were goin' to have to go back without her, because she was coming home to Alexandria. Course their home, in the big sense and the small, wasn't what it used to be. Their core group, the ones that really mattered, most of them were dead now. The family felt broken. Daryl's lips pressed together.
He felt broken.
A point kind of reinforced by the layers of dust on everything around him. It was another reminder of how neither he nor Carol had been in that house since that night on the road when their whole world went dark. That was probably close to four weeks back now. His jaw twisted.
It seemed so much longer.
Hearing the click of the door starting to open behind him, Daryl whipped his head around to see Carol's slim body slipping into the front hall. These days it was like she was always moving so fast, darting from one place to another. But of course you can't stay in one place for long.
That was how they get you.
And after she pushed the door shut, he could see how she made a point of slowly setting the locks before she turned around and looked over at him standing across the room. It was like they were back at her house in the cemetery.
For a second neither of them said anything, but he could see she was starting to tear up just like he was. Yet again though, just like that day on her porch, he was the first one to break the silence.
"I'm sorry I lied that day," he whispered, "but I knew what the truth would have done to you, and I just couldn't take away that last spark of hope I could see you were carrying."
His words crackled with pain and regret, but Carol was already shaking her head before he'd even got them all the way out.
"No," she sniffled, "no, you don't have to be sorry. You said what you said to help me," her voice broke, "it was wrong for me to put you in that position. To make you keep carrying all that pain on your own."
His eyes widened in confusion as he took a step forward.
"So you ain't mad at me at all?"
His question seemed to both surprise and sadden her.
"Of course I'm not mad at you," she whispered, while one of those tears in her eyes spilled over and slid down her cheek, "the second Morgan told what really happened, I knew why that you'd lied to protect me. I would've done the same for you."
When she finished speaking, again, silence settled between them. That time though, it didn't have the same kind of tension as before. It felt more normal. More like them. It wasn't until after another moment though, that Carol bit her lip.
"Sasha died today."
The words she spoke were barely a whisper.
"Yeah," he let the word out on a heavy breath at the fresh stab of grief in his chest, "yeah she did."
"And Glenn," Carol sniffed and wiped the corner of her eye, "and Abraham and Olivia and Spencer, they've all died in the last couple of weeks too. And more of us are going to die before this one is over. So," she took another deep, raggedy, breath, "I think it's time the two of us stop living like we're going to beat those odds forever," her voice broke, "because we won't."
Part of Daryl knew exactly what Carol was saying to him, but still, the rest of him, the part of him that had been waiting on this forever, just needed her to finish that thought out loud.
Lucky though, she seemed to read his mind on that point. Because he could see her expression softening as she stared at him. Then she took another breath . . . that was one less raggedy . . . before she let her rifle slide down from her shoulder. After she'd placed it on the table, she walked over and stopped just two steps in front of him. Her lips twisted then into a faint, kind of wistful, smile.
"I'm just gonna kiss you now, okay? Because I think it's time to do that."
Her words came out as another whisper, and he found himself giving her back a slow nod and a faint, "yeah, okay," as a little buzzing started in the back of his brain.
So she leaned up on the tiptoes of her boots, and as her arms slid around his neck, his hands fell down to her hips, because even if it had been a long, long time since he'd done this with any woman, he still remembered how it all went. And when he saw Carol's eyes fall shut just before she tipped her head, and her lips touched his, he let one arm slide full around her waist as he pulled her in close. Because it wasn't just her lips he wanted. He wanted to feel her whole body against his.
Clothes on would have to do for now.
And that kiss, it was real soft, and real gentle and he could taste her tears in it. And when she broke away, falling back down flat to her feet, he could see another salty tear sliding down her skin. Before he could wipe it away though, she'd taken the final half step forward, to lay her head on his chest. And as he felt the nuzzle of her cheek as she dried her face on his shirt, he tipped his head down to kiss her temple. Then he rubbed his hand slowly along her back.
"You ain't going back to that little house, right?" He asked, with a tone he hoped didn't sound too pathetic.
