I feel...empty. Horribly empty and I feel as if the world has turned upside down and left me in a crumpled heap.
I stare out at the bright sunny day, cursing it. Cursing the birds. Cursing the sun. Cursing the fresh air. Cursing myself.
If it weren't for me, they might still be here.
The horrible sobbing filled the room again, and I hardly noticed that this time, the sobbing came from myself.
I heard someone enter the small cell, but I couldn't turn around. i didn't have the strength. I refused to eat, sleep, smile, laugh, or be even remotely happy.
I almost refused to breath.
If I could have died, I would have then. I would have gladly drawn my last breath and receded into the depths of hell for what I had done. I would gladly have died if it meant having them back.
They didn't deserve to die.
I had betrayed them, my best friends.
I banged my head against the wall until it hurt. Then I did it harder. Cursing my life, cursing Peter.
I drew in a slow whistling breath at that name. That name that was why I was here. That name made me sick.
I would gladly commit murder to have him off the face of this earth.
I had betrayed my best friends, why not commit murder too? It would only add to my growing list of crimes. And it all started with him.
Peter.
The name I will loathe until the day I die.
I hope that day comes soon, because without them, I can't go on. I can't go on, with just my rotten self for company.
I wiped the tears from my face and picked up the glass bottle that had held water.
I chucked it against the wall and delighted in the shattering noise that erupted in my cell.
If only that shattering were my heart. My brain. Me.
I then closed my eyes for what I hoped would be the last time.
I hoped I would never see another day. Never have to see their faces in my minds eye ever again. Never have to imagine his scent.
Bitterly to myself, I repeated what we had said many times to each other over the years:
Best friends forever.
A/N depressing i know, but it is Sirius on the day after the Potters death...I used as much detail as I could! Please R/R!!!!
I stare out at the bright sunny day, cursing it. Cursing the birds. Cursing the sun. Cursing the fresh air. Cursing myself.
If it weren't for me, they might still be here.
The horrible sobbing filled the room again, and I hardly noticed that this time, the sobbing came from myself.
I heard someone enter the small cell, but I couldn't turn around. i didn't have the strength. I refused to eat, sleep, smile, laugh, or be even remotely happy.
I almost refused to breath.
If I could have died, I would have then. I would have gladly drawn my last breath and receded into the depths of hell for what I had done. I would gladly have died if it meant having them back.
They didn't deserve to die.
I had betrayed them, my best friends.
I banged my head against the wall until it hurt. Then I did it harder. Cursing my life, cursing Peter.
I drew in a slow whistling breath at that name. That name that was why I was here. That name made me sick.
I would gladly commit murder to have him off the face of this earth.
I had betrayed my best friends, why not commit murder too? It would only add to my growing list of crimes. And it all started with him.
Peter.
The name I will loathe until the day I die.
I hope that day comes soon, because without them, I can't go on. I can't go on, with just my rotten self for company.
I wiped the tears from my face and picked up the glass bottle that had held water.
I chucked it against the wall and delighted in the shattering noise that erupted in my cell.
If only that shattering were my heart. My brain. Me.
I then closed my eyes for what I hoped would be the last time.
I hoped I would never see another day. Never have to see their faces in my minds eye ever again. Never have to imagine his scent.
Bitterly to myself, I repeated what we had said many times to each other over the years:
Best friends forever.
A/N depressing i know, but it is Sirius on the day after the Potters death...I used as much detail as I could! Please R/R!!!!