Author's Note: So… someone did a thing & then I got to thinking and now, I'm doing a thing. lol This story comes from a request that I write #Cin's first time… and it turned into this! Hope everybody likes what I came up with!

Safe Cin

Part 1
Ciara had gone over how she'd bring this up to Ben a thousand times. She'd decided that today would be the day since they both had the day off. So she had invited him over to hang out only for him to cook them an incredible lunch before they settled into play video games. He was more of a reader or a binge watcher, but he tried for her. So when it came flying out of her mouth that way even she was unprepared.

"We should have sex."

His hand froze on his controller and she beat him even worse than usual. She quickly turned off the game and set aside her controller. After a moment, he followed suit. "I-" Ben cleared his throat, shook his head, and tried again. "Um, I'm not sure I heard you right. Could you repeat that?"

'In for a penny,' she thought. "I said, 'We should have sex'," Ciara repeated. "But before you make things all weird, let me explain."

"Before I get weird?" Ben asked, frowning & smirking before pausing to look around. "I mean, you & Tripp… are whatever you & Tripp are, but you just propositioned me, and you're worried about me being the weird one? Is this some kind of practical joke show with an ear piece?"

"No, you goofball," she chuckled when he poked at her ear. "Stop it, you dork! Tripp & I haven't been anything for a while. Now, let me explain."

"Oh, I am all ears," Ben said leaning back with a smug grin & his arms folded behind his head. "Tell me all about it. I can't wait to hear about how you're hot for my bod and want to use me as your own personal sex toy."

"OK, while it's not exactly how I'd phrase it, you're not totally wrong."

"Excuse me?" Ben asked shooting upright.

"Will you shut up and let me get this out?" Ciara whined, covering her face in humiliation.

He immediately threw up his hands in surrender. "Sorry… Sorry." He sighed, pulling her into his arms to offer her comfort. "I'm really sorry, Ci. You know you can talk to me about anything. I'll be quiet."

"You promise?" she asked lifting her head from her hands where it was buried in his shoulder. "You'll save questions and sarcastic comments until the end?"

"Of course," he swore, lifting her chin so she could meet his eyes. "You know you can trust me with anything."

"Exactly my point," she countered. "Ok, you know, I've been back in therapy, right?" He nodded encouragingly. "Well, part of the reason for that is… well, Tripp and I broke up. No. I broke up with him. See, every time I thought I was ready, I would get tense and uncomfortable until I'd find myself pulling away from even innocent things. I finally had to admit to myself & him that I rushed into a relationship with him to prove I wasn't damaged, but in trying to force myself to be ready, I was only making things worse. So I made it clear that I needed to end it so I could focus on myself & my healing. I told him I was getting back into therapy, and maybe down the line if we were meant to be, we could try again."

"That makes sense," Ben admitted trying to keep his heart from racing with the hope he always felt at the closeness they shared. "Go on."

She huffed out a sigh. "Well, Marlena has been amazing. She's so easy to talk to and not judgmental at all. You know what I mean."

"Absolutely," he agreed. "I don't know if I would be this well-adjusted without her help." He smiled down at Ciara. "Well, and your friendship. You help me feel normal outside of her sessions."

"As normal as a goof like you gets," Ciara shot back, and they shared a laugh. "Well, in session, we've been working through my hang-ups with intimacy, and I'm ready to explore, but-"

"Let me guess, with you and Tripp broken up ,you don't really have a partner to explore with," Ben finished for her.

"Yeah," she breathed glad he understood. "I've begun the self-exploration stuff, but that other part... To be honest, I don't want Tripp getting the wrong idea. I'm not interested in getting back together right now. And I just-I just don't feel safe with him like I do with you."

"You don't?"

"You're always taking care of me, but not in an overprotective way," she rushed to explain. "You never try to take away my ability to make my own decisions. You support me, but then, you're always there willing to catch me if I fall. It makes me feel secure that you would never hurt me. Since Chase… did what he did, it's been hard for me to shut down that voice in my head. The one that says 'What if he's just pretending to be nice to get in my pants? What if he gets tired of waiting and just doesn't stop when I say no? What if he covers my mouth like Chase did so I can't say no?'"

