Author's Note: Well. Me writing. It's been a LOOONG time. For those who've followed/faved my other stories: I'm sorry. I simply have NOT been able to write. It shames me that I have so many unfinished things that people have been continuing to follow, favourite and review over the years and I truly appreciate and am humbled by it all. Maybe, just maybe, this little one-shot will spur me to write a bit more and go back to my older writing and maybe churn a bit more out.

I've never stopped reading and since I binge-watched both seasons of The 100 last week, I've been completely obsessed with Clexa. I mean, initially my reaction to the show was pretty much, "This show is an exercise in poor decision making." But as I continued to digest it all, it all made a sort of chilling, Lord-of-the-Flies-esque sense. All crime being capital crime on the Ark; sending the 100 to the Earth to die yet possibly live being the better option over "Review and then Float"; the strong lead the weak, etc, etc, etc.

And the characters- I love the evolution of Bellamy over the two seasons- what a great character played so well by Bob Morely. Finn being Bellamy's reflection in a way and descending into madness. Octavia going from wild child to fearless Grounder. Clarke, seemingly running from emotional response to emotional response with such drastic 180 degree head turns your neck hurts and yet, she meets Lexa who can't help but be drawn to Clarke's fire like a moth to a flame.

So I decided to write this. It was originally planned on being more wordy but I kind of settled on this. There is a lot of fanfiction dealing with Clarke understanding Lexa's choice and eventually agreeing that it was the right choice. I wanted to examine the idea that maybe, just maybe, it would have been the wrong choice in the long run. But I also didn't feel like writing anything too dark so without further adieu, here's my first bit of writing in around 5 years.

Wind swept low across the entrance to the cave where a lone figure stood in the fading light; the long red sash draped down from one armored shoulder almost to the ground swaying lightly in the cool breeze. The remains of the small fire in the cave smoldered indicating it had not been snuffed out for long. Her quarry was still in the cave; staying hidden amongst the shadows.

It had been long enough.

"I was wrong."

Silence was the only response, yet the figure waited all the same. She would not be dissuaded.

"…I forgive you."

The voice was soft and yet coarse, as if it was being tested by its owner for the first time.

"Why?" The lilt of her voice and slight crease forming between storm green eyes betrayed Commander Lexa's confusion as Clarke Griffin emerged from the shadows into the waning light of the day cut off by the side of the cave entrance.

"Because you made the best decision for your people with the information you had at the time. I understand. Your people were dying and you were given a way to end it. It would have been the right call-"

"-but?"

Clarke stood less than a few feet from Lexa now and the Commander of the twelve Clans got her first recent glimpse of the woman she admired more than she could probably ever admit. It had been three months and her hair was pulled back in a single large braid, with several unruly strands having broken free to frame her slightly thinner face. Her clothes were more worn, yet the leather coat Lexa had given her had stayed strong and still made Clarke look more imposing than her stature should have. Her pants were more torn in spots than Lexa remembered and there was fabric tied just above her left knee below her pistol holster, most likely protecting a wound.

For a brief moment Lexa's mind wandered to the fact that Clarke had been surviving on her own with no contact from Arker or Grounder alike, despite the fact her scouts had discovered her over a month ago. It had been incredibly difficult not to storm up to her then and drag her kicking and screaming back to TonDC and the rebuilding efforts so Lexa could watch over her. But Lexa understood one fundamental thing about Clarke Griffin- while she may have been born to lead, she was not bred for it. Not like Lexa. Not like any of the Commanders who had been called before her. No, Clarke's ability to lead had been forged in fire.

Fire and death.

Lexa knew well the weight of the burdens Clarke bore upon her shoulders so that the people she cared most for did not have to.

So she had given her time. Time they were running out of.

"But I thought you trusted me. I NEEDED you to trust me. I BELIEVED you trusted me… and despite my own emotional turmoil, I thought that would be enough. I made a mistake."

Lexa's lips parted slightly as she took in a breath to begin a rebuttal long rehearsed but the look in Clarke's eyes stalled any words that might have formed from being expelled. Clarke wasn't pleading, or angry, nor was she upset at Lexa. She was disappointed. Disappointed in HERSELF.

"Lexa…" Clarke began, but then paused and her brow furrowed as she tried to reorganize the words in her head. "You said it yourself, the Mountain Men had kidnapped and killed your people for generations and you lived under the constant threat of the acid fog, Reapers and the missiles. Your people had been conditioned to NOT use guns lest you incur horrible retribution from the Mountain."

Lexa remained silent and stoic as she felt Clarke was finally getting something off her chest she's been needing to say for some time and the thankful look in Clarke's eyes told her that she understood and was grateful for Lexa's understanding and patience.

