Title: Oscillate Wildly
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Alonso (brief), Team
Rating: R/M
Word Count: ~1000
Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Exit Wounds, Day Four, End of Time (Dr Who)
Warnings: Language, sex, canon character deaths
Disclaimer: Belongs to RTD, the BBC, and anyone else who may own them. I make no money.
Author's Note: The songs used are by The Smiths and include "Shoplifters of the World Unite," "There is a Light That Never Goes Out," and "Asleep." The title comes from "Oscillate Wildly," also by The Smiths. Originally posted to my LiveJournal of the same name.
Oscillate Wildly
Unite
I.
Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a list of crime
My only weakness is ... well, never mind, never mind
He has a plan. And a back-up plan. And another back-up, and even an emergency protocol if everything else fails miserably. But, fuck it all to hell, he has to use every trick he can. He has to make himself necessary, slipping into the cracks and crevices of this man's soul.
And yes, he's heard about him before. He was Torchwood, after all; he will always be Torchwood. Who there hadn't heard of him? For fuck's sake, the nefarious Captain even (jokingly, he thinks, he hopes) made it to Lisa's "10 Celebrities" list. He laughs drily as he thinks about that and the pillow he playfully threw at her when she told him and how he pointed out that Jack Harkness was not a celebrity and how she giggled and said, "Well, he might as well be!"
He's strong, but his heart leaps a little because everything's at stake, and he can't help thinking that this whole thing is such a ridiculous Greek tragedy - Orpheus entering the Underworld.
As he looks around the Hub for the first time, he finds the metaphor sickeningly apropos.
II.
Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over
"I think Ianto could run this place blindfolded," Jack announces early one morning, flashing the newest recruit a bright grin.
"With an arm tied behind his back," Suzie agrees as she blissfully sips the perfect cup of coffee.
Ianto smiles charmingly and allows a faint blush to creep over his cheeks and inside his heart is breaking even more than it was before. Because now it's not just Lisa; he faces damnation every way he turns.
"- you seen the Archives lately?" Tosh smiles warmly at him. "He's a genius! I don't know how you found him, Jack, but bravo!"
"Actually," Jack winks at him as he turns to his technician, "he found me."
And his heart breaks that much more.
III.
A heartless hand on my shoulder
A push - and it's over
Alabaster crashes down
(Six months is a long time)
Tried living in the real world
Instead of a shell
But before I began ...
I was bored before I even began
If he pretends it's all a means to an end, if he gets really Machiavellian about it, this becomes as mundane and meaningless as bringing the man a coffee. And Ianto can be pretty damn Machiavellian if he sets his mind to it.
And he doesn't think he's shaking, but if he is then he's sure that Jack just attributes it to nerves. Well, it is nerves, isn't it? But not the way Jack's assuming as the man's large hands twine themselves through his hair.
It's not so bad, really, because at least Jack makes it interesting and reciprocates and has some level of affection in his eyes. Actually, Ianto considers suddenly, that makes it much worse. And with Jack's cock pressing down his throat and choking off his airway, he can't help thinking, "Sorry, Lisa, I got there first."
Light
I.
Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
Who are young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one anymore
Jack's been through it before; the death and the self-loathing and the blame. Fatality hangs over him like a cloak; Ianto and Gwen are off clinging to each other because he knows he reeks of decay and they need something alive. He wonders, fleetingly, if they'll have sex later. He wonders, too, if he's the one who taught them how to use it as a coping mechanism, because it was never supposed to be that way and he feels the need to blame himself for as many things as possible tonight.
But then Ianto walks straight into the office without pause, without knocking. He presses a hand to Jack's shoulder, a silent comfort, and makes himself useful.
And Jack finds that he can't speak. He can't offer comfort and he can't ask for it and he just can't open his fucking mouth for anything. So he types instead, grateful when he feels Ianto's attention turn to the computer screen.
As he finishes his last sentence, he looks up hesitantly. Ianto's standing there with his greatcoat and a nod.
II.
Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people
And I want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh please don't drop me home
Because it's not my home, it's their home
And I'm welcome no more
They can all feel the ghosts in the Hub, so Gwen is soon fleeing, too. Without thinking, she's already asked Owen if he has any sweets hidden and she's called Tosh over to her computer twice. Neither of them respond, even though their presences can be felt so solidly.
Jack wants to just relinquish the whole damn building to them and Suzie and every other poor soul and never come back. He's failed them completely; he can't come back. He wonders if Ianto would notice if he stayed at his flat indefinitely. Then he realizes that he'd been doing just that for the past few weeks and Ianto hasn't said a thing about it. Jack reaches over and grabs his hand in gratitude. Ianto gives a slight imperceptible squeeze and doesn't let go.
III.
And if a double-decker bus
Crashes in to us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine
"Where are we going?" Jack finally asks, a fake smile plastered on his face.
Ianto pulls up to a red light and glances over at him. Jack's smile falters, but only because he realizes that he doesn't have to pretend.
"Where do you want to go?"
A lorry honks impatiently behind him, but Ianto doesn't make a single indication that he's going to move until Jack answers him.
"Doesn't matter," Jack shrugs.
"Then that's where we're going."
And Jack wants to laugh and he wants to cry and it's all so beautiful at night, even though the city is bustling in an attempt to pull itself back together. It dawns on him that someday he'll lose Ianto, too. This man, sitting here right now, won't be there to comfort him; he's not sure he can deal with that inevitability. He just wants to die. He just wants to die.
IV.
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
But then he catches Ianto watching him out of the corner of his eye and he doesn't want to die anymore. Not now. Not really.
Asleep
I.
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
His first thought, when realization dawns, is "Oh FUCK."
His second thought is that Jack's there. Right there. And he doesn't know what Jack will do, but Ianto hopes that the Captain's learned from his mistake with Owen. And then he decides that these are very pointless things to think if he's going to be dead soon.
II.
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
He isn't sure if he's trying to reassure Jack with his words, or himself. But he's being honest and Jack is, too, and that's all he's ever really wanted. And at least he doesn't have to spend any more time jumping at shadows, thinking, "Is this it? Is this when I die?" At least it's over now and at least Jack is here. At least.
III.
There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well ...
The last thing he feels is Jack's lips on his and Jack's arm around his waist. The last thing he thinks is a prayer that someone will be there when Jack comes back. The last thing he refuses to believe is that everything is darkness from now on.
Ianto is never going to know it, being dead, but days later while sorting through Ianto's things, Jack finds a CD that he'd never noticed, tucked in a computer manual of all places. But then, it makes sense, too. And Jack plays it and aches so much that standing again seems impossible.
Months later, as he leaves Gwen and Rhys alone on a hilltop, a snatch of a song from that CD runs through his head. There is another world, there is a better world. "There must be…." he whispers.
Gwen looks at him curiously through teary eyes, but he's already gone.
And after the Doctor leaves him (again, but he doesn't have the energy to care now) and Jack puts his arm around some anonymous man whose silence is more burdensome than comforting, another lyric echoes loudly within his mind. Six months is a long time - tried living in the real world instead of a shell, but before I began…I was bored before I even began.
And with his cock pressing down this stranger's throat and choking off his airway, Jack can't help thinking that sex really doesn't help anyone cope at all.
The End