Ben held her as her breathing became shaky & she had to fight to regain control of herself. "I would never hurt you, and as God is my witness, I will NEVER let you be hurt if I can help it," he swore.

"I know," Ciara whispered. "You're the only guy I don't hear those voices with anymore. I trust you, Ben. I know it may seem crazy to some because of your past, but it's true. I feel safe with you."

"I'm glad," Ben replied, with a gentle smile. "You know you're my safe place, too. I never thought anyone would really see ME again. It was always the Necktie Killer Ben Weston or Serial Killer Ben Weston. I was the monster under the bed."

"Please, more like my favorite teddy bear to make the nightmares go away," Ciara argued. "You've made your share of mistakes in the past. Huge ones, but you were lost & didn't know how to cope. You've paid for your crimes and done the work to get better. You still do, every day. Besides, at your core, you are the most loving, gentle man I've ever met, and anyone who can't see that?" She sucks her teeth. "It's their loss, and my incredible gain."

"See, the way you see me," Ben chuckled. "The way you see me. See ALL of me. The good, the bad, & the ugly. You let me be normal. I've never really felt that before. There was always some secret hanging over my head that I was running from."

"Well, you never need to hide from me," Ciara assured him. " Unless of course you forget my birthday or something really heinous like that." Laughter ensued. "But enough about how awesome I am to be your bestest friend, and back to my sexual healing!"

"Your sexual healing?!" Ben scoffed, laughing.

"This is no laughing matter," she shot back, smacking him playfully. "A girl's sexual liberation is not a laughing matter at all! And solo time with a vibrator can only do so much."

Ben choked on his laugh as that image filled his head, and then he had to fight his instant arousal as he often did around Ciara. "Right."

"And I know you're attracted to me," Ciara said matter-of-factly. "This wouldn't be the first time you've… nudged me before you got yourself under control."

He blushed. Sex had never been a difficult topic for him, but with Ciara, it was different. She meant more to him than just relieving an urge. "You noticed that?"

Ciara laughed. "Kinda hard to miss, but the feeling isn't completely one-sided," she admitted. "Or at all."

Ben stiffened. "You're attracted to me," he said flatly.

"Don't sound so excited about it," she huffed. "I guess that means you're not interested in helping me with my sex stuff."

"Let's not go that far," Ben quickly disagreed. "I just-I don't know what I was expecting when you invited me to spend the day with you, but this was not it. It's a lot to process. Maybe if you just finish laying it all out for me?"

"Well, as I said before, masturbation can only do so much," she continued. "My big issue with sex is not about orgasm. I'm a modern woman. I can do that for myself."

"Because of the vibrator," he deadpanned, his gaze far away.

Ciara smacked him again playfully. "Ugh, you are such a guy," she laughed. "But the best guy I know. And the perfect guy to help me with my intimacy issues. See, I want to someday fall in love, get married, and have babies as much as the next girl, but if I can't be intimate with a guy…"

"Is that what you want with Tripp?" Ben blurted. "Marriage and babies?"

"What? Where did you get that idea?"

Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well. You said the reason you broke up with Tripp was because you have issues with being close with a guy sexually, and you just said you want to get married & have babies. So-"

"I said SOMEDAY," Ciara asserted pulling away from him completely to turn and face him. "I'm not in love with Tripp, Ben. And I'm not imagining a wedding with babies to follow tomorrow. But… someday, after I've gotten my degrees and joined Marlena's practice… it would be nice to think of having a husband and kids to come home to. I mean, don't you want that, too?"

An image of him being her husband & father of the kids Ciara came home to after a long day of making the world a better, saner place flashed through his mind making his lungs tighten and his heart race. "Yeah, I do. More than you can imagine."

Ciara looked at the faraway look in his eyes & drew the wrong conclusion. "You're thinking about Abby & Thomas, huh? I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Ben sighed. "I am over whatever Abby and I had. That's in the past. It does still hurt sometimes that, uh, Thomas isn't mine, but I've accepted it. I don't imagine Abby or Thomas in my future anymore." He blew out a breath. "It feels like it was another life when I did."

"Really?"

"Really," he swore. "So tell me how us having sex fixes things for you."