Though at the thought of her going away again, complete desperation was all he was feeling.
Fortunately though, he could feel her head shake, before she actually spoke.
"After Morgan told me what had happened," she murmured into his shirt, "I gave the house to him and moved into his room at The Kingdom. Over this last week I've been training their people on how to fight, and my job there on that front isn't done yet, not if we want to win here, but I told Ezekiel that tonight they should go back without me. That I need to be with my family right now."
"You do need to be with your family," Daryl cut back immediately, "and your family is here. It was always here. Please don't go away like that again, Carol." His voice started to thicken as he pulled her in closer, "not knowing where you are and if you're okay," his words began to crackle, "it makes me feel like I got a sickness inside me."
At that, she tipped her head back.
Her eyes were filling with tears again.
"I'm so sorry, honey," she winced and sniffled while reaching up to brush her thumb along his lower lip, "I never meant to hurt you like that, and I know now that I should have told Morgan to let you know where I was. But at the time I was," she swallowed and looked down, "well, I was in pain." Her eyes shot back to his, "but that doesn't excuse how selfish I was too. Because I don't know what I would do if you disappeared and I didn't know if you were ever coming back, so I never should have put you through that. And if I ever feel like I have to go away again," she continued on softly, "I promise that I won't just leave. I'll tell you where I'm going so you can find me if you need to."
For a second Daryl just stared down at this woman who had been tying him in knots for almost two years now, wishing that he could tell just her that if she was gonna go away that he'd simply go away with her. The thing was though, he knew that wouldn't be what she'd want. 'Cuz she'd already told him there at the cabin, how she'd needed to be by herself because it had hurt too much to be around him. It had caused him some pain to hear that, but continuing to get upset with her about something she couldn't help . . . and she couldn't help that she loved different than he did . . . it wasn't gonna do either of them any good. This was as much of herself as she could give him. He could either live with it, or live without her.
And living without her had stopped being an option a long time ago.
So he pushed down those words he wanted to say, and said these ones instead.
"All right," he sighed while pulling her back to his chest, "that'll work."
And when she pressed a kiss to his throat, and murmured a, "thank you," against his skin, suddenly the compromise didn't seem so bad. Because as long as he could get her like this, then he could live with her going away sometimes.
As long as she didn't go away for too long.
Either way, he didn't wanna waste anymore of their time that night on things that didn't need to be talked about anymore. So that's when he let one his hands fall back to her waist as the other one settled low on her backside. He gave it a rub.
And then a squeeze.
And feeling her hum against his throat and her hands immediately slide to his belt, he knew they were on the same page there about taking next steps and taking them in the shortest time possible. So it didn't take long for the zippers and buckles and buttons to start getting undone and for the knives and shirts to start hitting the floor. Boots were still a problem though, on both sides, in terms of getting their pants off but when he moved his hand down Carol's leg to start unlacing hers, she caught his fingers.
"Forget the boots," she hummed with a lick of his throat as she gave him a nudge with her knee back towards the couch he knew was a few feet behind him, "we can work around them."
With her pressed against him like she was, he wasn't in a position to wanna argue that point. So when the back of his legs hit the cushion, he just let himself drop onto the couch . . . he pulled her down with him.
So with her straddling his already hard dick, which was poking out and rubbing against her bare belly, he wriggled around to get his pants off his hips while she was doing the same with her own. Once they were both full naked on the top, and down to their knees on the bottom, she gave him a teary smile.
"Just lift me up," she whispered while leaning in to give him a kiss, "I'm ready."
That was all he needed to hear as his hands moved back to her hips and hers slid down to his shoulders. And together, they got her shifted to her knees. Then he pushed up, and as she slid down onto him, he felt his length slowly being swallowed up by that hot, tight, space.
And it felt SO good!
So good in fact that he actually dropped his head and let out a moan just for the contact. But then he heard Carol make a little whimpering sound, almost like she was in pain, and he froze.