Clarke shook her head briefly and let out a soft chuckle tinted in regret before she continued. "You tried to teach me patience, but I didn`t listen. I was so focused on the goal, I didn`t think about the bigger picture. Maybe if I had, I would have talked with my mother more, with you more and we would have understood what was going to happen. They didn`t need your people any more. With the 47- or what was left of my friends- they could literally drain them dry of bone marrow and the last 350-or-so of them could have made the surface within 48 hours. We heard Cage Wallace mention it when we found out about the missile destined for TonDC… but it never crossed my mind. Do you think about it? How perfect it was for them when you accepted the deal? Your people leave the woods surrounding the mountain; they kill all my friends and make it to the surface. They fortify; they build; and then they expand. When you had no recourse for them while they were unable to remain on the surface for long or in numbers, what would you be able to do when they were there in strength? Do you think they'd have kept their word? Left you alone?"

Lexa knew they were rhetorical questions and questions she had only asked herself once she got the full story from Bellamy and Abby as to what was going on in the mountain. Yet she could not punish herself for the decision. She was Heda: protector of ALL her people. They were her purpose for existing. The difficult thing for her had been accepting that perhaps there was a purpose for her living too.

"All I believed was that I knew we had to take Mount Weather and remove the sadistic people in charge and that your people and mine would bleed in a common cause that would forge an alliance stronger than either of us could have imagined." Clarke's voice softened slightly before her next words.

"It was a fairy tale where the evil doers were destroyed, the innocents were saved and we emerged victorious heroes…"

Lexa took a step towards Clarke unconsciously having become overwhelmed with the need to be closer to Clarke in this moment. Clarke's body language gave no indication that she minded or perhaps even noticed.

"But you were right- plans change in battle and in the end I had to kill every one of them to free my people. I was sickened with the monster I believed I'd become- that I believed you lead me to become- and I needed time to truly understand that it was not me that condemned those innocents to die because you took the deal and pulled your army back. It was Cage Wallace. He set us upon a path of genocide the moment he took bone marrow from my people unwillingly. Had they succeeded, they would have had to wipe us out regardless. There would never be forgiveness and we were the only ones capable of being a threat to their technological advantage so I-"

"-did what you had to." Lexa breathed the words out with as much understanding and conviction as she could muster while closing the distance between them in a heartbeat and pulled Clarke into an embrace that left no doubt as to how much she truly did care. The single sob that sounded from Clarke lost in the crook of her neck was not over the past- for she had finally accepted it and made it a part of her. Her time alone- left alone- had allowed her to do that, despite how much she had been missed or needed.

No, the single sob was for the contact with the one person who understood; who understood her and the weight she would now carry with greater strength. Lexa had been trying to teach her to bear the weight since their first meeting, even though she wished she could carry it all for the blond who fell from the sky.

So for long moments they simply existed in each other's space. Two parts of a greater whole pulled together with a terrifying yet beautify gravity.

Finally, Lexa pulled back enough to look into the pools of blue she had been deprived of for far too long. "I need you back now. Your people need you. The Chancellor and Marcus cannot seem to understand that your people are on our land, through no fault of their own of course, but I need to maintain a peace and I cannot do that if my people are fearful of yours becoming the next Mountain Men."

Clarke's lips twitched up in a smile as frustration creeped ever so slightly into Lexa's normally confident and stoic demeanor. She knew her mom and Lexa would have a difficult time finding common ground. Her arms relaxed slightly around Lexa's waste but remained in precious contact.

"What would you have me do, Heda?"

Commander Lexa didn't miss a beat though the softness in her eyes and the fact that the two of them remained in a loose embrace spoke of the intimacy of the moment despite the serious topic of discussion. "What you do best. Lead your people. Join our coalition. With the threat of the Mountain gone, the Ice Nation stirs; their Queen sees an opportunity. I cannot have my people focus on maintaining our borders if they are looking at Camp Jaha." She then leaned in almost cheek to cheek with Clarke. "And you know, Indra's restraint regarding Skaikru is somewhat… lacking, at the best of time." Her small smirk backing her attempt to pull a smile from Clarke.

Clarke's near guffaw and smile were worth any amount of self-conflict Lexa had endured during the previous months of their separation.

"So, whip my mom into shape, have Skaikru join the Coalition, point Indra towards anywhere but Camp Jaha and deal with the Ice Queen- that about it?"

"Yes."

"Well, we better get going," Clarke said without hesitation as she reluctantly removed herself from Lexa's strong arms and went to gather her meager things she'd kept for survival. If Lexa was surprised at Clarke's… wholeness, she didn't let it show on her face that continued to maintain the fraction of a smile reserved for so few.

"I actually thought you may fight me more on this." Her tone was soft yet betrayed no nervousness.

"Nope," Clarke walked back to Lexa with a fox-skin bag tossed over her shoulder and a slight smile for the tall commander of the twelve clans; she was ready to go. "I've… made my peace with… everything… that's happened since we arrived on the ground." She made slight gestures with her hands as she spoke to convey all that was encompassed by her words. "I've just been waiting for the last week or so."

"Waiting for what?" Lexa's brow creased slightly in confusion.

A smirk was the immediate reply from Clarke as she turned and headed out of the cave and back into the world she had landed on those long months ago.

"I was waiting for you to get off your horse and come get me." She tossed at Lexa causing the Commander to storm after her with all the restraint of maintaining her pride allowed.

"I'll have you know, I've nearly taken your mother's tongue twice already in the last month…"

"LEXA!"

~FIN~