"Well," she began hesitantly. "I was thinking we could work our way up to the sex, but you know we could do things together so I can get comfortable touching and being touched. And then… when I'm ready, we could… you know."

His mind flashed with images of all the ways they could be closer leading to him hovering over her as she stared up at him eyes full of hunger as he thrust urgently inside her tight, wet- "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"You don't want me," she said, refusing to meet his gaze & looking and sounding more vulnerable than she probably wanted to. "I get it. I mean, you can't control biology, so you might respond sometimes, but you don't think of ME like that. I get it."

"No," he replied, cupping her face so she was forced to look at him. "You really don't. I just don't want to take advantage of you and mess up the best thing in my life."

She reached up and gripped his wrists. "You won't. I trust you, Ben. I wish you'd trust yourself as much as I do."

His forehead fell to hers. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Completely," she replied. "As long as you don't accidentally fall in love with me."

"Too late," he admitted deadpan.

"You dork," Ciara laughed thinking he was joking to lighten the mood. "Sounds like we're agreed then. Maybe we should seal it with a kiss."

"Ok."

"Ok?" She squeaked.

"If you want," he replied, but the heat in his eyes confirmed that he definitely wanted to kiss.

"Ok," she whispered, licking her lips.

"Ok." He caressed her cheek, brushing away a strand of hair. He licked his lips and leaned in.

"UGH!" Claire came stumbling into the loft backwards, loaded down with bags, causing them to jerk apart. "Today's photoshoot was nuts! You really dodged a bullet, because you would have hated it, but it was a total dream for me! I even got all these great freebies! And being the wonderful generous roommate I am, I may even let you have one or two. Just not the Betsey Johnson. Or the Versace. Maybe the Prada. Mayb-oh, hey Ben!" Claire had softened considerably after Ben's brief stint living with them. "Uh, did I interrupt something?"

"Like what?" Ben asked, trying for casual.

"Well, the way you two snuggle bunnies are sitting on opposite sides of the couch not touching at all for possibly the first time ever or the way you're staring at me instead of each other for once, which-wow, have your eyelashes always been that pretty, Ben? You know, I could talk to Gabi or someone about getting you into modeling as well. I mean, it's no secret you've got the most ridiculously perfect body. You totally almost gave Tripp a complex & he's way hot."

"Thanks?" he replied as he tried to absorb her ramble. "Actually, I should head out. I need to stop for groceries on the way home."

"You mean hot pockets & pizza rolls?" Ciara replied, following him to the door shaking off the awkwardness of their almost first kiss. "I'll text you later on, ok?"

"Yeah, we still have a lot to discuss if you're sure," Ben said, quietly for her ears only. He cupped her cheek, letting his thumb slide down to caress her lips. Then he leaned in and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Come by sometime. We'll finish that talk."

No sooner than the door closed behind him, Claire pounced. "Oh, my god! You did it! You finally did it!"

"Did what?" Ciara asked, looking at Claire like the maniac she often seemed to be.

"You told him how you feel, right?" she replied. "What did he say? Did you two kiss? Are you a couple or just dating?"

"What? You mean me & Ben? We're just friends."

"You're kidding me, right?" Claire asked crestfallen. "Don't tell me he friendzoned you. Because that did NOT look like the friendzone to me. Unless he's doing the mixed signal thing. God, I hate that. Ugh, men suck!"

"You're crazy, you know that?" Ciara laughed. "There was no friendzoning because we're just friends. You're letting your imagination run away with you again. Now I think I was promised Prada. I'm not a label ho like you, but even my ears perk up over Prada."

"I wouldn't say promised," Claire responded, rushing to protect her treasures. "I said MAYBE, and don't think I've forgotten about whatever is going on with you & Ben. But I can understand wanting to keep it secret for now. I mean, Mom & Dad would lose it if they thought I was going there with a serial killer, reformed or not, but Grandma Hope would TOTALLY lose it. She barely tolerates your friendship with him as it is. So I'll let it go… for now. Here's the Betsy Johnson dress I'm absolutely OBSESSED with!"

Ciara pretended to share her enthusiasm, but deep inside her, a knot formed at the thought of her mother learning of her plans with Ben.