"You okay?" He breathed out against her breast, while trying so hard to stay still until he was sure he wasn't hurting her. But then he felt her fingertips digging into his shoulders.
"Perfect," she hummed while lifting her head to give him such a happy smile that it filled him with joy, "let's go."
So he lifted his head up to snag another kiss just as he began to move his hips.
His plan was to try to go slow, and to get in as much kissing as he could in the process, but it had been too damn long for slow. Especially when after a minute of the snail pace, Carol took the lead and started riding him like the prize bronco at an old time county fair! Not like he was complaining or nothing, because GOD DAMN did that woman know what she was doing with how she squeezed her muscles and bounced her hips! And it didn't take long before their kissing turned into her squeaking against his lips like a little mouse. That was right before she suddenly pulled back to bury her face into his shoulder instead. The sounds were a little more muffled there. And he did miss the kissing but God did he love hearing those whimpers and squeaks.
Because they were just for him.
So he tried to downshift a little, to see if he could make it last just another couple minutes. But given how his body could feel her orgasm from the inside, those extra couple minutes were not to be. Because as her warm lady parts started to ripple around his for the second time, suddenly he was coming so hard that he ending up letting out a sound he was pretty sure that he'd never made before. Of course it had been a while since he'd been buried balls deep the way he was. Either way though, as he panted through those final thrusts, all he knew was that sex with Carol felt fucking AMAZING!
And he was kicking himself for letting them put off this step for so long!
When it was done though, they stayed there joined together on the couch in that dusty, abandoned, house, just catching their breath as he felt the sweat cooling on the back of his neck. Finally he felt Carol start to shift in his arms, then she lifted her head from his shoulder to give him this soft, real sweet, smile. There were tears in it too, but he knew she wasn't sad. Not when she leaned up to whisper against his lips, "I've missed you so much."
Then she gave him a kiss so good his shrinking dick started to harden up again.
That was a personal record for rebound!
Of course that was when Carol broke that kiss with a giggle of, "well that got things going again!" And even as he could feel his face gettin' hot, his lips still twitched, 'cuz she always did know how to press his buttons.
This was the first time she'd done it though, when his dick was the focus of the joke.
And even if it was just the two of them and he knew she meant no harm, he did feel a faint tickle of embarrassment because of it. His eyes dropped down, but Carol immediately brought both her hands up to cup his jaw.
She lifted his head.
"I'm sorry for teasing," she said with a soft smile as their eyes met again, "and if you're ready I would love to go again, but this time I want to feel you on top of me. So we're going to go upstairs and get our boots off and you're going to strip me naked and we're going to make love until we both pass out. Deal?"
For a moment he just looked back at her, thinking again about how much time they'd wasted to get to this day, and how he wasn't gonna have them missing anymore because they didn't have that kind of time to lose. They never did. And once he'd made that promise to himself that no matter what else happened, he was gonna keep her for his first priority from now on, his lip quirked up in a faint smile as he leaned in to give her another kiss.
"Deal."
A/N 2: To close the loop on my opening note, myself, I thought it was pretty obvious last season that there had been a shift in their dynamic. From the hug to start the war, to his hand shaking when he'd thought she'd been killed at the outpost, to her smile just for hearing his bike, to their reunion at the Hilltop. Daryl had been in bloodlust mode up until he saw her again, and his whole demeanor softened when she came around the corner. And if you follow me on Tumblr (I know that some of you do :)) you already know that I've recently disengaged from the fandom in general because I'm so, so tired of the annual nonsense and drama that swirls around on a repeat loop here. The obsession with rumors and spoilers and hating this person or that person and it really came to the point where it was ruining my enjoyment of the ship and the show. So to that end, not looking to 'debate' my POV here :) Just stating flat out, this is how I saw things having gone last season, that they DID take another step forward, and this was my possible spin on it. Again, no interest in speculation on how things will play out next year, this story simply exists in a bubble and it's been sitting in my drafts for like eight months. I wanted it cleaned up and shipped out. So here we are. Fin! :)